Archive | May, 2014

May Goal Accountability

31 May

Maintenance Goals (from 2013):

-floss daily.

Yup.  And since I have no income I’m just going to put my worry on hold for missing annual dental cleanings.  I don’t like it, but I can’t do anything about it right now either. . .

-drink water.

I drank 8 cups a day pretty readily until last week, then for whatever, it because difficult to get the 2nd half in.  So I’m trying to finish my 8 first thing in the morning so it’s over with.  As soon as the weather acts like summer (it’s been cloudy and drizzly like March) I’ll ramp up the volume and have more–12 cups?

-read for pleasure.

I don’t remember why, but this goal got disrupted for the last 6-8 weeks I think.  I’m trying to get back on board and I’d really like to finish a slew of books this summer while I still have some time to read for pleasure.

-weekly massage.

Cool’s skills really went downhill so we have to work on her in order for this one to work.  Hand-strengthening exercises?  Endurance?  We’ll practice–maybe find some tips on the internet. . .

-abstain from drinking.

As I mentioned in another post, immediately after school lets out for summer break must have been a big prior drinking time for me.  Just because of celebration/relaxation/patio purposes.  But I made it through the critical period, because I’m serious about aligning my actions with my goals.  And I told myself one drink wouldn’t be all THAT bad–but it had to be planned for a future time and a set amount.  I, in no way, would on the spur of the moment get one just because I was tempted.  And you know what?  It was all about impulse, because when it came time to plan a future drink, I wasn’t all that interested.  I really didn’t miss it out of the heat of the moment.  So that’s a very effective strategy–saying I can have one–but not now, in a future, controlled time.  So I don’t feel like I’m missing out, but usually the mood leaves and I don’t even want one.

-study habits.

Though I don’t have graded classes at the moment, I’m trying to buckle down and accomplish a few things over break:  Apply to jobs at least 3-4 times a week.  Outline neuroanatomy to get ahead for fall.  And I’m drawing out some anatomy pictures to help myself study in the fall.  And also, I’m big-time getting on my moving/application procedures for my AuD program.  I’m working on small goals and deadlines, I just need to make sure not to let myself feel overwhelmed.  I’ll keep a strict schedule, and work on things in manageable pieces.

grasshopper

January=fitness.

It has been very VERY difficult a couple of mornings, but after calculating the day in a row (144 that particularly hard day, 147 today) I did it.  And like every time–once I’m up there completing the work out isn’t hard–it’s all about starting.  And after reading “Prevention” Cool, my mom, and I have been trying out the 30-20-10 interval method.  You start at your comfy pace for 30 sec, then increase speed or incline or intensity by 2 or 3 for 20 sec, then top out at the fastest/steepest/most intense you can muster, but only for 10 seconds.  And then, you go slightly below your normal cozy pace to rest for 1 min before repeating the process over.  I like it, as it’s easier (mentally) to increase my output when I know it’s only very brief.  And I think it’s making me faster, though I need to figure out how much 30-20-10 sec at each prefered speed translates to in distance for track-running purposes.  Which is good, because that calculating will also serve to fight boredom.

Feb=have gratitude; say nice things.

This is awkward when I literally see nobody.  I guess I should work on telling my family a little bit more then I already do.  In June I will work on appreciating what I have, finding good things about my changed school plans–even though it’s not in my beloved Colorado, and say nice things to family.

March=straighten out sleep.

I still sleep fitfully on most nights.  And I’ve tried to stack my beverage consumption to the morning so I’m not getting up to pee–but I do anyway.  I think it’s more that I sleep very, very lightly so any disruption makes me think I woke up to pee. . .  And I even camped in the living room without a clock or any deadlines/responsibilities, and the problem persisted–both while camping and afterward.  I took Melatonin, but it seems like it works well for the first night, but stops for a 2nd or 3rd.  I’m not sure if that’s a thing or not.  And we use the bathroom fan to drown out neighbor noise.  And I’m always a little high-strung, but I’m tons less stressed without work or school, so I don’t really think it’s that.  And my sleep hygiene (I think) is impeccable.  I try to sleep and wake at consistent times and get 8-9 hours, and never go in the bedroom except to sleep.  So–more work here.

April=save $$$.

Again, it’s much easier to save money when you’re not making an income.  I don’t feel good at ALL spending one penny when I’m not making enough to cover the bills.  And I’ve been applying for jobs, but haven’t lowered my standards to working super far away, working nights, or working a million hours.  Yet.  Maybe those days will come, as I’m getting a lot of rejections from every direction.  It seems, my resume is only good for veterinary work = major stopping point for me.  In June, I’m going to start getting really serious about selling unused items on Craigslist, clothes on Poshmark, and anything else I can think of.  As well as keep on keepin’ on with the job applications.

May=volunteer.

