It feels just awful.
Fall is in the air. Green Bluff Apple Fesitval with it llamas and you-pick produce are open and ready for me. OktoberFests are beginning–I was invited to one and heard about two additional ones. Hot air balloons–really?! Invitation to pizza on the patio after work. Fall brews are on tap everywhere. I LOVE a festival!!! There is running to be done–I want to set some PRs in this crisp air. Horror movie marathons and pizza-baking need to commence. Cool is ready to play. I want to play!
On Tuesday I have an Anatomy exam. And I had to work all day today, half a day tomorrow, and all day Monday. Which leaves the weekend to study. And it makes me feel like I’m missing out. Like I’ve always missed out. When I worked so many hours, every other weekend, and all holidays at Noah’s Ark–I knew one day it would pay off. When I worked on Chemistry pre-labs, physics practice problems, and balanced diets for Nutrition instead of going out with friends–I knew one day I could have all the fun I wanted.
And yet–I’m here. I missed out, and yet I’m still back at square one instead of reaping the rewards of my hard work. And I feel sorry for myself. And tempted to blow off the hard-core studying I know I should do to get that SUPER-important A on exam 2, A+ in Anatomy, and that 4.0 GPA. So instead of thinking about all the fun I’m missing this weekend, here is something to remind me of why school is so important:
This time is different from undergrad and pre-vet.
I will have tried my absolute best in this class.
I can draw on my anatomical knowledge in the future.
This will help prepare me for grad/doctorate school.
It will feel good to look at that exam and be confident that I know the answers.
Nothing feels worse then looking at a test and knowing nothing.
Except maybe looking at a poor grade written at the top of your test.
This way, I won’t always have to play catch-up with grades.
It’s MUCH easier to keep an A, then be on the stupid borderline.
My liver doesn’t need all that beer anyway.
I can always study my cheat sheets while taking a walk outside.
I’ll feel rested at work on Monday.
Fall is just beginning. Even if I miss it–I get a Thanksgiving and X-mas break.
Not going will save money.
I can really succeed at this major in this school, if I put effort towards it.
An exam Tues allows me to get ahead the rest of the wk (when study time is built in to my schedule)
The festivals will feel better if I attend them after I’ve aced the test.
I can move someplace I truly like.
There will be countless festivals and concerts in Boulder.
I can get a job that is satisfying and that takes me places in life.
And I’ll have a better schedule.
One day I can sit back and relax b/c I’ll have made good money at a career.
So, it’s time for me to buckle down. I can do it, because this is important to me. I’ve rearranged everything in my life to put school first–so now I just need to do it. Quit thinking about things I’m missing, and think instead of what a great opportunity and second start this is. How this is my way out of depressing life circumstances. And I really do want to do well.