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She is a Lovely Gal

18 Aug

of course she’s funny
and takes her turn paying money
has boundaries, commands respect
use her name, don’t call her “honey”

sings with passion, right from her heart
she is studious, if not book-smart
always community-minded
she won’t shop at the damn Wal-Mart

offers her restaurant box to junkies
loves kitties and bunnies and puppies
sends her thank you cards
yeah, she delivers those warm fuzzies

pretty eyes, delightful smile
she is unique, has her own style
she knows to wait, shivers take awhile
the pleasure she gives: Verifiable

no one’s doormat, she’ll voice displeasure
but she is fun and she’s so clever
serious, spontaneous in equal measure
sends lovers into waves of pleasure

she works so hard, has determination
holds her own in conversation
that girl can get the mind wandering
moves her hips like a love invasion

What a girl, so sweet and loyal
firm body, does her cardio
cheeks like marble
treated You royal

Don’t you miss me? You were so crappy
Wish you still had that? I’ll bet you’re sad
you fucked up,
I’m the very best you ever had!

Another Douche Poem in the Works

7 Jan

I was scared I would never meet another

How would I see them, where would I go?

You were up front, easy

feared I’d always be alone

I lept at the chance at dating

the alternative at home

don’t flatter yourself

that’s why I gave you the time of day

I didn’t find you attractive

but you were nice, all the same

I wasn’t sexually active

and that’s why I didn’t throw you away

when you proved to be bad in bed

and also crazy

stalling out on coming, crying in the bedsheets

just another day

Your controlling behavior was something I didn’t get

I had no context

nothing to compare it with other than my parents

Had no idea you’re a subset

not everything goes this way

I am not weak or small

Tried to put on a brave face

I can handle it all!

Your domination was tiring

I wanted to be my own person

you wanted me helpless, admiring

but I’m also not a flake

I had no one to turn to

my secret weighed heavy

even now, you’re one of my worst mistakes

Now, I wish I had dated a bevy

just for comparisons sake

Treated me like a trophy

manipulated the truth

gaslighted me constantly

worst yet-you wasted my youth

The audacity to leave me

when everyone knows who was the prize

hurt my ego-how embarrassing

I should have left you, in my eyes

yet I stuck it out

because I’m good and loyal

I don’t want you to think otherwise or have a doubt

I never loved you, I was just stuck

I hope you know the truth

you suck

I barely liked you

thought you were ugly, but felt sorry that I did

the guilt from my raising and your manipulation kept me

If I could go back in time, I’d renig

“Myspace Alicia”

13 Oct

I’m going through the 2014 albums while I study to write my end-of-the-year music blogs.  I know!  I haven’t posted 2013’s yet–but I’m still working on it.  Anyway, I got to Imogen Heap, and it reminds me very much of Douche.

the usual

It has been forever since I’ve written about Douche–mostly b/c I hate to think of that creep.  Also, because I finally accepted some people are sociopaths–no matter how well you thought you knew them.  Imogen Heap actually reminds me of Myspace Alicia, some 19 year old girl Douche attached to.  Imogen was this girl’s favorite and I know that because I used to scour her Myspace profile trying to understand.

At the time, I didn’t get that people played games.  I was naive that an older person (Douche) would hook a 19 year old just to show off how “cute” of a gal could be secured.  I didn’t get that Douche was maybe trying to make me–the world–envious.  At the time, I only looked and looked trying to see what the 2 could possibly have in common. . .

I hate Douche-still do, I’ll never stop.  I didn’t deserve that treatment, and didn’t understand where it was coming from at that time.  I had no idea you could be close to someone for 3 years but not know them at all.  I didn’t know there were sociopaths that adapted their personality to what they thought you wanted–did want–in order to manipulate.  And I didn’t know the extent people could play games after a break-up.  BUT knowing Douche did teach me lessons:  Don’t date someone b/c you feel shallow for not being attracted to them, if something seems too good to be true-it probably is, not everyone is going to be honest with you, not everyone has your best interests at heart, some people are just not meant to be understood, sometimes you have to let people (or the memory of who they were supposed to be) go.

