There’s Some Glitch?

15 Oct

What is happening with WordPress right now?  I keep trying to write a new post,and it keeps freezing and making my cursor invisible, then I can do nothing on the page.  No other tab is acting up, it’s just this site.  I reloaded the page and it did the same thing.

Anyway, I took my big exam this morning.  I studied really hard for it, and felt like I knew everything we covered in class.  I knew my big probably would be reading the questions carefully, answering all the parts of each questions, and not accidently writing a wrong term or direction or some easy error.  The test felt very easy.  I think the prof tries to make different levels of questions:  Easy, intermediate, and advanced.  Except, I feel like the easy and intermediate ones are hand-fed to us.  So that whether you studied or not you could ascertain the answer from hints given, reading other test questions, or other tactics.  And then, the advanced questions are things she wants us to extrapoloate from information given in class–read things not explicitly taught.  So I go in to the test hoping to recall everything on the notes and in the readins, so I have some wiggle room on things I’ve never encountered in my life.  And the advanced questions are fine, but I think she needs to make the medium questions harder, because it’s not right that someone who didn’t study can get the same grade as me (who put a lot of effort into the class).   I guessed wrong on a 4 point(!) hydrocephaly (never mentioned) short answer.  I said meninges were the structure, when I should have guessed ventricles.  So it’s an automatic 93%.  And after all my studying (and an EASY test), I’m not super-happy with that. . .

On a slightly different topic–well, still the brain we got tickets to the snowboard swap.  It will be most practical buying snowboards and boots here, then using them in Salt Lake, Colorado, or Tahoe ie big, expensive, world-renowned snow-sport locations.  And I’m a big believer they need to increase helmet usage here, so I guess I’m putting together a group to talk about traumatic brain injury and the importance of helmets.  I’m not sure how I because the leader on it other then we’re going and I see a need and think it’s important.  But I suppose since I’m suggesting we go, I ought to volunteer some time too.  We’ll see how it goes–I e-mailed the people putting on the event as well as my classmates.  I don’t have high-hopes for a response.  But if anyone follows up, it will be a useful thing.

I started watching “Desperate Housewives” on Netflix, just while Cool is at work–we watch “Criminal Minds” but only together.  You see, I like to watch something when I eat.  Anyway, it’s kind of a soapy, kind of a drama/comedy.  What I already don’t like is the men on the show.  Total tool-bags!  Carlos thinks he owns Gabby, and is a total Momma’s boy, always taking her side over his wife.  The poor twins’ mom who is obviously overwhelmed, was made to give up her (more successful) career, is saddled with 99% of the household/kid responsibility, and her dope-husband does things like invite over company for a formal dinner without telling her, and with only 2 days notice.  Bri’s husband doesn’t appreciate anything she does for him, is always putting her down and griping, and is cheating.  I’m not impressed with how the writers have the women treated on this show.  Like they just have to put up with all this crap, and it’s normal.  I say these capable, beautiful, smart women could do a lot better then these jerks!  Plus, I’m never a big fan of obvious eating disorders for a whole cast–when they are role models for women.

I got a flu shot last Thursday.  Which I never have before, and have always railed against.  I NEVER get the flu.  If I get sick at all (which I haven’t since 2008) I get a head-cold.  Anyway, because I’m in closed-air, close quarters with so many people, and tons of kids–cleaning, at ground zero–I decided to this year.  My school did them for free last Thursday.  The site was a little tender that night, but I used it–to sort of work it through.  By that night, it felt just fine.  And I thought I did too.  Friday I was tired.  Saturday I felt crummy.  Like muscle soreness, but deep, deep inside.  And it was exhausting to even walk to the kitchen.  I couldn’t have stood on my feet all afternoon/night, let alone complete vigorous locker room cleaning–I had to call in sick to work!  Which also rarely happens.  Maybe I had a vaccine reaction?  Because I’m so new, I don’t have any sick time accrued, but my boss let me “trade.”  So I have to make up 8 hours sometime.  Being a worrier, I want to get that done sooner, rather then later, so I’m working tonight.  I already have to go for a child abuse prevention training, so I figure I might as well.  Besides, there’s never a better time then after an exam and before we get new material.  Those are my free-est, most stress-free times.  But it does mean I will have to be at work (until midnight) 4 days in a row, which as a morning person just might kill me.

