My Thoughts Exactly! (re-post from one-twenty-five)

26 May

Life Limbo. That’s me. That’s my life.

I’m 26 [err-27, which = even worse] as I type this and am exactly the person I didn’t want to be.  I imagined such fabulous things for this little life I lead, and not one of them found me so lost at 2[7].

Depression? No.

Rut? No.

Limbo? Yes.

The world is my oyster, right? I’m still young. I want to do something meaningful, not let the days slip through my fingers. Not sit in cubicle country [or dead-end job that doesn’t appreciate my efforts or pay me a big-girl salary, as the case may be] a moment longer, not be in this city.

But where do I go? What do I do? [What career/life would I even like, and most of all what would I be best suited for?]  What if I run from this current life, and land somewhere worse? Be in the exact same position, but on the other side of the world? What then? What if I’m looking for something that doesn’t exist? Or fleeing something that was never there? What then?

…  I studied super-hard for my GRE test.  And Tuesday I took it, and got scores that I’m extremely proud of.  I conquered my nemesis (math) and my scores reflected my newly minted knowledge.  I did my absolute best and was happy about my substantially  improved scores. . .  Until I saw many examples of the accepted class’ veterinary student’s GRE scores–my math is still too low.  It made me question this life dream of mine.  Maybe I’m not cut out for veterinary school–better yet, maybe I don’t really want my life to be that of a veterinarian at all.  Do I want a stupendous amount of student debt and to suffer through the most demanding school curriculum for four more years only to work long hours on holidays and weekends for little pay?  I questioned everything I saw, everything I was, I judged myself, my life back home, this blog, me.

I feel like I’m waiting for something, but I don’t know what. . .

One Response to “My Thoughts Exactly! (re-post from one-twenty-five)”

  1. redgloam June 2, 2011 at 3:19 PM #

    The answer will come to you when your thoughts are elsewhere.

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