I wonder if Myspace Alicia felt the same way in the end that I did–that it was a fake and a trick.  I hope Douche got (and is still getting) all the bad karma that is deserved.  Though I have no idea where that crazy is or what that evil is up to currently–thank goodness…

I like the new album even if it takes me back to that chapter of my life a little.

Dodged a Bullet

4 Feb

Here’s an older blog:

I was doing a little (more) Facebook stalking today.  Wait, lemme explain.  I got to wondering why Facbook recommends I friend Mary, and the hairdresser, and Fake-Ass Bitch Melissa from Noah’s Ark, but never Lori or Joci.  I dated Lori in 2006 and assume we still have some mutual friends.  So then, I wondered if she went so far as to block me. . .  Or if she was alive–she WAS a little reckless.

So I looked for her, and of course her entire profile was public.  She always was sort of an attention whore (because of low self-esteem?).  Anyway, her pics were the same.  Just no boundaries, sketchy drunk pictures, and personal quizzes.  Just out for all to see.  And she looked fat to me.  Joci’s was the same, and she still seemed temperamental and got fat as well.  And it looks like those two are on one another’s friend list, but don’t interact often.

Lori must have dropped out of Mizzou (again) because she is living in STL.  And working at some Ren Fest???  And her life’s ambition was working the night shift at the hotel–like she had been when I dated her.  What a fucking loser.

I guess that’s what you get when you meet your next girlfriend through an ex-girlfriend.  Lesson learned.  No one Douche knows is a winner.  Now I wonder what Douche is up to. . .  Next stalking mission?  Nah–I don’t care enough to unblock that stupid bitch.  Hopefully whatever she’s doing, wherever she is, she’s getting what she deserves.

Stay Away, Old Face [6-29-08]

9 Jan

You didn’t think I’d let THIS go did you?!  Read my diatribe, and feel appropriately embarrassed:

First of all, I want to say I stay out of the realm of my exes, even missing a fun-time or two in order to avoid an awkward situation.  I do not want a confrontation of public fulminations.  My exes don’t have the same respect, but their liberalness still surprises me when great audacity and permissiveness is shown and they DON’T maintain distance.  Some people have no boundaries!  THAT was always my biggest harangue with Douche.

Secondly, it’s one of my biggest pet-peeves when someone “loves” their animal so much, yet doesn’t act responsibly toward that pet.  Of course, I’m going to offer my invective on the matter, shit-head.  Not vaccinating an animal annually is lame—not updating shots for 3 years is neglect.  Putting an animal in a stressful situation aka Douche’s house, is asking for health trouble.  Mixing unvaccinated animals is retarded, by the way.  While we’re on the subject of pet care, feeding crappy food (yeah Nutro is just disguised crap) is going to hurt the pet’s health.  People who have pets SHOULD know, but Science Diet, Eukanuba, and Iams are the most nutritionally balanced foods on the market.  Also believing a pet store’s word over a veterinarian is dumb.  To continue common sense pet care advice, if you have a multi cat household, the rule is 1 litter box per cat + 1. This means if you have 3 cats, you need 4 litter boxes, 4 cats means 5 litter boxes, etc. . .  Oh, and you have to clean the litter box more than once a month.  The number 1 rule of owning an animal???  Don’t get a pet if you can’t afford to take care of it!

