…I’ve been under scrutiny (yeah, oh, yeah)…/…I feel the lavender haze creepin’ up on me/Surreal, I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say/No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me/I just wanna stay in that lavender haze/All they keep askin’ me (all they keep askin’ me)/Is if I’m gonna be your bride/The only kind of girl they see (only kind of girl they see)/Is a one-night or a wife/I find it dizzying (yeah, oh, yeah)/They’re bringin’ up my history (yeah, oh, yeah)…/…Talk your talk and go viral/I just need this love spiral…/…Get it off my desk (get it off my desk)
Here’s such a typical employer/employee conversation. Never caring about YOUR time (school doesn’t either). No understanding of anxiety, what-so-ever. People have put me off like this my whole life, not understanding or giving a fu(k about rumination. “Don’t worry about it” means they’re going to put me on the worst shifts and they don’t want me to push back or complain about that. They did, in fact, have me on for too many hours, and for Fridays which I specifically said I didn’t want. Exactly what I had been worried about. And I had to resign. So then they were short TWO people. . .
Dr: Not sure. Likely Lots though. And it will include Thursdays and Fridays likely. Short time. Not permanent. Likely have to put you on a regular schedule and have everyone clean rather than you coming in at 5:30 AM.
Me: I cant do all day Friday. I would rather meet 1:1 to discuss a compromised sched. Its tricky with my classes. yeah the cleaning and early will have to go I think. I can trade sat for tues. Wnd wed am for thurs
Dr. Ok We can talk and have a better idea
Me: My thoughts in the pic 9attached) b/c now I’m going to worry and stress till we talk
Dr: Can’t read that at all. everyone here is stressed to so just give me times that You CANNOT WORK. Then times that you want to work and we will see. If between you, M, and K we can fill in all the times. Then we will have to schedule light when we cant fill the time in.
Me: I cant work all day Friday I have class mw nevermind I think you’ll have to see it in writing to understand my class commitments. Not all day fri tho.
Dr. Please try and relax. I have a lot of planning to do and shuffling of people. I realize you have school and that is a have to, not a want to what I am asking for is times you have off and then we will try to give you times you want to have off if we can fit in it
Me: You cant meet? Ok class mw 9:30-11:15, t/r 11:30-1:30 3 bus hrs fri for independent study. I can give you 35% more than I already am without hurting my hard-fought 4.0 gpa
Dr: Oy vey. I will try to get this figured out by next week.
Me: I stayed up all night and worked it out and fair % of increased hr to cover rj time and it might save you a lot of time if you looked at my draft sched. Did you see the rest of my qs? can I post on cl?
Dr: If I had known you’re going to be so worried I probably wouldn’t of (SIC) brought this up to you so soon.
No about cl
No about many and no about vici mae
We wont give you any more than 35 hrs
That will be a must and not a want?
So it is short term so get some sleep little energizer bunny
Me: I worked out the numbers: I have 12 wk left in the semester in that time exams, 13 labs and assignments, 15 observations and those papers and 36 hr ind study. Hipaa reg transcriptions.
Dr: Ok we will ask no more of you
Me: What’s that mean?
D; stop. it means you’re stressing over something that you don’t have to stress about. We will work it out.
Me: I thought you were firing me over text 😦 I just worry bc this is the type of scene that hurt my undergrad grp and got me in this position. I cant start over is all. thank you for at least talking to me
Dr: Okay that kind of made me laugh. there is no way I would fire you over a text.
That is like breaking up with someone over text. Who does that kind of shit?
Me: Well, shit-heads. I never know what to expect out of ppl tho.
Dr: Are you calling me a potential shithead? Ok get back to your day and we will work it all out.
me: Like my dad says can’t trust nobody but yourself. But he’s paranoid and thinks he’s funny
-There are 12 weeks left in the semester:
**6 exams
**13 audiometry labs and associated assignments left to turn in
**an intervention packet
**36 hr of language transcription
**2 physical clinic observations and associated assignments
**8 MCT observations (30-60 min each)
**5 observation sheets due
**11 textbook chapters to read (this is no longer a feasible endeavor)
Day:
I wake up at 4AM and sleep at 7:30PM
**Treadmill takes the first half hr of each day, 7 days a week
**I have 1.5-2 hours of physical class 4 days a week
**takes 1 hour 4 days a week to make study materials
Week:
**must do 3 hours of transcription/wk *13
**probably 3 total hours to complete the lab & assignment/wk
We know Taylor drinks wine. And she’s talked about liquor, like whiskey. But I’m not sure beer is her go-to choice of beverage. You know what makes a lot of sense to me in a song to her ex? bearDs. She’s telling her ex that she’s fine with bearding and crying because she chooses her career over love. And no, it’s not wishful thinking or a reach. This phenomenon is repeated several times in the TS catalog.
CLOSURE
beers/beards
There are several more words that Taylor pronounces in a way that could mean two distinct words:
This song has additional auditory illusions because the main lyrics have a backing echo layered with it.
