Archive | October, 2022

Maroon (Part 1): Flex that Vocab [The Rosetta Stone of Taylor Swift]

30 Oct

Rather than try to figure out the pronouns or subject I thought the simplest way to start to decode this song was probably just looking up words. I mean, you know the general meaning of maroon or rubies, but I don’t know a lot of the symbolism or religious meanings and things like that. Here we go!

When the morning came we were cleaning incense off your vinyl shelf

‘Cause we lost track of time again

Laughing with my feet in your lap, like you were my closest friend

How’d we end up on the floor anyway?

You say, “Your roommate’s cheap-ass screw top Rosé”, that’s how

It looks like a lot of people think rose is a “girly” drink. Can we STOP gendering drinks?! Anyone can enjoy any wine (or not) and anyone can drink whiskey. I personally enjoy either depending on the occasion.

Something a bit more compelling to me is the season. Rose is a summer wine. And Taylor sings about seasons a lot. August.

I see you every day now

And I chose you

The one I was dancin’ with in New York

No shoes, looked up

At the sky and it was

The burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine onto me

As a color, burgundy is red/brown–near maroon.

The name is from France–Paris.

There is a red/purple wine from France called Burgundy.

I think it would make a lot of sense to do a call back to wine in Paris, so this is probably less about the color burgundy, and more about a memory that took place with the person she’s talking to in the song.

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was

Taylor might be talking about scarlet in the sense of passion. Blood rushing into your cheeks because you’re turned on.

This one doesn’t seem likely, but we do need to remember it for later because there’s that line in another Midnights song that talks about blood-soaked dress.

Scarlet is a very loaded word. And Taylor knows all about that bc she used the word in that context in New Romantics: We show off our different scarlet letters/Trust me, mine is better.

The stigmatizing meaning of scarlet could also tie to the scarlet as passion meaning–if the love is socially unacceptable (gay). Her cheeks are flushing scarlet with passion for a woman which would be “bad” and get her labeled a stigmatizing letter. The one she talks about in New Romantics. Thirdly, this could be an Illicit Affairs situation where the scarlet letter is actually A. Which still works because Karlie is supposed to be with Jo$h.

The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones

I don’t think Taylor intended it, but I think it’s a neat coincidence that rust is so aligned with photography, and the subject of this song is a model.

Rust forms when metal is exposed to oxygen and moisture of a long period of time, and weakens the mass of the metal to the point it no longer provides support for the structure. It’s a great metaphor for a relationship that is deteriorating from lack of communication over time. That relationship also weakens because the people in it are no longer on the same page. Assumptions are made, worries creep in, because they’re no longer talking. The structure of their love is weakened even if both people still love each other.

I’m pretty sure this definition wasn’t intended either, but it’s kind of cool Rust is used in programming language, when Karlie’s pet-business is Koding with Klossy.

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

Here is passion again that goes with a scarlet meaning. But maroon also depth and darkness. Taylor could mean deep passion, true love. She could also mean passion, but it’s dark because there are negative things mixed with this passionate love (closeting and cheating).

Creativity–like Taylor uses in her songs.

Is Taylor using maroon like a danger signal because of the problems that occur due to this socially unacceptable passion. Or as more of an Ivy situation where he (Jo$h) will burn the house down if he knew?

Tongue = kissing?

Fire = Leo and Sagittarius sun signs? Or burning passion? Or burning the witches, as talked about in I Did Something Bad?

delusion of attachment = stuff? her career? her fame? True love takes priority over Earthly items and pride?

wisdom of discernment = let’s define discernment:

Given the context of the song and rust that grew between telephones, discernment could mean ascertaining whether Karlie is genuine and good, or if she’s “a false prophet” just in it for selfish purposes. Afterglow is really evoked with this meaning:

In that song, Taylor admits she jumped to the wrong conclusion (probably because they weren’t routinely talking-rust, you know). Taylor assumed Karlie did something terrible that hurt her. But she was wrong. Taylor made incorrect assumptions. It was all in her head, and she’s regretful at her accusations. Could Maroon be talking about the Afterglow situation?

The Buddhist monks, who learn to appreciate spiritual growth over capitalistic concerns, wear maroon. MADE OF BURGUNDY. And represent fearlessness on the path to enlightenment. Which includes valuing love and trusting the vetted, good people. You need to trust more (The Great War, which may also be talking about this very situation).

Other interesting meanings of maroon that still tie into the mistrust that led to the Afterglow situation is fool and abandon. Is Taylor admitting in this song that she acted foolish in jumping to conclusions that Karlie was intentionally hurting her? And is she accusing Karlie of marooning her, or just feeling marooned (abandoned with no hope of rescue) because of that fallout Taylor caused?

When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy

How the hell did we lose sight of us again?

Sobbin’ with your head in your hands

Ain’t that the way shit always ends?

You were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway

In Peace, Taylor says she’s always going to closet when the gay rumors get too loud. But in the remainder of the song Karlie refutes these initial lines by TS and tells Taylor how much she truly loves her and will do anything for her:

In Exile, Taylor and Karlie are having a conversation. They are saying this has happened 2, 3, 100 times. The Kaylor relationship has always been precarious, balancing on breaking branches. Taylor tells Karlie she just can’t come out, she’s too scared, but she’ll come out the side door (Lavender haze).

But Karlie says she can’t cry for Taylor, Taylor has to muster up the courage and come out herself. Karlie says they’ve always walked a very thin line so it’ll be fine to leave the closet. Taylor is still too afraid to lose everything. So Karlie leaves her in the hallway holding all this love. Karlie can’t wait around anymore, or deal with any more foiled coming outs-her biological clock is ticking.

Midnight Rain is written after all of that with Taylor looking back regretfully:

Karlie wanted a comfortable family life, but Taylor couldn’t come out, so Karlie went back to the default (Jo$h). Taylor chose her fame over marrying Karly and having a baby. Taylor “wanted” that pain of closeting and lavender haze…

Carnations you had thought were roses, that’s us

If this is the meaning Taylor was thinking of–motherly love is not what Kaylor was going for. They thought their love was sexy and passionate, but turns out it was love you like a friend/sister/mother. That doesn’t seem quite right in this song. I tried to think of other comparisons between carnations and roses:

Carnations are substantially cheaper than roses. Maybe Taylor is saying you thought we had an extravagant, rich, relationship, but turns out is was superficial and cheap. This could fit. But I wondered if the lifespans of the two flowers were substantially different:

And that can’t be it because carnations actually live longer that roses, but Taylor uses them with a negative connotation in the song.

Interesting–some carnations are funeral flowers. So Taylor could just be saying the carnations are the end of Kaylor. Aren’t we learning so much about color and flowers? Thanks, Taylor!

We looked at carnations, so let’s learn about roses:

Secrets! That goes right along with the theme of the song that lack of communication, accusations, mistrust, closeting—all pulled Kaylor apart.

I feel you no matter what, the rubies that I gave up

So ruby comes from Latin for Red, which Maroon is talking about a lot.

Is Taylor just saying that she gave up the scarlet passion, raw emotion, and love in choosing the closet/fame over Karlie?

Perpetually burning fires? Like a Leo’s fire. Or the comfortable home life? Taylor gave up both.

I’m sure that the healing has nothing to do with this song, but we’re learning so I still included it.

Taylor gave up Karlie (the sun). Ruby is gemstone of…the sun?! It has a MAROON aura!!!

I mean, did this exact paragraph inspire the song, or what???

When I lost you

The one I was dancin’ with in New York

No shoes, looked up

At the sky and it was maroon

The burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine onto me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was

The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

And I wake with your memory over me

That’s a real fucking legacy that you see (it was maroon)

Taylor mentions her legacy in Anti-Hero:

But I think we can match the vibe of this song a little better. I looked up legacy in relation to career (which Taylor chose over love):

And I wake with your memory over me

That’s a real fucking legacy to leave

The burgundy on my t-shirt when you splashed your wine onto me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was maroon

The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

It was maroon

It was maroon

So there you have it. Just by searching formal definitions of the words within the lyrics we figured out Taylor is probably talking about the Afterglow problem might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back in a relationship with many odds stacked against them. And what was the Afterglow problem–Karlie’s “one for the money” wedding with Jo$h, perhaps? Maybe but that’s a whoooooole ‘nother post! Anyway, Taylor’s mind thinks of worst case scenarios. Throw closeting and beards and a loud biological clock into the mix and we ascertain that Taylor chose fame over love and Karly chose baby over Taylor. And now Taylor is marooned in her loneliness and regret.

A Taste Review: Did You Know Kit Kats Come in 10 More Flavors Than You Knew About?!

29 Oct

And now a break from Taylor’s Midnights series for

HALLOWEEN CANDY.

I found all manner of flavors not offered in the U.S. (at least that I know about) from a Japanese retailor on Amazon. They sent 21 random flavors-some repeated. And there’s even more flavors out there! I did the taste test months and months ago, so I can’t remember details, but here some of the flavors are!

Refrigerator mango
Sweet

Mango and chocolate don’t sound great, but this one was actually really good. And very summery.

Blue wrapper spaceman
Like berry cereal?

Do you like blueberry beer? Same kinda thing minus the alcohol.

Red
Regular kit kat

How can I ever go back to the boring plain stuff again??!

Mango
Weird fake mango w/cookie

Latte or malt?
Couldn’t tell, dry

The texture was a put-off. Also, keep a beverage nearby as this one is a choking hazard.

Peach
Sweet good

I did NOT think these light fruity ones would be good, but I was wrong. They really make it work.

Cinnamon apple
Smells sugar, sweet Lt apple, cinnamon candy aftertaste

I think it’s funny how we usually see apple as red or green packaging, but this one is purple-huh.

Orange
Just like the chocolate orange slices

Ever had that coffee (maybe mocha) that has an orange peel in it? What’s it called? Anyway, I had it all the time when I lived in Seattle and it’s so heavenly a combination. This is too.

Green matcha tea
Lt subtle

If you like the Jamba Juice ones you’ll like this one.

I can’t remember what this one is. It might be just dark chocolate which is why I may not have written it down…

Cookies and cream
Exactly as stated

Melon–which was surprisingly good!

Happy trick-or-treating! I guarantee none of these will be in your bag at the end of the night.

Midnights and the Lover-Era Coming Out Foiled

29 Oct

It is speculated all the rainbows and butterflies and bi-colored wigs were building up to something aside from just “allyship” during the Lover era.

Taylor was crying prior to this announcement.

She answers, “I have a lot of emotions about the whole thing…”

Robin asks what the BIG reveal is:

Taylor announces. . . a song.

Note that both of them seem very tense in their faces.

Robin tries to get her to give the actual BIG announcement a second time:

Taylor deflects:

Robin brings out the big guns and motions to the fans waiting in the rain for a BIG announcement:

It’s a very pointed–tell the REAL announcement:

Taylor downplays the rain and does not announce anything else:

Look closer at the facial expressions and body language [Robin Asks. Taylor Answers]:

You’re going to do your big coming out announcement. mmmmm, probably not.

YOU’RE going to come out in the announcement. Absolutely not.

You did that?! You announced a single. During the NFL draft… This is all you’re getting.

