My Heart Grew So Full

5 May

BUT before we get to that something that needs to be said:  Shades of Myspace.  Ok, that made me TOTALLY belligerent anti-facebookand ruins the tone of the post.  I just wrote a full-length post, and when I pressed “publish” it glitched out and disappeared never to be retrieved.  No auto-save, no draft, no nothing.  That makes me want to scream!  What is going on with WordPress lately?  First burying drafts on the date they were first opened, now erasing posts?  What.  The.  Fuck?!!!  So I don’t know how to recreate a 6 paragraph post, and now my mood is more agitated then moved, as it was 10 minutes ago.  Here’s my attempt:

I am back from a hiatus from writing–doing anything beyond the bare minimum, really.  I have been studying most of the time in an effort not to repeat my exam 3 mishap.  You remember the one?  The one that I missed more then double the points I had missed cumulatively all semester.  The one where I let my test anxiety to take hold.  That one test that threw my confidence and made me feel intimidated.

testsAfter I got that back, I had to re-group.  Not only will I NOT allow my A+ to disappear, I will not allow my 4.0 GPA to be ruined by less that a 95% in a course.  But it was more then that–I took exam 3 personally.  My teacher prides herself on her “tricky” exam-writing skills–ie mind-fucking us, and grading it subjectively.  For example having some questions ask for the best answer, some asking to pick 2 answers, and some picking all correct answers, but getting one point taken off as penalty for each wrong guess.  Worse, is when I KNOW something–saw it in the test or multiple sources, but she has a different answer in her head so I’m forced to pick between the answer I know for a fact is correct and the one she probably means. . .  It just ramps up my test anxiety.

Anyway, I take credit for exam 3’s extraordinary difficulty-level.  I had only missed 3 points on exam 1 and 2 points on exam 2 and I’m suspicious this affected the teacher’s ego.  So I am paranoid she made the test a LOT harder to get me.  Exam 3 was different from the other 2 exams in the class, and different from the 4 exams we had with her first semester–I think she didn’t like me doing so well.

Needless to say, I wasn’t going to let her win.  I started studying for the final early, and daily.  And I did it wholeheartedly.college what i really do  Except, I started to get a little bored with my same ol tactics after a while, so I typed my important points onto online flashcards–so I could study MY material while playing a game.  And since I took the time, I decided to post a link to my flashcards for my classmates on Facebook.  And I didn’t know if they would look at them, or be annoyed that I overpost about Audiometry, but I shared, because I had already made the effort.

And I never expected to receive this note after the final:   Just wanted to let you know that the generosity, thoughtfulness, and effort you put into creating and sharing these was incredibly helpful and greatly appreciated!!!  (I honestly wouldn’t have been able to make it through this final without you!)

The sentiment made my heart explode with joy a depth of feeling.  I had made a difference in at least one person’s life and it felt awesome–and didn’t cost ME anything.  The only lame thing was my response:  “Awesome  I hope the class average is sky-high!”  Which does not convey how much I appreciated her statement at all, but I hope she knows how much it meant.

hope fearAnd after calculating what I could have missed based on checkmarks next to questions I wasn’t 100% certain of I think I got as low as a 92%.  Subtract 3 more points for unfair subjective grading practices–and I still am well within the window to keep my A+ and 4.0 GPA.  So tonight, I’m just going to enjoy the moment and I’ll start thinking about my summer financial situation tomorrow.

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