My program won’t transcribe proper nouns so I subbed “car lee” for Karlie. It shouldn’t make a difference as the phoneme, syllables, and stress are the same.
Auditory Illusion:
Your expectations of which words you’ll hear—coupled with the low-quality audio—do the rest. “When faced with an acoustic signal which is somewhat ambiguous because it is low-quality or noisy [or layered with backing vocals], your brain attempts a ‘best fit’ between what is heard and the expected word,” Valerie Hazan, a professor of speech sciences at University College London, told The Telegraph.
I saw my first entry on this subject pop up on my recently read posts, and thought it was high time I addressed the feedback I received for it. I know people got a bit heated, and denied that they were entitled in any way. My word choice may have been misogynistic and overly harsh, but what I was trying to say holds true. I stand by my assertion that people with access to veterinary school ARE privileged.
The thing about privilege, is that if you have it, it’s invisible to you. White males don’t know the struggles they are not made to face in this patriarchal society. They have worked to get where they are, but just don’t know how other people are trying to climb out of their circumstances. Veterinarians feel like they struggled, and worked hard (and they did). BUT if you don’t have barriers such as race or poverty where you have to start out in a hole, on lower ground–you don’t know.
As a crude example of privilege, everyone probably struggles to write their resume and secure that job interview. It’s a pain, there’s a lot of details, and you have to work to get noticed by potential employers. But think about if your name is Mohammad. That person has to contend with racial bias right out of the gate. You and Mohammad are working equally as hard on writing your resume in order to snag an interview, but Mohammad’s very name puts him at a disadvantage you (Jason, Jenny) have never dealt with. That’s the privilege I’m talking about when I say it’s spoiled, rich girls that are the ones getting into veterinary school. I’m calling out the rich guys just as much, but demographically females are the more numerous sex currently in the field.
Here’s a rundown why I can see the privilege in veterinary medicine: I had to pay my own tuition, rent, car, utilities-everything. Therefore, I HAD to make an income. And I didn’t have the advantage of test prep, for example. I DID have the advantage of some time to gain observation hours, and ability to purchase chemistry and physics tutors. Some people can’t afford those things and it does make things more difficult for them. I did not, however, have the luxury of a lot of study time. Working to pay bills is a lot different than part time work to gain experience (when bills are safely paid by Daddy and Mommy). And getting a co-signer for loans is something not everyone can do–my parents co-signed private undergrad loans for me. I was precluded from federal by their income, despite the fact they were not financially helping me, until I was 24 years old–far from a minor child! And they did NOT want to co-sign any more loans because the undergrad interest rates are egregious.
What I’m saying is it was tough to watch people with privilege deny it exists. It sucked to see several people in the pre-vet club no-show to most meetings and events, but write down the club and get into school over me. Meanwhile, I was actually showing up despite having to also be employed to pay my own way. It was difficult to watch Ashley have drug and alcohol problems, and her mom literally had to attend chemistry lecture with her to ensure she showed up to class. But because she could ride with the equine vet, while I did mere barn crew work to pay my bills, for example, her application looked better than mine. And it was disheartening to see Melissa’s daddy buy her a second car (on top of paying her full tuition) when she hit a deer on a hunting trip and totaled the first car he bought her. When I was pouring brake fluid in my car every morning in order to make it to work, because I couldn’t afford to repair it. She, like Ashley, had a lot of time to study because she didn’t have to work, and only worked a few hours a week for a couple years of college. And I liked Justina and got her a job at the hospital I worked at for 6 years. But it was rough to see her go from full time (unemployed) student to working part time in her final year of college, and get into vet school over me. And I gave the side-eye to a guy I was dating and his best friend, veterinary students who didn’t hold jobs, but did have the time to be involved in the rave scene, and everything that goes along with that. They even attended Bonnaroo festival every year, if that tells you the level of financial support they had. Those are the financial situations I saw make it into vet school over me.
So you can see why I might be disgruntled that I jumped through a lot of hoops to gain residency in a state that had a vet school, while my competitors were lucky enough to be born there, (their parents) paying in-state tuition. And why I might be bitter that I did actual hard work in animal jobs while someone standing next to the vet for a day was given priority. And angry that I had to give up my seat in veterinary school for lack of co-signer, when other peers didn’t pay a dime for anything in undergrad so they were just taking out their FIRST loans for vet school…
It impacts the profession. The privileged have higher work satisfaction expectations and don’t know how to tough things out as well as people who are forced to scrape by. For example, the gal I told you about earlier, Melissa couldn’t work as hard. She about crumbled when we had to work overtime for a week because of high demand. She did the OT, but didn’t show up on time for her own shift at the end of the week. She was tired and not used to being forced to hustle like that. And being called out made her disgruntled. The privileged have not eeked out a living in the same way, holding 3 jobs (because they HAD to) and forgoing relaxation and pleasure, so they don’t do that in the career either.