The rough thing about not having a job is being hesitant to make any future commitments–because I want to be able to tell a job I have open availability, and I would NEVER bail on something I say I will do.  So I have the time, and all these opportunities, but don’t want to disappoint them if I get a job, and that job wants me to work during the time I’m planning to volunteer.  So weirdly, I feel unable to do it–unless I can find and do the volunteer thing that day or the very next day.  Hopefully, I’ll either get a job with a set schedule, or give it up all together so I can follow up on this before the summer is over–it’s important to me.

June=Cool.

Things are going much better now that Cool’s meds are switched up.  See, with the bipolar and a series of ever changing meds, side-effects, and moods I don’t deal with Cool, but the combination of meds she’s taking at the time.  I wonder what she would be like if she weren’t on meds and didn’t have mental illness?  Probably a completely different person.  But now things are nice, and it’s her birthday in a couple weeks.  We will go camping on the rez, since I don’t have work restrictions = very lovely!

July=my appearance.

This is difficult because I don’t see anyone, have very much reason to venture outside at all, and therefore spend most my time in workout clothes or jammies.  I’ll focus on this one if ever I see anybody.

Aug=Worry Less, Thank more.

Despite changing my plan for the whole next 4 years, I think I’ve done pretty well not fretting.  I’m not obsessing in any way, or even preoccupied about my future.  That’s not to say I’m not trying to plan things to go efficiently and swimmingly.  I’m just trying to break things done into manageable chunks and do what I can do now.  Also, I fall asleep thinking of everything I’m thankful every night still.  Annnd I really like the habit, and sleep slightly better because of this.

Sept=make a list, grocery shop, cook ahead.

It’s touch and go.  We have been pretty good about keeping up with the shopping, but it is wholly dependant on when the food stamps come through, so sometimes it’s irregular.  As for keeping a menu, this seems to take too much time for me?  Which, I guess since I’m fairly unemployed just means I haven’t made it a priority.  Since Cool cooks when she’s home, and I’m alone for dinners, I really don’t plan a menu.  I have to take some pressure off.  I can plan things like smoothies and hot dogs that don’t necessarily require a lot of cooking, and accomplish this goal.  In that spirit–next month I’ll try to stick to a menu, grocery shop based on those meals, then cook ahead.  Wish me luck!

Oct=don’t over-pluck.

Maybe I’m plucking more this month then I had been, but it’s certainly not as much as I used to.  And as I look at past pictures, I’m actually pleased with the way my brows have filled in a little since then.  But I am still horribly unhappy with how straggly and shapeless they look.  I really need to do some homework about brow maintenance–I’ve been procrastinating, because it’s HARD and I don’t know what I’m doing.  I heard about threading on “Orange is the New Black” does anyone know anything about it?  Maybe getting that done professionally one time would give me a good starting place to work from. . .

Nov=Increase eye contact.

Well, I really see nobody except the kitties and Cool, but today I had an interview and think I made some good eye contact.  On that, I’m a little torn about the potential job.  I think it’s sort of bad karma to turn down ANY job at all.  But the drive is longer then I want, and the work is not really what I want.  But then again, the people seemed exceptionally nice, and who really WANTS their part-time/summer job, anyway?  We’ll see where the finger points me. . .

2012 Spring 022

That’s it til next month!

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The German: Wish Agenda

29 May

We visited The German our first 3(?) years of living here.  It’s a lot like historic Virginia City near my hometown, but not x-mas lights 2013an authentic, restored tourist attraction–it’s just a themed tourist attraction.  Oh and it’s not old west like V.C. it’s Bavarian.  We love it–the whole place is like a 24/7 festival with costumes and art and vendors and cute little shops and festive food.  Everything I like.  But we didn’t go last year because we picked up Goose on Memorial Day weekend (one of the few times I had a string of 3 days in a row off to actually leave town).  And we didn’t get to go over Christmas, because  I was no longer eligible for time off of work, and because Cool had no money.  And it didn’t work out this Memorial weekend (happy anniversary Goose!) just because I don’t wanna spend ANY money while I’m unemployed.  Which I want to mention it’s never fair how when you have money there’s no time, and when you have time, you can’t spend money.

And I think even though the Germans are beer-centric, it has enough other stuff that not drinking wouldn’t be a huge deal.425758_10151408175891833_918939663_n  I’d still like to go one day–in the winter actually.  As they have a tree-lighting ceremony, snow shoeing, and *BIG DEAL* you can lead the sled dogs.  I have been wanting to do that for ages.  Maybe Colorado Utah has something similar when we’re there next year?!

steamboatI hope so, because leading the sled dogs is on my bucket list, and I would be really disappointed if we lived this close and never got to do it, and it wasn’t available anywhere else.  OK, I’m going to look it up–I need to know

For now, I’m looking forward to TWO days at Labor Dave Weekend at the Gorge on Labor Dayampitheatre 6 weekend, and that will have to suffice as far as travel goes.  And that will be spectacular because this year Brandi Carlile joins DMB–just what we requested.  If you noticed my writing sucks a little (more) today, and I’m starting a lot of sentences with “and” it’s because I’ve just spent a substantial chunk of time interviewing for a job, driving, then working on my personal statement.  I’m hungry and my brain is FRIED.

