Archive | July, 2013

Well, I’m 30. Did I Meet Resolutions?

31 Jul

WaterSutro Pool Party 005

-fail, fail, fail!

I was terrible at drinking any water.  I managed on a couple days at most to drink 2 cups.  This, in part, was just not thinking about it.  I didn’t plan for it, or having hydration in my mind.  I was busy, my routine changed up, which threw me off.  Also, I was drinking other things (juice, tea, energy drinks, coffee, wine, beer) instead.


-fail, fail, fail!

I was there too much–I’ll never trade again, OR work a Thursday if I can help it.  I also did not maintain a cheerful demeanor.  Thirdly, I let the stress eat me alive.



We have been really working to accomplish some goals.  Things are getting there.  Massage was not happening, because the temperatures were too hot for touching.  This still needs work, but wasn’t terrible.



Surprisingly, my nemesis of evening tiredness did not inhibit nightly flossing, nor did my messed up schedule.  Yay success!


-fail, fail (not bad enough for a third fail)

Partially, this was relaxed for my big 30th b-day wine trip.  Also, we had to practice tasting wine beforehand.  Beer had to be consumed on Independence Day.  Then, well, the stress and wanting to relax from work got to me.  BUT there was nothing abusive about the consumption.  It remained responsible and reasonable and calorically in balance.  So I guess intentional fail.  Next month I’m back to the goal.

Runningmeez dress


I went when I could without struggle.  I didn’t have enough time off to go as much as I want/need.  The heat made it difficult as well–we had to be at the track no later than 7AM and preferably by 6AM in order not to melt.  My performance was.  Capital T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E.  My mental strength was weak, and I am disappointed in my times.  I’m working to correct this one in a big way now that I’m part-time again.



Bad, because of my birthday trip.  But, hello–30 is a milestone, so it had to be done.  Also, unfortunate because in the summer all 3 undergrad loans come out of forbearance and I don’t have that current school loan to help.  BUT all those extra work hours at least off-set this somewhat.  Now I have to stop procrastinating on making phone calls to my school and all my loan companies (which I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE making) to get the funding set up for the coming school year.  HATE making these tedious phone calls and jumping through all the hoops!  I will make myself do it though!

I will do better next month!

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Trying to Forget

30 Jul

Thinking about clogging for my school’s talent show made me happy.  I was good at it.  It will be something fun–and not related to any long term goals.  It’s just stress-relief and showcasing my background.  And yesterday, work finally went well!  What a difference a  doctor makes. . .  Anyway, I never felt like a cool kid when I was super-involved with clogging.  We were not cheerleaders, nor ballerinas, or hip-hop dancers–all awesome in the wider world of grade school.  We were sort of nerdy, in my own mind.dancing

So much of the time I spent as a dancer, I wasn’t pleased when the routines pilfered popular songs.  I spent most of MY personal time (away from dancing) trying to disassociate each song I heard on the radio from the dance steps that went along with it.  The task proved impossible.  I couldn’t get the choreography out of my head.  Clogging ruined a lot of songs for me.  I just couldn’t mindlessly sing to the radio or bob my head on the team bus like the rest of my peers.  I would be thinking, “stomp, double step, double, hop, heel, kick,” and the like.  Or I would be thinking, “jazz fingers, head up, move forward, star formation.”  But never just enjoying the songs.

And it was a wide range of songs that transcended genres.  All of Elvis, “The Sign,” “Everybody Dance Now,” Twilight Zone,” “Mr. Vein,” Boot-Scoot-n-Boogie,” “Twist & Shout,” well, I couldn’t even begin to name a quarter of them.  If it was popular–there was a dance that went with it.  It really put a damper on my full enjoyment of music Laurel's pics 429for the longest time.

Thirteen years (What?!  Wow!  How did that happen?) after my last clogging class, I can’t for the life of me remember many steps at all.  I worked so hard for so long trying to forget–that I most thoroughly did.  And what a shame!  Now I’m trying to make up a good show dance, and I have only a few steps at my disposal.  And those are the most used stand-bys, nothing flashy or awesome.