I didn’t go through vet school, but as an employee trying to help, and as a client, trying to get my pets care, I have seen evidence of how this admissions trend has impacted the field. People who didn’t experience as much hardship, and had a relatively easier time getting into and through vet school, run their career with that mentality–it’s what they know. Privileged people leave school with that same sense of entitlement and I worked for a vet that was 7AM to 4PM, no weekends or holidays at all, because she wanted to ski.
A lot of people are going into the field with the expectation of being able to balance work and family. They want part time work, or free weekends, or to leave at closing time. Full lunches, days off, yet a full paycheck is not that practical of an expectation the way the field is currently run, and either someone else is taking up that slack, or the animal care is impacted. Those basic worker rights and niceties don’t seem like a lot to ask to people with the perspective of an office job. But like the Covid nurses having to do ridiculous things to keep up, the veterinary field just requires a tremendous amount of time and commitment for very little money (I don’t make the rules). You’d have to change a lot of systemic things to change that fact. In the mean time, working late, over a lot of days is what’s needed. And that’s known before you get into school, and these privileged people go through with it anyway. If veterinarians want more work/life balance and are working reduced hours (because they’re used to having leisure time) but the demand for animal care is growing, that means more of an assembly line mentality.
I know first hand as both employee and client that animals have been lost in the shuffle:
My one boss left me (an assistant) in sketchy situations that were over my head, and detrimental to patients, because she couldn’t be bothered to show up on weekends. But her daddy was some kind of international lawyer, so she was accustomed to having an easy way through life, and leaning on other people. And it showed in the way she conducted herself in her million dollar hospital.
Vets are booked (too) heavily, and less available. “Exams” are being performed in the treatment area to cut corners and save time–quantity over quality. One of Goose’s vets didn’t report the results of bloodwork for an entire week. And Goose’s blood pressure was wildly out of control because of slipshod, rushed diagnostics. His blindness went undiagnosed for over two years for the same reasons.
My first post was based on anecdotal experience, and did not give data to substantiate what I saw and went through. Here, I’ll share some snippets of articles and research proving what I said back then IS true. I mean, this isn’t written like a scientific article, appropriately cited, but you can see research proves what I’m saying.
If you/your family have less money to start with, and you have to pay your own way–you’re at a disadvantage.
Students with the time/help to get straight As will be at the top of the admissions list. Those that can also devote time to gaining experience, outside of a paid job, have an advantage.
The state you were born should NOT impact your ability to get into veterinary school!
Under 6 thousand is a drop in the bucket. And the people that already face the disadvantage of having to earn an income (thus not gaining that diverse, unpaid, experience in the field) aren’t getting the scholarships as frequently. Those who can’t afford not to work during vet school, can’t even think about joining the field.
*^*THIS*^*
That’s exactly right. Your geography and family’s income impacts your ability to amp up your vet school application. That precludes people in urban areas, sparsely populated areas, people without access to transportation, people who are forced to get a job, on and on.
People that don’t have to worry about necessities are the ones with the ability to put together a great application, pay tuition while not holding a job, and enter the field under dire debt-to-income ratios.
This isn’t the fault of vet school admissions committees, but there should be some sort of plan in the profession to make this situation more reasonable.
Who can DO that without assistance of some kind? How are these people paying rent? Of course veterinarians are a privileged group. Otherwise they would be homeless based on these numbers.
The lack of racial diversity in the veterinary field in directly tied to the admissions process. If you are disadvantaged, you have a much bigger hill to overcome, more barriers to filling your application than others. Yes, everyone who got into vet school worked hard, but also they started out in the middle, or even toward the top of that hill. And honestly, you need to check yourself if you are triggered by me saying it.
Even though we can do 100% of the job from home. And we have been working from home just fine since March 15. And we made production records.
Nothing has changed with the Covid pandemic since they had us work from home. In fact, cases in Arizona are going up.
They are still adamant we must return to the building June 1st.
And our building is not conducive to reducing the risk of getting sick. I am absolutely certain people will spread the virus.
We work in one open room. 157 on the claims side, then however many on the opposite side of the fairly open building in Customer Service. Our cubicles are short, and management already said it would be too expensive to raise the walls. As I complained here many times, I could already feel the cough/sneeze air of the gal in the cube behind me (because she doesn’t cover her shit).
The long hallways are open, kitchenettes with the water, microwaves, and refrigerators, are part of the big, open room and shared by most. We all have to enter and leave by badging in and out of one central bottleneck. There are 2 women’s bathrooms only with 5 stalls and 3 sinks. They are crowded routinely. We share them with the CSRs. The janitor cleans the bathrooms twice daily, and when he does, he closes 1 of the bathrooms so the entire female claims and CSRs share 1 bathroom of 5 stalls and 3 sinks.
I am very concerned. We already got many messages through the emergency system that someone in our building had been diagnosed with Covid-19 (this was toward the beginning of work from home).
Work says our health is the number 1 priority. But I find that hypocritical since they’re dragging us back in with no justification in the middle of a global pandemic.
