As the Ark Floats [The M’s]

1 Jan

MM & MM [Part A]

“The M’s” as I call them have been the bain of my work-existence.  They are The Ms, as each of their actual names begins with the letter M.  They are all lazy and they inconvenience me by being sucky.  I constantly have to work worse schedules, work longer hours, and work harder to make up for them.  This makes me dislike them, obviously. ..

I already told you about Unaccountable M (Fake Bitch) and the infamous spring break incident.

Go back, back in time before Unaccountable M’s time.  Let’s see, there’s the first M (Wigga M) who started at Noah’s Ark before me.  She used to be ok:  Pre-vet, showed up to work (mostly), did her job (somewhat).  Not an optimal worker, as she would screw around on her weekend and didn’t help extra unless she was getting double-pay.  After a couple of years working with her, she went downhill a lot.  Suddenly, she would label and organize things instead of doing the job, saying she was OCD. She would drummel her own dog’s nails for an hour once a week—on the clock.  She got arrested for dealing drugs out of her condo (paid for by parental $$$) with her boyfriend.  Her mommy and daddy paid for a fancy lawyer, she (a blonde, spoiled girl with college education) blamed the whole thing on the (poor, black, uneducated) boyfriend, and got off with probation.  She kept her job, amazingly.  She was off birth control for 2 weeks and managed to fuck 6 different dudes in that span of time! She finally quit Noah’s Ark after successfully getting herself knocked up, having a bi-racial baby, and getting on welfare. Wigga M got her little sister, Anorexic M, a job with us.

Anorexic M can’t lift dogs, food, or trash.  She slammed her fake nail in the door, claimed worker’s comp, and missed a week of work for the injury.  Then, for 3 weeks after that, she did nothing at work, still citing the injury.  Anorexic M went on a week-long vacation, meaning no one covered her shifts.  She just didn’t show up to work her weekend, didn’t call to tell her employers her vacation had run long, and didn’t pay back the 7 people who had to work extra for her that weekend.

Anorexic M’s best friend and roommate, Lying M, was our boss’ favorite employee for a year.  She got everything she wanted. Lying M used to work Mondays, and decided she no longer wanted to help bathe dogs before they went home from their weekend boarding.  She lied and said she was shadowing at the sale-barn on Monday.  They MADE me take over for her on Monday.  That meant I had to work both Monday and Friday, which means I never get to go anywhere on a weekend I’m off, and I have to work 4 days in a row on the weekends I work.  As a pre-vet student, I know sale-barn is Tuesday.  Besides, lying M slipped and told me she had been watching movies all day one Monday.  She realized her error and tried to back-track, changing the story. . .  Lying M would refuse to do anything but follow the vets at work.  She got out of all the dirty work on a daily basis, and never got in trouble.  While our boss was gone for a week, it was discovered Lying M was giving her mom our employee discount.  The receptionist had to call her mom and tell her why she owed more money.  Lying M, lied and said the receptionist called her mom and said she was a liar.  She quit, mad that her entire family couldn’t have the employee discount.

This will serve as background for the story I’m about to tell you.

Cat Fight [Part B]

It’s kitten season, so of course, Noah’s Ark gets an influx of babies needing homes.  The first two came from some trashy, mo-fo who was in our lobby poking his kittens in the face with a pen.  We asked if we could take them and he relinquished them—thank goodness.  There was a little white girl and a lanky gray boy, which we named Pilsbury and Lurpe-Joe, respectively. They were both skinny, sick, and anti-social.  Sarah and I treated them, groomed them, and played with them.  At first, no one at work really took an interest in the kittens.  When the kittens became clean and friendly, everyone liked them—not cool, in my book.

There is a woman at my work big into dogs.  She does obiediance, agility, and herding.  She doesn’t care about cats very much though.  She said they needed barn cats at her mom’s house and agreed to take both Pilsbury and Lurpe-Joe.  It was a good home, because the kittens could stay together, and apparently the women’s mom really likes cats.

About 2 weeks after we got the first 2 kittens, someone brought in a little black kitten that also needed a home.  I named her Choco-Luv and started to work on socializing her.  We put her in with the first 2 kittens, but she wasn’t as used to people, so she wasn’t as friendly.  People at work just thought she was mean or whatever, and no one but me really liked her.  ALL kittens are friendly if you work with them—duh!  I loved on her and weighed her every day.  I even showed the vets, how when you scratch her back in the wrong direction, her little feet knead!

The cats were all three in an unmarked kennel at the clinic, waiting to get vaccinated and spayed and neutered.  Everyone knows they are to go to the barn.  Those kittens provide us with a lot of entertainment!  Us, meaning a handful of people that really liked to interact with the kitties.  The M’s didn’t really take an interest in the kittens.  As I said before, they hardly show up to work, so how COULD they become attached???  The most involvement any of them had was tearing down the name tag I made displaying each of the kittens names.  They said those names were stupid and tried to change them.  This is what I have to put up with from those bastards.

