How I Did on 2020 Goals/Resolutions

In 2021, I felt like things should be at baseline again, but they were not.  The pandemic wasn’t over.  Work was kinda fucked up most of the time.  So most of the goals fell apart.  Can I tell you how much I love the Daylio app for being able to track everything and have actual statistics rather than just a general guesstimate of progress?!

-kept up on in-a-row runs

Today, 1/3/22, I have run 8 years and 2 days in a row.

-continued making a weekly menu, grocery list, and sticking to that at the store.  And shopping at Winco.

Our community spread is high and vaccination rate is low so it’s not too safe to go inside of a grocery store.  We got groceries delivered (at great expense) all year.  And because it was such an odd year with so much grocery and restaurant delivery, we really didn’t do the menu either.

-Continued to put on makeup and fix my hair every day for work.  

In a pandemic there’s really no need for this.  For the first time in my adult life, I didn’t even shampoo my hair daily.  And I felt OK about it.  What a colossal waste of time.  I don’t think I’m going to go back to primping on the daily like I used to.  What for?

-Drink 12 cups of water a day.

We did pretty well with this.  It’s hot mostly.  We exercise a lot.  I tend to get headaches if I don’t hydrate enough so that’s a motivator too.

-went to the doctor.

Video appointments!  How do we keep these forever?!  It’s tons less of a hassle than physically going to see a doctor.

-dentist twice a year.

I am freaking out.  I think opening your mouth in an unventilated room for an extended time is one of the riskier things you could do during a pandemic.  And I looked on Yelp for a dentist who takes Covid precautions.  They have a filter for dentists with all their staff vaccinated.  No matches in my state!  Yelp also has a filter to see dentists that require all patients to be fully vaccinated…  None in my state.  IDK if the filters didn’t have the info or if in fact there is none.  But I’m not going to chance it.

-Floss daily.

Since it is not at all optimal to skip the dentist for this long, I have started flossing diligently.  I don’t want to get Covid, but I also don’t want to lose my teeth prematurely.  I think this is actually the worst situation for me in the whole pandemic.  It’s just not good choices…

-workout at least 5 days a week.

Aside from running a mile every day, we also lift weights 6 days a week.  On tired Thursday we get a break to elliptical or bike instead of lifting.  It’s easier to get all of this done in the morning prior to work when we’re not so tired.  For awhile, we were also able to do planks and crunchies on all 3 of our work breaks every week day.  And lately, we walk every day at lunch time, and again after work–just to get some steps in.

-cook at home and meal prep on weekends to make the week easier.

Fail.  Complete fail.  And now we have to get off the restaurants and just try to cook at all again.

-pay off the Visa. 

I submitted double the minimum every month, but there is still money on it.  But it’s a work in progress.  It wasn’t for lack of trying.

-read.

Failed.  I mean, I read articles on my phone, and reddit, and blogs, and twitter.  But books were a fail.  I started off with very technical long book, then slogged through it.  This next year I’m going to try to read multiple books at a time so I don’t get stuck like this.

Ok, so all of that.  And in 2020:

Save money for a car before November.

So we saved enough money for a car, but then it wasn’t super-safe of a proposition to test drive stranger’s cars.  So we’re waiting for the pandemic to wane a bit before taking a risk.  Also, we’re still able to work from home, get prescriptions mailed to the house, and get groceries via delivery, so there’s not as much need for both of us to have a car.

More time for creative endeavors.

Spend 1% of waking hours doing each thing.  We’re setting the interval timer app to do 4 times of 10 minutes.  Each 10 min segment works out to 0.9% of our waking hours.  So even though I get antsy and feel like I need to be doing something “important” it is so much easier to think of it as a small portion of my day.  Makes it more manageable.  I think as we get in the groove, we can add more activities or lengthen time spent, but one thing at a time.  I just want to make a habit of including creativity into every day.  This went well in the beginning of the year, but as the harassment ramped up at my job, I couldn’t concentrate to do other things.  My head space was taken up by ruminations, or me planning what to say/do, or I kept lapsing into anger/sadness about the situation.

So between pandemic and work harassment, my goals were pretty much busted.  Except for the run and workout.  But this next year should be a little better.

Worst Moments of 2021

This list goes from the worst to the absolute #1 worst:

 

-Mercury made finals, but only 1 game was on a channel we get, the community didn’t GAF, & they lost

Especially compared to the hype and excitement of the Suns making it.

 

-variants nullified our vaccine & we were mostly back in quarantine

-Brnovich & Yee are running

 

https://www.azcentral.com/story/opinion/op-ed/laurieroberts/2018/09/18/arizona-attorney-general-mark-brnovich-swoops-help-aps-prop-127-fight/1350846002/

 

Kimberly Yee publicly came out against prop 208 which taxed the highest earners on their personal income only to help AZ schools.

 

 

-missing out on activities bc of high risk of Delta variant

 

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/us/arizona-covid-cases.html

 

 

-Fraudit makes me feel hopeless for Arizona

 

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/may/06/arizona-republicans-bamboo-ballots-audit-2020

 

 

-Doug Ducey didn’t get recalled, ironically bc they couldn’t safely gather enough signatures in the pandemic

 

 

 

-realized NBA is rigged (covid playoff states, Giannis/shaq)

 

It’s no accident the NBA finals ended up being in two states with no Covid precautions/laws (AZ & WI).