Leadership sent out a handout of the guidelines:
Do a self-survey and self temp check before entering the building (people are not careful, people lie, some carriers are asymptomatic)
Wear masks in common areas (except common areas got perverted to ‘not our big, open room where we all work and breathe for the majority of the day and there is recirculated AC. Oh, and my supervisor diluted the manual’s instruction more by telling us that the masks are a recommendation, not a requirement)
Social distance and stay 6 feet apart (except the said our short cubicles are 6×6 so we’ll be the same distance as always. And the bathrooms are going to be a bottleneck. And the kitchenettes because so many of us have to share them. And I’m worried leadership will come right to my desk to tell me things or help me with work.)
They said they’ll increase the air flow rate in the buildings they own. (They don’t own our building. Even if there is increased rate, it’s still a closed building, and the AC is still recirculated all day long as everyone breathes–without masks).
Work said they’re following federal, state, and CDC guidelines. (Trump hasn’t really implemented any plan whatsoever, and he has ulterior motives to prioritize the economy over everything else so he can get reelected. Our governor also prioritizes buisiness because the state ran out of money probably and he’s bought and paid for by corporations. Our governor has already opened stores, malls, dine in restaurants, bars, gyms, pools, and casinos if that tells you where his priorities are. And when people broke his recommendations by opening earlier, or having enormous groups with no health measures–he did nothing. It was not enforced at all. No fines, no orders to close down. Nothing happened. So we can’t depend on that douche to implement public health measures that are reasonable. And the CDC has been politicized and muzzled, so their recommendations are weak and diluted.
So the federal isn’t doing anything for public health–they’re actively working against science and health measures. Our red state is tired and inconvenienced and money over lives so no one is helping prevent the spread. We are in a right to work state, so I have no protections if my work demands I go back–even if I feel unsafe doing so. And I know even if I fight, they will say we’re essential health care workers so they really don’t have to make any accommodations at all to require us back in the building. And obviously we HAVE to keep the job. That’s not even close to an option.
But I don’t like it.
But I get so tired of capitalism and corporate interests jerking the little people around. I want to have rights and a voice, and wish unions were mainstream. We needed Elizabeth Warren to take care of some of this corruption and money over lives ideals that Americans just have to live by. I want to feel safe at work.
I’m legit worried as soon as we step into work we will get the Covid-19. So what was the point of us working from home at all, if we go back before the peak even hits the state? I never thought moving to a red state might literally kill me…
I wrote this at least 5 years ago, so things may have changed since my experiences (I doubt it) so remember that as you read. I still stand by my assessment of LVTs.
In the modern schools, veterinarians are being taught to only do tasks that require their license. Staff should do EVERY thing else, in order to be most efficient and practice at the top of the profession. This philosophy is fine in theory. In practice (they call it that for good reason) most vet hospitals do not PAY well enough to entice skilled employees to work for them. With skills and licensing comes demand for better pay–and most vet hospitals are small, privately-owned operations that just can’t make that scenario work. So what you get is what you pay for a lot of the time. And that can be very scary if your vet sticks with the same mentality they were instructed to have in school. Most of the vets I worked for did way, way, way more then just what was required by their license. Because it’s ultimately their business, and because they cared about the animals and their clients. They wanted things done right (and sometimes quickly). When I worked for vets that didn’t do things that their license wasn’t specifically required to do, I thought they didn’t really give an eff. And I looked down on them. And I’m sure their clients wouldn’t have loved what they saw many of the times.
Back in the late 90s when I started volunteering in vet hospitals, most of the help were just on-the-job trained. That’s who vets could find, and that’s who most vets could afford to pay. As things have slowly tried to go the same way as the human side (and for-profit technical schools started popping up), there were more and more LVTs on the scene.
-Licensed Veterinary Technician (LVT). It’s veterinary medicine’s effort to standardize care. Which in theory is a good thing. In practice, I’m not sure how great those 2 year tech programs ARE. For example, teaching how to calculate anesthetic doses seems to be a primary portion of programs, but is certainly NOT a primary duty for the majority of teching jobs. If the vet trusts the tech to do it at all (many don’t) it’s like 5 minutes out of an entire day. There is a big discrepancy between what the technical programs are teaching and what veterinary employers want in a tech (and are able to pay that tech).
I think mostly vets want someone who:
1) they don’t have to train (there’s no time, they’re probably already short-staffed by the time they get to the hiring process)
2) someone will will show up. Availability during peak times (weekends, +/- holidays, +/- nights, and mostly full time (or more) hours. Willingness to come early, miss breaks, skip lunch, and stay late is a bonus, and sometimes necessity.
3). Someone self-motivated that they can trust and don’t have to baby-sit.
And the daily skills commonly required on the job are things like: Restraint times a billion, autoclaving packs, vitals, blood draws, ie simple, repetitive tasks that have to be done with competence, but don’t require any sort of genius. And CLEANING *pet-peeve alert*. Always the cleaning. And everybody in the building needs to help with cleaning–don’t you dare tell me any position in a vet hospital is above cleaning. It’s one of the most necessary and frequent parts of any of the jobs.