What a jeremiad, right?  But with good reason.  I bring it up, because Douche’s new GF (Old Face) strolls into MY work after not having been there for multiple years wanting a latitudinarian price plan.  I was so pissed they would have the audacity, and wish I had the nerve for a face-to-face tirade.  OK, you need some background on Old Face.  Believe it or not, I’m not just randomly mean to people.  Douche had a best friend for a year or two, for the sake of simplicity, we’ll call this friend “Manly.”  Manly and Douche were constantly seen together.  Also, Manly had been dating Old Face for a long time.  I’m not sure of the specifics, but possibly as long as 4 years.  Manly and Old Face had their problems.  I’m not sure how involved Douche was in these problems.  Probably heavily–pun intended.  Anyhow, Manly and Old Face break up and almost immediately afterward, Douche is dating Old Face.  This breaks one of the cardinal best friend rules—you don’t date your best friend’s ex—especially within such a short time span.  Sidenote:  Manly is out of the picture.  Douche no longer seen with Manly at all–just like that.  You knew of Douche’s non-existent morals, but this story illustrates that Old Face, also has questionable ethics.  Obloquy unnecessary–this sort of behavior is completely expected.  Her and Douche are perfect for each other. . .

Anyway, I was surprised they would come in such close proximity to me!  I also figured Old Face would go to the vet Douche does.  Not only does Douche go there, but my OTHER ex who happens to be friends with Old Face, works there. Got all that?  It’s a web of trashy that I would just assume not be involved in.  I’m not sure if Old Face actually does update vaccines at Douche’s vet and just wanted to take advantage of my clinic’s good prices, or if her pet, in fact, had not been vaccinated for years.  Either way coming to my work wasn’t a cool move.

At first, I felt awkward and wanted to avoid Old Face.  Then, I thought—no it is her who should feel awkward, this is MY place of work!  To drive home that point, I made sure to bring her animal to her when she came to pick it up.  I wanted to say a lot, but was very nervous and stressed so shakily said, “I didn’t expect to see YOU in here.”  I hope seeing me made Old Face feel awkward, but I couldn’t really tell.  What I wanted to do was lay out a long malediction about how just because she’s a cheap-ass does not give her the right to impede upon my territory.

My main point???  I don’t go to your bar or place of work–don’t come back to my clinic!!!

Bad Behavior [originally posted 12-7-07]

2 Jan

These are the top 10 worst things (that I can remember right now) that I have ever done.  ….


10.  When I lived with Douche, and we were still on sort of good terms, I thought I would clean the vacuum as it was super-dusty, and no longer worked well.  I thought it would be smart to use water to clean the dust.  The vacuum was really clean after I finished, but it no longer worked at all!  I let Douche believe that it had just broken on its own.


9.  When Eileen (my last roommate) started being mean to me, I used her super-expensive shampoo that she told me never to touch.  I used liberal amounts, even though it wasn’t for my type of hair.


8.  When I was dating Douche, I looked (just looked—it was completely innocent) at my friend’s penis.  I looked at it in Douche’s bathroom during one of Douche’s pot-lucks, while a bunch of Douche’s friends were over.


7.  In a lot of my college classes, I programmed answers in to my calculator and used it to cheat on exams.


6.  In seventh grade, Crystal and I went to Mervynn’s, and I thought it would be a good idea to steal some nail files.  I was too scared to actually go through with it, so I made….Crystal…. do the actual carrying of them out of the store.


5.  My senior year of high school I would go get drunk with my (older) co-workers.  My parents were highly against under-age drinking and would insist I kiss them goodnight when I got home.  I would eat peanut butter so when I staggered in, the booze wouldn’t be on my breath.


4.  I house-sat for this girl at my work (Douche-bag Dana) that I didn’t like and took several of her movies.  Not only did I steal her videos, but I pawned them for cash, because I didn’t like them.


3.  My first year in ….Missouri…., I smoked weed (a felony) at least 10 different times. Probably more, but I lost count.  I smoked it from a joint, a pipe, a hookah, with friends, at parties, with Douche, at home, at friend’s houses, you name it. . .


2.  I slept with my boss’ spouse—shhhhh.  AND  I would have done it again if the opportunity arose.


1.  In third grade, I tried to poison Courtney John, because I hated the bitch.  Thank God Rachelle Rogers foiled my plan by telling her!


