Focus UP!

27 Oct

I didn’t even want to write about this, because doing so gives it my energy, gives the problem some legitamacy, and lends credance to the issue.  My plan:  Write it down, get it out, move on.  This doctor at work, now speaks to me with the $hittiest inflection.  Very hostile and condescending and critical.  Yesterday, she cut me off mid-sentence, in essence telling me to shut the fu(k up.  I was so taken aback that an adult–a professional, no less–would conduct herself in such a manner, that I did not stand up for myself. . .

two-headed-snake

And I know she is just holding a grudge because I was super-stressed to work on her days, and my schedule (after 3 years) was finally changed.  A compromise was establishlished–I still work a portion of that day, and with that doctor-it’s just less.  But she liked my work (not necessarily me or my personality) on that day and is treating me with overt hostility as punishment.

And I know this is HER problem.  It has very little to do with me and the best thing to do is ignore it, let it roll off my back, continue working hard (like always) during my new schedule–without guilt or stress.  And I tell myself that I have dealt with MUCH worse–scapegoating by Mary once I knew too many of her secrets and hello, I was a cheerleader.  I’ve had waaay more severe bitchiness directed at me before.  And no good will come from showing any sort of reaction–whether it be an assertive comment that the treatment is inappropriate and won’t be tolerated, a phony “joke” alerting her that I realize this intentional behavior is going on and I don’t like it, or some sort of dirct confrontation *shudder*

But it’s hard.  The unfairness stays in the back of my mind.  I know I need to be the bigger person and ignore it.  I also know I could employ some sort of uncharacteristic obvious vulnerability so she can SEE I have feelings.  Cool says I come off “tough”–for lack of better word.  I seem resilaiant so people assume I can handle any amount of their BS and be fine.  I may have a hard exterior, but I’m quite soft and sensitive inside.  I practiced pouting yesterday, and it was very unnatural and humerous, indeed.  I could also be totally phony and upbeat despite the negativity from her, and make my life easier for myself.

deer 3

The main things to remember:

-it’s her deal–I don’t want to play into this or be THAT person.

-this doesn’t matter to my big goals

-I do not frequently see her

-I am out of HERE in 1.5 years tops.  Hopefully, a little sooner.

-thinking about this at all pulls my mind from what’s important–this week:  Hard test, house-sitting, “easier” class’ most difficult unit exam.  Winterizing.

That’s all the attention I’m giving this problem.  That’s all the energy she will take from me.

  • Focus (mylifeinmlm.wordpress.com)
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