Bringing the suffering and loyalty of the fans into it. This is not going to work on me.

Pride Month 2019:

all the cameos remind me of this moment in (gay) history:

Taylor was really leaning into Pride:

The LAST day of Pride month, June 30, 2019, Taylor sent this message to fans:

This masters heist was a major turning point.

New York Pride Parade. June 30, 2019;

But here’s the thing:

A deleted tick-tock video was saying that the panels in the pride dress did not match Billy’s skin tone, but would have matched Taylor’s. And this theory was substantiated by the designer who did a duo drinking tea! It’s BIG proof.

Taylor couldn’t come out and possibly alienate her fans/the general public/the industry, because she wanted to rerecord her masters in order to devalue the “stolen” ones. So coming out was scrapped last minute.

And we got confusion in the lover era.

The rainbows and light happiness came to a screeching halt.

Sadness was palpable:

London Boy was added to the Lover album last minute.

And UK listeners didn’t think it made regional or cultural sense:

Also, the placement of London Boy on the tracklist is jarring:

Why. the fuck. would anyone place the lightest, most buoyant song immediately next to a song dealing with Cancer and possible, impending death of her mother???!

I marked songs on Lover that I think were placed on the album after the coming out was scrapped.

So what songs on Midnights might have been on the Lover album in the place of those 3-4 out of place songs, or in addition to the tracks?

I need to think about this more, but right away I lean toward Question… and The Great War. But when I analyze each song, I’ll mention the “fits the Lover-era better” songs.

Midnights Album = Lover Vault Tracks

28 Oct

I guess I should have started the series with this post. But what I forgot is not everyone has this same opinion. Even though it seems fairly obvious to me. So here’s some background thinking that may influence my opinions about the tracks.

Here’s what I think happened:

Taylor is rerecording her masters. Fans were clamoring for the albums. There were trends every Friday on Twitter guessing album drops. And it is in Taylor’s best interest to keep up engagement and interest in her masters project. She needs each one to sell and stream and be successful. If there is a drought people might forget or lose motivation to support it. Except there were snafus: She wants the big finish to be Taylor Swift TV. Reputation isn’t eligible until 2023. Speak Now and 1989 both ran into legal troubles.

It makes sense to me that Taylor’s team decided to throw together a new album real quick as damage control, and a bridge to the next rerecord. Taylor dipped into her diaries, her drafts, and vault songs that didn’t make past albums. She cleaned them up, did a bit of editing, and rushed to construct an album to satiate the general public.

I think the new album sounds like if Reputation and Lover had a baby that was more subtle than both. Taylor said these tracks are from midnights throughout her life so it makes sense to me she might have written most of the songs, portions of the songs, lyrics, taken inspiration from the period of time between Reputation tour and Lover promo.

Looking at Taylor’s catalog as an evolution, it doesn’t seem like Midnights belongs after folklore and Evermore. Yes, those albums were a slightly different genre, but more than that those albums were high-brow and complex with shifting themes. They were decadent in their lyricism and expertly written to mix fantasy and fiction.

Midnights sounds like it belongs prior to the quarantine era albums. It is WILDLY successful, and I wonder how much of that is promo working, how much is due to Taylor’s name bringing high recognition/curiosity no matter what she does, and how much is thirsty fans supporting it. I think it’s probably a variety of factors, but to me Midnights is not the progression of talent post folkmore.

I also think the timelines in the new songs make better sense if they were written in the past. Example:

The Great War bridge

It turned into something bigger
Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I’d been betrayed
Your finger on my hairpin triggers
Soldier down on that icy ground
Looked up at me with honor and truth
Broken and blue, so I called off the troops
That was the night I nearly lost you
I really thought I’d lost you

the nearly lost you confuses me. It implies when this song was written Taylor was still with Karlie. I know the two were on and off many times, but current dresses, music videos, posts, and lyrics show more of a petty-ex energy between the two. Also, the last 3-4 albums wouldn’t be so sad if Taylor was currently together again with Karlie.

I’m interested to see what the 11th album will sound like. Then we’ll know for sure if folkmore was just an anomaly of suddenly having tragedy plus downtime, or if Midnights belongs at 6.5 in the album order.

Midnights Analysis-Evasive Character Perspective: Lavender Haze

27 Oct

Lately (folklore on) Taylor has been especially good at obscuring subject, timelines, characters, point of view etc… I suspect she does this to make her work palatable to the largest audience possible. She can cater to every different subset of listeners by making each song multifaceted. Diverse populations, people with divergent backgrounds and sensibilities can take different things from the same songs.

In folklore, fantasy and fiction were combined to make a sort of double story out of each song. This tactic builds in plausible deniability. The Last Great American Dynasty is an explicit example. In that song, Taylor is talking about the history of Rebecka Harkness, but also herself.

In Evermore, several different people were written about in the same song, until people could not extricate the truth for what line was about who. Take Dorthea. The song is about this Dorthea who we don’t know. Maybe someone from Nashville. But also a few of the lines could be Taylor talking about herself. And other lines really seem like present-day Taylor speaking to younger Taylor. The song is about all 3 of those people. And she is not clear about when the narrator or character changes.

For Midnights, I think Taylor used a different tactic. We were told these stories are personal, non-fiction, true events. I would say perspective (who is saying this?) and character (who is being talked about/to?) are the main foils to deciphering Midnights. She even switches the person who is talking and the subject being talked to in the same sentence at points. I won’t give an example here because I’m going to try to give each song it’s own entry. But that device makes it difficult to know who the songs are about–and that’s the point.

So our first controversial (we’ll get into it in a minute) song is Lavender Haze:

Toot noise like NYE

Model walking beat

Other songs that have this same type of beat are Style and Gold Rush, which are both very Karlie songs.

Meet me at midnight…

I think she’s talking to NY day muse. Though I think songs get repurposed over time to reflect Taylor’s current situations (think I Bet You Think About Me which was supposedly a Red-era vault track, but had many, many current symbols). I think this song has at least evolved for Taylor to be about Karlie.

At 0.59 sec, Taylor sings “I want HER midnights.”

In that song, Taylor is talking about hiding her WLW love during New Years Eve when everyone is around, and for the big midnight kiss because she is closeted. Her and her lover have to resort to spending private time cleaning up on New Years Day, when everyone is passed out or hungover. But Taylor says she wants her girlfriend’s midnights–she wants to be able to be up front about the woman she loves and partake in that public kiss tradition.

Staring at the ceiling with you

This line may be a character switch. It the midnights person the same as the ceiling person?

Oh, you don’t ever say too much

The two have been “dating” for 6 years but are weirdly private, not attending important events, speaking about one another in interviews, or acting like a couple save for the occasional paparazzi photo (read, hired be the celebrities themselves to take PR pics). If the two are actually together, their relationship is unnecessarily complex. And it seems like Joe is a bad boyfriend (minimizing Taylor’s accomplishments, being absent for important events, looking like an unhappy hostage dragging her 2 steps behind him when they are photographed).

And you don’t really read into

My melancholia

That sounds unfulfilling to me. If I’m severely depressed, I want Cool to engage with me and talk to me about it. Try to help me, at least show she cares. . . But Joe apparently just takes it at face value, and doesn’t mention it.

I thought the description for the movie related to Taylor’s life and songs, which may have been why she chooses that particular, and unique word to describe depression.

Melancholia film similarities to TS:

There’s a wedding (Taylor doesn’t want that 1950s shit. Karlie got married to a man).

Castle is money/status. (Taylor wants to keep hers, Karlie may have married a man for it).

narrow and winding, same as spiral. Not straight. Not easy. rural = desolate and alone. Labyrinthine?

Justine is pushed into a role others chose for her (marriage). (Just like Taylor is being pushed by media/public/parents/team/Joe? and doesn’t want that according to this song).

There is cheating and the marriage is called off. (Many of Taylor’s songs talk about cheating: Illicit Affairs, Betty, etc…)

The women in the film spend their final moments alone in a magic cave (kingdom in my bedroom, if you will) drinking wine by candlelight.

There is a SEA of FLAMES and Earth SHATTERS into a billion (million in Taylor’s case, says Mirrorball).

I been under scrutiny

You handle it beautifully

All this shit is new to me

Which part of this is new to Taylor? She’s supposedly been dating for 6 years, so not the committed relationship. She’s been famous since she was a child, so not celebrity, or media asking her things. She has even bearded at least once before.

I feel the lavender haze creeping up on me

If you missed my last post on how lavender is a decidedly gay color, go back one entry and learn some history.

Haze:

so lavender haze could be tenuous, obscure, confusing…

It reminds me of Cardigan:

Here, I think she uses smoke to symbolize the aftermath of a tragedy. And also something that was a reminder. And that causes confusion.

“Haze” reminds me even more of The Archer:

…I’ve got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

Coming out speeches to her fans?

…Help me hold onto you

…I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost

She’s worried about what would happen if she came out

she’s a ghost because she’s caught in-between and because she feels her true self is invisible.

The room is on fire, invisible smoke

She imagines the worst outcome, and is anxious, but it’s in her mind so far.

And all of my heroes die all alone

Help me hold onto you/…Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?/But who could stay?

Taylor wants to keep her fans, and place as a legend in music.  She wouldn’t want coming out to ruin that.

(I see right through me, I see right through me)/’Cause they see right through me/They see right through me/They see right through/Can you see right through me?/They see right through/They see right through me/I see right through me/I see right through me

Can fans see Taylor’s intentions?  Can they sense her fears?  Taylor has been signaling she’s queer-have fans picked up on that?  

Who could ever leave me, darling?/But who could stay?/(I see right through me, I see right through me)/Who could stay?/Who could stay?/Who could stay?/You could stay/You could stay/You…

Taylor is inviting fans to stay with her even if she comes out.

Furthermore she says she can feel the lavender creeping.

creeping:

You would not describe the haze of the honeymoon phase of a relationship as creeping. Creeping is negative, unwanted. The lavender is something Taylor is saying she does not want.

Surreal

I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say

Stated another way:

If I do give a damn about what people say

I’m damned

Taylor is saying if she cares about this pressure people are putting on her to marry, she will be doomed.

No deal

The 1950s shit they want from me

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

Taylor doesn’t want the creeping lavender that will doom her (marrriage). She wants to remain in the gray, hazy area she is currently occupying. This could mean this awkward “private” relationship with Joe (if the public narrative is to be believed. Or it could mean bearding with Joe to portray herself as straight to the majority, and hinting at her true orientation to Gaylors.

All they keep asking me

Is if I’m gonna be your bride

This line is direct in who Taylor is talking to. Now, she could have changed perspectives or subjects with in the song (like in Question… and back to Peace) but this tells us Joe. The media and fans and maybe her team keep asking Taylor if she is going to be JOE’s bride.

The only kinda girl they see

Is a one night or a wife

The media and fans accuse Taylor of serial dating and not being able to keep a man, or they press her about when she will get engaged or have children.  

These are the “weird rumors” Taylor spoke of in the Lavender video.

I find it dizzying

The word dizzying makes me think of all the spinning on tiptoes in heels in mirrorball:

Taylor already told us she shows each person what they want to see. She is not being her authentic self.