Also, I can’t remember how to write the cue sheets in the simplest way, so as I’m looking on YouTube and trying to write the footwork that goes with the names I’m likely to forget, it’s taking a long time.  And I’m not sure it will make sense later.  This may be the most difficult routine I’ve tried to choreograph–and it’s Laurel's pics 762because I just can’t remember. . .

I do find it amazing, really, really neat, that my feet seem to remember the footwork though.  As long as they call out steps, and show feet, I can jump right in and do all the steps/dances on YouTube that I’ve found.  So that is pretty awesome.  I guess that’s more muscle memory than my brain?  Maybe deep, down under a lot of layers, I remember a lot of stuff?  At least my feet know what to do if my brain refuses to function how I want!  I wonder if I could pole vault still?

I Want to Like “Rolling Stone”

29 Jul

Because I love music, enjoy listening to it, and want to find out about artists I haven’t heard before. Especially with the combination of Spotify, where all music is right at my fingertips for free.  Here is a hurried post of an old draft.  I guess editing will have to be omitted.  And a conclusion?  Not happening this morning.  We will return to our regularly scheduled writing tomorrow–if I have time.

But I do not like “Rolling Stone’s” portrayal of women. And I’m not sure why the magazine is geared toward men–Despite Our Differencesas if women don’t listen to (or participate in) music.  This casting of women as baby dolls or objects is tiresome, and I would think a major publication could be beyond such trivial matters as gender.

Also, I feel like some of the interviews are predatory.  Like the writer is trying to get a certain controversial or illicit sound-bite from the person.  It mostly makes me feel bad for whoever the focus of the article is–having to be on guard and wary like that.  I would be a terrible celebrity, unable to censor my words and temper my true feelings.  So I feel bad Taylor Swiftfor them.  Also, I don’t think those articles make very moving stories.  Of course, Charlie Sheen is rebellious and sloppy.  John Mayer is an arrogant, former hipster on reform, and Taylor Swift is a girlie, goodie-two-shoes, with an edge when it comes to break-up songs.  The readers already know all of that.  I want something real–not just repetition of the stereotypes.  The magazine doesn’t do a very good job in this area.

What I do like are some of the political pieces.  Not all the partison stuff, but factual research stories.  I saw one on drones, another on the last American POW, and these are amazing.  They are educational, without being totally biased, and motivate action.

Career Goals Essay Brainstorm

28 Jul

I think I’ll have to write 2 essays–one for Audiology programs and the other for my back-up plan of SLP.


I would like to help an underserved population, but other than the Sioux Reservation, I don’t know what those are right now.

adults or a geriatric population, for essay purposes.  In real life, I don’t know about the different patient populations to make an informed choice about working with one over another.  Maybe I’d love deaf babies. . .  Who knows.
–> it is probably easiest to tailor these specifics to the shopping w/dad essay.

-include vet observation & diagnostics

Talk about watching the equine endoscopies and how interesting the diagnostic processes were to me.  Also mention how I have taken, developed, and viewed radiographs for that last 13.5 years in small animal veterinary hospitals.
-why am I interested in this?

I’m interested in dysphhagia because it blends my love of cuisine with my compassion for others.  I love food and can’t imagine the joy that is sheared away if you were not able to enjoy eating or had a fear of choking.  I would enjoy using my creativity to come up with delicious, but practical foods for people who are having difficulty eating.
-who do I want to help?

I want to help any age person that is frustrated with changing their diet, eating a limited vareity of foods, or has a fear of eating things they enjoy because of their health.  Sharing my passion for food and coming up with meals the patient not only can adjust to, but is excited to eat would be my career goals.

Writing plan options to incorporate the above:

-Tell about the best meal of my life, at Elemental and how everyone should be able to enjoy food.

Everyone knows on your birthday you get a special meal of your choice.  I knew I would only live in a real city for one year of my life, so I chose a restaurant that embodied the Seattle mentality-Elemental.  The location was right off beautiful Lake Union, over-looking Gasworks Park.  Situated in a complex of condos, the restaurant was so nondescript, without even a sign that we had to ask the UPS driver where to go.  We entered the stark white room and lingered by the front door, not sure of the procedure.

After being asked about allergies, our first plate came looking like it had been prepared on The Food Network.  The portions were tiny, yet elegantly garnished.  The smells emanating from the dish ensured freshness of ingredients, the colors vibrant.