If I’m alive I’ll write after the streak is over.

“Myspace Alicia”

13 Oct

I’m going through the 2014 albums while I study to write my end-of-the-year music blogs.  I know!  I haven’t posted 2013’s yet–but I’m still working on it.  Anyway, I got to Imogen Heap, and it reminds me very much of Douche.

the usual

It has been forever since I’ve written about Douche–mostly b/c I hate to think of that creep.  Also, because I finally accepted some people are sociopaths–no matter how well you thought you knew them.  Imogen Heap actually reminds me of Myspace Alicia, some 19 year old girl Douche attached to.  Imogen was this girl’s favorite and I know that because I used to scour her Myspace profile trying to understand.

At the time, I didn’t get that people played games.  I was naive that an older person (Douche) would hook a 19 year old just to show off how “cute” of a gal could be secured.  I didn’t get that Douche was maybe trying to make me–the world–envious.  At the time, I only looked and looked trying to see what the 2 could possibly have in common. . .

I hate Douche-still do, I’ll never stop.  I didn’t deserve that treatment, and didn’t understand where it was coming from at that time.  I had no idea you could be close to someone for 3 years but not know them at all.  I didn’t know there were sociopaths that adapted their personality to what they thought you wanted–did want–in order to manipulate.  And I didn’t know the extent people could play games after a break-up.  BUT knowing Douche did teach me lessons:  Don’t date someone b/c you feel shallow for not being attracted to them, if something seems too good to be true-it probably is, not everyone is going to be honest with you, not everyone has your best interests at heart, some people are just not meant to be understood, sometimes you have to let people (or the memory of who they were supposed to be) go.

I wonder if Myspace Alicia felt the same way in the end that I did–that it was a fake and a trick.  I hope Douche got (and is still getting) all the bad karma that is deserved.  Though I have no idea where that crazy is or what that evil is up to currently–thank goodness…

I like the new album even if it takes me back to that chapter of my life a little.

Procrastinatee

12 Oct

As in:  I feel procrastinatee about several things right now, but maybe it’s tiredness?

-I agreed to transcribe language samples again this semester, yet have only done half of one.  And I keep moving the notification ahead on my calendar to-do list.  I agreed because my favorite professor asked me to.  Also, because I won’t be a student in the winter so I can’t do in then as I had intended.  But it’s harder then I remember, and things keep coming up.

-I would love to get my grad school application off my plate.  To have it finished, get it off the to-do list, and 11perhaps secure the best funding (is that a thing?) but I keep pushing that forward because it needs to be RIGHT.  I have to finish editing the essays and everything before I can get to this and they are not quite where I want them.  Plus, I don’t know for certain if early applications receive any extra deals or funding over the ones turned in on deadline (1-15-15).

-I need to edit and finish my personal statement.  I haven’t finished this up because it was suggested that I re-organize it entirely.  So it feels to me like instead of wrapping it up and just combing it for errors–I’m back in the middle of the writing process.  I want it done as best as possible, but now this stage requires more concentration then my studies and work schedule seemingly allow.

-I’m also procrastinatee about my scholarly paper.  But because I got good editing marks, that I need to read through and employ and I never seem to have a long chunk of time to do the whole thing.  I don’t want to get in the middle somewhere and have to remember which items I’ve corrected and which I still need to do.

superior-frontal viewBasically, it comes down to the fact that neuroanatomy takes a lot of my unscheduled time.  I have to make study materials for it-and study them.  And phonetics, even though I’ve used it a lot, has a billion tests (6 already) that I have to do practice for.  So it seems when I’m not actually scheduled to be somewhere, or doing the class stuff, I’m either sleeping, or too tired to focus enough.

Or Cool is a distraction.  Her moods are always up and down, meds always coming or going, or I just want to take advantage of the good days.  So that takes some concentration and attention away.  It’s a frustrating thing, but I think I’ll be caught in this loop until something gives–school semester (will hopefully be the thing).  I don’t want to jeopardize my grades trying to get this (mostly writing) stuff done.  When the semester is done I’ll really push to finish the writing and submit the application.

