Taylor Swift’s Gay Moments: Midnights ~ Mastermind

Don’t forget to read the prequel to this post!

Mastermind 

…And the touch of a hand lit the fuse/Of a chain reaction of countermoves/To assess the equation of you/Checkmate, I couldn’t lose/What if I told you none of it was accidental/And the first night that you saw me, nothing was gonna stop me?/I laid the groundwork and then, just like clockwork/The dominoes cascaded in a line/What if I told you I’m a mastermind?/And now you’re mine/It was all by design/’Cause I’m a mastermind…/…Strategy sets the scene for the tale/I’m the wind in our free-flowing sails/And the liquor in our cocktails/What if I told you none of it was accidental/And the first night that you saw me, I knew I wanted your body?/…So I’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since/To make them love me and make it seem effortless/This this the first time I’ve felt the need to confess/And I swear/I’m only cryptic and Machiavellian ’cause I care

I don’t really care for the following paper’s confusion about control vs. status. Or their lazy conclusion justifying a weak result with autistic TRAITS vs. a diagnosis. But there is a lot of interesting information about hormones here:

Taylor Swift’s Gay Moments ~ Mastermind [prequel]

I promise the direction I’m going with this will make sense when you see the actual post. I’m setting up your foundational knowledge with this one.

Back, back, back in 2005, sitting in some Animal Science course (dairy cattle? Genetics?) I remember having an epiphany that this farm animal development and behavior we were learning about could be extrapolated to human sexuality. I mean, duh, obviously mammals have much the same processes, everybody knows that. But I hadn’t heard about a CAUSE of homosexuality. As far as I was aware, nobody could find a gene, environmental factor, or consistent theory of how it came to be. All I knew, is that it isn’t a choice, and queerness was an innate, unchangeable trait.

What we were learning went something like this:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2670872/

This particular research paper was written in 1989. So it wasn’t a new concept. I couldn’t understand why nobody had put the pieces together and declared the CAUSE of human homosexuality…

OK, so it’s not nailed down to a single cause. It’s complicated. But here is research that finds maternal hormones do play a part in gender expression children and sexuality of adults:

Work: Where Do I Have Time to Give? (typical exchange)

Here’s such a typical employer/employee conversation.  Never caring about YOUR time (school doesn’t either).  No understanding of anxiety, what-so-ever.  People have put me off like this my whole life, not understanding or giving a fu(k about rumination.  “Don’t worry about it” means they’re going to put me on the worst shifts and they don’t want me to push back or complain about that.  They did, in fact, have me on for too many hours, and for Fridays which I specifically said I didn’t want.  Exactly what I had been worried about.  And I had to resign.  So then they were short TWO people. . .

Dr: Not sure.  Likely Lots though. And it will include Thursdays and Fridays likely. Short time. Not permanent. Likely have to put you on a regular schedule and have everyone clean rather than you coming in at 5:30 AM.

Me: I cant do all day Friday. I would rather meet 1:1 to discuss a compromised sched. Its tricky with my classes. yeah the cleaning and early will have to go I think. I can trade sat for tues. Wnd wed am for thurs

Dr. Ok We can talk and have a better idea

Me: My thoughts in the pic 9attached) b/c now I’m going to worry and stress till we talk

Dr:  Can’t read that at all. everyone here is stressed to so just give me times that You CANNOT WORK. Then times that you want to work and we will see.  If between you, M, and K we can fill in all the times. Then we will have to schedule light when we cant fill the time in.

Me: I cant work all day Friday I have class mw nevermind I think you’ll have to see it in writing to understand my class commitments. Not all day fri tho.

Dr. Please try and relax. I have a lot of planning to do and shuffling of people. I realize you have school and that is a have to, not a want to what I am asking for is times you have off and then we will try to give you times you want to have off if we can fit in it

Me: You cant meet? Ok class mw 9:30-11:15, t/r 11:30-1:30 3 bus hrs fri for independent study. I can give you 35% more than I already am without hurting my hard-fought 4.0 gpa

Dr: Oy vey. I will try to get this figured out by next week.

Me: I stayed up all night and worked it out and fair % of increased hr to cover rj time and it might save you a lot of time if you looked at my draft sched. Did you see the rest of my qs? can I post on cl?

Dr: If I had known you’re going to be so worried I probably wouldn’t of (SIC) brought this up to you so soon.

No about cl

No about many and no about vici mae

We wont give you any more than 35 hrs

That will be a  must and not a want?

So it is short term so get some sleep little energizer bunny

Me: I worked out the numbers: I have 12 wk left in the semester in that time exams, 13 labs and assignments, 15 observations and those papers and 36 hr ind study. Hipaa reg transcriptions.

Dr: Ok we will ask no more of you

Me: What’s that mean?

D; stop. it means you’re stressing over something that you don’t have to stress about. We will work it out.

Me: I thought you were firing me over text 😦 I just worry bc this is the type of scene that hurt my undergrad grp and got me in this position. I cant start over is all. thank you for at least talking to me

Dr: Okay that kind of made me laugh. there is no way I would fire you over a text.

That is like breaking up with someone over text. Who does that kind of shit?

Me: Well, shit-heads. I never know what to expect out of ppl tho.

Dr:  Are you calling me a potential shithead?  Ok get back to your day and we will work it all out.

me: Like my dad says can’t trust nobody but yourself. But he’s paranoid and thinks he’s funny

-There are 12 weeks left in the semester:

**6 exams

**13 audiometry labs and associated assignments left to turn in

**an intervention packet

**36 hr of language transcription

**2 physical clinic observations and associated assignments

**8 MCT observations (30-60 min each)

**5 observation sheets due

**11 textbook chapters to read (this is no longer a feasible endeavor)

Day:

I wake up at 4AM and sleep at 7:30PM

**Treadmill takes the first half hr of each day, 7 days a week

**I have 1.5-2 hours of physical class 4 days a week

**takes 1 hour 4 days a week to make study materials

Week:

**must do 3 hours of transcription/wk *13

**probably 3 total hours to complete the lab & assignment/wk

Maybe not “spoiled and rich” but people getting into veterinary school ARE privileged

I saw my first entry on this subject pop up on my recently read posts, and thought it was high time I addressed the feedback I received for it. I know people got a bit heated, and denied that they were entitled in any way. My word choice may have been misogynistic and overly harsh, but what I was trying to say holds true. I stand by my assertion that people with access to veterinary school ARE privileged.