-Describe a special occasion and show how many holidays and events revolve around food.

New Year’s:  No traditional food?  champagne

Valentines:  I hate this one.  Cheese, chocolate strawberries, desserts; wine, champagne

St. Pattys:  Non-holiday; too drinking-focused.  Corned beef & cabbage; beer

Easter:  brunch

Memorial:  Original intent subverted.  BBQ

Independence:  This might be good, because it’s not religiously affliated.  ribs, brats, hot dogs; beer

Labor:  Original intent subverted.  BBQ

Halloween:  Maybe religious people on committee who could be offended.  Candy, caramel apples, pumpkin seeds

Thanksgiving:  Too traditional, too cliche’, over-done

Christmas:  turkey, ham, stuffing, potatoes & gravy, cranberries, yams, candy canes, chocolates, everything under the sun; egg nogg,

-Talk about my mom’s Indian fry bread and tacos and explain that food is often foundational to retaining culture.

I have enjoyed fry bread sopping with honey and butter since I can remember.  My mom would make it, and it was common, yet I knew it was special.

-Describe some canned cat food in a detailed way.  Contrast that with about how no person should equate eating with sustenance only–how it should be an enjoyable event.

Sound:  the clink as the can is placed on the counter, scraping metal of the can opener, metallic peeling of the lid being pried off, the suction sound of the gelatin-like food plopping in the bowl.

Sight:  The shiny, gelatinous mass; pinkish with mottled brown coloration; the rings of the can tattooing the meat-stuff; the circular shape of the mound of food; the gravy congealed at the bottom of the food; the mashed consistency when pressed with a fork.

Smell:  pungent, fish, meaty, salt

Touch:  slimy, greasy, wet, squishy, firm

Taste:  Does anyone want to find out?  There is nothing appealing about the above description, and no person should have to resort to this food.


Doctors, Don’t Make Work Harder: A List of Pet-Peeves

27 Jul

Inspired by fu(ked-Up Friday.  I clocked in at 6AM, actually got a 40 minute lunch, and clocked out at 6:27PM.  With a lot lot of frenzy and frustration in between.

The Girls Who Starts to Lose Her Cool

-When I come in early, don’t gripe about the tasks I chose to do.

-if you want me to do a certain task, on my extra time, ask me.

-Don’t push icky things and unwanted tasks to the next day because you’re not there to deal with them

-don’t schedule things early, then show up on time or late.

-show up on time

-don’t bring personal pets on an already busy/over-scheduled/short-staffed day

-don’t bring your kids to work, lets your kids help at work , or spend an extraordinary amount of time with your kids while working

-realize what we have already accomplished before you bothered to show up

-don’t treat me like “your people.”


-don’t expect me to do things you’re not willing to do

-don’t keep us running around with your tasks then gripe when mundane things aren’t getting finished–drawers aren’t stocked or things aren’t ordered.

-be cognizant of the time

-don’t be all perfectionistic when we are overwhelmed and already behind

-don’t expect everything to be finished already

-don’t expect us to do everything by ourselves (that should take 2), then be a baby and require a helper (for things that can be done alone)


-don’t “delegate” your work to me when I’m already overwhelmed

-don’t require me to open your charts, request lab work, or put in charges–then do it too (making a double).

-don’t act like you are the busiest one, when you are overwhelmed only because of your own time mismanagement/lateness

-don’t ask me to do crazy tasks (fix the doppler/call Cornerstone for an hour/write new forms) on a busy day

-don’t assign a million tasks during the lunch hours so we get shorted or miss our lunches–then leave to get your own full lunch

-don’t leave for lunch if there are drop offs, treatments, pick ups, procedures, or surgeries that need to be done.

-communicate what you want

-don’t expect me to read minds

-don’t get mad/lecture/yell at me when I just didn’t know or couldn’t read minds

-don’t put us on hold by being indecisive about what lab you want

-don’t get mad when something is forgotten because you were indecisive so we couldn’t write it down.

-if a phone call is holding up patient treatments–make the phone call.  Yourself, and right now.

-don’t chat (to friends/family/us/in an appointment/on the phone) when we are behind

-don’t offer to do unscheduled extraneous tasks when we are behind.