-I think the technical schools have their ideals in the right place, but they also need a substantial program. If people are PAYING to attend, they have to teach something that requires skill and support it with theory. And so to make a more legit course-load and take up a decent 2 years, they teach unnecessary things. Things that aren’t all that useful in the real world. Unfortunately, the schools also (either directly or indirectly, I’m not sure) teach that LVTs are PROFESSIONALS. And as such they are 1) superior to “unskilled” assistants 2) anything that doesn’t require their license is beneath them. Both very, very untrue sentiments. And detrimental.
Vet hospitals need to rely on EVERYone. And at the same time everyone is just a body and easily replaceable. Also, everyone from the vet to the techs to the receptionists need to be able to step up (or down) to do what is needed at that moment. That means–(again) everyone cleans. My personal joke: What is the difference between an LVT and an assistant? An assistant is willing to clean. And that comes from direct and varied experiences in multiple types of vet setting and in multiple states.
-Another problem with distinguishing licensed and assistant techs (and the resultant pay-discrepancy) is: 1) You can’t account for on-the-job experience, nor can you teach all on-the-job skills in a 2 year span. 2) You can’t TEACH motivation or work ethic. I would say I was easily the hardest working employee at (at least) half of my jobs–and the ones where I wasn’t the hardest working person, it certainly wasn’t tied with any LVT. This isn’t a brag, it’s the truth.
Do I think assistants are as good as LVTs? Mostly. Sure, missing a formal education taught by accredited instructors may leave gaps in knowledge. Assistants may not know the whys behind a task. But I would argue, the LVT often has a shaky idea of what goes on in real vet hospitals. Often, they have an idealized view of what should happen, verses what actually happens because of realities, and also because of limitations to client money and willingness. I think vets themselves probably go through this as well, studying what should happen then seeing what really happens. And I do think assistants come out on top as better employees than LVTs overall because they are trained on the job so you don’t have to un-train any bad habits/expectations, they are more willing to commit longer hours and forgo breaks and come in early, etc… which is a very desirable trait to vets. And assistants are more willing to jump in wherever necessary (phones, lugging dog food, cleaning) because they don’t have allusions that their license somehow makes certain tasks beneath them.
But it’s beginning to be a new time in the field and the LVTs have saturated the market (and set a precedent for accepting lower wages) so it’s beginning to be easier and easier for vets to require this license for hire. I would just say–don’t forget the assistants.
Written 6 years ago, but I read it today and thought, ‘go me!’ It’s funny how things may come to fruition easily when you don’t want it or don’t care. I was not intentionally playing hard to get or anything like that, I really wasn’t invested. But it seemed to help. Also, having a strong background in negotiation skills from my parents making me haggle for spending money or on chores, etc… is really a priceless, valuable skill set to have.
During the dental yesterday, my boss teased me (in a half-serious) way about how she wished I would re-consider and keep cleaning. It’s a difficult position to fill because it requires trust to let someone come in during off hours. I told her I had made up my mind and wouldn’t be pressured! Also jokingly. And she talked about how it seems like an easy job, but she is having trouble finding someone to work few hours, on off-times, and trusting said person would show up, work, and do a quality job. Which I told her were all traits I was excellent at, but I didn’t want to have any crutch with this new move of mine. I had explained how I didn’t test into my LVT (even though it would garner me a job anywhere, be an instant, raise, and “legitamize” me in any setting. If I had my LVT and failed at any new career endeavor, or couldn’t get a job–it would make sense to use that and work in vet hospitals. And that’s not what I want for myself. If I can’t be a vet–I don’t wanna ever be satisfied with a thankless, dead-end, menial job.
And that’s why I couldn’t work for my current job–in any capacity. It would be just too easy to get scared, and back-slide right back into my comfort zone where I have most experience and where I have an “in.” Because I know if I wanted it bad enough my work would be happy to have me back. They know the quality of work I deliver, and vets never want to trust anyone new–and they can always use the help. So even though I could make the TIME work, I didn’t want to keep even one finger in my past.
But my boss said don’t give a negative answer hastily–just think about it. And just that little bit of (half-joking) pressure got in my mind. I thought it would be some income for me. And I could easily do it. There would be a flexible schedule and I wouldn’t SEE anyone so nothing could irritate me.
But I really didn’t think about it that much because I didn’t think my boss would press the issue. And before work I told Cool that IF my boss brought it up, I would just ask how much it was worth to her. Because I didn’t really think it would come up, and if it did I was almost certain my boss wouldn’t agree on a sum I’d be happy with.