The thing about privilege, is that if you have it, it’s invisible to you. White males don’t know the struggles they are not made to face in this patriarchal society. They have worked to get where they are, but just don’t know how other people are trying to climb out of their circumstances. Veterinarians feel like they struggled, and worked hard (and they did). BUT if you don’t have barriers such as race or poverty where you have to start out in a hole, on lower ground–you don’t know.

As a crude example of privilege, everyone probably struggles to write their resume and secure that job interview. It’s a pain, there’s a lot of details, and you have to work to get noticed by potential employers. But think about if your name is Mohammad. That person has to contend with racial bias right out of the gate. You and Mohammad are working equally as hard on writing your resume in order to snag an interview, but Mohammad’s very name puts him at a disadvantage you (Jason, Jenny) have never dealt with. That’s the privilege I’m talking about when I say it’s spoiled, rich girls that are the ones getting into veterinary school. I’m calling out the rich guys just as much, but demographically females are the more numerous sex currently in the field.

Here’s a rundown why I can see the privilege in veterinary medicine: I had to pay my own tuition, rent, car, utilities-everything. Therefore, I HAD to make an income. And I didn’t have the advantage of test prep, for example. I DID have the advantage of some time to gain observation hours, and ability to purchase chemistry and physics tutors. Some people can’t afford those things and it does make things more difficult for them. I did not, however, have the luxury of a lot of study time. Working to pay bills is a lot different than part time work to gain experience (when bills are safely paid by Daddy and Mommy). And getting a co-signer for loans is something not everyone can do–my parents co-signed private undergrad loans for me. I was precluded from federal by their income, despite the fact they were not financially helping me, until I was 24 years old–far from a minor child! And they did NOT want to co-sign any more loans because the undergrad interest rates are egregious.

What I’m saying is it was tough to watch people with privilege deny it exists. It sucked to see several people in the pre-vet club no-show to most meetings and events, but write down the club and get into school over me. Meanwhile, I was actually showing up despite having to also be employed to pay my own way. It was difficult to watch Ashley have drug and alcohol problems, and her mom literally had to attend chemistry lecture with her to ensure she showed up to class. But because she could ride with the equine vet, while I did mere barn crew work to pay my bills, for example, her application looked better than mine. And it was disheartening to see Melissa’s daddy buy her a second car (on top of paying her full tuition) when she hit a deer on a hunting trip and totaled the first car he bought her. When I was pouring brake fluid in my car every morning in order to make it to work, because I couldn’t afford to repair it. She, like Ashley, had a lot of time to study because she didn’t have to work, and only worked a few hours a week for a couple years of college. And I liked Justina and got her a job at the hospital I worked at for 6 years. But it was rough to see her go from full time (unemployed) student to working part time in her final year of college, and get into vet school over me. And I gave the side-eye to a guy I was dating and his best friend, veterinary students who didn’t hold jobs, but did have the time to be involved in the rave scene, and everything that goes along with that. They even attended Bonnaroo festival every year, if that tells you the level of financial support they had. Those are the financial situations I saw make it into vet school over me.

So you can see why I might be disgruntled that I jumped through a lot of hoops to gain residency in a state that had a vet school, while my competitors were lucky enough to be born there, (their parents) paying in-state tuition. And why I might be bitter that I did actual hard work in animal jobs while someone standing next to the vet for a day was given priority. And angry that I had to give up my seat in veterinary school for lack of co-signer, when other peers didn’t pay a dime for anything in undergrad so they were just taking out their FIRST loans for vet school…

It impacts the profession. The privileged have higher work satisfaction expectations and don’t know how to tough things out as well as people who are forced to scrape by. For example, the gal I told you about earlier, Melissa couldn’t work as hard. She about crumbled when we had to work overtime for a week because of high demand. She did the OT, but didn’t show up on time for her own shift at the end of the week. She was tired and not used to being forced to hustle like that. And being called out made her disgruntled. The privileged have not eeked out a living in the same way, holding 3 jobs (because they HAD to) and forgoing relaxation and pleasure, so they don’t do that in the career either.

I didn’t go through vet school, but as an employee trying to help, and as a client, trying to get my pets care, I have seen evidence of how this admissions trend has impacted the field. People who didn’t experience as much hardship, and had a relatively easier time getting into and through vet school, run their career with that mentality–it’s what they know. Privileged people leave school with that same sense of entitlement and I worked for a vet that was 7AM to 4PM, no weekends or holidays at all, because she wanted to ski.

A lot of people are going into the field with the expectation of being able to balance work and family. They want part time work, or free weekends, or to leave at closing time. Full lunches, days off, yet a full paycheck is not that practical of an expectation the way the field is currently run, and either someone else is taking up that slack, or the animal care is impacted. Those basic worker rights and niceties don’t seem like a lot to ask to people with the perspective of an office job. But like the Covid nurses having to do ridiculous things to keep up, the veterinary field just requires a tremendous amount of time and commitment for very little money (I don’t make the rules). You’d have to change a lot of systemic things to change that fact. In the mean time, working late, over a lot of days is what’s needed. And that’s known before you get into school, and these privileged people go through with it anyway. If veterinarians want more work/life balance and are working reduced hours (because they’re used to having leisure time) but the demand for animal care is growing, that means more of an assembly line mentality.

I know first hand as both employee and client that animals have been lost in the shuffle:

My one boss left me (an assistant) in sketchy situations that were over my head, and detrimental to patients, because she couldn’t be bothered to show up on weekends. But her daddy was some kind of international lawyer, so she was accustomed to having an easy way through life, and leaning on other people. And it showed in the way she conducted herself in her million dollar hospital.

Vets are booked (too) heavily, and less available. “Exams” are being performed in the treatment area to cut corners and save time–quantity over quality. One of Goose’s vets didn’t report the results of bloodwork for an entire week. And Goose’s blood pressure was wildly out of control because of slipshod, rushed diagnostics. His blindness went undiagnosed for over two years for the same reasons.

My first post was based on anecdotal experience, and did not give data to substantiate what I saw and went through. Here, I’ll share some snippets of articles and research proving what I said back then IS true. I mean, this isn’t written like a scientific article, appropriately cited, but you can see research proves what I’m saying.

If you/your family have less money to start with, and you have to pay your own way–you’re at a disadvantage.

Students with the time/help to get straight As will be at the top of the admissions list. Those that can also devote time to gaining experience, outside of a paid job, have an advantage.

The state you were born should NOT impact your ability to get into veterinary school!

