PTSD or Burn-Out?

11 Sep

I don’t really know what’s going on with me.  I honestly don’t THINK my performance at work has slipped, but my employers and co-workers are really making me feel like it.  I’ve been getting complaints and chastised–mostly for cleaning-related issues.  Here are the reasons I suspect:

1:  I was previously too willing to take on the (extra) cleaning jobs that nobody else wanted to do ie–being the lone cleaning person and staying late to accomplish this and watering the outside plants daily.  Now that I have scaled back (just a little) people are noticing.  Since they took my extra help for granted they feel as if I am slacking off.  When truthfully I am still doing my job, plus extra–just not as much extra.

2:  Maybe I was overwhelmed when Cool had her bipolar incident and left.  I was upset, but didn’t have time to show it b/c our receptionist was on vacation and our tech was simultaneously sick.  I was working extra during that time AND doing the cleaning still AND working on my vet school application.  So maybe the instability and fear of her leaving again is hitting me late.  Making me more stressed and less productive at work.

3:  I just finished my last vet school application.  Maybe I’m disenchanted by the field as a whole.  Maybe it just took so much effort to get the thing right, there was little left to give work.  Maybe sending in the app just reminded me how temporary and unimportant this job is.  Possibly seeing how hard I’ve worked for this goal made me bitter and therfore made me expect more from my work (higher pay to start with).

4:  I do know my scaling back on the extra cleaning has a lot more to do with my perceived value at work than it does with the actual tasks.  I truly do not mind cleaning, or doing things beyond the scope of my employment.  It is the fact everyone seems to expect it–and from just me.

I keep expecting my boss to pull me aside to reprimand me for cleaning issues and wanting to leave my work days NEAR ending time (the same time as my co-workers).  I am heated over this and don’t know what I’ll tell her.  I’m also contemplating initiaing a talk with her to tell her how it bothers me that I’m feeling devalued at work.  I don’t know if I should tell her how it makes me feel worthless when people expect ONLY me to do the cleaning stuff, or just ask for a raise so when I do extra things I’m not irate that I get paid least of anyone, but have those high expectations placed on me.

I feel my good work ethic is being taken advantage of, and that makes me want to quit.

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