What a Problem to Have

3 Jul

I want to show off my bikini body–while I have it.  Since I’ve been running, my body has gotten really lean and muscled.  I fully realize with my (mostly terrible) eating/drinking habits and Washington’s weather, this nice body is completely temporary.  Come fall semester (fall brews) I’ll be back to my (physically) lazy ways, and become pale and chubby(er) again.

As such, I am desperate to get some pool pics–just to prove in the future that once I was hot.  Don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m saying here.  As an example–what bride HASN’T gone on a major diet before the big day?  Who hasn’t shown their kids HS photos of their buffer, younger bod?  Anyhow, as common as it is to do–this whole thing makes me come off so superficial and boisterous.  Which is definitely NOT me.  I am just thrilled that my hard work (running and watching calorie intake) is paying off, that’s all.

Problems with this seemingly simple plan:

The weather.  Sure the whole country is complaining of a heat wave.  It did not make it here.  The mornings are chilly.  It’s constantly cloudy.  Even when it does get warm, there is a cold, gusty wind.  And there has been rain and 50-60 degree weather far more then sunshine and 80+ temperatures.

The bathing suit.  All of mine have been. . .  Seen.  In this world of Facebook photo-ops, I have managed to post all my best bathing suits already.  And I do not want the world to think I just have *gasp* just one or two swimming suits.  It’s bad enough that every picture of me seems to be in my Lucky jeans–just because they are so versatile, not because they’re the only ones I own or wear.  As an extention of this problem, the stores have picked-over, expensive seperates in July.  It has not been easy finding anything cute, matching, or afforadable.  How is such a small piece of material $40 and up?  THEY are making a huge profit on that.  It’s like those restaurants that offer a cookie/brownie with a scoop of vanilla as their feature dessert.  [Who orders those, anyway?  Stupid!] Very little cost to make–huge mark-up.

Lastly, I broke down and went to the mall (I hate, hate, HATE shopping) only to find that I am too modest for most all swimsuit cuts in ANY store.  I’m serious–the custest fabrics are made of strings.  I found an adorable fish-bone decorated top, but even standing in Pac-Sun’s dressing room I was uncomfortable and tugging on it.  The pattern = cute, but like any strapless top, shifting = decidedly UN-attractive.  The only bathing suit top I liked the whole time?  These cute, patterned halter tops with criss-cross back at Macy’s.  And guess what?  Those were plus-sized.  Sigh. . .

A side-note to my “problems” how do women shop???  I was horrified and appalled at most of the styles in every store geared toward every age.  I was waaaaay too modest for swim-wear, skirts, shorts, and even the pants.  And size isn’t an issue for me.  I can fit in the sizes, but strings, super-short, really revealing, skin-tight?  Nope, nuh-uh.  And I’m not certain who these clothes are even designed for.  Maybe 10% of the population actually looks good (comfort notwithstanding) in super-skin tight day-glow “jeans” or cheek-bearing shorty-shorts, or a string bikini.  Why waste so much money designing for models and ballerinas?  It has everything to do with patriarchy:  Make women feel fat and ugly to keep them from even wanting to do anything meaningful, and keep them so uncomfortable in their wardrobe that even if they want to take some sort of action in the world, they couldn’t possibly MOVE to do so.  I couldn’t bring myself to support that industry–or devaluation of women.

Anyway, that’s my dilemma.  And I fully realize you readers are spitting on me for having such luck to have a problem like that.  So I’m not sure of my “get the buff-bod seen” plan.  Maybe I’ll just buy some match-E-match sweats from the Victoria’s Secret Semi Annual Sale and call it good.  As a bonus–I could really USE those.  And  they provide coverage, and I can move in them without my stuff hanging out.  I’ll remember the 6 pack abs, lack of love-handles (almost), and beefed up calves.

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