-don’t save everything until the last minute.

-don’t underestimate the time you need to accomplish tasks

-don’t criticize the job we do when your time mismanagement is what caused it in the first place.

-don’t tack on “quick” appointments or procedures when we are fully booked/overbooked/already behind.

-be aware of how long clients are waiting, and move faster when need be.

-if you are unavailable for questions, don’t get mad when we have to make decisions without your input

-don’t take the time to write out a to-go home sheet when only prescriptions (w/labels) are the only things going home.  It’s redundant and time-consuming.

-if you are slow/behind relinquish some control and let us help–don’t dig in your heels and make everyone wait for you.

-don’t get snippy with us, when you cause the chaos in the first place.

-don’t agree to procedures or surgeries that keeps everyone at work without checking with the staff that will be affected.

-clean up after yourself!

-don’t gripe about staying late when it’s your doing and your own fault (and when we come in early)

-don’t pawn off your work on to me–because you have to drive farther–I didn’t choose where you live and work.

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I Don’t Really Feel Like Writing

25 Jul
I wish I was swimming

I wish I was swimming

Maybe it’s too hot.  83 degrees in my apartment right now, which isn’t hot enough to spend the money on running the AC.  Yesterday, we ran it because it felt HOT–it was 94F outside.  But after an hour the temp indoors only got down to 75F, then went back up to 81 in  a half hour.  Too expensive!

Cool left to attend her grandma’s funeral across the state–she won’t be home until Sunday.  We’ll miss the prime day of the only pow wow near us.  I’m disappointed, miss her already, and well–bored?  If that’s a thing.  I have a huge to-do list and an impending Freeferall Fu(ked up Friday.  I just don’t feel like doing things now.  I’ll be sorry about that later.  Especially since I’m putting off calling my loan companies.  Also, I have just 8 more pages to outline for one class of school to be completely finished–I’ll do it Friday night and Saturday.

I guess I don’t know where I was going with all that.

The morning started out good.  I actually ran.  For the first time this season, I ran with my heart and didn’t contemplate stopping before my preconceived workout was complete.  I didn’t make any PRs, but the whole thing felt a LOT better once I let my head stop kicking me around.   And Cool ran her second non-stop mile of her life, and said it felt good.  She has lost 21 pounds–I’m so proud of her.  She’s really putting in effort this year, and it’s inspiring.  I hope she can keep at it.

We also got the new internet hooked up, which will save $40 a month–those ComCast Mofos!  That’s all cancelled and done.

What else?

I guess that’s all the brainpower I have to spare right now.  I’ll finish and post the few drafts I started during the weekend.  They just take more time and editing and creativity than I have to give now.

The End

It Doesn’t Matter

24 Jul

File Under:  Trying to convince myself.

Purple = written today.  You know, this draft is super-old.  Maybe a year has passed (past?  Who cares?) since I wrote it.  I wasn’t going to post it since it’s so hostile and I don’t want ME in my blog portrayed as only mean and hateful.  It’s only a piece of my puzzle.  But there’s still a good lesson for myself w/in this post.  Even though my current work issues are different (some are still the same) I have to remember this should not preoccupy my mind.  This work stuff does not matter to my long-term.  It’s no longer related to my ultimate (and biggest) goal.  I don’t know why I continue to be influenced negatively by it, and why I let myself worry and fret and be annoyed with it.  I just have to think about the important things.  

My mind keeps wandering to my job while I’m trying to study:  How bitchy some people are, how passive-aggressives are annoying, the way people hate any change, how unfair it is that reception tasks keep getting put onto the (already busy, sometimes overwhelmed) techs even though both receptionists seem to have time to text now, which I never would.  Even if I wanted to.  On and on.

And I just need to keep in mind.  This does not matter to my life.  Even when things are tedious, annoying, or don’t make sense to me–what should I care?  So you don’t want storage cubes to keep all patient info up front and together–even though it really should not inconvenience you in any way.  What do I care?  So a client doesn’t get their drugs–not my problem.  So one doctor tells me to have just 1 tech in the I131 room a week to limit exposure (and the number of people having to run bioassays on busy Monday) then the other doctor says “Just so you know, that doesn’t matter.”  Well, it’s not my deal.  I shouldn’t give a fu(k.  Whatever.