My Beloved PJs

7 Oct

We call it “getting in the dress code” at home.  It means removing uncomfortable clothes, anything heavy, jeans/spandex, taking off bras and shoes–just getting cozy.  And it is maybe my favorite thing in the whole world.  Being in the dress code recharges my battery.  Without time at home to veg out, I feel tired and stressed.  Going out can be fun, but it’s also taxing.  I like a good trip, an outing, a festivity, but it’s an absolute must that rest time be built around that–or I’m a mess.

post surgery

As such, I hate days where I’m scheduled to be in multiple places, have to run from obligation to obligation, or those that keep me away from home for too long.  It wears me out.  And those kinds of days require planning.  You have to carry the right clothes and supplies with you, fix portable snacks, plan water so you’ll be near a bathroom when you need it.  It’s a real pain.

Today was like that.  I agreed to tutor again, had a test in class, then had to rush to meet a work friend for a bike ride.  Those events alone would have been enough, but strung together, I was really bummed out.  I wore my workout clothes, though I felt a little self-conscious at school.  I ate a big breakfast and remembered to bring along my thermos of water.  I packed my bike, my coat, my school things, wallet, sports arm wallet, etc, etc. . .  It was busy.

The tutoring went a little better–I took more control of the situation.  I moved us to the place I liked, asked my tutee the way they studied, took tests, etc, taking the focus off myself, and having to prove my worth as a tutor.  Instead of sharing answers or potential test questions, as my subject kept pressing for, I doled out study advice and test-taking tips.  My tutee–a brazen thing–tried to get me to give my old class notes over and “lend”  all my flashcards.  In my head, I was like “No FUCKING way are my materials leaving my site you lazy little shit!”  But aloud I suggested it would be studious in itself to formulate your own materials.  And recommended getting notes from an actual classmate–so they will be exactly the same.  I think since I took the reigns and didn’t let my subject run over the top of me again, things went a little better, and were more helpful.

Fall finals 123

My tutoring session was cut in half b/c my person scheduled another meeting in the middle and had to leave.  So I was at school with an hour and a half to kill.  I hate that!  Instead of wasting gas and going home, I just took my flashcards and walked the trail studying them.  It was a beautiful day and hot so that wasn’t the worst.  Except I got sweaty before my test.

*pet-peeve:  I can’t stand when I take the time to answer a personal question, sometimes even in writing–and the person I’m communicating with not only doesn’t remember what I said, doesn’t even remember that they should know the answer when they ask all over again.  It’s all I can do not to say–shoulda paid attention the first time.  Annoying.

I took my test, and had some uncertainties–like usual.  We grade them right after taking them, and while we were doing so I became STARVING!  I broke my string of 100% (3 in a row) by missing 3 vowels.  One was dialectual–“bag” sounds like it has a long a to me, but 2 I probably should have known.  I think the hunger and tiredness was at fault.  My concentration and mental abilities were not in top form that late in the day, and after much running around.  Damn.

After class, I of course was motivated to rush to the Y (one of 3 in town) to meet my friend b/c of my lateness phobia.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to bike or have fun if I didn’t eat though.  So despite having only 15 min to get all the way across town to North Y, I stopped at the crowded grocery store for a box of wheat thins.  Protein would have been better, but I had to grab something (quickly) that I could eat while I drove.  And I know right where those are and like them.  Plus, I was in a hurry.  I got there 8 min late–traffic was crap.  And I didn’t see him.  Maybe I was the early one because of traffic?  So I texted the number from the work phone tree 2-3 times, but heard nothing back.  Maybe he was driving and couldn’t text?  I struggled to unload my bike and jumped on it.  The tires felt drastically low–I guess I should have checked that before packing my bike.  Luckily, the bike came with a portable air pump when I bought it at the bike-swap so I went to work on them.  They still felt low, but maybe were better(?) when I jumped back on.  I guessed I could manage a short ride at least.  Except my friend still wasn’t there.  I have no watch and Rusty doesn’t have a clock, so I’m dependant on my FitBit.  Which happened to be on my foot to count my pedals, so it wasn’t that easy to fuss over time.  I just hung out–where usually I’d agonize over every minute ticking by.

