Though it LOOKS like I have not written a blog each day this month–that’s only because I privatized a few of my more. . . Raw posts. And you won’t have any idea what I’m talking about. But I guess that’s the benefit of having virtually no audience. I can write posts that only mean something to me and no one else will know.
I have been on a roller-coaster ski slope lately. A lot of downs and a whole lot of unknowns. I hope things are about to return to some semblance of normalcy. I WANT things as they were before this great sadness hit. Before the questions, life choices, and guilt.
Though I am ever so happy, I somehow feel. . . Guilty. Why? Have you heard the saying– The right thing and the easy thing are hadly ever the same thing. I must believe it somewhat–that the best decisions are usually the most difficult–but maybe that’s not always the case. If that were the case I would be married to some man by now because it is probably more practical in today’s society. I just hope this is the best decision for the long term. Somehow I feel a little weak. But who’s to say what you want and want you need aren’t the same?
I WANT this right now, and hopefully this past month has been an anomaly that won’t resurface in the future. I will try not to be too hard on myself now, but if things get even close to this out of hand in the future–I have to put my foot down. I will remember this. And no matter how, how, how hard it will be, I’ll HAVE to walk away. This is the only time I’ll go through this heartache. I have to stand up for me if there’s a next time. Hopefully there isn’t. . .
Catty Remarks