But at work, my boss made a quip about it, then quickly said she was kidding–so as not to be terribly obnoxious. But I said I had taken her seriously and thought about it. And she practically scampered across the room asking if I would really be willing to do it. But I wanted to know the expectations. And she started saying every day (which is MORE then I currently do). . . to which I was like–no, no never-mind that won’t work. But I could see she was desperate because she asked what I was thinking. And I told her 2, 3 times a week max, on a flexible schedule. At this point I showed her my checklists that I date as I accomplish things. I pointed out the frequency in which I currently do things is not as often as she thought (proving vets really don’t know who does what or when just as long as it doesn’t directly affect them). She said she’d have to think about it–and I figured she wouldn’t go for it and oh well–no loss to me. But 2 minutes later she came up to me and said that would work.
But I persisted that I needed to know expectations–just to make sure the cleaning I’m doing now is what they want. Because my work isn’t the greatest at communication, and I didn’t want anyone disgruntled in the future. So all these talks were loud and in front of everyone. Which I am normally not a fan of–but I wasn’t all that invested in this. I had already planned to quit all-together and if I could help without too much headache on my part, great, but if not, great. But once the ball got rolling, and it looked like I WAS going to keep cleaning, I got a little worried I had not mentioned the financials. That was the thing that this decision would be about. Because it did go against what I had decided, was because I bent to pressure, and would hold me back from my future field just a little). So I wanted to feel like I wasn’t totally being a push-over. I needed to get MORE out of the deal–and I apparently had leverage. That is not a very familiar place for me to be.
I tried to deviate from my normal ultra-serious talk and keep it light. I told my boss we would have time after the dental to talk 1:1. And she was like, more? And I was like of course. So we get up there, and I told her I broke the cardinal rule and told her what she wanted to hear FIRST so she stopped listening.
I said any monkey off the street can clean–you are not paying me to clean. You are paying for the trust, my dedication, my work ethic, and the fact I already know her expectations. But of course I was getting nervous–despite having nothing to lose and coming from a position of leverage. And she was like, calm down you’re just talking to me. Why are you getting worked up? And I was like, I don’t know, I’m just putting myself out there I guess. You make me nervous. And she said, I’m that way too–I wonder why it’s so hard to ask for what you think you’re worth? And I was like yeah it’s a funny thing because I KNOW what I’m worth, but the asking is awkward. So I still felt like I had to put out the disclaimers, and included that she wouldn’t be paying a new person what she had paid me so it would save money. I also said I would be working less hours, but still had to account for the gas, the time, and going back on my plan. She asked how much I made now. $12.00. I think it’s $12.25 she says. No, $12–and believe me, I know–b/c it’s been more then a year (even after my stellar evaluation) since I got a raise. Then she put the ball in my court and asked how much I wanted.
Fail! I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, because I honestly didn’t think the negotiations would get this far. Always have a number in mind ahead of time! But I didn’t. . . And I was nervous, and too flustered to do any math in my head. So I said I needed a calculator. Maybe I could clear my head and walk away from the table for a second to gather my thoughts. She handed me her phone. With shaking hands (remember I’m nervous and completely unprepared) I plugged in my anticipated monthly fuel cost and my highest utility bill. Then divided that into an hourly amount for the cleaning hours. I know–totally random! It came to $12.66. But even in my nervous state, I know you aim high in negotiations so you have somewhere to go. But for whatever reason $13 seemed scary. I didn’t want to see some sort of horrible expression on my boss’ face or hear that my work wasn’t worth THAT much. So I went for a nice round quarter-amount: $12.75, with the expectation we’d go down a little.
Without batting an eye my boss said they could make that work. And immediately I was regretful I didn’t go higher. Both people should feel just a little uncomfortable if you arrive at a good number, and my boss had answered all too readily–apparently I had underestimated how much the cleaning position meant to her. Damn–it was a 6.3% raise!
But I will just consider the extra 25 cents I should have asked for as the benefit of a flexible schedule. They did try several times to get me to commit to certain days. But I resisted for study/school/future commitments/vacation purposes. So I will consider that my “benefits-package.” Which I guess for janitorial is pretty good, and better then I would have done had I readily agreed to keep on cleaning. And better then no income at all. So everyone IS a winner?! Maybe.
In summary: Working at veterinary hospitals falls under the heading “I can’t quit you.” Also, everybody needs to have some negotiation skills at the ready, because you could need to use them at any time.
This post was written 6 years ago now, and I still agree with the sentiment. I had to close the book on veterinary work entirely in order to move forward. And it would have been too easy to fall back on that job had I tested into my (licensed veterinary technician) LVT. Which I may have done because it took me pretty much 5 of the last 6 years to get into a new field. There were entry-level jobs, bad hours, nonsense social situations that I had to go through to start over. But finally, finally I got through it and into something else that works for me.
It wouldn’t be a big deal time-wise to keep Saturday and do the cleaning. And I almost agreed to this right when I was resigning.
BUT–part of the reason I had to resign in the first place was to stop living by fear and just pull the trigger. You can’t reach for new goals in life, if you’re still grasping onto the past. I need to fully let go of the veterinary part of my life. It’s sad because it has been a huge part of my whole being. For 14 paid years, and longer then that it’s all I’ve known. But I’ll always be that person (a little bit) and I can hold onto the memories without holding on to the job.