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Tighten It Up

28 May

pre-essay–what does an AuD do?

-work independently to dx hearing loss and pathologies, and communication impediments, as well as ascertain quality of life, participation restrictions, and underlying mental/social issues.

-fit appropriate amplification, utilizing a patient-specific model and the best (and affordable) technology.

-provide education/counseling/rehab to patients to ensure reasonable expectations and appropriate benefit.

-follow-up with communication strategies, replaced parts, hearing checks, maint, and updates to hearing/patient situation and technology.

-work with all ages, in many different settings as a confident professional.

-keep apprised of the most recent technology in an ever-changing/evolving field and work to maint & improve current techniques.

Intro:

-Show don’t tell the quality time with my dad wasn’t because shopping was fun (it sucked), but b/c we are close.

-Make explicit that Dad HAD hearing aids, but turned them down because they were a nuisance or didn’t wear them at all because they didn’t provide enough benefit.

-maybe use this area to say I didn’t give much thought to the hearing at the time, because I was busy being dedicated to vet medicine.  I was using my internal skills of _____ to help the helpless–animals.

My traits are:

–>I just realized this application does not cover extracurriculars/honors/awards so if I want the committee to know about it I must state it in my essay, sad and hard<–

organized, meticulous, detail-oriented, driven, dedicated, practical, honest, determined, loyal, independent, sensitive, tough, hard-working, ethical, a love of learning and patience for teaching.

-I can say independent for working autonomously in audiology with confidence–but knowing when to ask for help or refer.

-meticulous/organized in that I will pick and follow through with the right audiometric tests, and amplification fitting procedures tailored to each patient’s needs.

-ethical/loyal/determined/dedicated/driven to follow through with rehab and make sure communication is functional.

-learning/teaching as evidenced by my experience teaching clogging to all ages, and also tutoring my peers in speech & hearing science coursework, audiometry in particular.  This will help in educating P about hearing loss & pathologies as well as instructing them how to use their amplification.

-next, talk about why this repeated incident sparked my career interest later, after a segway through the more well-known (to children) field of vet medicine.

After veterinary medicine did not work out for me, I thought back to my shopping trips with my father, and how there was a need there I could possibly help fill.  My dad did have hearing aids but turned them down because they were a nuisance or didn’t wear them at all because they didn’t provide enough benefit.  And I could still be helping those without a voice speak for themselves–my motivation for pursuing vet medicine.  I realized by pursing audiology I could not only make amplification available, but provide more adequate follow-up rehabilitation then my dad had access to.

Vet Traits that work for AuD:

non-verbal communication, attention to detail, problem solving, think outside the box, work under financial constraints, being in a medical setting, professionalism, looking at the whole patient picture, collecting a thorough case history, paying attention to stated and unstated facts, science background, chemistry for inner ear/brain, physics for middle ear and speech science and amplification, performing diagnostic tests, autonomy, calm clients, diverse clients

-non-verbal = humane/efficient/eliminate injury w/animal; ascertain info, glean feelings, notice uncertainty, counsel ppl

-detail = use unstated facts to problem solve (ascertain correct dx sometimes w/o confirmation tests); get well-rounded idea of patient as a whole what their problem is and what needs they have.

-problem solve/think outside the box = both coming up w/most efficient way to confirm suspicions, deviating from normal procedure to assist w/specific situational problem.

-work under $ = ppl can’t/won’t always pay for gold standard txmt in animals; insurance won’t always cover every possible solution to the patient’s hearing/communication issues.  In both, you have to come up with the next best alternative, or change management/underlying behaviors.

-medical = communicating with owners/family, acting in a professional manner, communication w/other professionals, the pace/schedule, etc. . .

-how specific classes have been helpful to this new career option.

-autonomy = vet hospitals don’t take a bunch of time to train, or hand-hold for daily tasks, this serves well in audiometry where professionals work independently.

-both professions are able to build a rapport w/P & families over time, instead of immediately referring to the next specialist–both do O dx, tx, follow-up.

-both careers req professional to put agitated clients at ease

-diversity = both see patients from all walks of life/ages/temperaments/income levels

transition back to my preparation for AuD:

-screenings, aural rehab, writing about vaccines, A&P of ear, amplification, S&HS with it’s acoustics, pathologies, audiometric procedures, observing a hearing dispenser & the gaps I could fill in, seeing “Sound & Fury” documentary, looking at pictures of hearing aids & cochlear implants, reading AAA journal articles,

State intended research/career:

-tie it in to the school’s offerings

-emphasize the rehab to tie in my dad

Maico audm

OK, next blend this advise with my 1st draft

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OK, Go!