Under 6 thousand is a drop in the bucket. And the people that already face the disadvantage of having to earn an income (thus not gaining that diverse, unpaid, experience in the field) aren’t getting the scholarships as frequently. Those who can’t afford not to work during vet school, can’t even think about joining the field.

*^*THIS*^*

That’s exactly right. Your geography and family’s income impacts your ability to amp up your vet school application. That precludes people in urban areas, sparsely populated areas, people without access to transportation, people who are forced to get a job, on and on.

People that don’t have to worry about necessities are the ones with the ability to put together a great application, pay tuition while not holding a job, and enter the field under dire debt-to-income ratios.

This isn’t the fault of vet school admissions committees, but there should be some sort of plan in the profession to make this situation more reasonable.

Who can DO that without assistance of some kind? How are these people paying rent? Of course veterinarians are a privileged group. Otherwise they would be homeless based on these numbers.

The lack of racial diversity in the veterinary field in directly tied to the admissions process. If you are disadvantaged, you have a much bigger hill to overcome, more barriers to filling your application than others. Yes, everyone who got into vet school worked hard, but also they started out in the middle, or even toward the top of that hill. And honestly, you need to check yourself if you are triggered by me saying it.

Sources:

https://time.com/5901334/black-veterinarians-diversity/

https://jvme.utpjournals.press/doi/pdf/10.3138/jvme.31.4.414

Diversity In Veterinary Medicine: Is it Still The ‘Whitest’ Profession?

https://www.avma.org/javma-news/2018-01-01/divided-debt

When to Buy and Sell Textbooks

In honor of back-to-school August!

It’s always a rip-off, but when can you minimize the pain? Textbooks cost around $100 per book and with 12 credits, you are probably looking at purchasing at least 4 and probably more like 6, because that one English or Anatomy teacher always feels like 3 required books are probably better. . .  That adds up to about $300-$700 PER semester.  Which by the time you get a degree looks more like $1,800 to $5,600 (if you’re REALLY unlucky, or changed your major), which is WAAAAAY too much when you also have to pay tuition, school fees, rent, transportation, food, and health-care.  Save money where you can–your books!  I may not have been writing in this blog often at all, but I have been doing research for you!  You’re welcome.

But before we get to the data, let me mention (what I consider) the obvious.  Do NOT buy your textbooks from your campus bookstore.  Those are probably the most expensive prices of all.  Sure it’s easy, sure the bookstore is right there, but it’s totally not worth ti.  And do NOT sell your books back anywhere on campus.  Not the bookstore and not the easily accessible sidewalk stand on the way back to your dorm.  My first time around, I could not be bothered to mess about with shipping.  Or research.  And how much money I must have lost!  Let’s not think about it.  It’s really, really, REALLY worth it to bother around with shipping textbooks back and fourth.

Go to any textbook comparison website and find your books at the lowest price to purchase and highest sell-back.  I’ve chosen random sites that compare several book companies for the purpose of showing you it doesn’t really matter which company or site, but they’re all cheaper than campus.  Also, know that no one company always has the best prices, as you will soon see–they fluctuate dramatically ALL the time.

I picked 3 random textbooks (in my Speech & Hearing Sciences major) that I had to buy, then sell back in 2014.  I tracked the purchase price for renting the book and the top two lowest buying price for one book.  On that note, it’s a personal preference whether you want to buy new or used books, rent, or just borrow from the library.  It really depends on the course (make sure you have a chem book accessible ALL the time!!!) and your study style.  If you’re not going to read the books, just go to the library or borrow them from a friend.  But DO read your books–it does help, I swear!  Even if you’re not directly tested on the reading material (you rarely will be), and even if practice problems aren’t assigned to turn in.  It will help you build a foundation for learning, give practice problems, and have useful visuals.  Read.  Your.  Textbooks.  My 4.0 GPA (yup, I’m bragging–and will continue to do so for the rest of my LIFE) I earned the 2nd time around?  Largely due to reading every textbook.  Sometimes professors don’t explain things clearly or at all, and my textbooks gave me a leg up.  Seriously, find the time.

Should you keep the books?

I kept my undergrad textbooks that were in my major and minor.  And I have yet to look at ANY of them.  But I have moved heavy Animal Science, Nutrition, Biology, and Chemistry textbooks from apartment to apartment, state to state, and now they sit in my storage unit–in a different state.  I never used them at all, and they just collect dust losing their value as new editions come out (which is very frequently so publishers can make even MORE money on students).  I wish I would have rented them and saved myself money, muscle-soreness, and space.  Maybe you might want really good textbooks to refer to in your career–but be practical about it.  You probably won’t.  Remember how the info is updated ALL the time.  Go to the Internet, take CE credits, or subscribe to a journal instead.

For the other two books, I tracked the sell-back prices (highest and 2nd highest) over a year.  These trends might vary depending on major and stuff, but I imagine the principles of supply and demand are similar for all subjects.  So next up:  BUYING textbooks, and when the best time to do it is during the year.

Saint George Vet: Public Health

Public Health Essays:

If you have experience in the area you wish to study, describe that experience.

I volunteered once a week in the organic chemistry stock room when I was a freshman at the University of Nevada, Reno. I measured, prepared, and mixed solutions for student labs, transferred chemicals into bottles under the hood, checked lab materials out to students, re-stocked chemicals after labs, and washed dishes. I was trained to handle hazardous chemicals, spills, and waste in the laboratory environment, as well as the importance of lab procedure.

My semester volunteering in a laboratory setting gave me an advantage in my chemistry classes and gave me the motivation and confidence to pursue a minor in chemistry. Taking an additional chemistry lecture and four-hour laboratory to obtain that chemistry minor gave me the analytical skills and laboratory techniques necessary to excel in any research situation.

I have worked in animal laboratory settings as well. Besides my research jobs at University of Missouri, I was able to accompany Dr. Sharp on his rounds at Charles River Laboratories. He checked the stools of Cynomolgus macaques, Cynomolgus rhesus, and marmosets, looked for lesions and possible research-ending health problems, and prescribed medication. I was able to remove sutures from one of the primates and feed crackers to the monkeys in the group pens.

My background in chemistry and my extensive animal experience will enable me to pursue veterinary jobs in public health. Earning a concurrent degree would help me build knowledge and confidence in areas such as monitoring the production of vaccinations and antibiotics as they are researched, developed, and tested for use in both animals and people.

