Fractured

19 Nov

I guess that’s the wrong word.  I mean, it’s accurate, but sets a more negative tone then I want.  My mind is in a million places:

-the talent show is tomorrow!

Talent Show Flyerfall2013-1-1 copy

I am very nervous.  I’m surprised how much, because I used to perform a lot, and really important team competitions too.  I never used to worry about a small, show for fun.  I also never, never used to worry that the music would be too quiet to hear.  I am disproportionately preoccupied about this damn music level of tomorrow.  I have only 4 counts to make sure I’ll be able to hear it over my footwork.  And I feel like the whole thing will get messed up if I can’t hear well. . .  Also, I want to practice on that stage–though I rarely, if ever, got that chance in my clogging prime.  I am getting more anxious as I age.  And I will cry if I don’t do the very best that I know I can do.  I’ve been working on this since August and I really want to do my best work.  And a prize wouldn’t hurt my feelings, but I don’t NEED one if I’ve done the dance cleanly, with smile and arm movements, and WITH the music (that I can hear).

-My lips are getting off-the-heezy chapped

This happens every winter, and I wish it could wait until after the talent show.  Of course my face broke out just for the occasion as well.  At least my fever of Friday and Saturday went away.  I have no idea why I’m getting sore throat/fever spells with such frequency this fall/winter.

-I had been dreading work this week

And I do not want to jinx it in any way, but it’s actually going very well, and I’m coming home normal to happy instead of stressed, worried, tired, disgruntled, and frustrated as I had anticipated.  Maybe my life is turning around!!!!  Maybe.

-What happened to Sheryl Crow???

It goes without saying that I’ve been a long-time fan.  In 1995, she was one of the first 12 CDs I ever owned (thanks BMG!).  And I had her poster on the ceiling of my bedroom.  She used to be brown-eyed, curly, brown hair, and folk/rock/indy.  Things have changed.  Now she’s country?  And looks like a wannabe sorostitute.  And too thin for her age.  Don’t women know that losing weight after a certain age makes you look weird and wrinkly and unhealthy?  I used to really like her, but maybe I’ve changed my mind?  I’m not certain.  I think it would be better if she was more–authentic?  Is that the word I’m looking for?

-I can’t decide if something is wrong with Rusty (my car) or if I’m just paranoid

It feels heavy sometimes.  At first, I thought my tire might be low, and it would need repairing (again).  And of course I was nervous about that since it happened twice in a month.  But it’s been a week, and no flat.  So is it in my head–or is there something else?  Now, I don’t know if there’s a problem or not.  So I need to decide if I should take it in or not. . .

-How could I not mention this!

To mark the talent show location, which is in a sort of random place, unfamiliar to many–I got balloons.  How could I not know about glow-in-the-dark balloons??!  So awesome!  I’m totally excited to use these tomorrow.  I hope they’re not terrible environmentally unfriendly, but suspect they might be.  But I am really excited to utilize them so I woun’t look that up until afterwards. . .  And of course, Cool and I will keep a couple for ourselves.  Though I don’t know what 2 homebodies will do with glowing balloons.

-I forgot why I originally opened a new post

So that’s all I’ll say.

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