Low Self Esteem

19 Feb

I get pretty impatient with the manifestations of this problem. It makes people have sketchy boundaries. They lower their own expectations and standards in an effort to gain acceptance of others. And that just makes me uncomfortable (if it’s directed at me) or judgmental (if I’m an observer).  I suppose I ought to have empathy for people with low self-esteem.  It’s a pervasive, all-encompassing problem that is common and quite detrimental.  But it really just makes me irate–perhaps because a lot of the people suffering from it don’t realize where all their problems stem from so they act like huge assholes.

A lot of the time, low self esteem makes people superficial. They critisize my clothing, hair style, whatever, because they are uncomfortable with themselves. They feel pigeonholed in the beauty arena, so they condemn me to the same fate by making snide comments.  I find it lame and tiresome.

And low self-esteem brings out the bitchiness and cattiness of others. They feel unappreciated at work or in their sport or whatever, so they make everyone else hyper-aware of their accomplishments. It’s very high maintenance.  Then, there is this sense of competition.  I don’t want it, but if you don’t play along, then you are considered a loser.  It’s easy to get caught up in such games.

Two incidents in particular inspired me to write this post. The one was my mother-in-law. She didn’t sign MY name on the (late) Christmas card she sent. It was a pointed slight, and I didn’t like her game-playing. She is the type to spend 2 hours working on her hair and makeup, then 2 more on getting dressed.  She told Cool some of my clothes are not age-appropriate.  And I say–who asked?  Leave my flippin’ wardrobe alone, old, bitter lady!

The other is a co-worker.  She is all drama though she’s in her mid-forties–I guess maturity has very little to do with age.  It’s pathetic.  She just got back from vacation, and I didn’t fawn over her about how I missed her, how I’m glad she’s back, and how we were lost without her.  She was just looking for an excuse all morning to be mad.  As if it’s all about HER.

I just don’t want to have to DEAL with people.  It’s bad enough to be an introvert in an extrovert’s world–but add low boundary = high-maintenance to the mix.  Well, it’s exhausting!

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