Near Tears–at School

1 Oct

I had been looking forward to school a lot, because I hated work (a lot) last week and even yesterday–when things were supposed to be better.  I always look forward to my school days, because I can see my classes taking me somewhere.  And it feels good to learn.  Most of the time.

Though I had practiced constructing a cleido larynx twice (once in the summer, and once two weekends ago) my in-class attempt. . .  Well, sucked.  I didn’t finish.  And here’s why:  We had an hour and the instructions were very specific.  The prof had asked us to show various, structures on the cartilages.  And before I knew it, most of the class had been checked off by the T.A.s that they had completed the structure and were able to point and name each item.  And I had just finished my last cartilage!  I still had to construct and place all ALL of the muscles!  And there were a LOT.  I was embarrassed for being so slow, frustrated that my larynx was all whack and unfinished, and sad I was about to get a horrible grade in a class where there are no points to spare.  I tried to salvage the thing by hastily throwing random muscles in the most obvious of places, but my hands were shaking, and there were only three people left in the room.  When a T.A. asked if I was ready to be checked off (she was the last of them to leave) I had to regretfully and with tearful voice tell her I was not finished.

And to make matters worse, my professor, oblivious to my crises came over and started chatting with my about dysphagia–an interest of mine–but not during emergency laryngeal muscle construction.  Finally, I told her that I was the only student that hadn’t finished the lab and I never got checked off.  It was–mortifying and terrible.

She just asked me to point out what I did make.  And she kept saying things like, oh you weren’t supposed to do that muscle–it’s too difficult.  And that muscle is hard to construct so I didn’t ask you to make it. . .  Then, she informed me that the larynx wasn’t for a grade (which I’m pretty sure I saw in  various places that it was for points), and signed off my check-off sheet.  But the result didn’t make me feel any less awful.

And I did look at the syllabus and the lab sheet and the thing was worth 20 points.  And I want to EARN my grades.  A 4.0 is no good if it doesn’t really belong to me.  So I went home and made laynx #4, which is pictured here.  It’s still not as great as I’d like, but I made it under class conditions with an hour time limit–so I could say I had also done the lab.  And I e-mailed the pics to my Anatomy professor–to prove I could make a clay larynx, and show her I am not a total laryngeal muscle-loser. . .

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