28 May

I’ve been dallying, because I am intimidated by the personal statement.  But I need to just get something down, and stop all the internet scouring, as it’s just taking time.  I’m not sure it’s all that helpful.  So in the interest of making $hit happen, here goes try #1:

UNC AuD app checklist

Format:

intro–talk about shopping w/dad and how that inspires my interest in the career

–in 1st paragraph tie in my internal personality traits that work well with audiology

Body–very briefly mention pre-vet, but generate substantial list of vet traits that relate directly to audiology

3rd paragraph/conclusion(?)–further show it’s AuD I want (not vet) by talking about hearing screenings, classes, media that inspires/educates me and how it directly relates to the specific type & population I want to work with.

Audiogram-Familiar-Sounds

OK, quick and dirty for content purposes–can be fleshed out and corrected later.  The 1st Draft isn’t SUPPOSED to be perfect (that was a note to myself)!

Intro:

As a child it was always special bonding time for my father and I to go grocery shopping.  It was a time-consuming affair, but we liked to be together.  The shopping itself, was tedious and boring, but I love my dad and liked to laugh with him.  One damper on the process was checking out.  My dad could not hear his total.  It made me feel awkward and I did not like how people in line behind us became impatient.  Those people should see my dad as I did–funny, compassionate, warm, loyal, hard-working.  Instead they saw him as an impediment to leaving the store–a burden, an annoyance.  I hated to see the cashier become flustered or impatient.  Why couldn’t everyone realize my dad had the hearing loss because he is a hero?  He got this embarrassing condition fighting for our country in Vietnam.  But I felt ashamed, because I also felt annoyed and embarrassed when the check out process was slowed by my father’s disability.

It made me ashamed, because I consider myself a compassionate person.  That is the whole reason I leaned toward being a veterinarian for so long–I wanted to help the helpless.

Today, I am inspired to help people like my dad function like the heros they are.  I want to not only help hearing aids be available to patients, but make the human side, the rehabilitation, instruction for use, and communication skills to be available.

[note to self:  stop trying to make it sound perfect and be perfectly organized, and just think basic content–you can fix this stuff later, you’re getting stuck!]

Traits that I embody are organizational skills, dedication, and determination.  They are perfect for the field of audiology.  Organization is necessary to assess the patient and figure out appropriate diagnostic procedures by looking at every aspect of the problem, the case history, and the anatomy.  Dedication comes in handy when you commit to a patient’s progress and quality of life over time.  Audiologists are not finished after the diagnostic and fitting portions.  They have to follow through and make certain that the person they are working with are functional, confident, and meeting their own goals.  Determination is a skill an audiologist needs to work with a variety of people, with differing needs.  Audiologists have to tailor care to the deficits of each person, and determination to seek the correct diagnosis, find outside the box solutions and, persist in trying until it’s right is pertinent.

Because I have those traits, feeling embarrassed to be seen with my struggling father made me ashamed.  I could have such compassion, and I was letting my own emotions get in the way of that when it came to one of the most important people in my life.  It was my compassion that had led me into being a pre-vet student.  And though that career did not work out for me, the skills I gained while chasing is translate directly and nicely to audiology.

Nonverbal communication skills, essential for ascertaining animal temperaments with the twin goals in mine of keeping human and animal uninjured, and efficiently accomplishing the task at hand is directly related to audiology.  When hearing loss makes verbal communication difficult, reading postural, ocular, and other signs becomes helpful.

The detail-oriented nature that veterinary practice demands, is also necessary for audiology.  Looking at the entire patient, running the best diagnostic tests, following through with best amplification, and making sure the patient is receiving benefit from your work, is a lot of small details.  It requires meticulousness and thoroughness.

[generate a bigger list of traits used for both vet & AuD]

The desire to work in audiology was sparked by my intent to help people like my dad.  The necessary skills were honed in a different health field.  Once I got my foot in the door to the speech and hearing sciences, the knowledge of the profession followed.  Learning about anatomy and physiology gave me a good foundation for normal.  The speech and hearing sciences tied the chemistry and physics I had already taken together with the auditory and communication systems.  Learning about pathologies and amplification was interesting.  I really enjoyed the rehabilitation tactics and audiometric evaluations.  And I was able to practice them through performing hearing screenings through my school.  I liked putting the theories I had learned in the classroom to practical use on real people.

These specific examples of things we did, showed me I would like to work with the spectrum of ages in this specific field of audiology.  And of course, remembering my dad, I will emphasize aural rehabilitation and follow up with each of my future patients.

health fair 2014

All right, that wasn’t so bad.  I’ll publish this then generate some lists to make it better!