They’re bringing up my history

Who is they? 

It could be media, fans, enemies, exes, Taylor’s own team, the music industry, her parents…  

What history is being drudged up?

Taylor’s dating history, Kaylor, her song catalog, awards shows, promotion…

But you weren’t even listening

Who is you?  

It could still be Joe, or the “you” could indicate a different subject: Karlie, another love/muse, Taylor’s team, her mom, fans…

…Talk your talk and go viral

This sounds like she’s addressing the media.  They say whatever narrative gets them the most clicks. 

I just need this love spiral

The opposite of spiral (depending on the way the word is being used):  straight, a line, flat, constant, consistent, unchanging, calm…

Love spiral reminds me of the heart that turned into a spiraling tunnel in the Me!  Music video:

Interestingly the heart/love spiral evokes the same feelings as this lavender haze song:

Get it off your chest

“Your” sounds less like a group (fans, her team, media, music industry) and more like one individual to me.

Get it off my desk

Whatever proposal that whoever is pushing. From the context of the song, it sounds like some sort of marriage. For someone to put something on Taylor’s desk (unless she’s talking metaphorically) this person or group has to be in proximity to her. That eliminates her talking about media, fans, or the general music industry. These two lines have to be Joe or Taylor’s own team. I think Joe, because get it off “your” chest is more personal, and less used for a collective like a team.

The media, fans, her team, and Joe all want Taylor to enter a Lavender marriage with Joe in order to satiate heteronormativity and straighten out her image. And this song makes clear Taylor wants to remain in this undefined haze.

…That lavender haze, I just wanna stay

I just wanna stay in that lavender haze

No Matter What Taylor Swift Says: Lavender is a Queer Color

26 Oct

I’m a lot late to the posting party, but it’s Halloween month, and I had to hurry, hurry and do my album reviews before I was waylaid by Taylor’s new offering. And I had to digest the new album and listen. Oh yeah, and work full time. But here I am on this aged controversy: Turns out the “weird rumors” are marriage to Joe Alwyn… Where’s our apology?

Anyway, Taylor “hetsplained” in the lingo of Gaylors the song because it’s pretty outwardly gay.


AskHistorians

Was “lavender haze” really a popular term in the 50’s to describe being in love?

So in the show Mad Men, there is a scene where the main character says he met a girl and another character says “look at you, you’re in the lavender haze!” Here is a link  to the scene in question.

Yesterday night, Taylor Swift announced the title of track one of her 10th studio album Midnights. The track is called Lavender Haze, and Taylor claimed that the term was a common phrase in the 50’s to describe being in love. Here is a link  to the video in which she talks about it. …Here is a transcript of what she says regarding the song:

Lavender haze is track one on Midnights, and I happen to come upon the phrase lavender haze when I was watching Mad Men… and I looked it up — because I thought it sounded cool — and it turns out that it’s a common phrase used in the 50s where they would just describe being in love. Like if you were in the lavender haze, then that meant that you were in that all-encompassing love glow… and I thought that was really beautiful.

After watching that I became curious about the term as I had never heard of it before. I had only heard of the term “honeymoon phase” which seems to sound similar to what Ms. Swift was describing. So I looked it up to find more information. Through the various PR articles reporting on the song’s announcement, one of the first things that popped up was this urban dictionary entry, which is not very helpful and uses the show as its main source. Another thing that popped up was this random Facebook post by an interior design group which claims that Lavender Haze was a popular 50s slang saying. The post was made in 2016 and cited no sources. I then tried Snopes.com – which I know isn’t the most reliable website in the world – and found no results.

I needed a proper source. So I dug deeper. I got on Google Scholar and found virtually nothing. No results or citations about the phrase. I went on Britannica.com which is a reliable encyclopedia website. Also nothing. I got pretty desperate and even searched it on YouTube. Nothing. I went back to google as a last resort and found that there’s a weed strain called Lavender Haze. Cool, but wasn’t what I was looking for. After scrolling through endless pages I found dead ends and articles about 50s slang – and Lavender Haze was not in either list I came across. So now I am confused.

The rumor that it was a 50’s popular phrase certainly wasn’t made up by Ms Swift herself [OR WAS IT?]

There is the old “sissy” to mean gay man, and it was lavender.

The Lavender scare which fired people thought to be gay.

Lavender sashes worn to commemorate the Stonewall Riots.

The feminist movement felt lesbians would undermine their group, and were deemed the lavender menace.

Lavender marriages were set up when Hollywood was run by the studios. These fake, straight marriages kept gay stars clean cut and socially acceptable so the studio could continue making money off of them.

See some actual blurbs from sources:

Not all lavender marriages are to hide gays. Some are just to increase engagement for an upcoming project (Showmance), or to make someone more likable (Chelsea Handler?) in the eyes of the public. Also, women attached romantically to men are taken more seriously, so they can exceed in their field better if a man is in the picture-barf (Beyonce’).

I have suspicions about some big names: I think Oprah and Steadman are lavender. Posh Spice and the soccer player. Bennifer. George & Amal. Cindy Crawford and her husband (George’s bf). Kenny Chesney and Renee Z. Will and Jada. I think Charlize Theron has had a series of bearded relationships. Taylor Lautner. Zac Efron. Leo.

OK, now that I got that off my chest, let’s talk about Taylor’s lyrics in the next post.

My First Thoughts on Midnights

21 Oct

This formatting is garbage, but Cool is waiting (impatiently) to eat our meat and cheese plate. I wanted to get this posted, dated, and everything before I look at any social media. I wanted my ideas and theories to be MINE.

I was making notes on the music AT work (*tears) so it needs more. I had all my comments right-aligned, but in the C&P that all went to $hit. I’ll come back and do individual song posts later and format it a bit better. So today Control F is your friend.

Here’s my general thoughts: It’s like Reputation and Lover had a baby who was more subtle. 80% is still about Karlie. The lyrics have subtext, but they are not nearly as obscured as FolkMore. Sexy babies is cringe AF. I DID see sky/stars/moon so I think Kelsea and KelSwift is still in play!

1. Lavender Haze

Toot noise like nye

Model walking beat

Meet me at midnight

Talking to NY day muse

Oo-ooh, oo-ooh, oo-ooh-

Wo-wo-wo-wo-woah

Staring at the ceiling with you

Oh, you don’t ever say too much

And you don’t really read into

My melancholia

I’ve been under scrutiny (Yeah, oh, yeah)

You handle it beautifully (Yeah, oh, yeah)

All this shit is new to me (Yeah, oh, yeah)

I feel

A lavender haze creeping up on me

So real

I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal

The 1950s shit they want for me

She says no to

All the heteronormative milestones

I just wanna stay in the lavender haze

Oo-ooh, oo-ooh-

Wo-wo-wo-wo-woah

All they keep asking me (All they keep asking me)

Is if I’m gonna be your bride

The only kind of girl they see (The only kind of girl they see)

Is a one night or a wife

The weird rumors

I find it dizzying (Yeah, oh, yeah)

Spinning in high heels 

They’re bringing up my history (Yeah, oh, yeah)

Dating/ex

But you aren’t even listening (Yeah, oh, yeah)

I feel

A lavender haze creeping up on me

So real

I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal

The 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in the lavender haze

TS doesn’t want to marry

TS doesn’t want to come out

She wants to stay in this arrangement 

(Oo-ooh, oo-ooh, oo-ooh-

Wo-wo-wo-wo-woah ×3)

The lavender haze

Talking, talking, go viral

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

Talking, talking, go viral

SM

I just need this love spiral

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

I feel (I feel)

A lavender haze creeping up on me

So real

I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say

No deal (No deal)

The 1950s shit they want for me

I just wanna stay in the lavender haze

(Oo-ooh, oo-ooh, oo-ooh-

Wo-wo-wo-wo-woah ×2)

Get it off your chest

Get it off my desk

The lavender haze

I just wanna stay

I just wanna stay

In that lavender haze

2. Maroon

When the morning came we

Were cleaning incense off your

Vinyl shelf cause we lost track of time again

Laughing with my feet in your lap

Like you were my closest friend

How’d we end up on the floor anyway?

You say, “Your roommate’s cheap-ass screw top Rosé”, that’s how

I see you every day now

And I chose you

The one I was dancin’ with in New York

City screams your name

Karlie 

No shoes, looked up

At the sky and it was

The burgundy on my t-shirt

When you splashed the wine onto me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was

Spilled wine in the bathtub 

I don’t like the rose flush

Scarlet is fraught 

Adultry

The mark you saw on my collarbone

Hickey or lipstick 

The rust that grew between telephones

No contact

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

Lipstick 

When the silence came we

Were shaking blind and hazy

How the hell did we lose sight of us again?

Sobbin’ with your head in your hands

Ain’t that the way shit always ends?

You were standing hollow-eyed in the hallway

Carnations you had thought were roses, that’s us

I feel you no matter what, the rubies that I gave up

When I lost you

The one I was dancin’ with in New York

Dianna? 

Karlie 

No shoes, looked up

Til your high heels break 

At the sky and it was maroon

The burgundy on my t-shirt

When you splashed the wine onto me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was

The mark you saw on my collarbone

The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

Awake with your memory over me

That’s a real fucking legacy that you see (It was maroon)

Awake with your memory over me

That’s a real fucking legacy to leave

The burgundy on my t-shirt

When you splashed the wine onto me

And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was maroon

The mark you saw on my collarbone

The rust that grew between telephones

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon

It was maroon

It was maroon

3. Anti-Hero

I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser

I never grow up

Midnights become my afternoons

When my depression works the graveyard shift all of the people

I’ve ghosted stand there in the room

I should not be left to my own devices

Dbl meaning

Electronics 

Ideas

They come with prices and vices

I end up in crisis

She says the wrong thing 

I’ve realized all this time

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving

‘Cause you got tired of my scheming

Closeting? 

Hetsplaning? 

Capitalism? 

For the last time

Karlie left 

after 1 too many 

broken coming outs? 

It’s me, Hi

I’m the problem, it’s me

At tea time, everybody agrees

Spilling the tea

English tea

Ladies lunching 

I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

Karlie is the sun

She blames Karlie

 but should look inward

It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero

Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby

Very cringe

And I’m a monster on the hill

Too big to hang out, slowly lurching towards your favorite city

NY? 

London? 

Touring schedule? 

Pierced through the heart, but never killed

Did you hear my covert narcissism lightly disguised as altruism

Self aware

Like some kind of congressman

I wake up screaming from dreaming

One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving

And life will lose all of its meaning

For the last time

It’s me, Hi

I’m the problem, it’s me (I’m the problem, it’s me)

At tea time, everybody agrees

I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero

I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me 

Imaginary?

Taylor doesn’t want children? 

Karlie as DIL to Ku$hners? 

for the money

She thinks I left them in the will

Implying Karlie left for the $$$? 

The family gathers around and reads it and someone screams out

“She’s laughing up at us from hell!”

It’s me, Hi

I’m the problem, it’s me

It’s me, Hi

I’m the problem, it’s me

It’s me, Hi

Everybody agrees

Everybody agrees

It’s me, Hi

I’m the problem, it’s me (I’m the problem, it’s me)

At tea time, everybody agrees (Everybody agrees)

I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror

It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero

4. Snow On The Beach (feat. Lana Del Rey)

[Taylor Swift:]

One night a few moons ago

Kelsea? 