I’m writing this to get all work drama out of my head, because this is a temporary stint, and does not really matter to my life.  I just need to go to work, do my job the best I can (like I always try to do anyway), and forget about the rest.  I should not care.  It is not pertinent to me.  Fair or not.  Annoying (as hell) or not.  Just get the hours, don’t kill anything.  The end.

And it’s still true.  And I still haven’t accomplished this.  I am trying to be better.

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Out of My Mind

23 Jul

I have been such a head-case on the track (and maybe others would tell you, elsewhere) this summer.  Maybe it’s the stress MELROSEfrom work–the more I’m there, the more I hate everything.  It could be the late summer weather.  I got a later start this year, because of all of May & June rain.  I’m not certain what it is, but I feel so slow and fatigued.

And my times are not what they were last year.  I’m running about 8.40 miles, over 2 minute 400m on most occasions, and 50 second 200s.  It’s waaaay off of even my worst starting season times of last year.  And it’s bumming me out, making me frustrated, and I wonder if I just don’t have it in me.  Am I too old now?  Too out of shape?  Too inconsistent with training because of my work schedule?  Those thoughts slow me down too, I’m certain.

Jackie Warner 1So today, I stopped.  Stopped beating myself up mentally, that is.  Though I still fought many mental battles with myself.  The run felt much the same.  I got tired after the first 110 meters, and wanted to stop all-together and change to 400 splits after the first lap.  But I pushed through.  I told myself the time didn’t matter, and since the first 400 hadn’t been a record breaker I would at least jog 2 miles in order to work on endurance.  The 2nd lap felt horrible.  I was tired, and winded, but I kept on.  And that 3rd lap, which last year was my nemesis, felt better.  I sped up and thought about getting a mile PR out of the deal.  And I ran hard that 4th lap.  And ended up shaving 20 full seconds off my best mile time of the year.  Just like that.  Still not the sub-8 of last summer though.  So there is much work to do.

What that tells me, is that it’s not my body, but my mind getting in my way.

There are so many variable to running, I’m not sure how to achieve some speed.

-do warm-up laps?


-run drills to focus on form?

-change the time of day from morning to afternoon for the runs?

-change up the workouts by doing un-timed intervals/distance only/sprints only/recover less/recover on a jog

-work on arms and breathing?

-Do more Wii-Fit to increase strenth and work on form?

-get off the track and do hills or trails?

-eat better?

-get new shoes, or try new running clothes?

There are so many things I could try that I don’t know which to start with.  But I don’t want to change too many things, because then I wouldn’t know which thing worked, and I don’t want to throw off everything.  I guess this week, I’ll just try to change my mind.  Next week I’ll pick one other factor to vary.

doping suspician


A Music Update

22 Jul

Here is a fun post in honor of me going back to my part-time schedule tomorrow and being productive for the last 27 days of summer (WHERE DID THAT TIME GO?!):

The formula is taken from my last FM stats.  This captures i-tunes, i-pods, Spotify, all of it.  Also, I looked at each time increment captured and got an average that is representative of long and short term listening habits.


-Spotify.  It’s not perfect, and it always craps out when I try to use it to sync my i-pod, but it has almost everything and it’s free.  Sure, I could do without the ads, especially the ones that jump under my mouse when I scroll, but it’s still less spammy then Apple.

2.  FAVORITE ARTIST (most to least played status)

-Brandi Carlile avg 2nd

-Indigo Girls avg 7th = DMB avg 7th

-Maroon 5 avg 8th

-Mumford & Sons avg 9th

-Taylor Swift avg 10th


-Right now, “Age of Worry” by John Mayer resonates with me


-in the last 6 months = Brandi Carlile’s remake of “Take Me Home, Country Roads”

– for the last year = Brandi Carlile “Hard Way Home”

-overall = Taylor Swift “Mean”


-still the Indigo Girls overall with 6,253 listens

-in the last year, DMB = 1,441 listens

-past 6 months = Brandi Carlile = 448 listens


-Vitamin String Quartet

-I like the fast movements of Tbilisi Orchestra


-“Here Comes the Boom,” Nelly

-“Lose Yourself,” Eminem

-“My Time,” Fabolous


-John Denver

-Trampled by Turtles


Can I just say A] I must be tired because I’ve been working on this post for a ridiculous 2 hours now and B] I am now totally obsessed with watching DMB on YouTube now?  There is everything!  The show I actually saw at the Gorge, official videos, lyrics, and fan stuff!!!!  I never go on YouTube–THIS must be the reason, it’s a vortex-time-stealing machine. . .

