Archive | 5:42 AM

Do I Dare Get Excited?

25 Aug

Though it LOOKS like I have not written a blog each day this month–that’s only because I privatized a few of my more. . .  Raw posts.  And you won’t have any idea what I’m talking about.  But I guess that’s the benefit of having virtually no audience.  I can write posts that only mean something to me and no one else will know.

I have been on a roller-coaster ski slope lately.  A lot of downs and a whole lot of unknowns.  I hope things are about to return to some semblance of normalcy.  I WANT things as they were before this great sadness hit.  Before the questions, life choices, and guilt.

Though I am ever so happy, I somehow feel. . .  Guilty.  Why?  Have you heard the saying– The right thing and the easy thing are hadly ever the same thing.  I must believe it somewhat–that the best decisions are usually the most difficult–but maybe that’s not always the case.  If that were the case I would be married to some man by now because it is probably more practical in today’s society.  I just hope this is the best decision for the long term.  Somehow I feel a little weak.  But who’s to say what you want and want you need aren’t the same?

I WANT this right now, and hopefully this past month has been an anomaly that won’t resurface in the future.  I will try not to be too hard on myself now, but if things get even close to this out of hand in the future–I have to put my foot down.  I will remember this.  And no matter how, how, how hard it will be, I’ll HAVE to walk away.  This is the only time I’ll go through this heartache.  I have to stand up for me if there’s a next time.  Hopefully there isn’t. . .