Worst Feeling

10 Mar

At least in the top for one of the worst feelings ever:  Getting an exam back with a horrible grade on it. It’s embarrassing and disappointing.  And it makes me really worried.

That pretty much sums up my Speech & Hearing Sciences class today.  And I just need to work that much harder.  Now I have only 2 points to miss to keep an A+ in the course = pressure!

The professor sucks and I’m not sure I could have studied any harder or differently to improve my score.  I guess I could have looked online for pics.  And that’s what I’ll have to do.  Cause this feels just awful.  9.5 out of 12 (in terms of percentage points) sucks.

Believe me, I sat there scrutinizing those red checks marks smeared all over the paper just looking for something I could argue about.  I hoped there was some poorly written question or gray area or miscalculation. . .  But there just wasn’t.  The things I got wrong–were just.  Wrong.  No arguing about it–no one to blame but me.  And that’s the worst!

I looked at that spectrogram projected on the board, and freaked out.  I had studied single spectrograms–not words.  I had tried to memorize numbers of singular phonetic characteristics–not the subtleties of co-articulated words.  And I let it throw me off.  I panaked.  I hastiliy changed correct answers to incorrect.  I marked the right answer next to a question, then picked the wrong letter choice.  I ran out of time.  I made all the test-anxiety mistakes that I know not to do.

What I should have done was carefully finished the written potion and checked my answers for the items I had studied.  Then, I should have closed my eyes, taken a deep breath and looked at the unfamiliar for just a minute.  I think I would have become calmer and more oriented had I done THAT instead of freaking out.  Then, I should have just marked answers and stuck with them.  I probably still would have missed some, but not the ones I really did know.  And I wouldn’t have made the couple of really stupid mistakes that I did.  I KNOW what techniques I need to use during a test–I just need to take the time to practice those.

I promise me that I will devote more undivided time to (both) my classes, especially this one.  I will start earlier, do more frequent small study sessions, look up unclear and additional info on the internet, and practice under timed conditions.  Because I never want to have to fight to get into a program again, and I don’t have time to change career paths anymore.  *This* counts.  And no amount of horrible, boring, tedious studying is worse than seeing a 75% test grade drop my overall grade half a letter.

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