It Doesn’t Matter

24 Jul

File Under:  Trying to convince myself.

Purple = written today.  You know, this draft is super-old.  Maybe a year has passed (past?  Who cares?) since I wrote it.  I wasn’t going to post it since it’s so hostile and I don’t want ME in my blog portrayed as only mean and hateful.  It’s only a piece of my puzzle.  But there’s still a good lesson for myself w/in this post.  Even though my current work issues are different (some are still the same) I have to remember this should not preoccupy my mind.  This work stuff does not matter to my long-term.  It’s no longer related to my ultimate (and biggest) goal.  I don’t know why I continue to be influenced negatively by it, and why I let myself worry and fret and be annoyed with it.  I just have to think about the important things.  

My mind keeps wandering to my job while I’m trying to study:  How bitchy some people are, how passive-aggressives are annoying, the way people hate any change, how unfair it is that reception tasks keep getting put onto the (already busy, sometimes overwhelmed) techs even though both receptionists seem to have time to text now, which I never would.  Even if I wanted to.  On and on.

And I just need to keep in mind.  This does not matter to my life.  Even when things are tedious, annoying, or don’t make sense to me–what should I care?  So you don’t want storage cubes to keep all patient info up front and together–even though it really should not inconvenience you in any way.  What do I care?  So a client doesn’t get their drugs–not my problem.  So one doctor tells me to have just 1 tech in the I131 room a week to limit exposure (and the number of people having to run bioassays on busy Monday) then the other doctor says “Just so you know, that doesn’t matter.”  Well, it’s not my deal.  I shouldn’t give a fu(k.  Whatever.

I’m writing this to get all work drama out of my head, because this is a temporary stint, and does not really matter to my life.  I just need to go to work, do my job the best I can (like I always try to do anyway), and forget about the rest.  I should not care.  It is not pertinent to me.  Fair or not.  Annoying (as hell) or not.  Just get the hours, don’t kill anything.  The end.

And it’s still true.  And I still haven’t accomplished this.  I am trying to be better.

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