GreyHELL [UU AuD Interview Part I]

I wrote notes about my trip, but was too tired to organize them into a decent post.  So that’s why I’ve been back home for a week and a half and you’re just now hearing about the big trip.  I have less then 2 months of this horrible swing-shift schedule left, and I can’t wait for my energy and motivation to return!  Here’s part I of the series:

I had no experience with Greyhound buses.  The only thing I really knew about them, is all of my high school sports teams wanted to charter one.  Other, richer, teams got to charter a “real” bus and my small high school teams were very envious-we were stick on our big, yellow bus for even the longest trips.  Even when we had to drive 8 hours to Las Vegas for the STATE track meet.

I had to get myself to Salt Lake City for an interview, which I thought was overkill.  Most audiology programs don’t interview, and I feel they should have done Skype at most.  It’s a lot to ask of poor college students to pay to go to Utah–in the middle of a semester.  But I knew I should attend if invited, because if only unconsciously-it would go against me if they didn’t meet me in person.

I checked into the airlines, hoping the lower fuel prices would mean cheaper ticket prices.  And of course that wasn’t the case.  What would be a 10 hour drive, was going to be more then $400 for one person.  And that isn’t feasible on my minimum wage when I’m saving for a move–and tuition.

Trains are few and far between, and surprisingly expensive as well.  Driving through Montana or Idaho in the winter with my 1994 car was not super-stable either.  I would be horrified if I had car trouble or got caught in terrible weather over a mountain pass.  There was just no time to mess around with all the possible driving scenarios for an interview situation.  So it looked like the Greyhound would be my cheapest option.  $163 for a round trip.  Which meant Cool could go too–and that’s a LOT better!

Wednesday

-We didn’t want to leave our cars anywhere in the vicinity of sketchy downtown.  And I thought our bus was leaving at 11PM when my coworkers were in the busiest part of the work-day, and my Aunt would be asleep.  It was only the day before we left that I realized it was 11AM.  Twelve hours longer?!  It was too short of notice by then, so we were going to cab it.  But while I was checking prices I saw the Lyft app.  Normal people (not licensed cabbies) drive in their (clean, less then decade old) cars with the punch of the app button.  And it’s HALF the price!  We tried it and it worked out fine–I recommend it.

-We got to the bus station around 9:30AM.  It had an air of desperation and felt old, maybe dirty.  It’s set up a little confusing and we started out standing by the train station til we realized it was closed all day and that wasn’t right.  We wandered to the unmanned Greyhound counter next and since no one was there I grabbed some luggage ID tags and began filling them out.  After 5 minutes, the gal came out from the back (what, was she on a smoke break?!) and did our paperwork.

-We went upstairs and sat on 2 of the 4 available chairs.  People started to arrive, coughing and sneezing (openly, no covering the mouth here) as they did.  Most were dressed in sweats, a few had pink or blue hair.  Some were obnoxiously rowdy already.

-After an hour or so, our bus began to load.  I sat down and was instantly uncomfortable–uh oh.  Bus #1 had incessant, loud-talker.  The guy who knows everything, has done everything and goes on and on and on.  And on.  There would be no napping.  And I had to utilize my ipod (at too loud of a volume level) early on to drown him out.

-We were scheduled to transfer in Pasco.  Why our route didn’t go straight down to Walla Walla, I don’t know.  I used every bathroom we stopped at during this entire journey, not wanting to use the Greyhound’s small, and sure to be dirty bathroom.  The people at this station were very diverse:  Lots of hispanics, some Asians, blacks, Middle-Eastern–I had no idea southern WA would have diversity.  And of course one erratic white man talking to himself, pacing, flailing his arms, and throwing his lunch pail against walls. . .

-Bus #2 was comfortable.  The driver did not announce when we were loading and barely indicated which (of 4) buses was ours.  He also hardly talked during the 1.5 hr journey to random Standfield, OR. . .  It was a weird, brief trip and I’m not sure why they did it that way.  This would become the strongest theme of the Greyhound-weird routes, random stops, taking forever longer then it should.

-At the Oregon stop we got to a Pilot center with built-in McDonalds and lots of parking for semi-trucks.  It looked like our driver pulled into the McDonald’s drive through.  And all he said, was this was this bus’ last stop and all of us going to Denver had to get off.  Everyone was confused.  Where were we?  Where was the bus stop?  Would another bus be arriving?  I wasn’t going to Denver–would MY bus be arriving?  How long until the next (hopefully correct) bus take to get here?  I noticed as we got off, that everyone else had the same shell-shocked, nervous demeanor that I did.  This somehow calmed me, because I figured at least we were all in the same boat bus.  And people were trying to ask driver #2 clarifications as he unloaded our checked luggage.  He seemed impatient and just kept saying this was the last stop for this bus. . .  Had our driver quit his job in the middle of his shift??  I did not know.

-I hate McDonalds–but luckily we had packed snacks and Gatorade.  We used the bathroom, then found a tiny platform with a semi-hidden Greyhound sign along the side (as opposed to in front or beside) the wood.  We sat atop and watched a gal scream at her male companion for awhile.  Hopefully they would not be coming on our next bus.  Then a bus came and unloaded.  It was ours?  Driver #3 was belligerently crabby.  We started to load the bus, but he ordered us to line up and he took all of our tickets at once, while screaming at the smokers.  Six people lit up–and this made me very unhappy–stupid Oregon.  Once he took our tickets, we again tried to load the bus.  Cranky driver yelled to stay in line while he loaded the luggage.  Finally, after 40(?) minutes, we loaded without getting shouted at.  I took the first available double seat, because I didn’t know how many available seats there would be.  This bus was already full of tired, greasy-looking people.  And it smelled of old grease from fast food.  They talked loudly throughout the trip, and Cool became obsessed with her cell phone.  I could not sleep at all.  The driver gave a litany of rules in an angry voice and we drove another hour and a half before stopping for an hour dinner break.  The tall dude (screaming recipient of earlier) kept coming to the front of the bus where his angry gal was.  She would glare horribly, and even went to the back of the bus once to stay away from him.  We stopped for a 20 minute bathroom break and some other dude from the back told the driver someone had a knife.  I knew instantly it was the erratic tall guy.  And that guy kept coming up to the front to see her–I knew he’d eventually stab her or do something crazy.  And the driver eventually yelled at them to stay seated and quit coming back and forth.  Not 5 minutes later tall guy came up, lingered in the isle, went back, then came up to sit in a front seat.  He had not listened at ALL.  After that break we stopped for another hour at the Boise Greyhound station.  Erratic tall guy got kicked off the bus, because apparently his knife had already been taken once previously.  There was a lot of drama with the meth–heads (once we got a better look closer up we saw the facial sores and telltale thinness) getting kicked off the bus.  She was “up” crying without tears, wailing to the ticket guy, and lolling on the floor.  He was in a dazed state sort of wandering aimlessly.  It took an hour for them to finish their calls and their drama and leave the station.  And I guess our bus was waiting on them, because our 20 minute break turned into more like 80 minutes.