Since the kittens loved each other so much, it was agreed that they could all three go to the barn.  Except, for whatever reason, people at work started wanting to take one kitten or the other home.  Sarah and I kept saying they already HAD homes and needed to stay together.  People persisted.  The receptionist tried to give Lurpe-Joe to a client.  The barn owner (indifferent to cats) didn’t care one way or the other, as long as she got a barn cat, so she said nothing.  Sarah and I were freaking out and making plans to claim the cats so they wouldn’t be taken by anyone.  Sarah would take Lurpe-Joe and I would take Choco-Luv if any clients tried to separate the kittens. Luckily it didn’t come to that as our employers put a stop to new homes and said all three cats should go to the barn together.

An orange kitten (Scraggle-Puss) came in about a month later. She was significantly younger than the others, and the cage was getting crowded with the growing kittens, so she stayed in a different kennel.  Scraggle Puss’ kennel was labeled “Clinic Cat,” meaning it needs a home.

You have the background of The Ms.  Now you know the history of the kittens.  I think, you are ready to hear the really dramatic incident that unfolded this week. . .

Unintentional Tease [Part C]

This is not THE story, but it’s interesting all the same.  Well, and it’s crucial information so you make form your own judgment about the big story (which is coming soon!).

Let us focus in on one M in particular.  Anorexic M is actually the least problematic of the group, in my opinion.  This is because she is very quiet and mousy and does not display much personality at all.  She hates the job, stopped even trying to work, and mostly just conspires how she can get out of coming in at all.  When she IS there though, she pretty much leaves me alone, so I’m fine with her personality—or lack of it.  Anyway, she still sucks, but she has the least amount of attitude of all the M’s.

Anorexic M actually was a good worker when she first started. It just went downhill after that.  She says she hates it at Noah’s Ark and just stopped trying.  Anorexic M, per her roommate, Lying M, has also been job hunting.  It was confirmed by a more trustworthy friend of hers, that she applied to at least 2 other places around town.  I say, good—get the hell out of here!  I mean, especially if you don’t like it—just move on.

One big story involving Anorexic M is the story of Broccoli, the pitt-bull mix.  P.S.  I know it seems as if all animals at my work are named after food, but it’s just a coincidence.  Anyway, the story of how Broccoli came to be Anorexic M’s dog is convoluted.  As far as I can ascertain, some person was moving and couldn’t take the dog.  Either that, or they were going on some long-term trip.  Anyhow, the owner was a plane-ride away and Anorexic M agreed to care for the dog.  This arrangement may have been temporary or permanent, I’m not exactly sure, because the story changed when things unfolded.

ell, it turns out that Brocolli, attacks Anorexic M’s own dog.  It wasn’t a good situation for anyone.  Anorexic M called the owner but to ask the owner to pay for her hurt dog’s vet bills.  She also told the owner that she would be taking Broccoli to the Humane Society.  This is wrong for many reasons.  First of all, Anorexic M has first-hand knowledge that the Humane Society immediately euthanizes any square-headed breed.  Also, Anorexic M has all kinds of animal connections working at a vet hospital—she could have attempted to place the dog in another home.  The clincher, though, is the original owner said she would take the dog back.  She said not to take Broccoli to the Humane Society—she would catch a flight to Missouri to get the dog right away.  What did Anorexic M do?  She rushed to the Humane Society before the owner could get to Missouri, and knowingly dropped that dog off!  When the owner went to get Broccoli from the Humane Society the very next morning, she was told the dog had already been killed.

So obviously, this is not a good person that we are dealing with.  Oh, there is more!  In the past, Anorexic M has taken home at least 2 different kittens from the clinic.  She likes kittens, but surprise—they turn into cats, which she doesn’t like.  She takes the cats to the humane society (to be killed) when she tires of them.

not an optimal pet-owner.  Duh.  Oh, and I promise the real story is on it’s way!!!

 

 

Why I Never Get A Day Off [Part D]

 

I knew it would be difficult to get Choco-Luv back from Anorexic M. . .  I confronted her and asked when she was bringing the cat back.  Anorexic M got all irate and questioned whether the cat was really mine.  [Well no, but if it HAD to be separated from its kitty friends (which she wasn’t supposed to be), it HAD been stated that she was going to me] She said my name wasn’t on the cage.  She also said no one seemed to know that cat had been claimed by me.  OK—she got me.  BUT the other two kitties that were going to the farm also had unmarked cages, but everyone knew very well that they had an owner. Secondly, I don’t talk to the M’s (and none of them show up to work), so of course none of them would know if I had claimed a cat.

