Money or Happiness?

It seems as if you don’t get both.  And right now it seems to me like having money would BRING happiness.  It would sure be nice to be able to buy things on a whim, eat what I want, get a gym membership, pay for school and textbooks, stop working. . .  I’m seriously jealous of the people that are able to live like that.

That will never be my life.

I know that I will never have an overabundance of money.  I will always have to watch my finances and worry about some unforeseen expense ruining me.  I’ll never have a house, and I’ll never travel Europe.  My Triple A membership magazine gave discounted pricing for a cruise to Italy ($7K+) which I had never before even fathomed.  Not that I really want to do either (except maybe the cruise to Italy, because the bathroom situation would be OK)–but I couldn’t afford it if I did want to.  Which I don’t know if it’s easier to know these things now so I don’t have all this false hope that it could happen for me one day.  Or if it’s just disappointing knowing that will never be something I can have/do.

It’s hard to see that far ahead.  I WISH that I could have enough money that at least I could be comfortable and not worry all the time.  Not super-rich, or even rich, but at least have enough that it wouldn’t be a serious pain in the ass to do something simple–like laundry.  This coin-op, out of my house stuff, like seriously sucks.  One day, I just want to be able to be in my cool loft, see an occasional concert, and eat really yummy food always.  And maybe go to Australia.  And that cruise to Italy–because who doesn’t want to eat some serious carbs and drink awesome wine?!

I want both, really.  I want stability, ability to pay the bills, but a healthy psyche as well.  Right now, I feel like I don’t have either.  I WISH I could be confident I could get another job where I wasn’t miserable/stressed/resentful.  If such a job even exists.  But I’m afraid.  Fearful I won’t find anything.  Or that I’ll get into a worse situation.

For now I just have to wait.  More.  And I’m just terrible at that!