These are the top 10 worst things (that I can remember right now) that I have ever done. ….
10. When I lived with Douche, and we were still on sort of good terms, I thought I would clean the vacuum as it was super-dusty, and no longer worked well. I thought it would be smart to use water to clean the dust. The vacuum was really clean after I finished, but it no longer worked at all! I let Douche believe that it had just broken on its own.
9. When Eileen (my last roommate) started being mean to me, I used her super-expensive shampoo that she told me never to touch. I used liberal amounts, even though it wasn’t for my type of hair.
8. When I was dating Douche, I looked (just looked—it was completely innocent) at my friend’s penis. I looked at it in Douche’s bathroom during one of Douche’s pot-lucks, while a bunch of Douche’s friends were over.
7. In a lot of my college classes, I programmed answers in to my calculator and used it to cheat on exams.
6. In seventh grade, Crystal and I went to Mervynn’s, and I thought it would be a good idea to steal some nail files. I was too scared to actually go through with it, so I made….Crystal…. do the actual carrying of them out of the store.
5. My senior year of high school I would go get drunk with my (older) co-workers. My parents were highly against under-age drinking and would insist I kiss them goodnight when I got home. I would eat peanut butter so when I staggered in, the booze wouldn’t be on my breath.
4. I house-sat for this girl at my work (Douche-bag Dana) that I didn’t like and took several of her movies. Not only did I steal her videos, but I pawned them for cash, because I didn’t like them.
3. My first year in ….Missouri…., I smoked weed (a felony) at least 10 different times. Probably more, but I lost count. I smoked it from a joint, a pipe, a hookah, with friends, at parties, with Douche, at home, at friend’s houses, you name it. . .
2. I slept with my boss’ spouse—shhhhh. AND I would have done it again if the opportunity arose.
1. In third grade, I tried to poison Courtney John, because I hated the bitch. Thank God Rachelle Rogers foiled my plan by telling her!