Thursday

-We finally got back on the bus after midnight (13 hours into the trip), but people still had screens flashing, and were talking.  I finally slept lightly out of sheer exhaustion, but had a problem.  Suddenly, my stomach was really hurting.  And it had quieted on the bus except for some snoring.  I woke up because I farted!  This NEVER happened to me!  Once in kindergarten I accidentally farted in school and was mortified.  I tried to deny it, but Bryce Fuller called me out–which everyone knew anyway.  To this day I’m embarrassed about it.  Anyway, the leather seats amplified the sound.  I tried to remain perfectly still so I didn’t tip off anyone paying attention that it was me.  I was so embarrassed!  But let’s be real, in this crowd, on this bus–farting wasn’t the worst thing going on.  So I was embarrassed, but not as much as real life.  I was also so, so tired.  I hadn’t slept the whole day (16 hours) til then.  I drifted back off, but the same gas occurred twice more.  I audibly farted 3 times in my sleep!  I have no idea if anyone heard or if they knew it was me.  Some things are better never to know–I’ll tell myself they were sleeping and missed it.  But even so, I couldn’t go to sleep at all for fear of more gas.

-We arrived in Salt Lake City at 6AM.  18 hours of travel and sleeplessness.

I’ll tell you about the trip and the return trips in another post since this one has gotten quite long.

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AuD Interview Prep

Something has got to change!  I know it’s this swing shift schedule, but until that is possible, something else.  I slept almost 11 hours Sunday night, then was still so tired I took a 40 minute nap today.  I hate feeling low-energy and unmotivated so much!  I feel like I have more time then I’ve ever had before, but I’ve made very little of it.  By the time I almost catch up on sleep, I have to go back to work and that runs me down again.

Since September, I’ve tried to have good sleep hygiene and go to bed at the same time every day (12:30AM, b/c that’s what time I can on work days) but it’s for the birds.  I never adapted to becoming a night person.  Apparently you just can’t fight your body’s normal rhythms–and mine is an early bird.  My body wakes with the sun–no matter how tired I am.  And I’m very, very tired ALL the time.  So starting now (I took off work to go to my interview in Utah) I’ll be going to bed early on the days I can.

Here is my feeble attempt at preparing for interview questions I know I’ll get.  Normally, I would have liked to write good essay responses then attempt to memorize them to be super-prepared, but it’s just not possible when you’re tired all the time.  I feel lucky to have gained this much traction.  Anyway, I’m telling myself, too rehearsed won’t be authentic, so maybe it’s ok I just have general ideas this time.  Besides–even if I do perfectly and get accepted–who knows if I’ll actually be able to afford to attend.  Bummer, but realistic (see Saint George awfulness).

I’m mostly worried about the travel logistics at this point:  Will the Greyhound be cold?  Will I have to pay $40 +++ to check heavy luggage (I HAVE to take interview stuff), can we drop the rental car downtown or do we have to cab it to the airport and back, does the hotel have an iron (and do I know how to use it?), will campus driving and parking be slow, will I have to wear interview flats in a snow storm?!  So you see how the questions are a little bit of an afterthought.  I figure I’ll have plenty of time to think about them on the 18hr bus ride. . .

1]  What are your strengths and weaknesses?

-4.0 S&H GPA

-experience in the Speech & Language Lab at Riverpoint

-tutoring my peers

-ambassador (presentation, camp, hearing screenings)

-clinical experience at vet hospitals

-organizational skills

-communication skills

-more life experience

-ability to prioritize

-I want to speak about reading/typing outlines of all my textbooks prior to each semester to familarize with the material and have good notes.  Also mention how I’m on 422 days in a row of running at least 1 mile first thing every morning. But without saying something cliche that everyone else will say, and without using any word which also has a negative connotation.[disciplined (conjures violence or spanking too much), industrious, persistent (coming from a place of adversity/failure or stubborn), intrinsically motivated (over-used), enterprising]

Cons:

-undergrad GPA that doesn’t reflect my potential.

-Because I switched career paths after earning my undergraduate degree, I do not have as much observation experience as I would like.  I am eager to participate in all the available career avenues and hone my clinical skills.

-As a perfectionist I have tended to fret about things beyond my control in the past.  Currently I am making a concerted effort to prepare for the things I can, and let the rest go.  I think gratitude is an enemy of worry as well, so I am working on thinking about things I am thankful for rather then fixating on details beyond my control.  

Write them down to organize your thoughts. Compose examples and situations where you have excelled in demonstrations of your strengths. Do not dwell or belabor weaknesses. It would be better to talk about areas you wish to improve and skills you want to perfect.

-example scenarios:

–

-areas I want to improve:

-My undergraduate GPA doesn’t reflect my potential, but I feel like my speech and hearing sciences 4.0 shows improvement in my time management skills.

-Because I switched career paths after earning my undergraduate degree, I do not have as much observation experience as I would like.  I am eager to participate in all the available career avenues and hone my clinical skills.  

 -Right now I’m working on worrying less.  In the past, my perfectionism made me fret over details beyond my control.  Lately, I am trying to prepare for things within my control, then let go of the rest.  Instead of defaulting to anxious thoughts, I’m making a concerted effort to have gratitude for what has gone right and what I do have.

2.  What is it about this particular job that interests you?

-personal fulfillment of helping people like my Dad who have NIHL, Menere’s DZ, and PTSD.

-it’s more regulated and standardized then vet med

-opportunity to work in many different areas, and across the age spectrum

 -autonomy

-the strategic aspect of finding the appropriate tests 

-getting to actually perform the clinical tests

-My favorite part of audiology is continuity of care.  It is a health field where you are autonomous and responsible for the patient throughout the process:  collecting a history and using it to strategically find and carry out the appropriate diagnostics, instead of refering.  Then, the education about the condition and treatment is carried out by the audiologist, and finally, the overall communication is remediated by an audiologist in order to improve quality of life.  It is personally gratifying helping people through the entire process.