I relate my LVT story to my boss: Washington lets people with such & such experience test-in to their LVT credential. You have to jump through a few hoops, but it’s easier then paying for 2 years of technical school. And I would have to study for their standardized test, but I know if I tried for it, I would be successful. And if I got those letters behind my name it would be beneficial. I could get any job because of the LVT + my experience. I would command a higher paycheck automatically. I would be seen as “legit” to anyone.
I ultimately decided not to do it. Not for lack of time or fear of failure. I did not want to be able to fall back on tech work. I didn’t want to even have the option of turning back on this new career path and settling for my current job. I didn’t want to feel fear or experience failure and have the ability to regress back to what I know best–veterinary assistant/tech work. I want to grow and move forward, and the LVT could potentially stall me and hold me back.
And so it goes with my current job. Even though I could get it done. And it would alleviate some financial stress–it would be too easy to fall back into veterinary assisting. If I got scared or failed in my new field, I could so easily crawl back to Cats Meow and beg my job back. And I don’t want that to even be an option. Despite my great fear of the unknown, financial instability, and failure–I want to make a clean break from veterinary medicine and move on.
I will be scared. Scared about money and scared about being able to break into a new arena where I have no experience. But that fear will be what compels me to whole-heartedly, without reservation sprint to my goal of being an audiologist.
Goodbye veterinary medicine (hopefully forever). It’s been good, it’s been stressful. It’s been rewarding and thankless. I’ve had fun and I’ve also been burned out. But it had comprised the center of my life, and I’m closing the book so I can start reading a new one. Hello, audiology–I’m ready to embrace you with every fiber of my being!
Also a post from years ago that I never posted. I reaffirms I didn’t get out of the field lightly. I agonized. But I ultimately did it because I was giving my everything and people still treated me–just politely. They acknowledged how much they needed me and how much I was doing, but I still wasn’t part of things. It just wasn’t worth it.
I didn’t know what to do–I felt uneasy. Worried. The longer I have the 4.0 GPA, the more I fear losing it. At this point, I would do just about anything to maintain it–those grades weren’t easy to get.
So I called my parents. My mom would be at school until 6:45PM, so I talked to Dad. I told him of my latest work saga, how I was stressed and worried, and confused. And he reminded me of where I got my work ethic and sense of commitment from–he told me to buck up. Not in a mean way, just in a this sucks, but you can do it, and that’s what needs to be done. I told me to do the extra work, study, and sleep less. Bathe less if I had to. He talked of 4 on-4 off shifts in the Navy and how rigerous it was and how painful the lack of sleep had been. He didn’t like it, but he put his head down and got it down. He reminded me of working the potato farm for 2 cents an hour–back-breaking, long work, with prick boss and coworkers giving him constant $hit. My dad had done thankless, physical work with no thanks and little pay his whole life–I could make it for half a semester.
And I thought-Yes! THAT’S who I am as a person. I’m hard-working and dedicated. When my team needs me to step up, I will do it for the good of everyone. And I decided I would just have to buckle down, work required 35% more than I already am, AND maintain my grades. I had to do it, so I might as well get on board.
And later, I read my mom my glowing work evaluation from 12 days before–all the lovely things written about my productivity, motivation, knowledge, judgement, excellent animal restraint, that my boss prefers the days I work, the A-team comment. Then, I read the texts between my boss and me from 3 days before (10 days after the eval). It proved they acknowledge how hard I work, and how I benefit the business, and the way they still treat me.
But then, I still couldn’t sleep. And I thought–why am I still unsettled about work? I made my decision. I’m going to pull this out–what’s left to toss and turn over? And it kept nagging at me. So I prayed. I prayed during my sleepless night for a sense of direction. Please help me make the right decision so I can feel better and so I can sleep again. And I tossed and tossed some more. No sleep–and no answers were had.
Then, a literal 2 minutes before my morning alarm was to go off, and I still had not slept. I dosed off very briefly and had a dream (I rarely remember dreaming) when I did. In the dream, I was working at the boarding facility that I had interviewed at this last August, when all the Friday-schedule drama was going on at work. In the dream, the owners were talking and laughing with me, and my co-workers were friendly and seemed to genuinely like me. Our employers were taking everyone out for fast food, because we had done such a good job at work. And I felt like somebody in the dream. They were treating me like a person!
Then my alarm went off. I knew the answer, and also know the dream was a result of my prayers. I had confidence. Something I had never felt about this decision before. I had to resign. And it wasn’t in a mean way or on a whim. It wasn’t even based on this current situation. Mostly, because I also woke up with this overwhelming sense that I had been fighting the right decision this whole time. I had known for a long while that I needed to quit–but I had stayed out of loyalty and because of fear. But this morning, it all fell into place and I felt at peace with it.
And of course I’ll be scared. Losing stability and income. Facing the unknown. Change. Complete loss of that part of myself–veterinary employee. That’s 14.5 years of my life and all I know. It’s scary. But not worth staying. Even if I can’t find a job, and even if I’m worried and scared about money–I’ll know I made the right choice for me. I won’t regret it.
