Elements of the Homo Alphabet

12 Jan

I’m not metalloid a.k.a. transition metal for sure, BUT because I’m awesome and all-inclusive I have gifted the rest of the LGBTQQA with their more descriptive elemental stars too.  We all know the Gold-Star is limiting and self-congratulatory and a little narrow-minded, dare I say it.  For the rest of the gals in the all-inclusive homo alphabet.  Here are the star-awards:

Boron is a staple of laundry, but when combined with Nitrogen it forms a really hard diamond.  This reminds me of the questioning.  They can go either way–a stable (boring?) life of marriage to a man and 2.5 children, or an excitingly different alternative lifestyle filled with just as much happiness.  A Boron-Star for you, deciders!

Bisexuals can go either way, so I chose an element that can too.  Antimoney (Sb) is usually bolstered with the surrounding elements on the periodic table.  For example, Lead is used in bullets, but it’s too soft without the addition of Sb.  So bisexuals, however rare you are, you get the Antimoney-Star status!

Silicon is well suited for the transsexuals–since logistically they made need to incorporate this element into their new bodies.  So I give them the Silicon Star.  Too obvious?  I still found it fitting.

I give the heteroflexible, my personal favorite group of alphabet soup, the Germainium-Star.  Heteroflexible people are open-minded and non-judgemental.  They look at matters of the heart in terms of love, not gender.  And Germainium is known as being stable and common. We can only hope the heteroflexible will become more and more common too.

As little as ten one-billionths of a gram of Polonium can be fatal.  And as every 100% lesbian knows, so can even a small dose of the bicurious girls who “try it out” [lesbianism] or “experiment.” We should know they will just go back to men (just as we lesbians ran away from regrettable male hookups) breaking our hearts in the process.  And time and again lezbos are just too tempted.  Thus, the Polonium-Star bestowed upon the bi-curious.

The Tellurium-Star is being presented to the LUGs (lesbian until graduation).  This is not to be confused with questioning, bi-curious, or hasbian.  The LUGs fully embrace a lesbian title during school.  They carry their rainbow flag with pride at University, march beside us at pride, and are some of the most outspoken lesbians around.  Then, they meet their Prince (as opposed to Princess) Charming.  Obviously going from one end of the spectrum to the other is not all that common.  And neither is Tellurium the 8-9th least abundant element in Earth’s crust.  The element also has hugely contrasting characteristics.  It has a crystalline appearance, but contact with it can cause you to smell a garlic-like odor for weeks.  Take this as you will 😉

Arsnic.  One of the most known poisons.  I was going to avoid backlash, and refrain from assigning any group this one.  BUT it’s my blog and I had one element and one group left.  I give the dreaded hasbian the Arsnic-Star.  Once you’re a lesbian of any sort, how can you chose to degrade the LGBT community by denying membership in it entirely?  The hasbians treat their girl-loving days as a dirty little secret and anomaly.  They mindfully do not accept bisexual or heterofelxible as their descriptions, so I think it’s OK if us girl-loving-girls are weary toward them, just like the infamous poison Arsnic.

So much for ending on a happy note 😉

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