Annual Douche Blog [9-13-07]

2 Jan

In the interest of keeping tradition, here is a Douche-blog on the anniversary of the big break up.  First of all, I cannot believe that it has been 5 years since Douche and I got together—3 since the break up!  It feels like forever ago.  Almost everything has changed since then.  Anyway, I almost posted this in August, because I somehow thought the anniversary was August not September.  Must have blocked it out.  My friend reminded me the true date—thanks for that.  It just goes to show how far I’ve come.  In case you’ve been under a rock and missed the story:  This was a person I completely trusted and they didn’t respect that.  Douche was, well a Douche and screwed me over in many ways.  It used to be hard for me to accept unreasonable, sociopathic people.  I just couldn’t let it go.  Now, I just write it off as that sucked and that person is sociopathic/immature/fill in the blank.  Gotta weed out the shitty ones, and move on you know?   Since I’ve completely cut Douche out of my life, I don’t really have any bad stories to tell you.  I thought instead I would write what reminds of those years when Douche was in my life.

Movie Gallery, “Whatcha thinking?” Nissan Frontiers, my Dad’s grilled cheese sandwiches (how does THAT happen?), diet cokes, BreakTime gas stations and their huge sodas, Cabbage Patch kids (creepy), NASCAR souvenirs, dark beer, Quizznos, “Salvation,” by The Cranberries (actually in a good way–dare I say it), Spiderman merch. (you should have seen the Halloween costume!!!), the movie Crash, Ben & Jerries, BD’s Mongolian Grill, my 2 ex and the BFF (both of whom screwed around with/dated Douche).  Sidenote:  It’s the BFF and me that Douche refers to on the myspace page as having pushed over the edge—good, it was deserved!!!  Back to the list:  Vitamin D milk (especially mixed w/chocolate), U2’s newest album, Sierra Turkey sandwich, iced mochas, “boo,” the Artisan before (and only before) 7 am, asigo bagels, “cha cha slide,” blue striped sheets and the blue comforter (Bob remembers this one too–he pees on it anytime it’s out), and finally, Texas license plates.


I’m a Star

1 Jan

I’m no actor, but I got to faux wash my laundry as an extra in a movie. I also got to faux watch TV for the film. Tomorrow I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m an extra again. Actually, I’ve been famous a lot lately. My picture is on the PFLAG website, I’ve been traveling around mid-Missouri to give my trans presentation, I have been recognized all over town and on myspace as the pride fest “sticker girl,” I have been in a movie, and now I’m on the radio!

Tonight I was on KOPN, Columbia’s local radio station to talk about feminism, LGBTQQA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, questioning, ally) issues, and my presentation, “Transcend, Not Transition.” I take issue with the use of all those letters, (alphabet soup, if you will) to describe the community. It should simply be called transgender.

Segway, as the radio show host would say: The definition of transgender is anyone outside the gender norms. Norms are pretty much the 1950s outlook that women don’t work or wear pants and men don’t care for children or show emotion. Therefore, everyone is transgender. It’s an all-inclusive umbrella term that encompasses transsexual, which are people who have gender dysphoria and feel their true sex is the one opposite to the one assigned to them at birth. Anyway, I got a little off track with the background explanations.

I knew I would be a little out of my league talking on the radio. I don’t really follow politics, I have no formal education on queer issues and very little knowledge about the women’s movement, and my voice sounds like Minnie Mouse on answering machines, so I’m sure it was just more of the same for radio. I agreed to do it because I would be with Linda Hayes, who knows what she’s talking about, and because I believe it’s important to at least start a dialogue about trans issues. 50% of trans youth attempt suicide! There is the problem of lack of support from peers, teachers, and parents, and lack of legislation to protect these kids. Even if you don’t agree with whatever (which we won’t get into here *cough–ignorant*), I think it’s crazy for kids to feel so hopeless about the situation they want to kill themselves. They need someone in their corner, ie me.  In case you’re wondering my presentation will be at the CoMo PFLAG meeting, July 5th at 7 pm. Here’s a link to the website for more info:

