From Bad To. . . Better?

15 Jan

I’m going to hate my Wednesday schedule.  My class starts at 10 AM on the dot, which means I have to leave work right at a certain time–not conducive to a veterinary schedule, especially surgery.  The struglasarus-LVT is scheduled with me.  She is slow, and I don’t really trust her.  This is a concern because I already have a lateness phobia.  And this particular class is built-in required observation hours.  So you can’t be late.  And if you miss one, you miss that observation hour–and I have no idea where I would make it up as I have no contacts HERE.  Add in a 7-8 min drive, an unmeasurable amount of time to find parking (in the over-sold lots), and 8-10 min walk from my car to the building, and still arriving in the room early enough to find a (good) seat [9:55AM at the very latest].  I have to leave by 9:35AM and hope everything goes smoothly.  There’s no wiggle room, and dire consequences. Well, it’s not awesome.

I was first VERY worried about getting everything finished at work this morning AND making it to class on time.  Stressed off the heezy, actually.  So I made sure to alert everyone at work about my concerns.  But then, with disapproving looks, body language, and little comments like, “You have a HALF hour to get there.”  I felt:  Guilty, worried, disgruntled, helpless, and frustrated.


-This is the only time this class is offered, it’s not like I chose it.

-I hate the new schedule too–I don’t want to leave work in the lurch OR be late to class.  And I worry about something going wrong on both ends (work and school).

-It makes me afraid they will change my schedule to Wednesdays off and put me back on all day Friday, in which case I’ll have to quit and search for a new job in the middle of a semester to keep my sanity.  And nobody likes that story.

-It’s not my fault that my school arranged the class at this time, that parking over-sells the lots, or that our LVT is incompetent.  I wish my work would tell the other gal to get her head out of her a$$, and quit giving me such grief.  And I wish school would be willing to work with me in ANY way.  But those things will never happen so I’m left hopeless.

And probably more.

And add a impending work evaluation to that and I was really stressed/worried/crabby when I got home from class.  And I thought my eval was probably going to be awful, because of all the schedule drama and intrapersonal cat-fighting.  But I KNOW I’m a good employee, and a lot of my attributes are obscured for emotional reasons.  So in order to calm myself, I went through every eval question and wrote an example of what I do in that particular area.  Which, actually made me hopeful, because when it’s all in writing and I can cite examples, it makes me feel confident I could defend any unwarranted attacks on my character.  Then, because the eval calls for rankings, I gave myself a 0-10 ranking on each subset.  Then, averaged those for a “grade.”  But then I realized you can’t average a scale as a percent, so I re-did it with a +1 good, 0 neutral, -1 bad.  Then averaged those numbers to quantitatively figure out my eval.

And I was happy to see when all said & done I have a 72%, and most of my characteristics fall into the meets expectations catagory–with a couple high in that box, and 1 item (motivation) even topping out exceeds expectations.  Being above average (especially when I judge others to fall below average) made me feel a LOT better.  Especially since I have data and examples to back up my claims.  Then I decided I’m HAPPY about evaluations because it will be a private, earnest, un-heated discussion.

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