Pussy In The Truck

23 Oct

No, this is not a story about a sexual encounter in a vehicle.  I wish it was.  Lord knows I have been a little, errr depleted of lovin’s if you know what I mean.  This story catalogs how sad my life is without my Jetta.  Quick moment of silence for my dead car………………..  Ok, I’m composed now.

My girlfriend had this yicky training schedule on the swing shift–opposite of my day hours so we can’t car-pool as usual.  Jeeze, ok, she can’t chauffeur me around like some large child as she usually does.  I COULD ride the bus to and from work, but it’s inconvenient and I’m scared.  In order to get to work by 7:30 AM I would have to get up at 5-something, then stand in the dark, by the river and rail road tracks, where the homeless hang out.  In the dark.  Before the traffic makes it a conspicuous spot to wait.  It would probably be ok, but I have this homeless phobia where I’m certain transients are out to rob, rape, and wreck my life.  You don’t know!

I was telling my Aunt this sad story, and she offered to loan me their 3rd truck they use for hauling garbage and things like that.  Relieved, I went to pick it up on my day off yesterday.  My Aunt does not drive a stick, nor does my girlfriend.  My Jetta was a manual so I wasn’t concerned.  Only when I got in the truck I couldn’t get the car to reverse.  I followed the directions on the shifter and attempted to push it into gear–nothing.  It took ten (frustrating minutes) and a lot of blank stares from my spectating relatives before my girlfriend ditched out to the bathroom and my Aunt went in search of a neighbor.  To my great dismay, the neighbor (a man) got the car to reverse immediately.  Then he treated me like I was a stupid, helpless woman, and told me to use the clutch.  He also informed me the picture on the shifter was not where the gears were actually placed–crucial information.  My “reverse” was actually 4th gear, so of course it wouldn’t work for me.  I was pissed–I hate having to play the victim female and hate even worse when dudes are condescending!

So when I left I was already frustrated.  And I was carefully trying to maneuver an unfamiliar vehicle on roads I don’t know well.   All at once, I noticed the smell of cat pee in the truck’s cab.  It was so strong my eyes were burning!  I guess one of my Aunt’s many strays got inside the vehicle and sprayed.  To battle the ammonia smell without drowning out the sound of my GPS, Hazel, I turned on the fan.  Leaf pieces flew out of every vent, getting into my eyes and covering my clothes in grit.  It wasn’t turning into the best ride of my life, that’s for sure.

Then, because Hazel is sadistic, she tells me to turn left immediately, when I’m in the far right lane, three lanes (full of traffic) over.  And then she wound me all through the town instead of taking the simplest route home.  It seems she acts up most when I’m already stressed and in maximum traffic and in someone else’s car.

Needless to say, I cleaned the crap out of that truck’s cab when I finally DID make it home!

 

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