Yeah, so if you see my face or hear my voice in the media–it’s because I’m famous now


Climbing Pride Turtles [6-11-07]

1 Jan

Coming up with blog titles is a difficult chore.  You want it to be catchy and interesting and it should pertain to the blog topic.  This is all I have left in me–so Climbing Pride Turtle it is.  If you have a better idea, by all means, let me know 🙂  On to the blog though!

PrideFest was this last Saturday. Though I’m unaffiliated with the coalition this year, I volunteered to help set up on the big day. Partly I did it because I enjoy it, partly because they really need extra help (especially since their chair person didn’t show up and their president only came to get a shirt), and thirdly I helped because Linda has feet injury and doesn’t need to be doing that on her own–which she would have. I also knew when I came to help I wouldn’t have to see my ex who is extremely involved. Douche does the café so she’s locked in the “food jail” the entire day. Very easy to avoid! I helped unpack the car, put up the tent thingys, and made May-poles on every sign and bike rack I could find. You don’t care about that stuff though. I’ll tell of the interesting “circus decorating.”

I was paired with a lady I had never met to put up some flags. Sounds easy enough, right? We spotted a tree with a nice straight branch. All shrubbery was trimmed really well since it was a public park, and I’m sure they didn’t want anyone getting hurt climbing the trees. We thought we would just throw the rope over the branch–but how to secure it? We needed a ladder or chair so we could get up high and tie the flag around the branch. None were available. Here we are, in the middle of the park–me standing on the back of a perfect stranger while she had my flip-flops under her knees. There was standing (me) on shoulders (hers) as well. We did all kind of acrobatics and stunting to get those flags up there! They did look darn good when we were finished though. I can only imagine how the cleanup crew got them back down. . .

I also got to be a sticker girl for a couple of hours. It was a good time. I guess no one has ever heard the lingo jumbo-tron or tiny-tron before. I wasn’t TRYING to be funny when I gave the choice! I stickered (can sticker be used as a verb?) about 200 people. I liked the job really well too– I got to work on my tan and talk to every single person there. It was good, because I could say hey, and because I had a job to do, quickly move on before the conversation got awkward. Speaking of awkward–I had to sticker both of my exes, but it actually turned out fine–they were both on their best behavior. They were actually people a lot worse than either of them. Who doesn’t want a free sticker? Even when I said they could look awesome like me and be spirited some people refused their sticker. I would tell them it was a means of counting and they would still say no–that’s ok asshole, I’ll just wear yours for you! I think I came home with 9 stickers on my shorts because people denied the awesomeness of the sticker.

After 2 hours, I started getting really thirsty and sunburned. Normally, I could just go get my free water from the café, but I didn’t want to press my luck and visit the food jail. . . I would ask Linda if there was work to be done (in between stickering people), and she would say, go get water! Sit down and go get some water! She didn’t understand. Finally, I just had to leave because I was thirsty, oh so thirsty. Having a pool to jump into when I got home was beautiful!!! Just beautiful!

On a completely different note–I solved the mystery of road kill man downstairs. I was letting the dog out to go potty and my neighbor was butchering some animal right below my balcony–thanks for the smell. He volunteered the info without glance or question from me. He said it was a snapping turtle and it tastes better than chicken. Hmmm. He apparently he had access to 2 turtles, because when I was leaving for work Sunday afternoon there was a partially alive turtle under my balcony. The guy rode his bike to work leaving the (kicking) turtle to die slowly I guess.