Then, Anorexic M said her current cat was old and sick and NEEDED a kitten, to which I replied there was an orange kitten that needed a home.  Anorexic M said she only liked black kittens, and didn’t want the orange one.  I say—hey, beggers can’t be choosers.  You can’t have a kitten if the color matters that much to you.  You get a kitten because you love it—not because it is a certain color.  Anorexic M never cared about that cat.  Never so much as pet her.  Why do you think she waited 23 days to take the kitten?  On the only day I wasn’t there—if she didn’t know it would get to me???  She tried to make it sound like her cat would be devastated if she had to take Choco-Luv away—it had been less than 24 hours since she stole the kitten.

I persisted and asked when she was bringing the kitten back.  I told her I would stay after work while she went home and got Choco-Luv.  I knew the longer Anorexic M had the cat, the harder it would be to get it back.  Also, I realized it would be stressful for Choco-Luv to go from the clinic to Anorexic M’s house, to my apartment.  I wanted to minimize that stress. Suddenly, Anorexic M said she might not be going home right after work. . .  Sure. . .

Cut to the end of the day.  Anorexic M is taking her time to clock-out so I linger around and wait.  I catch her at the time clock, where she is hurriedly trying to get on her cell phone (to avoid me) and ask when she’s bringing the kitten back.  She says, “Just a second” and goes outside, presumably to finalize her plans.  I wait for her to come back in and tell me when she’s bringing Choco-Luv back.  And wait, and wait.  I look outside and realize she drove away!  Damn.  I have her buddy text her to see if she’s coming back—answer is no.

So now I’m really worried.  I’m worried Anorexic M will take Choco-Luv to the Humane Society that night—just so I can’t have the kitty.  I’m worried she’ll SAY Choco is dead or something so she’ll never have to return her.  I’m worried Lying M’s stupid dogs will hurt Choco-Luv.  I’m worried Anorexic M will hold Choco-Luv hostage and refuse to bring her back at all.  I can’t sleep, because I know I can’t do anything about it. . .

You better believe there’s more to this story.  We’ve hardly broached the good part yet. . .

 

 

Held Hostage [Part E]

 

It’s a secret.  Very controversial drama at “As the Ark Floats,” a.k.a. Noah’s Ark, where I work.  I might as well tell you because what’s done is done.  I did what I had to do—and I would do it again.

 

 

 

 

 

Cut to the action.  I worked 20 days in a row.  On my first day off (day 21), Anorexic M says she can’t come to work, because she needs to stay near her cell phone to take an important call. It’s a stupid reason, but typical.  I work with Anorexic M on day 22 without incident.  It wasn’t until my 2nd day off (day 23 and a Saturday), that Anorexic M was at work when I wasn’t.  She was there with Unaccountable M and 2 dudes—no one that normally works.  More importantly, no one that had my back. The Anorexic bitch asked if she could take Choco-Luv home!

The Chapmans said yes.  Reasons they did this:  One-they are at the hospital working, not paying attention to what drama is going on with the staff.  Two- they are unconfrontational. Three- they feel sorry for Anorexic M because she is small and frail, and she has a trashy family.  Four- somehow they forgot her history with animals.  Anorexic M forgot to take the kitten home Saturday, and ended up taking her home Sunday after work.

I usually clean cats in the morning, but Monday is my bath day so I didn’t.  At around 10:30 someone casually told me they thought one of the cats had escaped.  I was like, what do you mean?  Which cat?  Where is it???  They said—oh Anorexic M took the black one home.  NOOOOOOO!!!!  I didn’t know what to do.  I was really scared what was going to happen to Choco-Luv.  I had to think fast.  I saw my boss and said, “How could you give my cat away?”  I played it like I had claimed the kitten first, knowing that an attack of Anorexic M’s character would get me nowhere.  I hadn’t specifically told anyone that I was going to take Choco-Luv.  I wanted her to stay with her buddies, actually.  I had alluded to several co-workers that I loved her and would take her in a second if I could.  I knew my employers would not take a cat back from someone, for any reason other than it already had a home.

Dr. Greg immediately called Anorexic M and said they had made a mistake—Choco-Luv already belonged to someone.  He said they were really sorry for the confusion, but she would have to bring the cat back. This was 10:30 Monday morning, and only 16 hours after the cat had gone to live with Anorexic M.  He said she took it really well and agreed to bring the kitten to work with her.  Except Anorexic M shows up to work (45 min. late) but there is no kitty with her,  Uh oh.

There are at least two more parts to the soap opera.  Tune in!