I saw flecks of what could’ve been lights

Last specks of sunny Karlie?

But it might have just been you

Passing by unbeknownst to me

Life is emotionally abusive

And time can stop me quite like you did

And my flight was awful thanks for asking

The jet controversy? 

I’m unglued thanks to you

IBYTAM? 

[Taylor Swift & Lana Del Rey:]

And it’s like snow at the beach

Weird but fucking beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

Kelsea?! 

You wanting me

Tonight feels impossible

Kelsea Ballerini, Universe:

Baby, you make the impossible

Feel like it’s all logical

Lying in your arms, 

could be Jupiter or Mars

You say I hang the stars in your eyes

But you put the universe in mine 

(ooh)

But it’s coming down no sound it’s all around

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow, ah-ah-ahh

This scene feels like

What I once saw on a screen

I searched aurora borealis green

I’ve never seen someone live from within

Blurring out my periphery

My smile is like I won a contest

A trophy or a champion ring? 

And to hide that would be so dishonest

And it’s fine to fake it ’til you make it

‘Til you do, ’til it’s true

Now it’s like snow at the beach

Weird but fucking beautiful

Flying in a dream

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me

Tonight feels impossible

But it’s coming down no sound it’s all round

Kelsea’ s song falling? 

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow on the beach

Like snow, ah-ah-ahh

I can’t speak afraid to jinx it

I don’t even dare to wish it

But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet

Universe

Kelsea? 

Now I’m all for you like Janet

Can this be a real thing? Can it?

Are we falling like

Kelsea Ballerini- Falling:

I guess they call it fallin’,

’cause you end up on the ground

You can’t live forever 

with your head up in the clouds

Think it’s written in the stars 

’til they burn out

 (burn out)

Ah, mm-hmm

Snow at the beach (Snow at the beach)

Weird but fucking beautiful

Flying in a dream (Flying in a dream)

Stars by the pocketful

You wanting me (You wanting me)

Tonight feels impossible

But it’s coming down no sound it’s all round

Like snow on the beach (Like snow on the beach)

Like snow on the beach (Like snow on the beach)

Like snow on the beach (Like snow on the beach)

Like snow, ah-ah-ahh

But it’s coming down no sound it’s all round

[Taylor Swift:]

Like snow on the beach

(It’s coming down, it’s coming down, it’s coming down, it’s coming down)

(Like snow on the beach)

(It’s coming down, it’s coming down, it’s coming down, it’s coming down)

(It’s coming down, it’s coming down, it’s coming down, it’s coming down)

(It’s coming down, it’s coming down, it’s coming down, it’s coming down)

5. You’re On Your Own, Kid

Summer went away, still the yearning stays

August? 

The sun? 

Karlie? 

I play it cool with the best of them

I wait patiently, he’s gonna notice me

It’s okay, we’re the best of friends

Her and Joe? 

Her and Karlie? 

Anyway

I hear it in your voice, you’re smokin’ with your boys

I touch my phone as if it’s your face

I didn’t choose this town, I dream of getting out

NY, LA, RI, TN, London? 

There’s just one who could make me stay

All my days

From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes

ID4 parties ashes to your fire

I waited ages to see you there

I searched the party of better bodies

Just to learn that you never cared

You’re on your own, kid

Don’t call me kid

Don’t call me baby 

You always have been

I see the great escape, so long Daisy Mae

Which one is daisy? 

Karlie or her old self

I picked the petals, he loves me not

The kaylor daisy

They hard broke up

Something different bloomed, writing in my room

New albums

I play my songs in the parking lot

I run away

From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes

I called a taxi to take me there

I searched the party of better bodies

Just to learn that my dreams aren’t rare

You’re on your own, kid

You always have been

From sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes

I gave my blood, sweat and tears for this

I hosted parties and starved my body

Anorexia 

Like I’d be saved by a perfect kiss

The jokes weren’t funny, I took the money

Bearding? 

Career? 

My friends from home don’t know what to say

I looked around in a blood-soaked gown

And I saw something they can’t take away

‘Cause there were pages turned

With the bridges burned

Everything you lose is a step you take

So make the friendship bracelets

Bi bracelet? 

Take the moment and taste it

You got no reason to be afraid

You’re on your own, kid

Yeah, you can face this

You’re on your own, kid

You always have been

6. Midnight Rain

Rain

He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride, I was making my own name

Chasing that fame, he stayed the same

All of me changed like midnight

My town was a wasteland

Full of cages, full of fences

Golden cage

Pageant queens and big pretenders

But for some, it was paradise

My boy was a montage

A slow-motion, love potion

Jumping off things in the ocean

Evermore boars & ocean

I broke his heart ’cause he was nice

He was sunshine, I was midnight

Karlie is sunshine 

Rain

He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain

Pain = closet

He wanted a bride, I was making my own name

TS chose fame over family 

Chasing that fame, he stayed the same

All of me change like midnight

It came like a postcard

Picture perfect shiny family

Holiday peppermint candy

But for him, it’s every day

So I peered through a window

Boarded up these windows 

A deep portal, time travel

All the love we unravel

And the life I gave away

Small town? 

Not famous? 

Out? 

Wife? 

‘Cause he was sunshine, I was midnight rain

He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride, I was making my own name

Chasing that fame, he stayed the same

All of me changed like midnight

Rain

He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride, I was making my own name

Chasing that fame, he stayed the same

All of me changed like midnight

I guess sometimes we all get

Just what we wanted, just what we wanted

And he never thinks of me

Except when I’m on TV

I guess sometimes we all get

Some kind of haunted, some kind of haunted

Fearless 

And I never think of him

Except on midnights like this

(Midnights like this, midnights like this)

7. Question…?

(I Remember)

Good girl, sad boy, big city, wrong choices

Karlie’s perfume campaign 

Blue? Joe

NY/London? 

Choices is plural

Both were wrong 

We had one thing going on

I swear that it was something ’cause I don’t remember who I was

Before you painted all my nights a color I’ve searched for since

Screaming color

I can’t see without you 

Real love 

Missing Karlie

But one thing after another fucking situation

So many bad kaylor circumstances 

Circumstances, miscommunications

Wedding confusion

Masters heist

And I have to say, by the way

I just made, like, some explanations

Can I ask you a question?

Did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room?

And every single one of your friends was making fun of you (You)

Betty

But 15 seconds latеr they were clapping, too?

Thеn, what did you do?

Did you leave her house in the middle of the night? (Ohh)

Did you wish you put up more of a fight? (Ohh)

When she said it was too much, do you wish you could still touch her?

It’s just a question

Half-moon eyes, bad surprise, did you realize?

Out of time, she was on your mind

With some dick-head guy that you saw that night

Looking up like the devil

Kissgate

But you were on something

It was one drink after another, fucking politics and gender-roles

Drunk

Trump

Jo$h vs. TS

And you’re not sure and I don’t know

Got swept away in the gray I just made

Day old tea

Grey area

Fog

Like to have a conversation

Can I ask you a question?

Did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room?

And every single one of your friends was making fun of you (You)

But 15 seconds later they were clapping, too?

Then, what did you do?

Did you leave her house in the middle of the night? (Ohh)

Did you wish you put up more of a fight? (Ohh)

When she said it was too much, do you wish you could still touch her?

It’s just a question

Does it feel like everything’s just like second-best after that meteor strike?

Love of her life

And what’s that, that I heard, that you’re still with her?

Karlie has a gf? 

Who is this? 

That’s nice, I’m sure that’s what’s suitable

And right, but tonight

Can I ask you a question? (Can I ask you a question?)

Did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room? (In a crowded room)

And every single one of your friends was making fun of you (You, making fun of you)

But 15 seconds later they were clapping, too?

Then what did you do? (Do)

Did you leave her house in the middle of the night? (Ohh)

Did you wish you put up more of a fight? (Ohh, more of a fight)

When she said it was too much, do you wish you could still touch her?

It’s just a question

8. Vigilante Sh*t

Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man

Glam makeup

You did some bad things, but I’m the worst of them

Dating TS was the worst thing 

Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie

A million little lies

They say looks can kill, and I might try

I don’t dress for women, I don’t dress for men

The gaylors are wrong

The hetlors are wrong 

Lately I’ve been dressing for revenge

IBYTAM

I don’t start shit, but I can tell you how it ends

Don’t get sad, get even

So on the weekends, I don’t dress for friends

Lately I’ve been dressing for revenge

Rose dress

Chain jewel dresses

She needed a cold heart proof so I give her some

She had the envelope, where’d you think she got it from?

Money? 

A letter? 

Now she kiss the house, kiss the kids, kiss the pride

Karlie married a man? 

Picture me, thick as thieves with your ex-wife

there’s a Pic of Karlie 

kissing Cara delavigne

Cara & Taylor are friends. 

$cooter’s wife? 

Madwoman

Ugh hopefully not KK/Kanye

Who else? 

And she looks so pretty

Driving in your Benz

Lately she’s been dressing for revenge

She don’t start shit, but she can tell you how it ends

Don’t get sad, get even

So on the weekends, she don’t dress for friends

Lately she’s been dressing for revenge

Ladies always rise above

Ladies know what people want

Someone sweet and kind and fun

Ladies simply had enough

Well he was doing lines

Cocaine? 

Running acting lines? 

And crossing all of mine

Boundaries 

Someone told his white collar crimes to the FBI

Kushners? 

And I don’t dress for villains

Or for innocence

I’m on the vigilante shit again

I don’t start shit, but I can tell you how it ends

Don’t get sad, get even

So on the weekends, I don’t dress for friends

Lately I’ve been dressing for revenge

9. Bejeweled

Baby, love, I think I’ve been a little too kind

Didn’t notice you walking all over my peace of mind

And the shoes I gave you as a present

Puttin’ someone first only works when you’re in their top 5

And by the way, I’m going out tonight

Best believe I’m still bejeweled when I walk in the room

I can still make the whole place shimmer

And when I meet the band, they ask, “Do you have a man?”

I can still say, “I don’t remember”

This is not good for joe

Familiarity breeds contempt, don’t put me in the basement

When I want the penthouse of your heart

Diamonds in my eyes

I polish up real, I polish up real nice

Polishing plates til they glisten

(Nice)

Baby boy, I think I’ve been too good of a girl (Too good of a girl)

Me! 

Karlie’s perfume ads

Did all the extra credit, then got graded on a curve

So Ahead of the curve 

it became a sphere 

I think it’s time to teach some lessons

I made you my world (Huh?), have you heard? (Huh?)

I can reclaim the land

The election? 

And I miss you (I miss you), but I miss sparkling (Ahh, Hey!)

Best believe I’m still bejeweled when I walk in the room

I can still make the whole place shimmer

Mirrorball

And when I meet the band, they ask, “Do you have a man?”

