Helpless

26 Nov

My last exam didn’t go so well *tears*  My 87% dropped my overall class grade from a 99% to a 93% (NOT the A+ I want/need)!  So, now I don’t have a lot of points to spare for this last quiz and huge assignment/final project.  And I HATE being on the borderline, where I have always been in school.  It certainly adds stress to the situation, and no wiggle room for error.  Nevermind the blame–which I place mostly on the syllabus, a contract that has not been specific or upheld by the instructor.  Many factors played a part in this failure:

Lack of focus, too much similar material, confusing test questions, I let myself become intimidated so I didn’t ask questions about the exam when I should have, test on a Tuesday (my work-heavy side of the week), lack of preparedness  too much time spent working on Anatomy, a general disinterest in the material, no good foundation for the material, I could go on.  What it comes down to though is that it’s up to ME to find a way to overcome these obstacles and do better.

I need to focus on Language Development.  I am finding this very difficult to do.  Yes, I feel like the professor is setting me up to fail.  Yes, I feel like my last test grade, the syllabus, and reactions to questions are unfair and inappropriate.  Yes, this makes me feel discouraged.  I am having a hard time buckling down and working for this class, because I feel that no matter what I do, it won’t get me anywhere or be good enough.  My grade is up to the subjective observations of this professor.  How do I change my feelings in order to succeed in this class and get the A+ I need?  That’s the big question.  Maybe these suggestions from myself will work:

-Meet the prof just to talk to her.  Hopefully, this will show her I really care, and maybe it will show me she is a person, she is trying to be fair, and it will humanize her.  Also, it couldn’t hurt to make me feel less intimidated by her.  Professors are just people too, right?

-Break everything into small steps.  It’s a big project–so just do small steps.  Easy.

-Get extra help.  Meet with the TA and/or a tutor to give me guidance about expectations as will as editing and revision tips.

-Read the textbook.  College is really about teaching yourself.

-Devote time.  Just study a little every day.  Maybe a few times.

-Find a way to make this material relevant to me, and a way to think it’s interesting.  Maybe another blog with how the info is pertinent to my life and career path.  And how knowing it will ultimately help me.

-Let go.  Ultimately it doesn’t matter that this bitch is not holding up her end of the student-teacher contract.  Because I am trying not to let this matter, I will not take the time or use the energy in detailing everything she is doing wrong.  Her teaching style is hardly fair, but I can’t change it.  I need to forget about it and play by her rules.  Simple.  Who cares about dates or expectations.  It just doesn’t matter.  My grade is NOT dependent on firm dates and set information guidelines.  Play the game.  Play the game.

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