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You Know How I Never Do Anything the Easy Way?

27 May

Well, this time maybe I’ll read the signs ahead of time and try things an easier way.  Maybe it’s not my initial plan.  Maybe it won’t be my optimal timeline.  And maybe things won’t end up as perfectly as I imagined.

Welcom to CO sunflowerBut big changes are afoot.  Since I looked into Colorado’s cost of living I’ve been in a state of shock and panic.  We are already financially behind by thousands of dollars a year out.  And I see no easy way to remedy that.  Old me would buckle down, push harder and make it happen anyway.  Because I have an ability to dedicate myself and persevere.  But then I stopped for a second and thought–what’s the rush?  There’s no reason we have to struggle around to make Colorado happen NOW.  Why not wait and do it properly?  After all, I was supposed to LOVE Seattle, but my financial situation precluded that and now I hate the thought of living there.

So without making any decisions either way Cool and I just opened our minds and broadened our search (I’m proud of us!).  We looked at the school locations, housing costs, job pay and prospects, then I looked into the AuD programs.

Breck sky

Here’s what I like about CO:  What don’t I like about it would be easier (distance from HERE and cost of housing).  I love most everything else.  It’s in the state we want to eventually live in.  I love that the AuD program has educational and clinical internships in addition to the externship.  Bears are a super-cool mascot (hey, it’s not right, but this stuff matters to me).  I have been studying this program and application process for over a year and am comfortable with it.  Again, it’s in Colorado.

 

import 6-17-10 085Seattle:  We’ve been down that road, and even though Cool (and her mom) would be in heaven (Cool thinks, she forgets about being poor and the crummy frat-house situation that necessitates) I would HATE it.  Again.

Oregon:  Very close move, but just as expensive housing as CO–so we might as well still go to CO.

parasailing 056Idaho:  Also really close move (and beautiful area and cool mascot), but despite cheap housing paultry amount of low-paying jobs.  Cool didn’t love that.  And which we knew about Idaho already.  Also a less than optimal situation where AuD students go from Pocatello 3.5 hours away to Boise after the 2nd year of school.  That’s two moves, another apartment to find, and another job to secure.  Even with the cheapest tuition of the bunch, and best grants/loans–that’s pretty rough.

CA:  expensive.  Obviously.

twisty

TX:  No.  Even though I like Austin, Cool vetoes crazy-Texas.

 

 

AZ:  Cool hates the politics and I would prefer not to be kidnapped.

 

580060-R1-24-25A_025

KS:  We looked as far east as Kansas.  And it’s a real possibility.  For a day we had decided upon it.  KS is cheap housing–AND I know the Kansas City area well.  Because it’s by the city there are a lot of jobs that pay decently.  We would have vet care (Noah’s Ark) and I could even still donate my eggs til I’m 35!!!  Drawbacks–Can you say 22.5 hour drive with cats?  Moving sucks no matter the distance, but this really started to sound sucky, and I said I would never make that drive again.  Plus, we’re over-shooting our eventual goal of CO by 8 hours.  And I would be a little sad inside to have to join my alma mater’s rival school and become *gasp* a Jayhawk.  Oh, and no WICHE deal means paying spendy out-of-state tuition.  Again.

Arches Natl Park

UT:  Utah is only a 10 hour drive from HERE.  That’s one long day or two really easy ones.  It’s also in close proximity to Colorado (4-8 hours), WY, ID, and NV (8 easy hours from my parents and storage unit).  The housing is the same or cheaper then here, and jobs were widely available and require NO commute.  Salt Lake City is maybe the only place that housing, school, AND jobs were within the same place.  The weather is similar to Nevada, and requires no 4×4, sowe wouldn’t have to worry about selling the HHR and buying a 4×4 while we’re planning everything else.  There is still the recreation of CO (well almost as good).  There is the added bonus of many professional sports teams.  Oh, and randomly I guess Salt Lake City is a gay mecca?  Not that we’re social butterflies, but it would be nice not to be murdered.  . .  I’m having a difficult time finding out much about my program, and think I’ll have to *shudder* make a phone call.  But it appears to have a class size between 5-8.  Oh and a really lame mascot–the Swoops?  To mean a falcon.  Which I wonder why they just didn’t go with falcons, because that’s much cooler than a shape.  I saw feathers on the logo and suspected P.C. rebranding, then looked into it and saw UU used to be the Utes.  Which is awesome, but only for the home school–you can’t have rival teams shouting “kill the Utes” and other such slander.  And their color is red–which I hate and I think goes back to some redskins slur.  But the mascot isn’t super-important.  Right?  That’s what I’m trying to convince myself.  I need to find out more about my specific program and the application procedure, that’s what’s important now.Roy-Utah

So I think for financial reasons I’m going to be applying to University of Utah.  Which means I have to start over in my program research, but also means we can stress out MUCH less about the move.  And you know what?  Thinking of other options and perhaps finding a better one didn’t hurt at all.  As a matter of fact, I’m more excited, because I’m not about to have a nervous breakdown about money and logistics–just that phone call. . .