I can still say, “I don’t remember”

Familiarity breeds contempt, don’t put me in the basement

When I want the penthouse of your heart

Diamonds in my eyes

I polish up real, I polish up real nice

(Nice)

Sapphire tears on my face, sadness became my whole sky

But some guy said my aura’s moonstone just ’cause he was high

I been dancin’ all night, and you can try to change my mind

But you might have to wait in line

What’s a girl gonna do? A diamond’s gotta shine

Best believe I’m still bejeweled when I walk in the room

I can still make the whole place shimmer (Shimmer)

And when I meet the band, they ask, “Do you have a man?”

I can still say, “I don’t remember”

Familiarity breeds contempt, don’t put me in the basement

When I want the penthouse of your heart

Diamonds in my eyes

I polish up real (Nice), I polish up real nice

I been dancin’ all night, and you can try to change my mind

But you might have to wait in line

What’s a girl gonna do? What’s a girl gonna do?

I polish up nice

Best believe I’m still bejeweled when I walk in the room

I can still make the whole place shimmer

10. Labyrinth

It only hurts this much right now

Was what I was thinking the whole time

Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out

I’ll be getting over you my whole life

You know how scared I am of elevators, never trusted it

If it rises fast, it can’t last

Oh, oh, I’m falling in love

Oh, no, I’m falling in love again

Oh, I’m falling in love

I thought the plane was going down

Heard you turn it right around

It only feels this right, right now

Lost in the labyrinth of my mind

Break up, break free, break through, break down

Kelsea just got divorced

Therapy break through 

Break through walls? 

Cry

You would break your back to make me break a smile

You know how much I hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back

Just like that

Ppl say just get over Karlie already

Oh, oh, I’m falling in love

Oh, no, I’m falling in love again

Oh, I’m falling in love

I thought the plane was going down

Heard you turn it right around

Oh, oh, I’m falling in love

Kelsea Ballerini is falling 

in her song too

Oh, no, I’m falling in love again

Oh, I’m falling in love

I thought the plane was going down

Heard you turn it right around

Oh, oh, I’m falling in love (falling in love)

Oh, no, I’m falling in love again (falling in love again)

Oh, I’m falling in love (falling in love)

I thought the plane was going down

Heard you turn it right around

Oh, oh, I’m falling in love (falling in love)

Oh, no, I’m falling in love again (falling in love again)

Oh, I’m falling in love (falling in love)

I thought the plane was going down

Heard you turn it right around

You know how much I hate it

You know how much I hate it

You know how much I hate it

11. Karma

You talkin’ shit for the hell of it

Talking shit with your friends 

Addicted to betrayal, but you’re relevant

Masters heist? 

Karlie talking to $cooter

You’re terrified to look down

‘Cause if you dare, you’ll see the glare

Of everyone you burned just to get there

Sunshine, fire, ashes

It’s coming back around

And I keep my side of the street clean

You wouldn’t know what I mean

‘Cause karma is my boyfriend, karma is a god

$cott Borchetta/$cooter Braun 

and her management.  

They made her beard 

when she was young, 

so Taylor emphasizes 

she doesn’t have a bf-just karma.

Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend

Karma’s a relaxing thought

But for you, it’s not, sweet like honey

Karma is a cat, purring in my lap ’cause it loves me

Flexing like a goddamn acrobat

Highwire

Me and karma vibe like that

Spider boy, king of thieves

That Pic of joe

JG

The short film 

actor is Broadway Spiderman 

Weave your little webs of opacity

Not straightforward 

Blocking light

My pennies made your crown

TS gets barely for doing the work 

Someone benefits off her back 

Her beard gets a career? 

Her label makes the lion’s share? 

Trick me once, trick me twice

Don’t you know that cash ain’t the only price

Costs Money

Also an emotional cost

It’s coming back around

And I keep my side of the street clean

You wouldn’t know what I mean

‘Cause karma is my boyfriend, karma is a god

Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend

Karma’s a relaxing thought

But for you, it’s not, sweet like honey

Karma is a cat, purring in my lap ’cause it loves me

Flexing like a goddamn acrobat

Me and karma vibe like that

Ask me what I’ve learned from all those years

Ask me what I earned from all those tears

Bearding for professional reasons 

Being single 

bc she’s in a fake relationship 

Ask me why so many, when I’m still here (I’m still here)

‘Cause karma is the thunder, rattling your ground

Karma’s on your scent like a bounty hunter

Ku$ner crimes

Karma’s gonna track you down

Step by step, from town to town

Ku$hner clan went from NY to FL

Sweet like justice, karma is a queen

Karma takes all my friends to the summit

Karma is the guy on the screen

Comin’ straight home to me (Wo!)

‘Cause karma is my boyfriend, karma is a god

Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend (Weekend)

Karma’s a relaxing thought

But for you, it’s not, sweet like honey

Karma is a cat, purring in my lap ’cause it loves me

Flexing like a goddamn acrobat

Me and karma vibe like that

Karma is my boyfriend, karma is a god

Karma’s a relaxing thought

12. Sweet Nothing

I spy with my little tired eye

Eye theory! 🤣

Tiny as a firefly, a pebble that we picked up last July

In Ireland where Joe’s film was

Down deep inside your pocket

We almost forgot it

Does it ever miss sometimes?

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh

They said the end is comin’

Everyone’s up to something

I found myself running home to your sweet nothings

Dbl meaning 

Make out 

No expectations 

I’ll take their pushin’, shovin’

You’re in the kitchen humming

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

Talking about Joe or fans? 

On the way home

I wrote a poem

You say what a mind

Fans say it? 

Someone in the business? 

Joe? 

Kelsea? 

This happens all the time

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh

‘Cause they said the end is comin’

Everyone’s up to something

I found myself running home to your sweet nothings

I’ll take their pushin’, shovin’

You’re in the kitchen humming

All that you ever wanted from me was nothing

Finally a person that 

doesn’t want a piece of TS

Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors

And smooth-talking hucksters out-glad-handing each other

And the voices that implore, you should be doing more

Be an activist? 

Come out? 

Get married? 

To you I can’t admit, that I’m just too soft for all of it

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh

They said the end is comin’

Everyone’s up to something

I found myself running home to your sweet nothings

I’ll take their pushin’, shovin’

You’re in the kitchen humming

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh)

They said the end is comin’ (They said the end is comin’)

Everyone’s up to something (Everyone’s up to something)

I found myself running home to your sweet nothings

(Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh)

I’ll take their pushin’, shovin’ (I’ll take their pushin’, shovin’)

You’re in the kitchen humming (You’re in the kitchen humming)

All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

13. Mastermind

Once upon a time, the planets and the fates

And all the stars aligned

You and I ended up in the same room

At the same time

And the touch of a hand lit the fuse

Of a chain reaction of countermoves

To assess the equation of you

Checkmate, I couldn’t lose

VS chessboard theme

What if I told you none of it was accidental?

And the first night that you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me

I laid the groundwork and then, just like clockwork

The dominoes cascading in the line

Hair falling like dominoes 

What if I told you I’m the mastermind?

And now you’re mine

TS Arranged bearing? 

It was all by design

‘Cause I’m a mastermind

You see, all the wisest women had to do it this way

‘Cause we were born to be the pawn in every lover’s game

Card sharks playing games

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

Strategy sets the scene for the tale

I’m the wind and I’m free, flowing sails

Boats from Evermore

In the liquor of our cocktails

What if I told you none of it was accidental

And the first night that you saw me, I knew I wanted your body?

I laid the groundwork and then, just like clockwork

The dominoes cascading in the line

What if I told you I’m a mastermind?

And now you’re mine

It was all my design

‘Cause I’m a mastermind

No one wanted to play with me as a little kid

So I’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since

To make them love me and make it seem effortless

Fans? 

Lovers? 

Beards? 

Is this the first time I feel the need to confess?

And I swear, I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian ’cause I care

So I told you none of it was accidental

And the first night that you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me

I laid the groundwork and then, saw a wild smirk

Smile turned into a smirk

This person was on to her

On your face, you knew the entire time

You knew that I’m a mastermind

And now you’re mine

Yeah, all you did was smile

‘Cause I’m a mastermind

Bonus Tracks:

14. Hits Different

I washed my hands of us

At the club

Kissgate

You made a mess of me

I pictured you with other girls

In love

Then threw up on the street

Like waiting for a bus

Thought I saw you at the bus stop-I didn’t though

That never shows

You just start walking on

They say that if it’s right, you know

Each bar plays our song

That dive bar

Nothing has ever felt so wrong

Oh my, love is a lie

Joe is a beard

Shit my friends say to get me by

It hits different

It hits different this time

Catastrophic blues

Depression from the break-up

Moving on was always easy

For me to do

This is her true love

It hits different, it hits

Different ’cause it’s you

I used to switch out these Kens

Ex-boyfriends

beards

I’d just ghost

Rip the band aid off and skip town

Like an assholе outlaw

Freedom felt like summer thеn

Sunny, August

Karlie

On the coast

Big Sur?

Now the sun burns my heart and

The sand hurts my feelings

And I never don’t cry at the bar

Yeah, my sadness is contagious

I slur your name til someone puts

Me in a car

I stopped receiving invitations

Oh my, love is a lie

Shit my friends say to get me by

…I find the artifacts

Cried over a hat

Cursed the space that I needed

I trace the evidence

Make it make some sense

Why the wound is still bleeding

You were the one that I loved

Don’t need another metaphor it’s

Simple enough

A wrinkle in time like the crease

By your eyes

This is why they shouldn’t kill off

The main guy

Dreams of your hair and your

Stare and sense of belief

In the good in the world, you once

Believed in me

And I felt you and I held you

For a while

Bet I could still melt your world

Argumentative, antithetical

Dream girl

Karlie

I heard your key turn in the door

Down the hallway

Is that your key in the door?

Is it okay?

Is it you?

Or have they come to

Take me away?

Oh my, love is a lie

Shit my friends say to get me by

Cause it’s you

Catastrophic blues

Moving on was always easy

For me to do

It hits different, it hits

Different ’cause it’s you

15. You’re On Your Own, Kid (Strings Remix)

16. Sweet Nothing (Piano Remix)

Midnights 3AM Edition:

“The Great War,” 

The Great War lyrics

English

A A

The Great War

Play “The Great War”on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad)

[Verse 1]

My knuckles were bruised like violets

Suckerpunching walls, cursed you as I sleep talked

Bad blood? 

Cursing beard? 

Spineless in my tomb of silence

Too scared to come out

In the closet 

Tore your banners down, took the battle underground

And maybe it was ego swinging

Baby, it was her

Flashes of the battle come back to me in a blur

The battles picked me

[Chorus]

All that blood shed, crimson and clover

Uhum, sweet dream was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uhum, tears on the ladder

I vow not to cry anymore

If we survive the Great War

[Verse 2]

You drew up some good faith treaties

Work out so nice if we could be friends 

Karlie

Bearding? 

Grammy gate? 

I drew curtains close, drank my poison all alone

Boarded up windows 

You said I have to trust more freely

But diesel is desire, you were playing with fire

Cheating 

And maybe it’s the past that’s talking

Screaming from a crypt

Telling me to punish you for things you never did

Afterglow 

Fake wedding? 

Punish Karlie for not coming out? 