Like I will tell my boss–I didn’t make this decision lightly, and it wasn’t based on any one factor. Also, I’m sorry that the right decision for me may negatively affect others–that’s not my intention. That’s what I will say if when people ask me why, or confront me. And when they treat me badly in those last 2 weeks: 1) I won’t like it. 2) it won’t be so different from the way they always treated me. I never felt a part of their group. At first I figured it was because of the age-difference, but now that newer, younger hires are included and treated nicely–I know it’s just me. Maybe it’s because I’m not all i-phone-centric. Who knows. 3) if they get nasty and say salty things, I will just tell them if that what they think of me after almost 4 years–it just re-affirms that I’m making the right decision. Because if they don’t know my work ethic, sense of duty, or moral compass by now–they are never going to.
This is from years ago, but reading it reminds me of the mentality of high stress, low pay, just be part of the team and suck it up–which I always had (to my own detriment). This was the beginning of me wondering if it was worth it. I was looking at the costs and benefits, and the costs were quickly exceeding any benefits.
It’s not wise to post this on here–because you just never know who might read it. But I don’t know where else to turn to think things through. I am unable to concentrate on my studies (which I desperately need to do) and I need to talk myself though this stress.
Juuuuust when I think everything at work is OK, and maybe even good–they turn it upside down. Last week, I had my evaluation where I was called “A-team,” productive, good knowledge, and told how valuable my morning clean/prep schedule was. Today, we were pulled into an impromptu meeting declaring everyone would have to turn in times they can’t work, because our full-time gal would be gone for 6-8 weeks and we all had to pull extra. My boss has a mind to just hand us all a revised schedule, without our input. Also the specific dates aren’t available, the specific number of hours extra weren’t specified other then “lots and lots,” and no hint of discussion/collaboration was given.
So Fridays are back in-play. And Thursdays too. Forget about my part-time hours, because I have the most “extra” to give–they don’t give a fu(k about my class/study time. No one cares that I’m only getting part-time benefits, and as such I want and need part-time hours. Even for “just 6-8 weeks.” We all know what that turns into (spoiler: longer, maybe forever). I have to study outside of class and have time to do the required assignments to do WELL in the classes. With just 4 courses left, I’m not giving up my 4.0 GPA. Not for work, not for anybody. And when I ask for specifics, and say I’m stressed out–the mentality is the same ‘ol same ‘ol: just deal with it; we’re all in the same boat and all stressed; this is veterinary medicine so this sort of thing is expected.
But maybe it’s too much for me. I really CANNOT deal with 6-8 full Fridays, I probably can’t even deal with one full Friday! And I certainly can’t do 12 Thursday/Friday combos. But at work, my psychological state comes last–it’s after the bookkeeper’s, after the LVT, and certainly after the appointment-load. I come last. I am willing to compromise, but with my school schedule I already feel stretched as tightly as I can manage–I don’t think I have MORE to give work.
So I’m thinking I might finally just do it. Maybe the finger has been giving me so much constant, continuous strife at a place where I work HARD and am dedicated, honest, productive, diligent, and loyal–because I’m meant to leave. Why else would work constantly treat me like a punching-bag? How much more can they take out of me? I really feel like I have nothing more to give.
Even though there are very few job prospects HERE. Especially with a school-schedule that has to be worked around, and one that changes by the semester at that. Even though I have no marketable skills. Even though the only skills I do have would be more of the same–and maybe worse. I just can’t deal. I’m trying to be a better person, but this job keeps dragging me down. I just think I’m settled into a compromise both work and I can live with–and they change the rules on me. Then act like I’m a $hit-head because I don’t like it and it makes me worry. I don’t think I can keep on like this anymore. I deserve better, and I want more stability then that.
And I’m finally in a financial position where maybe I could afford to quit. I could use my surplus school loan money (that I’ve been saving for Colorado-moving purposes) to live on until I can find another job. And until I find another job, I can tutor at school, and maybe even kids. And there was a possibility my independent study could become a paid position. So I could afford to live AND work on my resume’ in the field I’m trying to get into.
But that might make me worry too. Because it would be difficult trying to find a job AND study appropriately. And no one likes to worry that their money is dwindling. And what if I couldn’t ever find a job? What would I do? And if I used all my loan money to live on HERE how will we ever afford to move away? Would this just make me more crazy than just sticking out the possible 12 full days, committing to a work-load that might jeopardize my grades, and the stress of whatever the NEXT work-demand will be?
I just don’t know what to do. And I have to decide fast, because my two weeks notice would already be close to the 6-8 week span of time, and the point is to try to AVOID that scene. So I really have to submit a resignation no later then Monday if it’s going to benefit me.
/en/tity vs /an/eurysm & /t/
bei/ge/ vs /Gil/lette 
gri/t/ty vs gree/d/y
kit10phish.wordpress.com 
Catty Remarks