Well, I’ve been here before. I’m on the all too familiar borderline. First, 3rd grade math, the cusp between B+ and A-, then vet school (so many times), and now this Audiology program. The uncertainty, the waiting, decreased financial aid opportunities. . .
I knew I shouldn’t have put all of my eggs in one basket. Again. But I felt that I didn’t have another (good) choice: 1) I wanted to live in the same place as Cool and both kitties (without roommates), 2) Afford the rent (WITHOUT ROOMMATES = read Seattle-housing blogs), 3) Have job opportunities for Cool, 4) move only 1 more time after this big move, and of course 4) go to a place with said AuD program. Boulder, Colorado was too expensive to live and Greeley didn’t have employment. Seattle and Portland’s cost of living is too high (and commute terrible). Idaho has no jobs, and the program required an additional move halfway through–3 hours away. There was no housing (other then student = no Cool, no kitties) in Logan Utah. Every other school was a really, really far, expensive, move. I only applied to Salt Lake City, because that’s the only place that was going to work.
I tried the best I could and wouldn’t change anything about my application. I always, always felt that I was destined for greatness. Something bigger, something impressive. But even doing EVERYthing differently this time (vs. vet school attempts) the results are much the same. And it makes me doubt everything. Am I supposed to just have a j-o-b? Go to work doing nothing meaningful or spectacular and focus elsewhere on my life? I always thought it was a career and making a difference that was my path–but this gives me so much doubt.
Wait-list is a helpless position. I have to wait. Wait while someone else determines my future. This time I will follow up with a letter of enthusiasm (which I have sent). Saying they are my first choice, I’ve done this and that new thing, and the program is a good fit because. . . I’ll follow this through to the end.
But it was supposed to be MY turn. And I can’t help but feel sorry for myself, that I may have just wasted 2 more years and thousands of dollars (and a LOT of headache) at Riverpoint getting nowhere. I may be back at square one–again. What now?