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Why Class Group-Work Does Not Teach Teamwork

25 May

Here’s another old draft I stumbled upon.  I do dislike teamwork when my grade is on the line.  I want to earn my OWN grades.  It shouldn’t be influenced by the work ethic of other people.  And it should be left to chance–what group members you get.  Also, I shouldn’t have to do every aspect of a big project in order to get a good grade out of it.

I HATE group work!

jumbo turtleNo one ever asks me to join their group, so it’s always awkward to get into a group in the first place.  I only want to do my own work (which is of outstanding caliber *truth, not bragging*) not be humiliated when no one wants to include me in their team.  Then, IF I do find a group everyone in the group knows each other and wanted to work together except me, so that’s more awkwardness.

And, in class–who do you sit by?  Friends.  People sit by friends, or they end up getting to be friends because of location.  People that sit in front are older students or sight-impaired, or very studious, generally.  While those in the back are too cool for school and want to text and chatter during class.  So you get partnered up with like people anyway.

An example of a group project gone awry–not my fault:

MY group sat in a row.  The fifth girl in the row, was the writer, I was the first on the opposite side of the row.  And the Green Bluff 2 025three gals in between talked about their “juicing” diets.  The writer organized our paper by name (douchi) instead of just writing a half page and putting everyone’s name at the top.  Though I had written an answer for EVERY theory (when we were only supposed to address one) this writer wrote a literal sentience for my name.  She wrote a paragraph under each of her friends though they had contributed ZERO because of the juice diet discussion.  And under her own name, the writer wrote a half page.  Bitch.  So it was made to look like I was a slacker.

My worst group project ever–also not my fault:

My Farm Plan

pretty in pinkMy senior year at Mizzou everyone had to take a capstone course in their major.  Hog Production is what fit into my schedule–though I didn’t intend on working with hogs and had no strong interest in them.  Anyway, our semester project was to write this big, involved farm plan and present it.  All in a group of 4.  The big thing was that the plan had to utilize everything we learned in class AND be consistent   Meaning all 4 group members had to have the same set-up.  Before Thanksgiving break I e-mailed my group and told them I would be happy to edit their portions, as well as type them all in one document–as a pre-vet student I needed an A in every class, and this project was the biggest component of our grade.

None of my three group members had STARTED the semester-long farm plan at that point in late November!!!!  By turkeyNovember–with only a month left of class.  Hadn’t.  Even.  Started.  Now, what am I supposed to do about that?  So I wrote the prof. explaining the situation and asking what I should do.  He just assured me in all his years of doing this project the groups have always come together by the end.

So no help.

And sure enough, come grading time my (assigned) group members with senioritis and plans to work for their family farms in a week or so (ie not pre-vet and not concerned about one course grade) had not completed the farm plans, and the ones that had slapped it together.  So even though MY portion was worthy of an A (the prof even said that), as a group we got a C-!  When I complained to the prof I should not be graded based on other people’s caliber of work–he just said he had always graded them as groups for the 20-some years he had been doing this, and he had never before seen a group that didn’t come together as mine hadn’t. . .  I got a C in that class 😦  NOT fair.

So that’s a huge reason why I’m anti-group work.  And here’s a bad dream I had related to group work:

To dream that you are in a bus accident suggests that it is time for you to move away from a group setting and venture out on your own. You need to be more independent.

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AuD Research Topics

23 May

I have been looking into the research emphasis for UNC so I can tailor my personal statement.  It’s all about meshing your goals with your dream school’s current projects.  So here’s what I found:

hair cells 1

Central Neurophysiological Markers Underlying Degraded Speech Recognition

Optimization of FSP and HDCIS: Influence on Speech Perception

Vestibulo-ocular Reflex and Functional Balance Correlates of Agingcampus_rec UNC bears

Neurophysiological Indicators of Early-Stage Cognitive Decline

Concentration-Dependent Effects of Bone Morphogenetic Proteins on Atoh1 college what i really doExpression During Avian Hair Cell Regeneration

Mechanisms Underlying Short-Term Synaptic Plasticity in the Auditory Brainstem

The Effect of Active Listening on Cochlear Mechanics in Children

Objective Measures of Fatigue in Children with and Without Hearing Loss

Characterizing Effects of Fatigue Following Physical Exertion on Dynamic Visual Acuity Test in Collegiate AthletesMaico MA-25 audm

Tablet Audiometry: Accurate Enough for Clinical Use?

