Bad Behavior [originally posted 12-7-07]

These are the top 10 worst things (that I can remember right now) that I have ever done.  ….

 

10.  When I lived with Douche, and we were still on sort of good terms, I thought I would clean the vacuum as it was super-dusty, and no longer worked well.  I thought it would be smart to use water to clean the dust.  The vacuum was really clean after I finished, but it no longer worked at all!  I let Douche believe that it had just broken on its own.

 

9.  When Eileen (my last roommate) started being mean to me, I used her super-expensive shampoo that she told me never to touch.  I used liberal amounts, even though it wasn’t for my type of hair.

 

8.  When I was dating Douche, I looked (just looked—it was completely innocent) at my friend’s penis.  I looked at it in Douche’s bathroom during one of Douche’s pot-lucks, while a bunch of Douche’s friends were over.

 

7.  In a lot of my college classes, I programmed answers in to my calculator and used it to cheat on exams.

 

6.  In seventh grade, Crystal and I went to Mervynn’s, and I thought it would be a good idea to steal some nail files.  I was too scared to actually go through with it, so I made….Crystal…. do the actual carrying of them out of the store.

 

5.  My senior year of high school I would go get drunk with my (older) co-workers.  My parents were highly against under-age drinking and would insist I kiss them goodnight when I got home.  I would eat peanut butter so when I staggered in, the booze wouldn’t be on my breath.

 

4.  I house-sat for this girl at my work (Douche-bag Dana) that I didn’t like and took several of her movies.  Not only did I steal her videos, but I pawned them for cash, because I didn’t like them.

 

3.  My first year in ….Missouri…., I smoked weed (a felony) at least 10 different times. Probably more, but I lost count.  I smoked it from a joint, a pipe, a hookah, with friends, at parties, with Douche, at home, at friend’s houses, you name it. . .

 

2.  I slept with my boss’ spouse—shhhhh.  AND  I would have done it again if the opportunity arose.

 

1.  In third grade, I tried to poison Courtney John, because I hated the bitch.  Thank God Rachelle Rogers foiled my plan by telling her!