No words appear before me in the aftermath/Salt streams out my eyes and into my ears/Every single thing I touch becomes sick with sadness/’Cause it’s all over now, all out to sea/Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye/You were bigger than the whole sky/You were more than just a short time/And I’ve got a lot to pine about/I’ve got a lot to live without/I’m never gonna meet/What could’ve been, would’ve been/What should’ve been you/What could’ve been, would’ve been you/Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia?/Did some force take you because I didn’t pray?/Every single thing to come has turned into ashes/’Cause it’s all over, it’s not meant to be/So I’ll say words I don’t believe/Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye/You were bigger than the whole sky/You were more than just a short time/And I’ve got a lot to pine about/I’ve got a lot to live without
***trigger warning***
conversion therapy, CSA, ephebophilia, hebephilia, pedophilia, religious trauma, SA, suicide
A better question: Have we projected our own morals and ethics ON TO Taylor Swift?
My argument is that nobody is perfect. Consuming media should be a thoughtful, albeit realistic endeavor. Do I think celebrities have an obligation to be good role models and use their platforms for good, not evil- absolutely! But do I know neural plasticity reinforces common attitudes and most practiced behaviors? And power and money literally changes the wiring of the brain? Indeed. In the end, it’s not Taylor Swift we should be looking to–it’s our own hearts and ACTIONS. Complaining on Reddit does little toward actual change. If you care about the issues, stop spending your money on Taylor Swift, your time arguing on SM, and get out there and do the work.
If I didn’t engage with problematic media, I wouldn’t be able to watch, listen, play, or visit anything. There are SO many problematic people!!! I do have lines I draw: R. Kelly-blocked (even though that song is SO uplifting). Paul Walker-off my pretty faces list entirely. But I’m unwilling to cut EVERYthing that doesn’t align with my belief system. Art is important, and death of the author. Here’s some media I enjoy, but have obvious racism, gatekeeping, a gross theme, or creeps at the center. This list is also not exhaustive, but you can see how much I would have to boycott if I consumed media ethically and really stuck to my morals.
Conflicted/disappointed: Ellen (mean, cavorts with W), Eminem (misogynist, homophobe), Michael Jackson (best case unrelated children sleeping in his bed, worst case–you’ve heard the allegations), Karlie Kloss (Ku$hner), Rianna (cultural appropriation & insensitivity and glamorizing DA), Roseanne (racist tirade, Trumpism), Justin Timberlake (Brittney & Janet), Paul Walker (pedo).
So I’m not sure if everyone complaining about Taylor platforming a scumbag is ready to consume all their media ethically. I would assert that without forgoing it entirely, engaging only in morally correct things is impossible. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a defense of $hitty, horrible behavior. I’m just asking why we’re zeroing in on Taylor for the transgressions of her “boyfriend” of one week?
I don’t like misogyny, racism, environmental transgressions, toxic masculinity, SA, unregulated capitalism, animal abuse, on and on. But also, celebrity gonna celebrity.
In fact, fame/power/socio-economic status LITTERALY change your brain:
I don’t know all that much about this guy. He looks gross and greasy. His music is what Cool and I call “dentist songs” you know that 80s/90s adult soft rock contemporary that’s always playing at your appointment? And I’ve heard egregious behavior second hand. He kisses fans (yuck, SA, and public health risk), eats raw meat?(yuck, foodborne illness, & GROSS), did a N@zi salute?! but ironically??? (WTF was he thinking, that’s never OK), and admits to watching horrible porn (racist, degrading, misogyny, disgusting) that I did not look into AT ALL because I have to protect my psyche. So we can all agree he’s garbage, as TCO would say.