A question like this is a good segue into informing the interviewer that you know something about the facility. It is appropriate to mention areas of expertise for which the institution might be known and how they might be of particular interest to you.

–
3.  What do you want to be doing five years from now?

-Five years from now would be my first year, completely out of school, as a professional.  I hope to be working in a place that offers the most aspects of the audiologists scope of practice.  Under someone willing to mentor me as necessary, but also willing to let me be independent when I am able.  Since I have undergraduate loans, expect to acquire more debt in an audiology program, and am confident I will have proficient skills, I also hope the pay in competitive.

-Before I cement a decision about what aspect of the career I want to participate in, I would like to gain more clinical experience in a variety of areas.

-Currently, my biggest interest is aural rehabilitation/habituation, but I feel that should be applied to any part of the field.

-Though I am not locked into any particular area right now, I see myself using my meticulus nature to identify hearing, balance, and overall communication issues, using the best clinical assessment techniques, and remediating those problems using a combination of technology and a long-term humanistic approach.  I’m eager to learn about each pathway!

This is a commonly asked question, the answer to which can be very telling about your thought processes as well as personal organization. If you cannot answer this question, you are possibly indicating a lack of direction. It does not give assurance to the prospective employer that you are worth the time and money they will be investing in you.

4.  Tell me about yourself.

-I have a bachelors of science in Animal Science with a minor in chemistry from the University of Missouri.  More recently, I completed my post-bachelorrette in the Speech and Hearing sciences at Washington State University.  

-Working in the Language Laboratory at Riverpoint opened my eyes to the type of research being conducted in the field, and combined with my more hearing-based classes, got me excited to contribute to this base of knowledge.  

-I am excited to enter into a profession where I have autonomy and can conduct my own diagnostics, because that was one of my favorite aspects of being a (paid) veterinary assistant for 14 years.

This is another revealing interview probe. It is called an open-ended question. You are forced to choose what you feel are the important aspects of your life and experiences. These questions are not just revealing about your past, but also show how you think on your feet and conduct yourself. Stay on the right track when answering this question. Talk about your professional life and not your personal interests. Begin by reviewing your educational background, clinical experiences and academic accomplishments. Sounds like your resume? It should, but with a personal touch.

5.  What can you contribute to this job?

-Tutoring my peers in speech & hearing sciences, used a lot of the same skills that will be required of an audiologist.  I looked back at my notes, flashcards, and study sheets which required organization.  I compassionately sensed deficits, and confirmed them through sensitive communication.  Then, I presented information and tips in a coherent and entertaining way, paying close attention to learning progress, attention, and remaining confusion.

-the same meticulous nature that helped me transcribe language samples of toddlers and their communication partners in the language lab will help me analyze symptoms and histories and carry out the proper diagnostic tests in order to diagnose and remediate communication issues.

-the same compassion for people that I show for animals.

Your emphasis in answering this question should be on your strengths and accomplishments, and how they might integrate with the job and the facility.

———–

What made you decide to pursue a career in [your profession]?

-I found the profession while researching potential careers.  Audiology fit me best because I can directly help people and there are many areas within the scope of practice.  Also, it did not hurt that my Dad has had hearing loss for as long as I can remember and I was motivated to give people like him a better chance.

How did you investigate a career in [your profession]?

-I was very driven to find a career path outside of veterinary medicine, because I had never entertained any other options for myself.  I made a list of things I liked about the veterinary field and those I really did not like, and sought out a profession that kept the positive traits while minimizing the more negative aspects.  

+ using my compassion to help, feeling like I am making a difference, educating, performing diagnostics, having many areas within the scope of practice.

–no upward mobility without a higher degree, people seeing pets as expendable objects that aren’t worth treating, little regulation, unrealistic work hours

What skills have you developed outside the classroom?
How have your personal and volunteer experiences strengthened your goal to enter [your profession]?

I recently observed at the local ENT and left with more enthusiasm for the profession.  I recognized a lot of the procedures and diagnostic tests from my textbooks and lectures, but became excited by the people.  For instance, I had severely underestimated the adorableness of VRA just reading about it.  Seeing a 20 month old react with such delight made me anticipate working with a real caseload.  Working with a geriatric CI-user also made me excited to work with that population.  I had already been interested in the procedures and the science, but adding the people made it that much better!

What has been your favorite non-science course and why?

I always enjoyed writing.  It is a useful skill, and there are many formats to use and gray areas.  Also, I think it’s a good skill to have.

Why do you want to become a [your profession]?
What is the greatest obstacle you have had to overcome?

I applied to veterinary programs many times, and was either rejected or could not afford to attend.  It was difficult looking beyond my childhood aspirations to find practical careers that exemplified my talents.  It also required a lot of diligence and a positive attitude not to let failure hold me back a make me bitter.  I started from square one and put my all into speech and hearing sciences.  Not only was it rewarding to achieve a 4.0 GPA, and work as a tutor to help others, I feel like this was my proper place all along–I just hadn’t known it existed.

What teamwork experiences have you had?

-camp Na-Hash-Nee, campus health fairs

What branch of [your profession] most interests you?

I’m hesitant to pick one because I do not want to limit myself before I have clinical experience.  —So far I like aural rehab, but I think that carries over into every aspect.  

-Seeing the children during my ENT observation made me entertain working with them.  But I also liked working with the geriatric CI-user.

What issues confront [your profession] today?

-I am reading a lot about insurance companies only covering one hearing aid for people with bilateral hearing loss.  At the same time I am seeing more and more research on the relationship between hearing loss and clinical depression and dementia.  I think the latter research will give more legitimacy to the audiology field and hopefully, with that appropriate funding will follow.

-Also, I read that the average person waits 7 years between the initial diagnosis of hearing loss and getting fitted with a hearing aid.  The dementia research in addition to the quick rise of technology, may help motivate people to get help sooner.

Why are you interested in this particular school?

I think it is important to gain clinical competency as early in school in possible, and I like University of Utah’s model of shadowing a 2nd year student during the 1st semester, then gaining direct hours starting the 2nd semester.  

I also read each student has clinical placements in 3 different settings prior to their 4th year externship, and I think that would be invaluable experience.  

Finally, the psychoacoustics and receptive speech research labs present unique opportunities to gain more knowledge and present possible funding opportunities that could offset tuition costs.

What have been the strengths and weaknesses of your college preparation?

-My hard-science classes such as chemistry, physics, genetics set me apart from many students and give me good background information for audiology.  

