Discouraging Thoughts [+ all percentages from Riverpoint]

6 May

This from 2 (or so) weeks ago:

For some reason this morning I woke up wanting to be in Colorado already.  I don’t know why.  Nothing really happened.  Not the weather–that sucks everywhere.  Nothing at work or school.  No fight or strife.  There was no catalyst -I just woke up wanting to be somewhere else.  Which requires having a marketable skill aside from vet peon.  Which means getting in and through some upper-level school.

campus_rec UNC bears

So I go to the UNC page (which is NOT user-friendly) and try to find transfer information.  Or AuD or even SLP masters pre-reqs.  To no avail.  But I did see the AuD program is 2.33 years of course work then another 1.66 years of internships, externships, and teaching.  Four years feels like forever.  And that’s just WHEN I’m admitted to the program–I’m not even to that point yet.  And it’s 1.5-2 years before that even happens.  Every time I go to the CO AuD page, it makes this path I’m on seem so loooong, progress so slow, and ultimate degree feel so unlikely.

I will be 31 or 32 before I get out of Spokane.  Which I guess gives me time to save loads of money.  And I will be 33-34 before I get to step outside of the classroom.  And that puts me at mid-thirties before I even think about landing a job, and being a big girl.  Thinking about all those school loans accruing and the interest adding only makes things seem worse.

So I will focus on the positive:  For every semester I’m in school, I will get loans.  Which enable me to work veterinary hospitals PART time, which does make a huge difference in my morale.  I sort of get summers off when I am not in classes, but still only work part time.  And that’s nice.  And Even 6 or up to 8 years waiting for school is better than a life-time of veterinary assisting.  That makes less than a decade feel substantially shorter.

Besides, what would I be doing anyway, that I’m not doing now if I were in my stable career?  I like the sentiment that the time will pass either way.  So what’s the difference if I’m still struggling to get into a career?  There’s nothing in particular I want to do today.  So I guess I shouldn’t rush things or feel retarded in my progress.

I am working, the best I know how and the fastest my finances will allow.  I am getting the 4.0 I know I need and that makes me feel VERY hopeful.  I will do it right this time and play the game.  And these stats make me feel great:

Speech Disorders:  [A+]

Anatomy, Fall 2012:  98.76% [A+]

Language Development, Fall 2012:  97.45% [A+]

Language Impairment, Spring 2013:  96.3% [A+]

Speech Sciences, Spring 2013:  99.2% [A+]

Hearing and Hearing Disorders, Fall 2013:  97.5% [A+]

Aural Rehab, Fall 2013: [A+]

Audiometry, Spring 2014:  97.4% [A+]

Clinical Methods, Spring 2014:  101.4% [A+]

Phonetics, Fall 2014:  95.1% [A+] (before curve was applied)

Neuroanatomy, Fall 2014:  96.9% [A+]

In order from best to worst (excluding classes that didn’t utilize technology, because I don’t know my %):

clinical methods (lots of points opportunities)–>Speech and Hearing Sciences (how did this even occur?!)–>Anatomy (also surprising)–>Hearing and Hearing Disorders (eff you, B.P.)–>Language Development–>Audiometry–>Neuroanatomy–>Language Impairment–>phonetics (transcription is NOT my friend).

That’s not for you, and not bragging–just a little something to uplift MYSELF and remind me that I’m not just treading water, and wasting my time.  I’m accomplishing something–however slow.

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