Semester Sadness

16 Dec

I AM tired of studying and working on projects.  And of course I’m really tired of dealing with arrogant professors who don’t stick to a syllabus.  But something about my last day of class didn’t make me excited.  Not like I thought I would be.  And I couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t be ecstatic for winter break–who wouldn’t be?  Then, I realized–I like school.  But more than that I like work again when I am only there a few hours a week. I was actually enjoying my time with the cats, not minding the long days, and detaching from the bad stuff:  Bitchy co-workers, annoying rules, rude clients.  The burn out, the bitterness, and the fatigue I had been feeling all last year was gone.  Mainly, because so was I.  20 or so hours at my job made me feel substantially better then 30+ hours.  Being off of school means more time spent at work, and that was bumming me out.

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Not only was work a LOT better as a part-time employee, there are great things about being a student.  Though I’m not a big fan of being stressed, and no one likes to be relegated to reading solely textbooks and school notes–I like being at home.  Any excuse to remain in my jammies, is a good one.  So even if I have to be studying at the time, I like NOT being scheduled, having to get dressed, or driving around town.  Though this is mainly a bonus, it’s mostly about not getting saturated with my job–and all the negative stuff that goes along with it.

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The other thing amazing at school, is seeing my efforts pay off.  The harder I work, the better my grades.  The more my professors like me, and compliment me through good grades and good notes within assignments.  Unlike work, which is largely thankless–school actually praises me.  I like seeing my work-ethic get acknowledged –which it never does at work.  There are no evaluations, grades, or compliments at work, while at school I get all those things.  You can never study or work enough, but at least with exams, the studying becomes worth it.  The work?  I’m still criticized  under-appreciated, and under-paid.

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Lastly, I was more sad than happy to see the semester end, because I can see school taking me somewhere.  Unlike my job, which makes me feel like I’m wasting time and treading water, school is a building block.  It makes me feel awesome to feel like I’m actively doing something to improve my current situation.  With every assignment, test, and final grade–I come closer to getting a real career and moving out of SpoKompton and up in life.

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So this makes me contemplate the summer.  The prospect of going back to work full-time really depresses me.  Like, I don’t even want to think about it.  Yet, only electives are offered, which may or may not do much for my transcript and it costs money.  But, an excuse to remain part time would do much for my psyche–so maybe I’ll figure out how to make that work.  So I don’t have to as much.

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