-My psychology courses combined with community service, teaching, tutoring, and veterinary experience prepares me well for human interaction across the age spectrum.

-If I had to determine a weakness it would be my undergraduate GPA.  But that number does not reflect what I learned from those courses, or my ability to succeed in a difficult program.  That GPA is actually a strength because I earned it while working at a demanding veterinary job (sometimes 3 at a time) and while participating in community service and extracurriculars.  I have shown that I am capable of earning higher grades, even while working, now that I’ve done it for years now.

What is your biggest concern about entering professional school?

Because I am not independently wealthy, I am concerned about my student loan debt accumulating to an unmanageable level.  Because finances play a big role, I am willing to do whatever it takes to secure the best package I can for myself.  That said, I came from a pre-veterinary background, where veterinarians (very competitive and saturated in small animal private practice jobs) are paid relatively low, and have the highest debt to income ratio of any professional.  Just as I wasn’t then, I am not in it now, for the money.  I am actually happy with the average salaries earned by audiologists and confident the AuD will enable me to secure a good job in a timely fashion.  

What has been your greatest achievement?

I am proud about earning 10 scholarships.  Because I am not independently wealthy, I worked very hard to apply for every scholarship I was remotely qualified for, and it paid off.  

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Describe an experience you had helping others.
If you are accepted to multiple schools, how will you make your decision?

I would love to pick the school that offers the best research, most varied clinical experience, and best externship opportunities, but ultimately I have to keep an eye on keeping my student loans to a minimum.

What have you read recently in the press about [your profession]?

-England’s audiology troubles:  More patients, less time/patient, and insurance covering only 1 hearing aid.

-How technology is evolving and smart-phones are being adapted to ALDs, mouth-gadgets are being produced and studied to remediate hearing issues.

-I read a study based in Australia that showed initial audiology appointments are following a paternal model, instead of a patient-centered one, despite research that shows having a voice in the decision-making process increases patient-compliance.

What do you believe in?

-Primarily I believe in ethics.  That extends from upholding my personal values, even when it is not easy, to practicing audiology in a compassionate, humanistic way.

What do you care about?
How does your sense of caring express itself?
What is your favorite type of teaching style? How do you best learn a new subject?

-I learn best through tactile or kinetic practice.  I write vocab words or statistics on flash cards to study.  I also draw pictures of mnemonics on study sheets in order to learn information.  It helps me to see how something is done, then to actually do it myself with some guidance and support, then do it in repetition individually.  

Who knows you the best in this world?
How would that person describe you, and what advice have they provided you?
Who are your heroes?
What person, past or present, would you most like to meet?
What makes you a better applicant than others?
How do you relax?
Describe your best teacher and what made her or him unique.
What was the last book you read?
Describe an experience where you were misjudged.
Who are your senators? Congressmen? Governor?
What was your most difficult or demoralizing experience?
What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?

Sympathy is having compassion for another’s situation.  Empathy is actually feeling what the other person does because you have personally experienced a similar situation–it is more extreme then sympathy.

Is there anything you want to brag about or that you need to explain?
What is the toughest thing about being a patient?

Putting your health in the hands of another, and having to trust someone else.  I think this difficulty can be combated with a lot of communication combined with compassion.  If someone feels educated about their condition, diagnostics, and procedures they feel more in control of their fate.  If they feel compassion they are more at ease. 

What type of criticism upsets you?
Why did you choose this school?
What will you do next year if you don’t get into this program?

I will continue to observe audiology and apply to more schools in the next application cycle.

Is this school your first choice?
Is there anything I haven’t asked you that you want to tell me?

————–
What you should NOT talk about at the interview:

Good conversation keeps things lively, interesting and informative. However, there are some issues and topics you should avoid during discussions about you and your job.

Your personal life
Gossip about other professionals or job candidates
Politics (professional or general) and religion
Anything you know nothing about
Negative conversational topics
What about when it’s your turn to ask the questions?

You should be prepared to ask questions, not just to impress the people with whom you meet, but to find out some very practical details about the job.

What are the specifics of my job duties, and what is expected of me?
What are the goals of the facility?
Where is this facility headed regarding managed care?
How secure and permanent are jobs?
What sort of interactions can I expect from my supervisors?
Is research done here?
Is there support for professional growth?
Are there educational benefits?
What are other benefits like health, pension, sick and holiday leave?

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September Means Studying–goal accountability

This was completed a little hastily, and over a couple of sessions, so excuse any oversights or errors.  I was also hoping for some free time to write a proper post, but alas–school/work/sleep/cleaning left no time.  Maybe tomorrow?  Or Saturday?

Maintenance Goals (from 2013):

-floss daily.

I messed up a couple of times because I wasn’t home in the evening and it threw off my routine.  Now I floss before work (at 3PM) but feel like it might be counterproductive because I eat a snack later.

-drink water.

I am drinking a minimum of 8 cups per day, but also having caffeine and salt.  So I may be coming out even.  Also, I have a thermos for work, which I chug often (on my frequent breaks) but lose count.  It only holds about 2 cups and after the 2-3rd refill I forget how many times I’ve refilled it.  So I have no idea how much water I’m consuming at work.  Hopefully it’s a lot, b/c at 10PM we do pretty vigorous exercise and I’m dripping sweat and losing lots of fluids.  Maybe I’ll take a pen and do hatch marks when I refill. . .

-read for pleasure.

It’s not happening right now.  Between getting home late, chatting before going to sleep with Cool, and studying–I just haven’t at all.  I have a book project for neuroanatomy though so I’ve got to carve time out somewhere.  This is a week later–that I’m writing an update.  I’ve started reading late and until Cool gets home from work (on the days I don’t) and I finished the book.  It wasn’t very good–but now I’m set for all my assignments.

-weekly massage.

Nope never.  Though Cool has rubbed trigger points in my neck, shoulder, and pectorals before I sleep.  My work requires repetitive motion with my arms and shoulders and the soreness I can handle–waking up multiple times a night with dead arms I can’t.  So she’s been lovely to rub them out though I’m out of commission and can’t return the favor.  Though the pain is less and less as each week passes, with this week Hot&Cold taking care of it entirely.

-abstain from drinking.

Done.  And I said no to a tempting invitation so as not to screw up.

-study habits.

I never feel like I have enough time, and I lose the whole weekend for work and tiredness.  Which stresses me out.  What I do have time for this semester is coming directly home and making figures and flashcards, which has helped my recall so much!