But it bothers me that people weren’t pressed about some of Taylor Swift’s choices earlier. It bothers me they monetarily support her without seeing their privilege in being able to do so. And the hypocrisy of say, calling out the jet, but then traveling across states, supporting the ginormous industry with all it’s emissions and waste that is a TS tour, without a second thought, erases the sentiment. I see a lot of speaking for marginalized groups, and typing, but no action plan. Recruitment to denounce, but not to organize…
So I’ll still be listening to Taylor and looking for queer subtext, but giving her choices the side-eye. Others can do what they feel is right. But please, DO something to advocate for the issues at hand, don’t just fuss on SM.
…Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby/And I’m a monster on the hill/Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city/Pierced through the heart, but never killed…/…”She’s laughing up at us from hell”
I want to publish a post without skipping days. But also I want every post in my TS Gay Moments to be good, not a rush rush job. And I had been working ahead so I had things to post on days that were busy. I realized my post on The 1 got mixed in and forgotten, so I’m not sure if I should back date it, or just skip it, or post it now… I’m in the middle of Midnights and have some really good things planned, but none of them are finished, and none of them will be quick to get finished. But I caught up and no longer have anything ready to go.
So I thought I would publish some draft I’ve been working on. But that would have taken a lot of work and time also, and this is supposed to be a bridge until I can research and get caught up. It’s Saturday and I don’t want to waste it. I/We look forward to the weekend all week, but by the time I get there, it’s like I’m just TIRED. And also all the chores and logistics need to be done from having worked and been tired during the week. And I wonder am I depressed, or is it just an excuse? Do I just not push myself as hard as I used to or is something holding me back? Is this a normal amount of tiredness from working so hard, then needing to catch up, or is it too much?
And I’m frustrated that I can’t just get up and finish the post, and do all the chores, then run my mile, and finish all that by 7AM so that we have the rest of the day to do something fun. But it’s 12:30 PM and now half the day is gone and all I got done was sweeping, cleaning the bathroom, and eating. Because I slept in. And I needed a nap. So that makes me like mad and also guilty. I’m doing this stream of conscious post just to get it out and also because nothing is ready and up to my standards to publish today, but I have to do my run.
I’m hoping to come back stronger than a 90s trend tomorrow. I’ll try to give myself some grace today, and go to bed early so that hopefully I can be rested and up on it tomorrow, so I don’t feel like THIS again. Disappointed, angry, sad, guilty. I need to win the lottery so I don’t have to ever be this tired, and can do all the things I want without having to worry about bills!
The poetry nearly killed me. So I understand this song is closely related to Emily Dickenson’s life and sapphic lover, but you’ve probably heard it. And I just… Can’t. I went in a different direction, of which I’m not certain if it was Taylor’s intent or Emily’s. But there is a lot of language that had me thinking of the Gnostic Gospels. Disclaimer: I’m not a theologist. This is a very surface-level gathering of information pertaining to the song.
Ivy
How’s one to know?/I’d meet you where the spirit meets the bones/In a faith forgotten land/In from the snow/Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow/Tarnished but so grand
Where the Spirit meets the bones:
Incandescent Glow
Tarnished but so Grand:
Oh, goddamn/My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another/Oh, I can’t/Stop you putting roots in my dreamland/My house of stone, your ivy grows/And now I’m covered in you
more
I wish to know/The fatal flaw that makes you long to be/Magnificently cursed/He’s in the room/Your opal eyes are all I wish to see/He wants what’s only yours
Fatal Flaw Magnificently Cursed:
He wants what’s only yours:
Spring breaks loose, the time is near/What would he do if he found us out?/Crescent moon, coast is clear/Spring breaks loose, but so does fear/He’s gonna burn this house to the ground
How’s one to know?/I’d live and die for moments that we stole/On begged and borrowed time/So tell me to run/Or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become/And drink my husband’s wine
So yeah, it’s a fire/It’s a goddamn blaze in the dark/And you started it/You started it/So yeah, it’s a war/It’s the goddamn fight of my life/And you started it/You started it
Goddamn blaze in the dark:
You started it
it’s a war, it’s the goddamn fight of my life:
Oh, I can’t/Stop you putting roots in my dreamland/My house of stone, your ivy grows/And now I’m covered/In you/In you/Now I’m covered in you/In you
Nice piano. Very quiet, stripped down song. The little interlude is a bit faster, and the backing is quite Enya.
