I’m Sorry that You’re a Bitch

I’m so sorry I came when you invited me–

I didn’t realize I’d be the fourth party

 

And what a mistake I made going away when you didn’t want me

at your Thanksgiving dinner, you didn’t invite me to

spending the night in the break room

just sleeping in a place with a bathroom

since the one where I was living was through your dining room

But I cleaned and that’s such an infraction

you came in for chairs and saying nothing was your reaction

I’m sorry your later statement was a contrived exaggeration

 

I’m contrite I worked to the best of my ability–

and I apologize I came to my own work party

And I regret that you manipulated the gift giving

 

what a criminal using my kennel duty keys

And I’m genuinely regretful you were spying on me

I was such a thug feeding and dog walking

 

And what a mistake I made asking my mentor for a letter

it was very pushy and I guess I should have known better

Good thing you called the school and said, “forget (h)er”