 

 

Professionalism by All *Sarcasm* [Part F]

 

On Tuesday (Dr. Terry’s day off) Anorexic M isn’t scheduled to come to work until 1 pm.  I am having a heart attack the entire day.  It’s a two-fold stroke:  I am trying to tell my friends at work that I HAD to claim the cat, because of Anoreixc M’s animal history without actually divulging the fact I lied to everyone.  I knew I had to keep up the lie, because I needed the Chapmans to back me up so the cat could be saved.  If they found out I lied, they would let Anorexic M keep the kitten.  Also, I was freaking out about Choco-Luv’s welfare and wondering if she would bring the kitten with her to work..

At 1 pm I see Anorexic M.  I don’t want to talk to her so I just glance in the cat room, looking for the black kitten.  I thought I saw it in with the other kittens and a wave of relief washed over me.  I was so glad Anorexic M brought the kitten back!  I had been really, really worried the entire day what would happen.  I was powerless to do anything if Anorexic M decided to keep the kitten.  It’s not like my boss would fire her.  I couldn’t call the police and claim she stole my cat.  I couldn’t follow her home and demand the cat back.  It was for the best that she brought Choco-Luv back to the hospital willingly. . .

Then, one of my friends said she didn’t see Choco-Luv.. False alarm—Anorexic M hadn’t brought the cat back.  I didn’t know what to do.  I just told Dr. Greg that she didn’t bring my kitten back.  He, who remember is under the impression he accidently gave my cat away, said he didn’t want to get in the middle! What?!  If he HAD given my cat away, this would have made me furious—he would have been right smack in the middle.  As it was, there wasn’t a lot I could say.  I just asked what he wanted me to do.  He told me not to even talk to her, he didn’t need fighting during work.  He said he would take care of it.  I didn’t say anything to Anorexic M, but neither did my boss. Frustrating!  All he had to do was send her home during work to get the kitten.  What could she say to that?  He didn’t want to deal with it though.  After an hour, I started to nag him to talk to her.  Yes, he’s busy, but he was avoiding it.

After 2 hours, I asked him what was happening.  He told me he had tried to talk to her, but she seemed upset about something and told him (I remind you this is Anorexic M talking to her boss) she would talk about it (the cat situation) later.  He told me he didn’t know what that meant.  Dr. Greg said maybe neither of us were going to get Choco-Luv.  He said it seemed everyone wanted Choco-Luv.  That’s the thing!  I loved her because NO one else did!  Anorexic M only wanted Choco-Luv because I liked her so well and she wanted to hurt me. . .  Anyhow, neither of us getting the cat was fine with me, as I was just taking the kitten to save her from the Humane Society.  If he had, in fact given MY cat away (like he thought he did) I would have been pissed.  I mean, grow a pair, man!

Just when I had given up hope of ever seeing Choco-Luv again, Anorexic M appeared in the pharmacy with a Noah’s Ark crate. She was holding it, and it was at about knee-level, then she just dropped it on the floor.  Knee-level to the floor—with a cat in it.  Can’t you tell how much Anorexic M cares about the kitten *sarcasm* Anorexic M didn’t say a word, and it took me a moment to realize what was happening.  I was just glad Choco-Luv was back—thank God!

I was called up front to do a blood draw and saw Lying M (Anorexic M’s roommate) talking to our receptionist.  I guess she brought Choco-Luv in.  Why she couldn’t have done that Monday, I don’t know.  I drew blood, and then answered the phone.  While I’m making an appointment, I hear the receptionist ranting to clients that Anorexic M was FORCED to quit.  Real professional.  The receptionist was saying that there is too much estrogen at work and people around here need to chill out—my sentiments exactly!  I guess, Anorexic M had walked out in the middle of her shift, because she had to give the kitten back.  No one had even spoken to her about it.  Cause I didn’t talk to her that day, and she blew Greg off before he had a chance to do anything.  She walked out, leaving us short, right before walking time.  Here’s the kicker:  She didn’t bother to inform either of her employers.  She only told the receptionist!

You think that’s the end—but it’s not.  Not at “As the Ark Floats.”  I’m walking dogs, one person short, and I go inside to get prescription food for some animal.  What do I hear?  Not that Anorexic M sucks for quitting in the way she did.  Not that Anorexic M was a shitty worker anyway and we don’t need her. NOT that Anorexic M took at least three animals to the Humane Society to be killed.  I hear the receptionist and two vets (one of whom had been on vacation the pervious 9 days) saying that I was mean to Anorexic M and made her quit.  They didn’t know that the cat was mine, and I MADE her quit!!!  Only at Noah’s Ark!  Believe me—if I had the ability to make people quit, I would have made all four M’s quit two years ago!!!  I was ostracized for “making her quit” the rest of the day too!

So, yes, I claimed that a cat was mine just to get it away from a girl.  But I really believe I saved the cat’s life.  After work, I hustled Choco-Luv to my apartment.  I didn’t want anyone to somehow give her back to Anorexic M!

 

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