Tiredness Makes Me Emo

3 Feb

My Seattle friend wrote my other Seattle friend (I made 2 the entire year I was there) an invitation to have a drink, then opened the invitation up to a girl we all constantly complained about when I lived and worked there.  It made me feel bad to see it.  Did everyone dislike her because of me?  Was I the big trouble-maker and problem at Aurora Veterinary?  Because as soon as I’m gone everyone is FB friends with the girl and going out with her?!  What the fuck!  How can everything change so quickly?  It makes me confused.  I wasn’t even the girl’s biggest detractor. . .  Melissa was the one sparring against this girl most–even handing a written complaint to our employers.  Mostly, I don’t like having to compete at work.  I would rather drop out entirely than fight to restrain animals, draw blood, and complete lab work.

I’m tired so I’m grumpy.  I really hate feeling apathetic.  I feel like fighting and I suppose there is not reason, and every reason for it.  Also, I’m sad.  I haven’t seen Cool in a week, because of her lame swing-shift training.  I hate her job already!  She’s fucked with her normally scheduled hours too:  6 AM to 2:30 in the valley, half hour drive away.  And I don’t like being dependant on her to get me to work in the first place.  It makes me feel like a phlegmatic loser, but buying a car right now is just financially impossible.  And besides, even if I had a car, or could afford one and we didn’t have to car-pool she would be screwed.  As it is we’re both super-screwed!  I hate not having the means to get my own transportation!  Hate that my Jetta broke down. . .  I could ride the bus, but then I’d have to wake up around 5 AM anyway, and I’m afraid to walk (and stand) at the bus stop by myself.  There are a lot of homeless people around and I have a phobia of them.  Bad scene.

Thirdly, I have been trying to get sick.  I have been boxing this illness for about a week now, and I hope it doesn’t kick my ass.  I hope I do not get sick–cause October is my favorite month (though festivities were put on hold for my mates’ training), Halloween is awesome, and our one year anniversary is fast approaching.  Both occasions call for florid celebration, but I’m just not in it.  I am ill-prepared for the big one-year, and am not certain I can drum up enough funds to do it right.  So there is no time for sickness.  I feel pugilism that it’s even an option.


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