My Mantra

18 Jul

I have been reading about how to best deal with stress and also how to gain mental strength during my runs.  Little did I realize at the time(s), but the two are much the same.  It’s all stress, part negative and part positive, and I’m trying to learn how to channel it.  What I found out in both scenarios:Anatomy 6

-Breath.  This is obvious, but often compromised.  When I’m overwhelmed and annoyed AND when I’m tired and fatigued–I’m breathing shallow.  Panting, instead of getting proper oxygen to my lungs, brain, muscles, cells.  At work and on the track, when I find myself at a stressed point, first thing I need to do is breathe the way I know I’m supposed to.

transversus abdominous

-Have a mantra.  At first, this sounded like some new-agey, yoga thing.  But after a couple of days to ponder, I decided it couldn’t hurt and might help.  And a really good one came to me when I wasn’t even trying to find one anymore.  “I’m not alone.”  Whether I’m at work, in my relationship, doing loads of chores, or exercising, I tend to feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  This makes me feel stressed, angry, hopeless, and resentful.  I hope my calming mantra will remind me that it’s never all up to me.  I have co-workers, employers that may understand, patience that I underestimate in clients, my mate and my parents who believe in my and believe in my attributes, prior knowledge, books, and internet, and music to ease my mind, and faith in God.  I’m never alone, and I shouldn’t feel as if I am.  At work, I can think of this and know that I can’t do EVERYthing myself.  On the track, I can think of the motivational quotes, the high school workouts, and the strength I know I possess.  I am not alone will empower me and calm me simultaneously.


-Focus my life around my most important priority, and make every decision based on this #1 goal.  I just need to keep my Audiology goal at the forefront of my mind, well-being close behind, and family third.  Work, preoccupies far too much of my worry and anxiety and stress when it is only in 4th place–for the income.

almost a unicorn

-Remember who I WANT to be, not what I feel at that moment or what the circumstances are driving me to become.  Maybe in the past, I haven’t reacted exactly how I would like in an ideal world.  But I can change this and become the person that I desire with every new decision.


So for tomorrow–horrible, Forster Friday featuring dead weight LVT, I just need to remember I’m not alone, can’t do it all, and I can remain cheery.  The people will just have to wait a little longer–it’s not my intention or fault, but I alone, can’t preclude it.  I won’t stress out trying.  I will do all I can do (without going crazy or becoming resentful) as well and as fully as I can do it.  Everything else is going to have to go to someone else–or get down slower.


And maybe this belongs in another post, but I want to list my goals because part of the stress is in trying to find time to get everything done during these last 32 more days before the semester commences again.  During a string of work like this I find myself AT work, or recovering FROM work.  Writing it down will keep it in one place, and remind me that the goals are achievable–not overwhelming.


-Outline the rest of the pathology chapter in Hearing Disorders

-Outline as much (all) Aural Rehab I have time for

-Finish the Hearing notebook by sketching out the anatomy

-Outline the hearing chapter in Netters

-Format my sign language power-point & format it.

School Preparedness:

-Grocery shop for all toiletries needed during a semester

-get ink, paper, notebooks, & project folders for the year

-cut down index cards for flashcards

-renew Costco membership

-process 2014 loan paperwork

-obtain school loan for this year

-call all undergrad loan companies for info

-process all non-payment paperwork for all loans

-file all papers in file boxes

-find recipes & get ingredients for quick meals

-make baggies of one-step meals to freeze


-get new internet set up & cords controlled

Yard Sale:

-pick & confirm a firm date

-finish making sale signs

-make price boxes

-collect & take last min sale items from home/Aunt Linda’s

-borrow tarps @ work

-pick sign locations

-organize merch into prices

-get change

-remember cash box & calculator

-print out charity info

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