So Close. . . [posted 7-28-09]

17 Jan

And yet so far away.  As you know I was finally accepted to veterinary school.  I was all set to fly to the Caribbean on August 8. I had been planning for this move to a foreign country for the last year.  I had 3 international flights paid for.  I had packed all my belongings in boxes, paid a year of storage, quit my job, and moved halfway across the country (with my cats) to my parents’ house.

You can see where this is going.  Yesterday, I found I cannot attend vet school.  Yet another refutation to my big dream!  The school waited until last week to tell us about our only loan option.  Nothing could appease my anger at their mismanagement and lackadaisical attitude over this huge problem of financing an education.  I would like to share polemic against this whole situation with everyone who will listen:  Despite my 720 credit, I was denied any loan without a co-signer.

My parents REFUSE to sign.  As you may expect not much could pacify my hostility over this apathy on their part.  Relatives and family friends, not only don’t have a responsibility for my well-being, they have poor credit, other obligations or dependents, or fears of losing their house in this economy.  Towards former employers and family friends, I have noantipathy.  Mostly I’m humiliated at having to present the argument they should co-sign my loan in the first place. . .  Extended family, especially those well-to-do have earned a little of my contempt, but I’m certain it will be mollified when this episode becomes a bad memory.  Anyway, without a loan, I can’t make the required $50,000 for a year of tuition, housing, books, island amenities, etc. . .

I have failed at my dream of becoming a veterinarian—again.  I’m starting to wonder if the universe is against me.  Everything had been going so well, my 26th birthday was going to be a new start.  Now, I’m devastated, lost, back at square one.  This hurts so much that I don’t think the pain will ever be assuaged.  To make matters worse, my mom kicked me out of their house by August 24.  She has to put her craft materials in my old bedroom, you know.  MUCH more important than letting me get back on my feet!  I may remain on speaking terms with her this time, but my reticence isn’t pacified.  This (unearned)denunciation is one of many, and a person has to draw the line somewhere.

Now I’m in controversy.  I have no home, no job, no career, and I’m not sure where to go from here.  I just know I need to conciliate the anger and pain (for the short-term) and do whatever I’m going to do quickly!


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