So I justified it

[Chorus]

All that blood shed, crimson and clover

Uhum, the bombs were close

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uhum, the burning embers

Fire to your ashes

I vow not to cry anymore

Vow is a wedding term

If we survive the Great War

Uhum, uhum

[Bridge]

It turned into something bigger

Somewhere in the haze got a sense I’ve been betrayed

DWOHT

Your finger up my hair, pent trigger

Hairpins? 

Sold you down on that icy crown, you looked up at me with honor and truth

Wasted honor

Broken and blue, so I called off the truce

Blue = depressed

TS broke contract

That was the momemnt I knew I lost you

I really thought I lost you

We can’t plant a memory garden

The garden gate

Say a solen prayer, place a poppy in my hair

There’s no morning glory, it was war, it wasn’t fair

And we will never go back

[Chorus]

To that blood shed, crimson and clover

Uhum, the worst was over

My hand was the one you reached for

All throughout the Great War

Always remember

Uhum, we burn for better

I vow I will always be yours

‘Cause we survived the Great War

Uhum, uhum

I will always be yours

‘Cause we survived the Great War

Uhum

I vow I will always be yours

“Bigger Than The Whole Sky,” 

Bigger Than The Whole Sky lyrics

English

A A

Bigger Than The Whole Sky

Play “Bigger Than The Wh…”on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad)

[Verse 1]

No words appear before me in the aftermath

Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears

Crying on the pillow

Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness

‘Cause it’s all over now, all out to sea

Evermore

The sea that you put Between you and me

[Chorus]

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I’ve got a lot to pine about

I’ve got a lot to live without

I’m never gonna meet

What could’ve been, would’ve been

What should’ve been you

What could’ve been, would’ve been you

[Verse 2]

Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?

Did some force take you because I didn’t pray?

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes

Hoax

‘Cause it’s all over, it’s not meant to be

So I’ll say words I don’t believe

[Chorus]

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

Lover sky imagery

You were more than just a short time

And I’ve got a lot to pine about

I’ve got a lot to live without

I’m never gonna meet

What could’ve been, would’ve been

What should’ve been you

[Bridge]

What could’ve been, would’ve been you

What could’ve been, would’ve been

What should’ve been you

What could’ve been, would’ve been you

[Chorus]

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

You were bigger than the whole sky

You were more than just a short time

And I’ve got a lot to pine about

I’ve got a lot to live without

I’m never gonna meet

What could’ve been, would’ve been

What should’ve been you

“Paris,” 

Paris lyrics

English

A A

Paris

Play “Paris”on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad)

[Verse 1]

Your ex friend’s sister

Met someone at a club and he kissed her

Turns out it was that guy you hooked up with ages ago

Some wannabe C lister

And all the outfits were terrible

2003, unbearable

Did you see the photos?

No, I didn’t, but thanks, though

[Pre-Chorus]

I’m so in love that I might stop breathing

Drew a map on your bedroom ceiling

No, I didn’t see the news

‘Cause we were somewhere else

Stumbled down pretend alleyways, cheap wine

Make believe it’s champagne

[Chorus]

I was taken by the view

Like we were in Paris

Like we were somewhere else

Like we were in Paris, oh

We were somewhere else

[Verse 2]

Privacy sign on the door

And on my page and on the whole world

Romance is not dead if you keep it just yours

Levitated thought, all the messes made

Sip wine by my side in the shade

And not the kind that’s thrown

I mean, the kind under where a tree has grown

[Pre-Chorus]

I’m so in love that I might stop breathing

Drew a map on your bedroom ceiling

No, I didn’t see the news

‘Cause we were somewhere else

Stumbled down pretend alleyways, cheap wine

Make believe it’s champagne

[Chorus]

I was taken by the view

Like we were in Paris, oh

Like we were somewhere else

Like we were in Paris, oh

We were somewhere else

[Bridge]

I wanna brainwash you

Into loving me forever

I wanna transport you

To somewhere the culture’s clever

Confess my truth

Come out?

In swooping sloping cursive letters

Let the only flashing lights

Be the tower at midnight

[Pre-Chorus]

In my mind

We drew a map on your bedroom ceiling

No, I didn’t see the news

‘Cause we were somewhere else

In an alleyway, drinking champagne

[Chorus]

‘Cause we were in Paris

Yeah, we were somewhere else

My love, we were in Paris

Yeah, we were somewhere else

High Infidelity,” 

High Infidelity lyrics

English

A A

High Infidelity

Play “High Infidelity”on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad)

Scribing, don’t edit !

[Verse 1]

Lock broken, slur spoken

Wound open, game token

I didn’t know you were keeping count

Who’s counting

Rain soaking

Blind hoping

You said I was freeloading

I didn’t know you were keeping Count

[Chorus]

High infidelity

Put on your records and regret me

I bent the truth too far tonight

Hetsplaning?

bearding?

I was dancing around, dancing around to it

mirrorball

High infidelity

Put on your headphones and burn my city

Your Picket fence is sharp as knives

I was dancing around, dancing around it

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

Do I really have to chart the constellations In his eyes ?

STARS IN EYES

Storm coming, good husband

Bad omen

Dragged my feet right down the aisle

Dragged is reluctance

At the house lonely

Good money

I’d pay if you’d just know me

Karlie left TS for more money?

Seemed like the right thing at the time

You know there’s many different ways

That you can kill the one you love

The slowest way is never loving them enough

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life ?

[Chorus]

High infidelity

Put on your records and regret me

I bent the truth too far tonight

I was dancing around, dancing around it

High infidelity

Put on your headphones and burn my city

Your picket fence is sharp as knives

Karlie’s heternomative life is hurting Taylor

“Glitch,” 

Glitch lyrics

English

A A

Glitch

Play “Glitch”on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad)

[Verse 1]

We were supposed to be just friends

Joe and her bearding

Karlie 1989 PR

Kelsea

Someone else

You don’t live in that part of town but maybe I’ll see you out some weekend

Depending on what kind of mood and situationship I’m in

Kelsea Ballerini-Weather:

I’m so tired of your weather

Stormy when we’re together

Yeah, we used to be sunny and 75

We were dancing, baby, rain or shine

Had my dress in your dresser

Now somehow, I need a sweater

How’d we go from summer to cold as ice?

Are we really lovers if you’re changing your mind

Like the weather, weather, weather?

And what’s in my system

[Chorus]

I think there’s been a glitch, I

Five seconds later, I’m fastenin’ myself to you with a stitch, I

And I’m not even sorry, nights are so starry, 

Stars! Kelsea

blood moon lit

MOON!

It must be counterfeit

I think there’s been a glitch, uh

Uh-huh, uh

[Verse 2]

I was supposed to sweat you out

In search of glorious happenings of happenstance on someone else’s playground

Karlie is Jo$h’s GF

But it’s been two-thousand one-hundred and ninety days of our love blackout (Our love is blacking out)

The system’s breaking down (The system’s breaking down)

6 years

[Chorus]

I think there’s been a glitch, I

Five seconds later, I’m fastenin’ myself to you with a stitch, I

And I’m not even sorry, nights are so starry, blood moon lit

The moon! Kelsea

It must be counterfeit

I think there’s been a glitch, uh

Uh-huh, uh

[Bridge]

A brief interruption, a slight malfunction

On and off relationship

I’d go back to wanting due to givin’ nothing

Beards? 

I thought we had no chance

And that’s romance, let’s dance

[Chorus]

Glitch, I

Five seconds later, I’m fastenin’ myself to you with a stitch, I

And I’m not even sorry, nights are so starry, blood moon lit

It must be counterfeit (It must be counterfeit)

I think there’s been a glitch, uh

Uh-huh, uh

“Would’ve, “Could’ve, Should’ve.’

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve lyrics

English

A A

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

If you would’ve blinked then I would’ve looked away at the first glance

If you tasted poison you could’ve spit me out at the first chance

And if I was some paint, did it splatter on a promising grown man?

And if I was a child did it matter if you got to wash your hands

[Chorus]

Ooh, ooh, ooh

All I used to do was pray

Would’ve could’ve should’ve

If you never looked my way

I would’ve stayed on my knees

And redemption never would have danced with the devil

19

And now that I’m grown, I’m scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons, and now that I know

I wish you left me wondering

If you never touched me, I would’ve gone along with the righteous

If I never blushed, then they could have never whispered about this

Rose blush

I don’t like a red flush

And if you never saved me from boredom, I could have gone on as I was

But oh you made me feel importnat, then you tried to erase us

[Chorus]

Ooh, ooh, ooh

All I used to do was pray

Would’ve could’ve should’ve

If you never looked my way

I would’ve stayed on my knees

And redemption never would have danced with the devil

19

And now that I’m grown, I’m scared of ghosts

Memories feel like weapons, and now that I know

I wish you left me wondering

God rest my soul

I miss who I used to be

Stained glass windows

I regret you all the time

I can’t let this go, I fight with you in my sleep

The wound won’t close

I keep on waiting for a sign

I regret you all the time

If clarity is in death, then why won’t this die?

Years of tearing our banners, you and I

Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts

Give me me back my girlhood, it was my first

I never would have danced with the devil

Grinnin’ like the devil

I did something bad

I’m scared of ghosts

Dear Reader-

Kelsea Ballerini just might have had TWO subjects in mind: Marilyn Monroe (and Taylor Swift)

20 Oct

See my other disclaimers.

MARILYN

Yes, yes this song is most definitely about Marilyn Monroe.  Obviously.  But also I noticed some things and think the song’s subtext could be slyly talking about Taylor Swift in addition to the main muse of the song.

There’s a lot of foundational knowledge required to see the connection that I’m talking about. So I am going to attempt to run you through the abridged version of Gaylor/Kaylor 101. There will be multiple songs discussed within this song, but I promise it’s all necessary information so you can hear what I hear.

As a side note:  Marilyn and Taylor are actually related:

I’m putting Kelsea’s Marilyn lyrics in pink highlight

[Verse 1]

Must be nice to be so nice and beautiful

The internet is sprinkled with stories of Taylor Swift’s kindness to both friends and fans:

[I’m putting articles in green, so you know it’s not me writing]

Proving once again that a Taylor Swift best-friendship is the best thing a person can have, Taylor Swift did another TRULY lovely thing for one of her mates, planning a very special surprise for her best friend Abigail. 

If you aren’t totally read up on the history of Taylor Swift’s friendships, here’s what you need to know about Abigail. She’s one of Taylor’s closest friends, that she’s known since high school. She’s referenced in ‘Fifteen’. Taylor even took her to the Grammys. These two are true BFFs. 

So, on Abigail’s 25th birthday, Taylor obviously had to do something pretty special. Which she did. Another important fact about Abigail, apparently, is that she her favourite band is Dashboard Confessional. 

Can you guess where this is going? Taylor then casually asked if there was anyone named Chris Carrabba at the party (that’s the lead singer of Dashboard Confessional, FYI). 

And, because T-Swifty is the greatest, she had indeed arranged for Chris Carrabba to be there. Abigail got to sing along with one of her favourite artists of all time. Plus, Hayley Williams was there, which everyone knows makes even the coolest party 20 times cooler. 