January=fitness.

I have managed to run a mile daily, and I’m moving around a lot at work so exercise is taken care of.  Unfortunately, with the increased activity, my appetite has gone wild and I’m eating more food to compensate.  I have a sugar problem, a nightly sweet tooth, and I love all things carb-related.  BUT my excuse is it’s winter.  Still, I have to manage my portion sizes a little.

Feb=have gratitude; say nice things.

I am thankful for my new job with friendly co-workers and very low stress/expectations, for nicer professors, and that this is my last (graded) semester at Riverpoint.  I do give thanks for those new things (as well as some established things) nightly.  Most of the time.

March=straighten out sleep.

I finally had this, but my new schedule un-did all the progress.  It’s a swing shift job, so I have to work til midnight.  Then I’m supposed to sleep in.  But between my own internal clock, the cats, and my class schedule I have been getting up early then being tired all day.  I think what’s really hurting me is going to bed earlier on the nights I don’t work.  My morning person ways sneak back up on me when I do that, then I become accustomed to waking up too early every day (including those I work and the days after).  And that makes me tired and is a recipe for sickness.  So I made a rule for myself:  I may not go to bed any earlier than midnight on any night (and the cats may not have dinner til 12AM so they sleep in).

April=save $$$.

Yes!  This is happening.  Money went IN to my account just today and it was such a relief to see the numbers getting higher, rather than dwindling!  Even a part-time job is great to have to offset the bills.  The fear that I need to save every penny because I don’t don’t when I’ll get another–is gone.  And thank goodness for that.

May=volunteer.

This is not a thing right now.  Maybe once the semester is complete and my application submitted.  Though I did agree to transcribe some more language samples for my favorite professor.  I think I may get something out of it (hours toward credits) eventually though, so it doesn’t quite count toward any service.

June=Cool.

Things were good, then they were not so great, now they’re good.  Seriously, I cannot stress enough how bipolar and anxiety sets the tone of any relationship.  When Cool is stable, and on the right combinations of meds, and feeling good–things are awesome.  Sometimes, she acts in a way I hate, due to her mental illnesses though, and that’s a real bummer for us.  She is going in for counseling and had a new brain-scan thingy to see exactly where her issues are.  This will help get her on the exact right medications, and resolve some of this troubling, persistent symptoms.

July=my appearance.

I have been trying to fix my hair lately.  I don’t want “bad lesbian hair,” I’m self-conscious about the grays and try to hide them under styles, and it’s been a little windy.  I bought a darker box hair dye to try also.  But I just had a neuroanatomy exam today and turned in a big project, so I didn’t feel like doing anything taxing this afternoon/evening/night.  And that’s something you have to pay full attention to to get good results.  So soon. . .

Aug=Worry Less, Thank more.

I had been really good at saying things I was thankful for every night before going to sleep.  And it helped decrease my worry and uplift my attitude.  But with 2 exams in a row, I’ve been going over material in my head before sleep so I stopped thanking.  But now that I’m the furthest away from the next neuroanatomy exam, I’ll resume.  Because I like it very much.  And I think it’s worth mentioning that even though I lost the weekend to work, and didn’t get to really study.  And Cool was being a majorly distracting turkey, I never had a stress meltdown as I have in the past.  I remained pretty calm this test cycle–and it felt so much better!

Sept=make a list, grocery shop, cook ahead.

Cool has been so good.  She went grocery shopping by herself the last 2 times so I could study for my exams.  That was really nice, and appreciated.  Plus I hate shopping.  But I need to reconfigure my schedule to make time to do this.  And I don’t think the weekend will work b/c of the aforementioned work and post-work fatigue.

Oct=don’t over-pluck.

I think I’ve been doing OK.  TMI:  sometimes I see a stray dark hair where a potential moustache could grow, so I pluck it.  But that turns into a bad decision, because for whatever reason plucking on my face gives way to a breakout.  So you see acne in a moustache line and it’s obvious I’ve plucked at it.  There is not enough to wax/shave and bleaching looks stupid, because then you just have white hairs on your face.  So I guess I’ll leave well enough alone, and hope it doesn’t become an actual stache problem?  As for eyebrows, no problem.  I really had no time to pluck at all, and my face was a mess as a result!

Nov=Increase eye contact.

I forgot this was a thing, but I do come into contact with people now, so I can work on it.

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Eff It or F Grade

I have to say eff it to this project or to studying.  And whichever I eff will receive an F (or at least not the A I want).  Ideally, I’d like an A in both, but it seems I’m running out of time.  They are both due Monday (5 days away).  And I lose 2.5 of those days to work.

I know my instructors have good intentions.

But assigning these shirts and swim caps with anatomy structures to be designed on them as a “learning aid” doesn’t work. I’m not learning any structures. I’m doing ratios, measuring, sketching, picking aesthetically pleasing color combinations, and repeating my work when I get an error toward the end.  Always toward the end!

I did 5 muscle shirts before I felt my best work was showcased and I’d be happy with my grade. We got this brain swim cap assignment 9 days before it’s due. Because of work, I miss 4 of those days. I had an exam so I missed 2 more days. That leaves me a mere 3 days.

I spent 4.5 hours on the cap yesterday, only to write “primary” instead of “premotor” in one spot. I tried to erase it with acetone, but that made a huge, purple, ugly smudge that obscured the entire word.

I felt I had to start over. Because I know these projects do this to me, I purchased 3 swim caps on the same (summer) day. Well, after spending another 4 hours on the new one tonight, I accidently got the anterior and posterior turned around, and wrote something on the wrong side of the central sulcus. Then, I tried to fix it by just making the same color line come off the central sulcus, like I meant to have an area outlined in the same color as a sulci. But when I labeled it, I labeled it on the wrong side of that stupid line.

I tried to camouflage the whole errant area, but now it looks really obvious I screwed it up, and since it was such a time-vortex that makes me crazy. 9 hours of artwork and nothing to show for it. . .

So both my caps are all messed up, neither is helping my study the material I need to know for our test, and I’m pretty much out of time. And I HATE having to turn in an ugly cap that I know is effed up!!! But I also know it’s an OCD-waste of time to begin a 3rd when it might get messed up as well, and when I need to study flashcards and memorize notes to learn.  And yet I feel like I have to re-do it.  I’m probably going to waste more time by turning the plastic cap inside out and starting a 3rd time on that.  I can’t turn something ugly and wrong in for a grade.

So that sucks.

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