It Has All Come To This

25 Dec

Christmas.  The new pinnicle of capitalistic greed.  A day of gifts and money.  What better day to start my week Goose Moose x-mas 2013 042long transformation blog series.  New Years is a time for reflection and improvements, so in that vein here is my first item:  Gratitude.  Entitlement.

Day 7: What in my life do I have to be grateful for?  Who in my life am I grateful for? How have I treated them?  How have my thoughts, words and actions contributed to my family?

My actions come across more thankless and entitled than I feel.  INSIDE I am appreciative, notice small things, and am very glad for efforts made.  My actions do not align with these feelings.  My stubborn nature and social anxiety/aversion make my gratitude invisable most times.  Obviously, this needs to change.  Of course, it’s easier said then done.  The thought is there, and that’s the primary step.  Now, small changes in action must follow.

I am thanksful for many material items:  My computer, car, artwork, books, blankets/bedding, lava lamps, Goose Moose x-mas 2013 031movies, shoes, clothes, jewelry, kitchen items, games, all of that.  I’m also learning, it’s not about THINGS.  Money really doesn’t ensure happiness.  It’s all about perspective and nature and people and loving what you have.  Forgetting commercialism and status and envy.  That’s not the person I want to be, and I have made strides.  My work especially, seeing the status symbols, the expensive grooming, a lifestyle I will never have used to make me jealous and hopless.  Now I see it is just items and salesmanship.  I am a simple gal who wants to live simply and appreciate beauty in nature.  Sure, I could stand to have another fancy pair of boots, a waterproof ski jacket, or newer tires on Rusty–but I wouldn’t hire a cleaning person even if I was rich.  Now, I’m into looking inward and to nature.

Kitties–which aren’t quite people, but not material either.  They bring me mych happiness.  The clinic cats are Beezer Antisocialstrong in my mind today, and I feel guilt that they are at work alone.  Maybe we’ll take them presents.  My jammies are urging strongly that I stay though.  At any rate, I love Goose who constantly makes me laugh and shake my head and who is so sweet inside and out.  Choco-Luv that plays too hard and likes Cool better, but who has a playful mentality and knows how to snuggle too.  Beezer, the best lap kitty who is so shy until she warms up to you and brightens each day when I’m crabby and bleary-eyed, by asking me to cover her up with an afgan.  Obnoxious Tator, who just needs vigorous love often and acts out if he doesn’t get his fill.  His expressive face is so silly and his demanding meows so ornery.  And even Larry and Alfred.  Buddies need appreciation too.

The people?  I thank my lucky stars for Cool.  I would be alone in the world without her–she understands me. NV Feb 2010 131 And bored, I would be so bored without her antics and troubles.  She gives me so much, without providing anything material.  Unconditional love for one.  Laughter.  An uplifting spirit.  We have fun together.  And I am happy my relationship with my parents is back to a normal, happy place.  They always mean well, and would fight a lion for me.  My parents provide me with advice and support and lectures when I need them.  My parents make every holiday, by providing the most gifts and a lot of love.  They are good people, and where I learned my strong morals and work ethic.  I am also lucky to have my boss.  Yes, she can be tactless, and eleitest, and insensitive, and unappreciative.  But she’s also mostly in my corner.  When it really counts my boss is there for me, and I like that.  Those are the main staples in my life, though there are Garden of the Gods sunsetperipheral people that have influenced me, but would take too long to list.

As I mentioned above, my actions and words do not always convey appreciation and gratitude toward these people like I wish it did.  Defensiveness, pride, and frustration often override my demeanor.  I wish I could show, through my actions how much the above people mean to me more often.  Now it will at least be in the back of my mind, and hopefully more in the forefront of my actions this next year.

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