Archive | 5:08 AM

Holding Ground

14 Jun

An old (obsolete now, thank goodness) draft I guess I forgot to publish in December:

Cool sees a psychologist or maybe psychiatrist or both for her bi-polar and anxiety issues.  Sometimes they do really neat things (more on this later) to diagnose, clarify symptoms, or help support her condition.  Like the EEG–or some initials meaning they show colors in different parts of the brain to show activity level.  I want one!  Anyway, at one of these sessions, they told Cool that irritability lights up the entire brain.  Most emotions and stimuli are relegated to one portion of the brain or another.  But when you’re irritable, it’s the whole thing.  So it makes sense you can’t think about anything else when you’re irate or belligerent–let alone concentrate.

Which is largely why I temporarily discontinued communication with my mom early in the semester.  Aside from being severely annoyed and angry, I just didn’t want to be preoccupied when I was supposed to be focusing on school.  An unintended consequence of not talking to my mom, was missing out on my dad.  With my mom, I could still see her activity on Facebook.  So I at least knew a little bit of what was going on with her.  But my Dad–not really active on The Book.  So I just haven’t talked or heard from him in months.  And I worried something might happen to him during this time and it would make me super-sad and regretful and resentful toward my mom.  I mean, I would miss my mom too, if she were perminantly gone–but she is still relatively young.  And so ornery it’s difficult for me to picture her mortality   My dad is still virile–but he’s 15 years older then her, so of course I worry more about him.  And I missed him.  Miss him.

So now the semester is over, and I should call them.  But I HAVE been busy.  And it’s a little awkward.  Do I call and act as if nothing happened?  Or do we discuss the problem and take the chance of getting heated again?  It’s hard to say.  But I know I would feel terrible if something did happen and my dad was no longer around. . .