I have been slowly working on my monthly goal accountability blog. And to be honest, I don’t even want to write it. I somehow feel like a failure. Even though when I look at each item, I’m actually improving in most areas. BUT I have this nagging feeling lately. Just that I’m not doing enough–or in the right mind-set or something. I mean, I AM studying and working and doing all the things–but feel like this semester I have a different mentality like my effort is not quite whole-hearted. But it’s not really a clear-cut feeling or thing. This post is confusing, because I am confused.
I have calmed down a little? I’m not as intense? Do I care less–No, that’s not really it. I care a great deal about getting the 4.0, learning the info long-term, and getting accepted in a program–in Colorado. And accomplishing all the smaller goals that will help make that ultimate goal happen. I can’t quite put my finger on it–maybe it’s just a guilt complex. Or maybe I need to commit more of myself. I don’t know why this is, but I never feel it’s enough. Am I tired or burnt out?
So that’s where I am. My grades are not any worse. I’m still doing all the things I need to do. And I still spend much of my time studying. Maybe I just feel. . . Less stressed. Because of my new work schedule and all. And I had become accustomed to a constant low-level of anxiety at all times. Yeah, maybe that’s the difference–I’m not constantly in crises mode now that my work schedule isn’t awful on my psyche. . .
It’s weird that I still feel sorta guilty that I’m not. Stressed that is. . . I don’t know what I’m not doing. Do I feel guilty because I’m not super-stressed out and panicked? Because something is nagging at me, and I’m still not certain what that thing is.
How mysterious and ambiguous a post this became–and to think, initially I was going to write about how I don’t really care for soup.
Related articles
- Students Suffering Imposter Syndrome (michellewidmann.wordpress.com)
- Confronting the “Imposter Syndrome” Monster (blackgirlnerds.com)
Catty Remarks