This is another track that does double-duty. Is Taylor talking about a rejected wedding proposal (and from who?) or is she talking about a relationship that was damaged because 1 person came out to their family, but Taylor wouldn’t do the same?
[Verse 1]
You booked the night train for a reason
So you could sit there in this hurt
Bustling crowds or silent sleepers
You’re not sure which is worse
-The subject in the song can have problems with too many people and too much recognition. But also doesn’t want to be totally alone and forgotten.
-This could also tell of the problem of being in the closet. If people know it could get a lot of flack. But being all alone, in secrecy is difficult and depressing.
[Chorus]
Because I dropped your hand while dancing
Left you out there standing
Crestfallen on the landing
Champagne problems
Your mom’s ring in your pocket
My picture in your wallet
Your heart was glass, I dropped it
Champagne problems
This makes me think of Dancing with Our Hands Tied. That song is thought to be about Kissgate when Taylor and Karlie were caught kissing on the upper level landing at a concert. After that kiss, Taylor and Karlie weren’t nearly as (publically) close. They went from being seen everywhere together, vacationing together, interviewing with the other, to pretty much nothing. After that incident, and the public interest in it–the best friends cooled it.
I think this stanza addresses that situation. Taylor explains how that night she (figuratively) dropped Karlie’s hand. Symbolizing their glass closeting, public outings, and in general Taylor pulled back into the closet. Karlie was also vulnerable in the Kissgate situation, had a toe out of the closet, and maybe even plans to come out all the way, and at this sensitive time, Taylor went into self-preservation mode. Karlie and Taylor had put themselves out there–together–and Taylor dropped it.
[Verse 2]
You told your family for a reason
You couldn’t keep it in
These two lines are very much the gay experience. Most people aren’t shy about telling their family about a marriage proposal–that kind of thing is usually celebrated. So some people are interpreting the song that way. I think it makes more sense if a person feels stifled, paranoid, and lonely. So they are both bursting to let out the secret and terrified of rejection. The subject in the song needs to come clean to their family for their own sanity.
Your sister splashed out on the bottle
Now no one’s celebrating
Definition of splash out
British, informal
: to spend a lot of money
Taylor intentionally used a British phrase here. And she’s had a few British relationships.
But Karlie has a sister.
No ones’ celebrating
is a line that works for both scenarios.
The wedding champagne was purchased, but not needed.
Or the coming out was awkward and didn’t go well–it wasn’t a moment of celebration.
[Chorus]
Dom Pérignon, you brought it
No crowd of friends applauded
Your hometown skeptics called it
Champagne problems
You had a speech, you’re speechless
Love slipped beyond your reaches
And I couldn’t give a reason
Champagne problems
[Bridge]
Your Midas touch on the Chevy door
November flush and your flannel cure
“This dorm was once a madhouse”
I made a joke, “Well, it’s made for me”
How evergreen, our group of friends
Don’t think we’ll say that word again
And soon they’ll have the nerve to deck the halls
That we once walked through
One for the money, two for the show
I never was ready so I watch you go
Sometimes you just don’t know the answer
‘Til someone’s on their knees and asks you
“She would’ve made such a lovely bride
What a shame she’s fucked in the head,” they said
But you’ll find the real thing instead
She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred
[Chorus]
And hold your hand while dancing
Never leave you standing
Crestfallen on the landing
With champagne problems
Your mom’s ring in your pocket
Her picture in your wallet
You won’t remember all my
Champagne problems
[Outro]
You won’t remember all my
Champagne problems
I dropped your hand while dancin.