And as for the second part of the line, it’s obvious Taylor Swift checks all the boxes for [patriarchal] beauty standards (even science says so):

Hang the stars in the eyes of everybody

Oh my God, if Taylor mentions stars, stars in eyes, the moon, or anything like that I am going to flip!  This post was nowhere ready to post, but I struggled to get it done before Midnights is officially released just for this theory: I think we’ve moved from the sun (and head up in the clouds during Kaylor/Lover) to other sky imagery.  If these key words are in Midnights I will be insufferable!

Got your name up in lights and in every home

It’s a common phrase, but also Taylor Swift wrote a song using just. those. words.  And it was similar to this song of Kelsea’s–that I thought to be about Briteny Spears (Lucky) and her super-fame, and how she didn’t feel “lucky” all the time.  

As you can imagine, Taylor was at a very different stage in her life and career when first writing “Red.” She was dating men in Hollywood. She was climbing the charts. And while she was most definitely a household name, is it possible that this wasn’t the life she always dreamed of?  “The Lucky One” appears on “Red (Taylor’s Version),” and there are a lot of questions on who it was written about. Was “The Lucky One” meant to portray Taylor’s life? 

In “The Lucky One,” Taylor tells the story of a young starlet who moves to LA to make her dreams come true. However, upon becoming accustomed to the glamorous Hollywood lifestyle, she realizes that it isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. While so many people yearn to be famous, this star does not feel like she is “the lucky one.” The first verse of the tune introduces the young starlet who is “chasing fame and fortune.” The lyrics state: “And the camera flashes, make it look like a dream / You had it figured out since you were in school / Everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool / So overnight you look like a sixties queen.”

Then, the chorus follows: “And they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one / Yeah, they’ll tell you now, you’re the lucky one / But can you tell me now, you’re the lucky one,” Taylor asks.

In the second verse, Taylor unpacks the downsides of this star’s life. “Now it’s big black cars, and Riviera views / And your lover in the foyer doesn’t even know you / And your secrets end up splashed on the news front page.” The verse continues to note how unhappy she is with her life. Later lines read: “Another name goes up in lights / You wonder if you’ll make it out alive.”

By the third verse, we learn that the star vanished from the public eye. “It was a few years later, I showed up here,” Taylor sings, followed by “and they still tell the legend of how you disappeared.” Taylor croons that she didn’t originally understand why the star would give up her life of fame. “But I understand it now,” she says at the end of the song, hinting at the fact that she personally can relate. [The Lakes]

The star Taylor is referring to in “The Lucky One” is rumored to be former pop singer Kim Wilde, according to the Swiftipedia Fandom page. Fans speculated that Kim was the subject after noticing that the main hook melody in “The Lucky One” is sampled from Kim’s song “Four Letter Word.” Furthermore, Taylor wrote the lyric “Chose the rose garden over Madison Square” in the song. This may possibly reference how Kim abandoned her career to become a landscape gardener. Regardless of who the song is about, Taylor’s message is clear: Constantly being in the limelight isn’t always what dreams are made of. Taylor understands why this star left Hollywood for a more reclusive life. Previously, the “Cardigan” crooner has been targeted for the way she looks, the men she was dating, how many men she was dating, and more. She shares some of her story and the criticisms she’s received in the Netflix original documentary Miss Americana.

Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears, and Taylor Swift all knew fame on an astronomical level.  Yet all 3 had their struggles, and struggles with fame, and secrets.  

Taken more like the sentiment of the phrase, name up in lights, here are some statistics showing how popular Taylor Swift is.  She is the fourth highest of all time for music sales (Madonna was, I think, 100 million above the rest, in her own category, which is why Taylor appears 3rd in this picture):

And for a more modern measure of success and popularity, here are the streaming numbers.  Taylor is the 6th most streamed artist of all time whenever this page was posted:

Looking at social media followers, Taylor has hundreds of millions of those too: 

So I think we can agree both Marilyn and Taylor are in every home and have their names up in lights.

But were you still alone at the party?

There is a song about how Taylor was alone at her own birthday party, The Moment I Knew, that contains lyrics like:

Plus, I don’t have every awards ceremony, every after-party in a list or anything like that, but there’s been a lot of times Taylor shows up with just her entourage, not a plus one.  Her recent folklore Grammy, for example, she had her co-workers there, but not a significant other.  It was a momentous occasion and she was alone.

[Pre-Chorus]

Everybody wanted to see you

Everyone wanted to see Marilyn, we know this.  She is still an icon.  But check out Taylor’s ticket sales–everyone wants to see her too:

Lips red, eyes blue

This one is an obvious commonality between Marilyn and Taylor.

And everybody wanted to be you, yeah

Obviously Marilyn.  But also:  People in the industry want to know success like Taylor.  Singers and models like her style.  Fans emulate her every move.

[Chorus]

Was it worth it to seem so perfect?

A big reason I think this song is also alluding to Taylor Swift, is her very calculated brand image.  Taylor has orchestrated her down to Earth vibes, friendliness, who she is seen with in the media, how she speaks, what she wears, how fans and parents and capitalists perceive her–she is in total control of her brand.  Things have gone off the rails a couple times (snakegate) but not for Taylor’s lack of trying to keep up the perfect persona.

I think Kelsea, being in the business herself, can empathize with the Marilyn’s and Taylors of the world–whose identity and brand get braided together until nobody including the artist herself, knows which strand is which.

Here’s a very recent quote from Taylor about being more brand than individual:

Blonde and curves didn’t keep you from your skeletons

We don’t really think of Taylor Swift as “curvy” in modern times.  Compared to Marilyn’s era, there is slightly more diversity in celebrities, and many of them have curvy figures.  But according to both of their measurements (I do not know where these come from, or how accurate they are) both gals are an hourglass shape.  

This line talks about how the subject is beautiful and portrays her life/image/brand as perfect.  Yet, the artist’s real life is not like that.  And the difference between the brand and the reality leaves an empty lonely feeling.  Both Taylor and Marilyn are the standard of beauty, yet there is a sadness about both of them.  

The skeletons part of this line is particularly geared toward Taylor.  She has secrets and uses her lyrics to tell her truth–but with plausible deniability.  On the surface the lyrics talk of boyfriends, but the subtext tells how Taylor dates women.  It’s like she writes personal experiences, but codes them and explains it away in promotional interviews.

The word, “skeletons” is in Cowboy Like Me, which we already talked about as a song possibly about bearding:

We didn’t talk about the line:

[because this could get confusing referencing Taylor’s lyrics in the middle of Kelsea’s song, I have highlighted TS lyrics in purple]

But that was all before I locked it down

It’s an interesting line that could be alluding to Pont des Arts in Paris, better known as the love lock bridge.

4/6/15:

Taylor’s song, I Think He Knows also talks about locking it down:

I think he knows his footprints

On the sidewalk

The sidewalk reminded me of stuff I saw on Tumblr about some pavement etchings.  I grabbed some images and explanations from 

So thanks to 9x1ft, and visit the Tumblr for a trove of Kaylor information!

Lead to where I can’t stop

Go there every night

This is Karlie’s NY place, and that garden gate:

I think he knows his hands around

A cold glass

Make me wanna know that body

Like it’s mine

I don’t have any hardcore evidence for these lines, but applying them to Karlie here’s my thoughts:  A glass could have curves.  She might be comparing a glass (possibly from that dive bar) to her partner’s body.  Curves = female.  And “know that body like it’s mine” could mean they have similar bodies because they’re both women–rather than ownership.

He got that boyish look that I like in a man

Taylor, in curating her public relationships with boyish looking guys may have a two-prong approach:  She is trying to find a boy that is marketable to as wide of an audience as possible.  He has to be safe, have a pretty, photographable face, and fit with her clean-cut image.  The second factor could be covering up her actual private relationship with women.  Finding a dude who closely resembles her girlfriend gives her plausible deniability for her lyrics.  

A lot of the teen idols (Elvis Presley, James Dean, David Cassidy, Davy Jones, Donnie Osmond, Leif Garrett, Justin Timberlake, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Leonardo Dicaprio, Hansen, Justin Beiber, Zac Effron…) have boyish, baby faces.  They are white pre-teen to early twenties and are perceived as all-American, and wholesome and safe.  These boys can be marketed to pre-teen girls, a market with a lot of disposable income–they don’t yet have bills, but their parents are still buying them things.  In marketing to pre-teen girls, you also have to market to parents that can afford to buy their children a lot of extraneous things (vs necessities) suburban parents.

And doesn’t it just make sense that pre-teen girls who are WLW (or will soon discover that they are) would be attracted to boys with baby faces?  Those boys are feminized.  So these crushes still fit heteronormative expectations, but are actually attractive to young lesbians and bi-girls specifically because of their feminine features

.  

I am an architect, I’m drawing up the plans

This line speaks to the above.  Taylor is curating a perfect relationship to cover for her actual relationship.  This is Cowboy Like Me in motion. This is not a statement of spontaneously feeling sparks or falling in love.  Taylor says she’s methodically putting together plans for this relationship in the song.

It’s like I’m seventeen, nobody understands

No one understands

Homophobic response to a child coming out:

Yuck.  and Gross.  

This is from Focus on the Family.  It’s coded as supportive, but it’s really gaslighting a gay person and trying to convince them they’re wrong about their sexuality.  Here’s an article about how Focus on the Family is a homophobic group:

I think Taylor is alluding to this homophobic type of response with that line.  Maybe she came out and people told her she’s too young to know.

…I think he knows

He better lock it down

Or I won’t stick around

‘Cause good ones never wait

He got that boyish look that I like in a man

I am an architect, I’m drawing up the plans

… Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I’ll drive

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I’ll drive

So where we gonna go?

They went to Big Sur-just the two of them (and whoever took the photos).

And in her Vogue 73 questions Taylor says:

I whisper in the dark

Where we gonna go?

I think he knows

He got my heartbeat

Skipping down 16th Avenue

Got that, oh! I mean

Wanna see what’s under that attitude

Like, I want you, bless my soul

“Bless your soul” is a phrase that can be literal and meaningful or sarcastic.

Literal :  John gives $20 to a homeless man. The man says “Bless your soul.” (Genuine, gratitude)

 SARCASTIC:  Kim hates Kylie. Kylie tries to look pretty but Kim knows she’s prettier. Kim says “Aw, bless your soul for trying!”

(Sarcasm and an insult. Kim is proclaiming she is prettier.)

And I ain’t gotta tell him/I think he knows/I think he knows/I want you, bless my/I want you, bless my/I want you, bless my/I want you, bless my soul/I want you, bless my/I want you, bless my/I want you, bless my soul/I ain’t gotta tell him

I think he knows

See what I mean about plausible deniability? This could be Taylor sincerely saying she wants HIM. But also it could be the sarcastic usage of the phrase–like obviously I don’t want HIM like that.

This is Karlie’s arm putting her lock under THE NUMBER 13:

Hers is the one with the K heart. But tilt your head left and read it–there’s a T there. Koincidence?

And in Taylor’s lover promo, there is a heart it says Paris, City of love, there is a lock and key with “lover” there’s a rose, the butterfly like the wings and mural, and daisies. Which I just learned got their name from the center looking like… The sun. Like sunshiny Karlie.

