To Let Her Off the Hook?

4 Nov

Or should I say rod?  Anyhow, here’s my latest poem/song:

You are a shimmering curtain gently blowing in the breeze.  So pretty from a distance, matching the rest of the decor.  I bought you just knowing you would go with the rest of my things.  I hadn’t a doubt about the practicality of my purchase.  I embraced your sheer fabric and pretty coloring.

All you are now is the past.  Memories.  You do not offer anything.  Except good memories.

The wind moves you.  You are difficult to pin down, you sway so.  Flapping ever so gently in the wind.  Quiet, yet uneasy.  You are not still unless the wind around you dies down.  You do not control your own movements.  You are controlled by outside forces.

Frustration, emptiness, regret–that’s how you make me feel.  These days.  Disappointment.  So many questions in the wake of your superficial responses.  I wonder if I was.  Am just a liability to you.  How do you not remember me better?  Why don’t you know me?  I feel like I know you.  Maybe I never did.  Maybe I don’t want to.

And you are never entirely open.  You move, briefly opening, then blowing back down.  Constant motion.  And upon closer inspection, you are tattered and worn.  When I touch your fabric it is thin, tiny holes starting to wear through.  More wind and turbulence will make the holes larger.  Greater gyration will destroy the gauzy material you are made of–until you rip entirely.

To overlook or pin-point responsibility where it belongs.  I never know how to proceed with you.  Our relationship so tenuous, full of secrets.  You so unwilling to open up.  I can’t have that.  It’s toxic to me.  But I know you are sick.  Co-dependent.  On Mary.  On alcohol.  They are the same.  You do not cope with life.  You are too old for that.  I am too.

One day you will be ruined and new drapes will be purchased.  They will be more durable and strong.  They will not move so much in tumultuous weather.

I want answers.  But will I get them?  Even if I compromise.  What I want and need.  Giving you a piece of my heart.  To trample on again?  Talking to you at all is giving you a part of me.  Pain.  Pain and unanswered questions is all you give back.

I will buy new drapes that can be closed securely or pulled open.  They will be thicker.  They will certainly be dependable and practical.  They will also be more fashionable, newer, and better.

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