Maybe I had an old or wrong phone number and he was somewhere in the parking lot waiting for me?  I rode my bike around looking for his truck.  I still didn’t see him.  Traffic had been pretty ugly and he lives near me, so he also had to go a long way in it, he was probably just caught up.  I looked at the surrounding trail, and figured I’d bike a little ways out, and just come back when he called or after awhile to check.  The trail was dirt and rocky and rugged.  I didn’t want an actual flat, and it felt very perilous like I could fall off at any time due to the slick sand, rocks, grooves, and sudden curves.  This was not the kind of ride I’d had in mind!  I walked my bike back up to the parking lot.

If I wasn’t going to ride while I waited I figured I had might as well study.  As I was sitting in my (hot) car, looking over my notes–it occurred to me maybe we were supposed to meet at the Valley Y, not North that I was at.  I wasn’t certain, but something in the very recesses tugged at my mind.  Did I go to the wrong location?  I doubted myself enough to decide I should go home now (at 5:17PM), because my friend was waiting for me at the other Y, wondering why I had stood him up.  Though I’m not positive that’s what happened.

So I never got to meet my friend and ride, nor could I contact him to find out the misunderstanding.  I drove all the way, and wasted all that time for nothing.  I might have had low blood sugar.  I guess just because I don’t have all the signs, doesn’t mean my mind is super-clear.  And now that I’m home I feel really tired and very fatigued, though I have a ton of things to study, and papers to write.

But at least I’m at home in my jammies :-)

ugh.

Onawanapia

2 Oct

Today in Phonetics, we did a 3rd transcription–the horrid middle vowels (+ front and back vowels) which I’m pretty sure I got my 3rd 100% on.  Though it was really difficult to differentiate some of the sounds.  We graded it in class then had time left over so our prof asked if we had questions.  On the test was the word “parcel” with a schwa before the l.  I raised my hand and asked how to tell the difference between schwa + l as in “parcel” vs. the syllabic l as in “bottle.”  I asked which would be in my name.  He has a hearing problem so I had to say my name very loud, several times, then slowly so he knew the proper transcription.  So the class heard me say my name loudly, and slowly 5-6 times.  It’s the schwa–because r-l is too fast without an interceding sound, so you need the schwa vowel between.

We still had time in class so the prof told us to give him some words and he would transcribe them for us.  I said “onawanpia.”  And again because of his hearing loss had to say it louder.  He said it was a great word, and hard, then had me say it slowly.  The gals behind me were repeating “onamanapia.”  Uh-oh.  I realized I have been saying that word wrong, not only today, but my whole life.  Plus, everyone knew my name from before.  So I looked totally ignorant.  And the professor called me out and asked if I wanted him to transcribe it with the –“wana” because he would, and I sheepishly had to tell him to transcribe the proper word.

Doh!

A Low Maintenance Post

1 Oct

I usually abbreviate maint, because I never end up spelling it correctly.  I guess I got lucky this time.  Here’s just a spur-of-the-moment, since I’ve been a terrible blogger as of late.  I have a lot of drafts, but they all require work, and IF I finish studying/papers/work/sleep I rarely have enough brainpower left.  Maybe until the end of the semester, I’ll just write new ones and leave it alone until I have more time/energy/brain cells to spare.

Some goings on:

-I got a request to tutor again.  Which is OK, but I hadn’t done the paperwork, b/c I didn’t know if I’d have business, so in order to get paid I had to jump through some hoops this week.  But now I’m all set up.  The tutoring didn’t go that well (I thought).  But I had a request to do it weekly (I declined b/c I think it would compromise my own studies), so my tuteee must have decided it was worthwhile.  I am helping, but less often.  The 1 thing I can say is organization, study habits, and just the will to buckle down and learn are very important.  That and help me help you.  Listen, heed. . .  it’s probably something we all do, but I’m going to remember it next time I need help–receive the help.

-I got that swim cap back.  100%, returned inside out (the messed up side), and no feedback.  So I hate that and now I feel I wasted all that time, effort, and stress.

Goose helping with swim cap

-Our fridge “rains” inside–I have no idea why.  But something molded in there last week, and now this rain-water is mold-infused.  It’s disgusting and gets into any other food–especially breads or sauces.  I had to take the time to empty everything out, scrub it down, and add baking soda yesterday.  And today, my fruit tasted of. . .  Mold–ugh!