Ok, after that quick, dirty lesson of how Taylor is likely WLW and Kaylor definitely was romantic and sexual, back to Kelsea’s Marilyn song:

Was it lonely, show pony?

I thought this was going to a western rodeo term, but urban dictionary gave these explanations:

This one easily matches Kelsea’s song about 2 performers.  But I thought this one was something:

Now, I’m sure if this is some homophobic response implying that gay people that are deemed “too flamboyant” are obnoxious show offs just for being themselves.  OR if this is a common term taken at face value. Does Kelsea know about the term relating to queerness? IDK. But it’s sus in this particular song for all the reasons I outlined.

I found this one appropriate for the subjects of this song because both are known for who they dated:  Movie stars, The Kennedys, Taylor’s “ex boyfriends.”  This could speak to superficial arm candy, PR arrangements, bearding…

Did you miss Norma Jeane?

Or did you always wanna be Marilyn?

Marilyn

Kelsea asks if Marilyn misses the real, authentic, non-famous, version of herself.  She also asks if she liked that person either, if she was always dissatisfied with who she was–plain or glam.

It pertains to Taylor because as she said in her song explanation, she doesn’t feel human anymore.  Taylor is more of a brand than a person.

[Verse 2]

Once you got through the doors, was it glamorous?

Or did you think you’d feel morе fulfilled? (Mm)

‘Cause I can see how it seemed

Through an L.A. silvеr screen

But I can also see how it’d drive me to pills

This is self explanatory, and hopefully the pills pertain only to Marilyn and not Taylor, but IDK.

[Chorus]

So was it worth it to seem so perfect?

Blonde and curves didn’t keep you from your skeletons

And everybody wanted to know you/In every room

Was the way that everyone loved you/A feeling you outgrew?

‘Cause everybody wanted to be you/But did you? (Mm-mm, hmm)

[Chorus]

Did you miss Norma Jeane? The woman underneath/Or did you always wanna be Marilyn?/Oh, ooh-ooh, Marilyn

[Outro: Marilyn Monroe]

Uhm, do I feel happy in life? Uhm

Uh, let’s see

Present tense could be for Kelsea and Taylor.

Narcissist Boss

14 Oct

I had always been confused about why my mentor essentially declared war against me. It happened after I knew she was a lesbian and married to a woman. And she was very closeted and afraid of being outed in the community. But still, she turned against me and treated me terribly after I realized she was cheating on her wife by fucking the hairdresser.

I couldn’t understand why someone would act so ugly against a person who had dirt on them and could potentially spill their secrets and ruin their reputation. Wouldn’t you kiss ass if someone knew your secrets? But my mentor did everything to make me feel alone and ostracized. She demoted me at work. She made it known I was not welcome to use the bathroom at her house (even though it was my only option). She ignored me, and scheduled our work parties on days I had final exams out of town. She made it blatant that she hated me and wanted me gone. Which was weird because nothing really happened? There was no altercation or fight or misbehavior. This was just a 180 switch of the flip. And it was confusing. I had personal access to her life and could observe her cheating behavior, yet she silently battled me.

I think what happened is that I had looked up to her, emulated her career, listened to her advice. But when I came back to town (before I knew what was going on with her) I loudly declared cheating sucked. I made known I looked down on cheaters and thought they were scum. I told my mentor that my ex was called Douche, and wouldn’t give her real name, even when my mentor pressed me for it. I said that cheater doesn’t deserve a proper name. And I think my mentor heard that and took it to heart since unbeknownst to me at the time she was also a cheater.

As I stayed at the Cabin-Mansion, there was a lot about my mentor I didn’t really like anymore. I was an adult and had more experience with the world to formulate my own opinions. I wasn’t a 16-18 year old sheltered kid anymore. I had lived out of state, attended college, and worked for truly compassionate people. I could now see my mentor was neglectful/abusive to her wife, treated her employees and doctors under her too harshly, and wasn’t who I thought she was. I didn’t mean to, but I lost my respect for her after seeing how she really acted. And I think that’s actually what kicked off the war. I stopped emulating her and seeing her as larger than life. I ended her supply.

It feels good to finally know what the fuck happened. The whole situation continued to bother me because there was no closure. My mentor and I never really talked, and I really didn’t understand what happened or why. But now that I’m becoming more familiar with narcissist behavior, I realize it was nothing to do with me at all-my exMentor is a full-on narcissist.

I underlined things in the following article that I think particularly pertain to my mentor and the situation at the Cabin-Mansion:

What Is Narcissistic Supply?

Published: October 13, 2021 Updated: October 2, 2022

Narcissistic supply refers to the constant supply of attention and admiration needed by narcissists. To gain this attention, narcissists will often use a “false self” that is likeable to attract people to them. However, because narcissists are unable to make healthy connections, they tend to target people who are more vulnerable in order to feed their supply.

Narcissistic supply is a form of psychological addiction where the narcissist requires, and even demands, limitless special treatment, admiration, importance, or validation to feed their sense of entitlement and self-centeredness. Narcissistic supply is how narcissists cope with the world, making it a place for them to thrive.

Wanting attention, accolades, and validation are not narcissistic in nature. We all need to feel heard and have a sense of belonging, but narcissists crave this attention constantly. Narcissists seek individuals that are easily lured in by their charm and naïve to their manipulation and exploitation. Once the supply is received, the narcissist will soon become low or empty, always needing more. Feeding narcissistic supply is like trying to fill a bottomless pit—and when they don’t get it, they may react with narcissistic rage.

What Is Narcissistic Rage?

Narcissistic rage, a term first used by psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut in the 1970s, is a sudden and powerful outburst from a narcissist that could include anger, aggression, and violence.1 The behavior occurs when the negative feedback that a narcissist receives causes great discomfort and their defense mechanisms are activated. Some narcissists will gaslight, deflect, project, verbally assault, or collapse. …Narcissists will become emotionally, psychologically, physically, or verbally abusive. One reason they respond this way is they recognize that direct exposure is happening and discovery of their false identity is being threatened. In order to keep their true selves secret, narcissists will “blow up” to deflect from the underlying issue.

6 Signs of Narcissistic Rage

Narcissistic rage may not appear much differently than other sudden outbursts from friends and loved ones at first. When these behaviors occur repeatedly, observers can begin to notice the trends and patterns that emerge.

Some of the most common signs of narcissistic rage include:

  • A bout of anger that is disproportionate to the triggering stressor, sometimes bordering hatred for the victim
  • A rage that may quickly end and never be discussed again
  • Anger that results in verbal or physical aggression towards another person or property
  • Anger that results in self-harm
  • Frustrations that seem to be brought on by the person not getting their own way, not receiving a wanted level of attention, or receiving the desired amount of praise
  • Irritability triggered by being criticized by loved ones or coworkers, getting caught in a lie, or feeling out of control

The outside observer may struggle to understand the connections between triggers and anger, especially since the narcissist will likely blame other people and situations. Careful attention and analysis will point to signs of narcissistic rage.

What Causes Narcissistic Rage?

Narcissistic rage happens when a narcissist receives an injury. This perceived offense causes the narcissist to flare up with anger.

What Is Narcissistic Injury?

Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist thinks their self-esteem or self-worth are threatened.2 The narcissist’s false self is exposed, causing distress that leads to narcissistic rage.

Narcissists are extremely sensitive individuals with very low self-esteem. When their shortcomings are pointed out, they become defensive and frustrated. Their delusions of grandeur are put on display and their inadequacies are highlighted.

8 Triggers of a Narcissist’s Rage

Here are eight ways a narcissist’s rage could be triggered:2

  1. They don’t get their way, even if what they want is unreasonable
  2. They feel that they’ve been criticized, even if the critique is constructive or said kindly
  3. They’re not the center of attention
  4. They’re caught breaking rules or not respecting boundaries
  5. They’re held accountable for their actions
  6. Their idealized self-image was harmed in some way
  7. They’re reminded of their manipulation, inadequacy, or shame
  8. They feel out of control of their surroundings

source:

1. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissistic-supply/

Everything is Winning or Losing to a Narcissist

13 Oct

My mentor would always call people “losers” and would write off nearly everybody that way. At the time, I never really thought about that.

They will do anything to “win” even if it hurts themself or the team.

At work we get an “audit” if the quality team finds that we processed a claim incorrectly. If you get an audit, and you check that claim, and can show you did, in fact, do it correctly, they sometimes overturn the audit. Jogre did not want to submit my work to be overturned by the auditors. She seemed pleased when I got audits, and took it personally when I would try to show the audit was in error. And when I went above her head, and my audits were finally submitted back to the quality team to double check–the audits were reversed. This happened 3-4 times. My work was shown to have actually been done correctly, and an audit was reversed–but Jogre was mad about it. But audits hurt our entire team and count against us, and against leadership. So when my audits were overturned it actually benefitted her. But she was mad because she saw it as me “winning” and her “losing” (believe me, everyone was losing in that situation).

What to Do in a Win-Lose Relationship with a Narcissist

Narcissists seek relationships in which they dominate and you defer.

Posted March 28, 2022 |  Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

KEY POINTS

  • Narcissists tend to look for relationships in which they can dominate and been seen as superior.
  • This means that someone else (partner, employee, co-worker) must be in the one-down role.
  • They tend to use domineering, vindictive, and intrusive behaviors to establish and maintain such relationships.
Bankrx/Shutterstock

Source: Bankrx/Shutterstock

People who are high in the trait of narcissism, or who have narcissistic personality disorder, often escalate conflicts in all kinds of relationships until they “win.” For many of them, it is important that you also must “lose.” This generally is not a one-time event, but rather the way they want their ongoing relationships to be, with them constantly winning and you constantly losing or deferring to them. This can be in any type of relationship, but especially a “close” one, such as with a parent, child, sibling, romantic partner, spouse, close co-worker, or close neighbor.

Narcissistic personality disorder is one of four Cluster B personality disorders in the diagnostic manual of mental disorders (the DSM-5-TR) for which this win-lose dynamic is a common factor. Research indicates strong associations with certain interpersonal behavior patterns for these disorders: “Antisocial, borderline, histrionic, and narcissistic personality disorders, historically classified as Cluster B (dramatic-emotional-erratic) personality disorders, all showed moderate-to-large and significant associations with domineeringness, vindictiveness, and intrusiveness.”1

Domineering, Vindictive, and Intrusive

These three relationship behaviors tend to keep the other person in a one-down position. In being domineering, a narcissist may be bossy, controlling, restricting of contact with others, and possibly even violent. Vindictiveness is often a punishment when someone else shows too much independence in a relationship—not accepting a one-down position, or expressing a thought that the other disagrees with. Intrusiveness may include demanding to know your thoughts, who you have been talking to or spending time with, and even insisting on scrolling through your texts and emails.

When such behavior—a mean comment, slap or shove, or public humiliation—appears early in a relationship, people often assume it was a mistake or one-time event, and that the other person will correct their behavior and, hopefully, apologize soon. But if that person has narcissistic personality disorder, they are unlikely to change and this pattern of behavior will repeat itself. Don’t expect an apology.

Source:

1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202203/what-do-in-win-lose-relationship-narcissist#:~:text=People%20who%20are%20high%20in,way%20they%20want%20their%20ongoing