Heavy PETting–>College Retrospective 5

1 Jan

At 23, nothing too crazy happened. It was mostly a year of focus. I went to school, took crazy-hard classes and worked at Noah’s Ark. I got a little blind dog. My parents came to visit CoMo for the first time. It was really fun showing them Missouri. Then, I got to be a bridesmaid for Dawn, my very first best friend. Other than relationships, I got to go to a conference in Kansas City, which turned out really fun, and visited Austin, TX. This year was just another year of hard work. But, I’m skipping ahead. Let me take you back to the beginning of fall semester.

The first couple weeks of school, my computer crashed. I flipped out. I was going crazy without myspace, e-mail, and oh yeah, word processing to actually do homework. The crash was probably the only reason I went to that BBQ. I talked to #2 that night. . . It’s funny how things work out. If my computer wouldn’t have crashed I would have certainly been at home. More on this later.

I think it was September when my cat, Ladybug, died of the inevitable kidney problems that had plagued her even before I got her. She lived a good year or two, before succumbing to her disease. It was Bob that upseet me most. He has always been fat and ornery. Suddenly, he became bony and listless. He got fatty liver syndrome less than a month after Ladybug got sick. He lost half his body weight and wouldn’t eat at all–not like him. He had x-rays, blood work, ultrasound (results were fine) then finally exploratory surgery to see what was wrong–let me just say it’s lucky I was his owner. No one else would have been able to afford all of that OR schedule it in a timely fashion. I am really lucky to have the connections I do at Noah’s Ark! I’m pretty sure former owners (and their best friends) would have euthanized him rather than pay all that money. Anyway, I saw his liver and it was completely yellow. He had fatty liver syndrome but no signs of jaundice (on the outside). By the looks of his liver, he didn’t have a chance. I knew it was bad. He was sick from October to December. It was awful–he looked terrible! I thought he would die for sure. Two vets at work wanted to euthanize him, because he couldn’t even keep down A/D, which is mostly water.

A Maine coon kitten came into the clinic during that time, and I took him. His name became Gandhi Gus so he could have a saintly/redneck name just like Buddha Bob. Then, by a miracle, Bob survived. He is completely better-yay! So I have 3 pets.

I got in a new relationship, which lasted for 4 months. It was a good time while it lasted. Immaturity, friends interfering, and different standards and morals put an end to it too quickly. I’m indifferent about the situation. I learned some helpful info that allowed me to discontinue contact w/my 1st ex rather than trying to be friendly. I also experienced love for the 1st time. I honestly did not notice flaws until after the breakup. I know ex #2 just has some growing up to do. #2 just had issues and insecurities which played a huge part in the breakup aftermath–I’m not bitter or upset about it.  Though I WOULD like for my most recent ex to stop turning things against me.  Sending you 1 (nice) message in 3 months doesn’t make me crazy.  I would like to stoop down to that level of maturity for a moment and say to #2: “I only wished you well, stop being a bitch through your blog.  Just take my message as it was intended and stop trying to make it a negative thing!  You know, you need to start setting a good example, don’t you?  Better start practicing, you have a long way to go, and only 8 more months.”

I’m just ready to get on with things now. It would be awesome to meet someone who is on the same page as me. Speaking of the relationship, remember the BBQ, and my reason for going? I went full circle this year. During finals week, my computer crashed. I didn’t cry, I didn’t flip out, I didn’t make bad choices or go to any BBQs-ha ha. I WAS thrown when I thought I lost more than 2,000 songs off i-tunes, but patience was rewarded and I ended up finding them in a secret file. I even managed to fix the mofo computer myself. I managed to learn something from the first time, at least.You know, I’m really excited to graduate college and move on to the next phase of my life. The one tinge of sadness comes with leaving the pre-vet club. I really loved that club. I was involved for 5 years (if you count UNR too) and I honestly enjoyed it the entire time. I got Best Member two years in a row–THAT’S how hard I worked for the club. I will definitely miss it! But, on to more exciting things, right? I graduate with a degree in Animal Science and minor in Chemistry this Saturday! Can’t be sad about that!