Noise-induced Hearing Loss Alters Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal Axis Activity in Rats

Repeatability and Stability of Medial Olivocochlear Reflex Effects on Short- and Long-latency Transient-evoked Otoacoustic Emissions

Musical Experience and Hearing Loss: Perceptual, Cognitive and Neural Benefits 

maculae 1Further Developing the Auditory Nerve Overlapped Waveform (ANOW) as an Objective Measure of Low-Frequency Hearing

Development of a Head Shake Postural Control Protocol for Potential Use in Concussion Assessment

cVEMP Measures in Adolescents

Speech-evoked Envelope Following Responses as an Objective Aided Outcome Measure

Onset-Offset N1-P2 Response Comparisons: A Possible Index for Tinnitus Verificationinner ear 2

Attitudes of Audiologists Toward Individuals with Multiple Disabilities

Proliferation Patterns in Zebrafish Neuromasts Following Cisplatin Toxicity

 

And a little easier to decipher–here’s what came up when I pasted each name into Google Scholar:

Kathryn Bright = stuff on spontaneous OAE

-**Deanne Meinke = noise-induced hearling loss (shooting range, mp3, classrm); DPOAEs

Tina Stoody = auditory electrophysiology (whatever that is. . .)

Jennifer Weber = (common name) but maybe h-aid gain, possibly some chemistry-sounding compound stuff or genetics, digital noise reduction for better background noise level.

-**Robert Traynor = HL in aging ppl, personal style & h-aid fitting, dx & rehab of elders in facilities, 

-*Daniel Ostergren = case study of classrm acoustics (+handbook acoustic accessability), tag team parenting, 

Gustav Mueller = EZ method to calc AI, digital noise reduction & background noise, affects of amplification on tinnitus, lots of stuff about amplification, AI, and speech-sciency-looking topics

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A Horrible Feeling: WANT

22 May

My mentality has come a long way in two years.  I wrote this in September 2012, and it really did feel terrible to want material items so much.  It’s the kind of thing you know is a bad character trait, it’s not a helpful feeling, you can be better then that.  But at the same time it’s persistent.  I partially blame our culture.  As a capitalistic country, you cannot get away from advertising–and that does have an effect.  Even if you don’t want it to, it gets in your head and may influence thoughts and behavior.  That’s what advertisements are paid the big buck to do.  And as I look back, it was also because of the ethos at my work.  I worked with women who were focused on the newest Apple product, name brand purses, and the cutest seasonal clothes.  It made me feel compelled–to be the same.

I’m happy to say I’m away from their influence, and even before I was I decided that’s not the person I want to be.  I don’t give an eff about brand names, and have no need to buy the latest fad item because it’s the cool status symbol to have.  That’s not to say I don’t want to buy things and that I’m totally reformed.  I still want boots, and more capris, and to be able to afford to move.  I still covet things.  But I’ve improved from this post.

And I’m happy to say I’m being mindful about focusing on free things like gratitude, nature, and love.  Corny but true.  And it’s making me a better person.  I can go most days, in fact, without spending any money in my checking account.  I was going to say without spending ANY money, but you’d be hard-pressed to do that–I use utilities, eat, drive many days, use stuff.  But I’m not really buying much.  Which is good since I’m still unemployed and needing to conserve funds to move for school in a year.  But this draft was in my blog, so here is that old post, which I am a little ashamed about now:

To WANT.

I don’t want to come across like a spoiled, entitled bitch in the post–though I’m certain that’s what will be conveyed. . .

It all started in the summer.  It was my birthday at the beginning of July.  I had 2 gifts to open the day of–they went together and one bag and a card to open a week later.  And I received nothing on my Amazon wish list.  Not that I don’t appreciate what I did get.  It’s just that—–I want the stuff on my Amazon wish list.

It continued at the beginning of school.  With all the cheap house stuff meant for dorms and school supplies available in stores.  I HAD to buy some things for class, and it made me WANT more.  And I want. . .  Stuff.

But in the summer I knew it was impractical to spend any extra money.  Expecially since my hours will be cut back for school.  And especially when I have bills and necessities to consider.  And now–it’s quite impossible, as I had to pull out an emergency loan for school.  Because my hours at work went part time prior to me having to pay my school deposit/books/school supplies.  And the school dragged its feet so all my loans did not go on forbearance in time to beat this billing cycle.  So I had to pay my biggest undergrad loan.  Anyway, what little money that is in my account is not mine.  So I thought maybe writing down the things I want would relieve some of the agony?  I’m not certain what else to do about this terrible feeling of. . .  Well, greed, I guess.

–Dental appointment/cleaning

–Dave Matthews shirt

–a new backpack

–cute running sneakers

–match-E-match sweats (I found cute maroon ones at the Roxy website)

–a tote for swimming stuff/day trips/car camping/running clothes–I could use it ALL the time

–toothbrush holder b/c we currently use a mug

–sounds weird, but I want to stock up on needfuls so I never have to rush to the busy grocery store when I’m short on cash and have an imprending exam.