-I decided neuro is the problem with my schedule.  It makes Friday really suck, and I noticed that a lot when class was canceled last Friday.  Just 10 Fridays left!

-I was going to try to finagle some financial aid next semester.  If I stay in school, I get a large loan disbursement and my undergrad loans remain on forbearance (the ones that are, at least).  I was going to apply for graduation in the Spring to remain technically a student.  I thought of Auditing enough courses to get loans (so I didn’t have to worry about my GPA), or do my independent study.  The loans are wise to all of those tactics, and unless you are at least a part-time student WORKING FOR A DEGREE no loans, no ifs ands or buts.  So I guess I’m done, done in December.  I’ll take on extra hours of work, and I guess be finished transcribing.

-It was 54 degrees F at 11AM today.  It’s officially fall, as per the usual I feel WA cheated me out of summer.  It starts 7/5 and goes to September-ish, back-and fourth between 80 and 60 as most places do in fall.  But even the “summer” days are gray and cloudy.  Though the torrential rains are a myth.  If it rains at all, it’s brief and a sprinkle usually.  It’s just cloudy.  Often.  I can’t wait to move.  Cool is sad to leave the gray.

-I got an offer to house-sit, which had I been on my own, I would have immediately agreed to.  It’s over Christmas, but I hate all hyped things, and Christmas is one of the most hyped things of all.  So it’s not in my top five favorite holidays.  So I don’t care about pet-sitting during it.  And I’m not in school at that time.  Plus, having a larger kitchen to cook in, satellite TV, and beautiful views wouldn’t be the worst thing.  But Cool is resolute–she wants to spend Christmas Eve evening and night at our apartment, and Christmas morning here too.  For what, I don’t know, but no amount of prodding would change her mind.  She has decided somewhere along the line Christmas is her favorite holiday–I really have no idea why the change.  So I’m pretty sure saying no a 2nd time in a row will cut me out of the running to pet-sit.  I’ll miss it, because it was really good, easy money :-(

house-sitting 005

I guess that’s all for now–I need to rewrite my phonetic transcription tip-sheet so I can read it.

September Means Studying–goal accountability

30 Sep

This was completed a little hastily, and over a couple of sessions, so excuse any oversights or errors.  I was also hoping for some free time to write a proper post, but alas–school/work/sleep/cleaning left no time.  Maybe tomorrow?  Or Saturday?

Maintenance Goals (from 2013):

-floss daily.

I messed up a couple of times because I wasn’t home in the evening and it threw off my routine.  Now I floss before work (at 3PM) but feel like it might be counterproductive because I eat a snack later.

-drink water.

I am drinking a minimum of 8 cups per day, but also having caffeine and salt.  So I may be coming out even.  Also, I have a thermos for work, which I chug often (on my frequent breaks) but lose count.  It only holds about 2 cups and after the 2-3rd refill I forget how many times I’ve refilled it.  So I have no idea how much water I’m consuming at work.  Hopefully it’s a lot, b/c at 10PM we do pretty vigorous exercise and I’m dripping sweat and losing lots of fluids.  Maybe I’ll take a pen and do hatch marks when I refill. . .

-read for pleasure.

It’s not happening right now.  Between getting home late, chatting before going to sleep with Cool, and studying–I just haven’t at all.  I have a book project for neuroanatomy though so I’ve got to carve time out somewhere.  This is a week later–that I’m writing an update.  I’ve started reading late and until Cool gets home from work (on the days I don’t) and I finished the book.  It wasn’t very good–but now I’m set for all my assignments.

-weekly massage.

Nope never.  Though Cool has rubbed trigger points in my neck, shoulder, and pectorals before I sleep.  My work requires repetitive motion with my arms and shoulders and the soreness I can handle–waking up multiple times a night with dead arms I can’t.  So she’s been lovely to rub them out though I’m out of commission and can’t return the favor.  Though the pain is less and less as each week passes, with this week Hot&Cold taking care of it entirely.

-abstain from drinking.

Done.  And I said no to a tempting invitation so as not to screw up.

-study habits.

I never feel like I have enough time, and I lose the whole weekend for work and tiredness.  Which stresses me out.  What I do have time for this semester is coming directly home and making figures and flashcards, which has helped my recall so much!

January=fitness.

