Threesome at Forage & Vine [posted 5-27-07]

1 Jan

Picture this: I walk into Forage & Vine and a dude gives up his stool for me. He tells me how awesome I am. As I sit there the guy sits on the stool with me and starts to grope me. Later that same night, the guy gropes Sarah in the same bar. Brings ya back to the Trashy Snappers incident, doesn’t it?

Lemme backtrack a little. Instead of going to Soco, I went to my friend, Jacob’s 21st B-day. First of all, I dread going to Soco. Both of my (disgruntled) exes and all their friends hang out there. It is south of town really far from everything and there is a chance of checkpoints. Lastly, they charge cover and the drinks are light, yet expensive. Anyway, 21st birthday parties are a fun time, and trump Soco anytime!

Jacob was pretty much gone by the time Sarah and I got to Forage & Vine. I knew this even before seeing him. He called (it was 8 pm, by the way) and said they were at Harpos. Ten min. later he called and said they were going to Big 12. A short while later he called and said the bartender at Big 12 (later, I found out Big 12 is already closed for the summer) wouldn’t serve him so they were going to TK Brothers. I got a call a few min. later from the other Jacob, referred to from here on out as Jake to simplify things, saying the birthday boy didn’t know where they were–they were actually at Forage & Vine. So we walk in and Jacob is really happy to see Sarah and me. He had made a mark on his arm for each shot he had taken–yeah, he made it all the way to 21–27, if you count actual drinks. His arm looked like he had the tatoo of a little railroad track on it. A couple of the marks were all big and crazy. He was DONE.

As I mentioned earlier, Jacob was drunk and couldn’t even sit up, yet he managed to get handsy, in a “whoops I’m falling on the floor, I’ll grab something to catch my balance,” kind of way. I think he drunkenly got farther than Saki Guy! It’s definitely the most play I’ve had in longer than I care to mention. At the end of the night, Jacob also groped Sarah. Ha ha, what a couple of hussies, right? Getting groped in the middle of a bar–by the same dunk dude. It’s funny how guys can be completely obliterated and their hands still know where to strive for.

Jacob was very difficult to understand in his drunkenness. He kept saying ¾, ¾ I think it started out as me asking him if he had enough room on the stool. He repeated ¾ quite loudly for quite some time. Also, his head was lolling around (he had been drinking since noon and was trying to pass out) and it hit the bar several times with a loud thud. He didn’t seem to notice the first couple of times it happened, but the third time sounded especially harsh and I said, “Ouch, did that hurt?” When I called attention to it, Jacob was like a little kid. He kept giggling, “fix my face, fix my face!” The girls drinking next to us were concerned. They were sort of talking to him, and I heard him say, “I work at the USDA, I handle all the food you eat!” Oh, even trashed, he’s always quick witted and saucy.

Forage & Vine is definitely the place to be if you are belligerent, pass-out drunk, falling down, etc. . . Though Jacob was literally sleeping on the bar, sprawled out on the floor, walking with the support of friends, the bartender didn’t kick anyone out. As a matter of fact, Jacob fell to the floor and his friend said, “let’s go get some air.” They struggled to the door, knocking chairs and the bartender told them there was a backdoor near where they were standing. They ended up going up stairs–with the bartender watching.  We found out later the friend was also pretty drunk. Once out on the patio, Jacob was really out of it. He kept taking swings at his pals, and managed to send a bottle of beer flying all over everyone. He wasn’t doing it in a hateful way- he giggled the entire time.  He also spit on the girls next to him (I think he was getting ready to vomit). Eventually he pretty much passed out right there at the table. The solution his friends came up with? Pour drinks over him and hit him until he wakes up–nope wasn’t happening. The waitress was like–he doesn’t look good, he’s sweating a lot. Ummm, no that’s beer. Then she laughed and left. Didn’t kick us out, didn’t call the bouncers to carry him out, just went about her business with Jacob passed out at the table. He is going to wake up in the morning and wonder why he’s so sore! Once, Jacob stirred, and we thought he was going to be able to leave the bar by himself, instead of getting up, he repositioned himself on the floor! As the friends helped him down the stairs, his bare feet and ankles went thud, thud, thud all the way down. Another bruise for the morning.

After waiting on the bench in front of the bar for what seemed like a long time, sober Jake brought the car and Jacob was put in the passenger seat. His friend had to sit in the back seat, and instead of going around to the drivers side (like everyone was telling him to), decided to get in behind Jacob. He threw the seat forward spilling the precarious Jacob forward. There were arms and legs everywhere as they drove off.

I probably forgot some stuff. Jacob gave us a lot of material to laugh about. Between the giggling, incoherent mumbling, bruises, and passing out–we were definitely entertained. I think he had a really good birthday. He had to be at work at 11 am this morning–I bet if he made it at all, he is not doing well. . . The whole episode is kinda funny–since we know he’s made it home alright.

 

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