Just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it
//
But we were dancing, dancing with our hands tied
//
Because I dropped your hand while dancing
//
I’m begging for you to take my hand
What’s interesting about the anon that suggested that maybe champagne problems is about Taylor rejecting a proposal to come out from Karlie is that there’s been rumors since right after K*ssgate that Karlie was ready to come out but Taylor wasn’t; remember that Blind Item about Cara screaming at Taylor at an after party for the Brit Awards in 2015 because Taylor told her she was going to beard with Calvin?
And remember how there were Blind Items from 2016, 2017 and Feburary 2018 too that claimed that Karlie asked Taylor to come out of the closet with her and got rejected again? Maybe this theory has some merits because it was rumored that Taylor rejected Karlie asking if they could come out a lot over the years, including after their likely engagement during their 2016 Wyoming trip, so maybe the engagement/wedding imagery in champagne problems could be a nod to all the times she said no to coming out with Karlie after their engagement 😬
Does anyone have a screenshot of the Blind? I have heard that a couple times. “I woke up just in time” I think on Lover in DBATC and Afterglow she may realize that and it was just a little too late. I don’t think Taylor was ready in 2015 or 2016 she realized she wasn’t after Kissgate as that’s her right. She wanted to do it in her own way. I also think they have been planning a CO for some time that’s going to take years. There have been many pivots. I would love a Kaylor public reunion after KK shaves.
Eyes like sinking ships/On waters so inviting/I almost jump in/But I don’t like a gold rush, gold rush/I don’t like anticipating my face in a red flush…/…I don’t like that falling feels like flying ’til the bone crush…/…And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea/’Cause you know it could never be…/…My mind turns your life into folklore/I can’t dare to dream about you anymore…/…’Cause it fades into the gray of my day old tea/’Cause it will never be
If I’m on fire, you’ll be made of ashes too/Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe/All the hell you gave me?/’Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you/’Til my dying day/I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace/And you’re the hero flying around, saving face/And if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?/Cursing my name, wishing I stayed/Look at how my tears ricochet/We gather stones, never knowing what they’ll mean/Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring/You know I didn’t want to have to haunt you/But what a ghostly scene/You wear the same jewels that I gave you/As you bury me…/…And if I’m dead to you, why are you at the wake?/Cursing my name, wishing I stayed/Look at how my tears ricochet/And I can go anywhere I want/Anywhere I want, just not home/And you can aim for my heart, go for blood/But you would still miss me in your bones/I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace/And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves/You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same/Cursing my name, wishing I stayed/You turned into your worst fears/And you’re tossing out blame, drunk on this pain/Crossing out the good years/And you’re cursing my name, wishing I stayed/Look at how my tears ricochet
I can see you standing, honey/With his arms around your body/Laughin’, but the joke’s not funny at all/And it took you five whole minutes/To pack us up and leave me with it/Holdin’ all this love out here in the hall/I think I’ve seen this film before/And I didn’t like the ending…/…Now I’m in exile, seein’ you out/I think I’ve seen this film before/I can see you starin’, honey/Like he’s just your understudy/Like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me/Second, third, and hundredth chances/Balancin’ on breaking branches/Those eyes add insult to injury/I think I’ve seen this film before/And I didn’t like the ending/I’m not your problem anymore/So who am I offending now?/…I think I’ve seen this film before/So I’m leavin’ out the side door/So step right out, there is no amount/Of crying I can do for you/All this time/We always walked a very thin line/You didn’t even hear me out (you didn’t even hear me out)/You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)/All this time/I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)/I couldn’t turn things around (you never turned things around)/‘Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)/So many signs, so many signs/You didn’t even see the signs/I think I’ve seen this film before/And I didn’t like the ending/So step right out, there is no amount/Of crying I can do for you/All this time/We always walked a very thin line/You didn’t even hear me out (didn’t even hear me out)/You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)/All this time/I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)/I couldn’t turn things around (you never turned things around)/’Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)/All this time (so many signs)/I never learned to read your mind (so many signs)/I couldn’t turn things around (I couldn’t turn things around)/’Cause you never gave a warning sign (you never gave a warning sign)/You never gave a warning sign
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Catty Remarks