Archive | 5:48 AM

No! I Will Not Have that Mindset

16 Dec

Of drugery, negativity, guilt, and fear.  I know what I need to do to overcome the stumbling block of procrastination.

Make a list.  Prioritize what is most to least important.  Submitting my school’s thing, just to have a chance is the most important.  Writing in the logistic info will be necessary.  The essays are last.  Finding outside scholarships is last.

Break the task into more managable parts.  Instead of thinking about re-crafting SIX essays plus the regular application info, I’ll rewrite ONE from scratch and see what kind of time I have left.  I do have last year’s essays if I need them.  But maybe there’s time to write the one.

Just start for 10 minutes.  If that’s all I’ve got, I will take a break/re-evaluate.  Most times it’s the starting that’s the hardest part, and I get in the zone and have no trouble.

Knowing I can do this!  I’ve written a thousand essays, and know how to make a good one.  And I’ll either get the money or not, but that’s out of my control.  Trying is the important thing–and sometimes just showing up is enough.  All my burned out classmates are probably going through the same thing, so the applicant pool may just be small enough to get me $$$$$.  My current GPA doesn’t hurt either.

I will do it!

Procrastination List

16 Dec

I don’t know how some things end up there.  Phone calls, especially, tend to end up on things I should have done but didn’t yet do.  I hate making calls for whatever reason!  And sometimes when I finally DO whatever I’ve been putting off for days and days, weeks, or a semester as the case may be.  I needed a new student ID (to get free bus access for just in case) and this went on my to-do list in August.  I literally moved the item to every next school day because I never felt like I looked the same or better then my original picture on the card.  Finally, on FINALS week, in December I went in to get a new ID–only because next semester they charge you for it.  And I didn’t even have to take a new picture. . .  So I had put off the task, had to think about it, and stressed about it–really for nothing.  See what I did there–I procrastinated finishing that sentence above and told you an example story.  The point?  Sometimes when the task is done, it was so much shorter and easier then I thought, and there was no reason to put it off at all.  Procrastination is stupid.  It just makes the task that much bigger, scarier, take up more thought and time.

I know this, and yet.  For some reason I’ve really been putting off my scholarship application.  You remember how unlucky I’ve been with this in the past–maybe that’s part of it.  I know just how important it is–how could I throw away FREE money?!  I need it.  And it shouldn’t be that hard.  I think it will be fine to just edit my 6 essays of last year and re-submit them.  I guess that’s where my concern comes from.  Those essays didn’t get me money last year, so I feel I should have totally started over and written new ones.  But during the semeter I didn’t have take the time, and now I want to wade through NEXT semester’s class things instead of writing 6 new essays that may or may not garner me funding.  So I guess it’s out of guilt that I’m not finishing this scholarship app like I should.

uphill battle

And that guilt sucks.  I also had really wanted to volunteer over the year–that’s what gets you the real scholarship money.  But school and work just took over and that didn’t happen 😦  So I’m sort of stuck, knowing it’s too late this year, but feeling like maybe with enough effort I could salvage something.  I suppose I should just turn in what I have, and look to next year–set myself up more for success next time.

Giving up.  It’s a bad feeling.