–ink!  For the computer because school necessitates a lot of printing.

–shampoo

–highlights to blend the gray–ugh. . .

I guess rather than pining over things I don’t have, and shouldn’t buy all at once, I should look around and be thankful for what I DO have.  I ought to use/wear things I haven’t in awhile.  I also should appreciate PEOPLE and feelings and thing money can’t buy.

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I can’t stand Ani DiFranco

21 May

She can’t really sing, has repetitive chords, her spoken word stuff sucks, and no one that THINKS they’re profound actually is.  Lame.  I think what really gets me is her lyrics and her spoken word crap.  I can tell she thinks of herself as smart and clever and that’s a huge deal-breaker for me.  I find her trite, cliche, and pretentious.

who is more hideousDouche loved her.  Probably because Douche fancied herself profound.  So I went to an Ani concert in Columbia, Missouri once.  And it was PACKED.  She has a huge following and I don’t get why.  At the concert, I was unimpressed musically–she offers nothing special, and may have been on some sort of speed.  And I never like to hear about celebrities doing drugs.  It makes me feel very disappointed in them.  Philip Seymoure Hoffman’s overdose made me feel torn.  I never want to support a junkie, but I felt sorry for him too.  And he’s still my favorite actor, because he does really good work.  But Ani?  I think she’s on drugs and didn’t like her in the first place, so it’s one more strike against her.

I CAN say she was very. . .  Shoot I can’t think of the word I want.  It starts with a c.  She had sort of a spark about her that drew people to her and made you like her.  And the woman and gays of CoMo really, really came out in droves and cheered heartily for her every move.  But I still don’t.  Like her, I mean.

Plus, it irks me that like Angelina Jolie (who I don’t care for either) she is this lesbian icon.  But is she even a lesbian?  I think she has a husband and child?  I’m not sure about that as I don’t follow the news about her because I don’t like her.

I don’t know what I saw recently that compelled me to start this draft, but I thought I would stray from speech & hearing and vet stuff that I’ve been covering a lot lately, and write something a little gay and a little music.

 

 

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I’m Not Sure We Can Move to Colorado :-[

19 May

I made the mistake of looking into Colorado housing.  And found out that we’re screwed.  Because we have 2 cats it severely limits our choices.  And I absolutely will in no way get ride of either cat!  I feel the former doesn’t even need to be said, but just in case someone was going to suggest it.  So the cats limit us to a studio starting at a minimum of $700/month.  We pay less that $600 now.  And I will be in school full-time so I won’t be able to work.

campus_rec UNC bears

But we don’t qualify for section 8 government-subsidized housing either (as far as I can tell, I’m no lawyer) because all part-time or full-time students are ineligible.  And really ineligible–even if I lived in the house and Cool applied to it–we’d both be denied because I’m a student.  Even if I can somehow get around the student thing, I don’t know how they are defining “family” so I’m not sure how Cool and I would apply.  And all the info pages are really jargony so I’m not clear on what it’s saying about all the stipulations and procedures.

 

I looked far away from the campus town and the story is the same.  Until you get to Colorado Springs at the very bottom of the state, far, far away from AuD programs I need.

 

And I looked into University housing.  You can have pet-friendly dorms, where everyone must be a student to live there.  OR you have family-friendly apartments of university-houses that allow a spouse–but no pets.  But I e-mailed the residence hall association, so maybe I’ll get good news and my whole family can live in some sort of university apartment or house. . .

 

And you’ve already read about our terrible TERRIBLE luck with roommates in my Seattle blog entries, so I’m very hesitant to get into that scene again–especially while trying to excel in my AuD program, and especially with 2 cats to take care of.  I in no way want to deal with slobby, partying, drinking, drugging, or crazy roomies.  The frat house and my 12th street bedroom were awful, costly situations.  And much of the reason we moved HERE.

 

I don’t know if I’m able to have loans in excess of my tuition.  And I don’t know who to talk to when I’m not even a student yet–the internet doesn’t really say, because it largely depends on your FAFSA.  It wouldn’t be an optimal solution, but if I could get a loan to cover housing, we could move AND my family can stay together.  But we can’t go at all if it means some sort of emergency situation where we’re forced to give up the cats, separate, or be homeless.  Which is what it sort of looks like to me now.

 

So now I’m panicked about moving and don’t even know if it’s a possibility anymore.  Which means my AuD program also isn’t a possibility, because the closest one is Seattle, which has the same or worse housing situation.  I feel bad and stressed out!

forest fire 6

-What are students supposed to do for housing?

-How do people move to a new state and find jobs and housing?

I just went from excited to leave to worried, worried, worried!

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