I have managed to run a mile daily, and I’m moving around a lot at work so exercise is taken care of.  Unfortunately, with the increased activity, my appetite has gone wild and I’m eating more food to compensate.  I have a sugar problem, a nightly sweet tooth, and I love all things carb-related.  BUT my excuse is it’s winter.  Still, I have to manage my portion sizes a little.

Feb=have gratitude; say nice things.

I am thankful for my new job with friendly co-workers and very low stress/expectations, for nicer professors, and that this is my last (graded) semester at Riverpoint.  I do give thanks for those new things (as well as some established things) nightly.  Most of the time.

March=straighten out sleep.

I finally had this, but my new schedule un-did all the progress.  It’s a swing shift job, so I have to work til midnight.  Then I’m supposed to sleep in.  But between my own internal clock, the cats, and my class schedule I have been getting up early then being tired all day.  I think what’s really hurting me is going to bed earlier on the nights I don’t work.  My morning person ways sneak back up on me when I do that, then I become accustomed to waking up too early every day (including those I work and the days after).  And that makes me tired and is a recipe for sickness.  So I made a rule for myself:  I may not go to bed any earlier than midnight on any night (and the cats may not have dinner til 12AM so they sleep in).

April=save $$$.

Yes!  This is happening.  Money went IN to my account just today and it was such a relief to see the numbers getting higher, rather than dwindling!  Even a part-time job is great to have to offset the bills.  The fear that I need to save every penny because I don’t don’t when I’ll get another–is gone.  And thank goodness for that.

May=volunteer.

This is not a thing right now.  Maybe once the semester is complete and my application submitted.  Though I did agree to transcribe some more language samples for my favorite professor.  I think I may get something out of it (hours toward credits) eventually though, so it doesn’t quite count toward any service.

June=Cool.

Things were good, then they were not so great, now they’re good.  Seriously, I cannot stress enough how bipolar and anxiety sets the tone of any relationship.  When Cool is stable, and on the right combinations of meds, and feeling good–things are awesome.  Sometimes, she acts in a way I hate, due to her mental illnesses though, and that’s a real bummer for us.  She is going in for counseling and had a new brain-scan thingy to see exactly where her issues are.  This will help get her on the exact right medications, and resolve some of this troubling, persistent symptoms.

July=my appearance.

I have been trying to fix my hair lately.  I don’t want “bad lesbian hair,” I’m self-conscious about the grays and try to hide them under styles, and it’s been a little windy.  I bought a darker box hair dye to try also.  But I just had a neuroanatomy exam today and turned in a big project, so I didn’t feel like doing anything taxing this afternoon/evening/night.  And that’s something you have to pay full attention to to get good results.  So soon. . .

Aug=Worry Less, Thank more.

I had been really good at saying things I was thankful for every night before going to sleep.  And it helped decrease my worry and uplift my attitude.  But with 2 exams in a row, I’ve been going over material in my head before sleep so I stopped thanking.  But now that I’m the furthest away from the next neuroanatomy exam, I’ll resume.  Because I like it very much.  And I think it’s worth mentioning that even though I lost the weekend to work, and didn’t get to really study.  And Cool was being a majorly distracting turkey, I never had a stress meltdown as I have in the past.  I remained pretty calm this test cycle–and it felt so much better!

Sept=make a list, grocery shop, cook ahead.

Cool has been so good.  She went grocery shopping by herself the last 2 times so I could study for my exams.  That was really nice, and appreciated.  Plus I hate shopping.  But I need to reconfigure my schedule to make time to do this.  And I don’t think the weekend will work b/c of the aforementioned work and post-work fatigue.

Oct=don’t over-pluck.

I think I’ve been doing OK.  TMI:  sometimes I see a stray dark hair where a potential moustache could grow, so I pluck it.  But that turns into a bad decision, because for whatever reason plucking on my face gives way to a breakout.  So you see acne in a moustache line and it’s obvious I’ve plucked at it.  There is not enough to wax/shave and bleaching looks stupid, because then you just have white hairs on your face.  So I guess I’ll leave well enough alone, and hope it doesn’t become an actual stache problem?  As for eyebrows, no problem.  I really had no time to pluck at all, and my face was a mess as a result!

Nov=Increase eye contact.

I forgot this was a thing, but I do come into contact with people now, so I can work on it.

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