 

 

 

 

-found out our Senator, Kyrsten Sinema sold out

 

 

 

-dad lost a hearing aid

 

-mom cancelled her vax bc she was listening to dis/mis-info

 

-missed Kathleen Madigan & Fortune Fenster & Lord Huron bc delta variant

 

 

 

-my mom believed in Fraudit (& is racist)

 

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2021/02/05/fact-check-viral-post-makes-false-claims-nevadas-election/4392902001/

 

 

-dad lost his 2nd hearing aid

 

-prop 208 was undermined by ducey’s new statute

 

https://ballotpedia.org/Arizona_Proposition_208,_Tax_on_Incomes_Exceeding_$250,000_for_Teacher_Salaries_and_Schools_Initiative_(2020)

 

-my parents were out & about w/high covid risk. Won’t listen.

 

-mom said she thought dad didn’t love her anymore (I hope/think it’s probably his depression)

 

-the heating pad burned Steins tummy

 

 

 

-mom saying trumpy talking-points

 

-KDouche accused me of excessively routing & holding claims too long

 

He said I would need to sit side by side with our mentor so she could tell me what I was doing wrong…  I told him (for at least the 7^th time, between emails and verbally on phone calls) that even this phone call gives me anxiety.  And I asked if I could just do the work and send the claim for her to check it.  He did not listen.  He did not try to work with me.  He did not see any other way to accomplish the goal other than the one method he stated.  Kind of annoyed I was asking for accommodation for my anxiety disorder, he said she would  be side by side watching me do the claim so she could tell me what I was doing wrong in real time.  I was upset bc I do have anxiety, and have emailed him at length about that, and even talked about getting an ADA for anxiety, but he would not work with me.  After a long pause, where I was considering bringing up the ADA or alternate methods to achieve the goal, I just said I understood—mostly bc he never listens to me anyway, so why bother?

 

5/18/21:  KDouche’s recap of our 1:1

I understand that your anxiety can get really bad, however, it is best for someone to sit with you on a live claim example. This way there is no confusion and they would be able to see first-hand what’s happening and possibly propose a solution. This will also aid in your questions in regards to the Xref claims.

I do mostly Zx claims all day long, and they are my favorite.  

The auditors have looked them over many times, and the Zx claims passed as correct. 

I do not have questions about Zx claims.

There are many correct examples of Zx claims that I complete every day and claims that have passed audit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I couldn’t do those random 6 that came through unpaid, for the reasons I explained verbally in the 1:1, and wrote out in an email recap of the 1:1 bc I could tell KDouche wasn’t listening to me. 

He is STILL under the impression I am doing them wrong even though I do them all the time.

 

 

-Jogre micromanaged me

 

-KDouche said “we need more”

 

I emailed you back regarding your email, but I think it got confused within the chain.  In the email, I told you I originally provided:  The claim #, pend, the auth #, how many units it was over, the problem that it’s split into a decimal, a picture of the calculator showing the days split into a decimal, and a pic of the wf tab, and wf box # I got to.  Also, it wasn’t my question—it was a directive of the wf to send it to TL.   And I asked what else I need to do.  I really need to know what else to send to clear up future confusion, as this is a persistent problem.

I asked what else was needed, because I felt like I had sent everything, and rather than admitting he didn’t read the email chain before admonishing me, he gaslighted me and said a vague:  “We need more.” And that’s all he would tell me.  By the end of the call, I was literally screaming, “What else do you need????!!!!”

 

 

-We pinched Bison’s neck in his collar & he said he always hated us so he wanted to move out

 

 

-EEOC didn’t even open my documentation & got everything wrong in the 1 paragraph they wrote!

 

As a last resort, I went through with reporting my work harassment and retaliation to the government.  I spent 3 hours on the phone telling my caseworker the specific details of what happened.  Then I spent 5 hours on a weekend, trying to make all my documentation understandable to an outsider.  It contained a lot of jargon and technical information.  I sent a whole zip file of the documentation because it was SO much evidence.  The day before the case was to be finalized, my case worker emailed asking me to call her a 2nd time.  I was only able to speak to her for 10-15 min during my lunch break.  And guess what?  I could tell 

 

SHE HAD NOT TAKEN ANY NOTES DURING OUR FIRST 3 HOUR CONVERSATION, AND SHE SAID SHE WAS UNABLE TO OPEN MY ZIP FILE, SO SHE HAD NOT READ A SINGLE WORD OF MY DOCUMENTATION.

 

I felt like it was a colossal waste of time, and hopeless.  When she finally did start my case, the one paragraph was full of incorrect information, and did not identify the correct problem.  #$%^@*

 

-dad drove recklessly and was lucky he didn’t cause an accident, and wrecked the car

 

-KDouche said I worked off the clock

 

Employee Handbook: Timekeeping Violations As a company founded on ethical behavior, we take timekeeping violations seriously. It is a violation of company policy for anyone to work off the clock, incorrectly report hours worked, or alter another employee’s time records without a legitimate reason or authorization to do so. It is also a violation to instruct, encourage, or pressure someone to engage in any of these acts. Any employee who engages in behavior that results in inaccurate timekeeping or incorrect payment is subject to discipline up to and including termination.

 

-dad weird sex-talk

 

-HR didn’t help me

-Goose has a mass in his diaphragm

Dr., 

 

I have been thinking of what to say, and sorry, if this is all over the place.  I’m concerned with the density on x-ray too.  I want everything for Goose, and want to have him (happy and comfortable) as long as possible.  I was trying to imagine what it could be to foresee what the treatment could be. . .  

 

If it was a tumor, most the time there would be some anomaly on bloodwork, is that true? And I didn’t think he was really at risk for diaphragmatic hernia at his age/activity level (I’ve heard about it in regards to very young puppies)? And if it was fluid, he would still have a “wet” sound or some respiratory symptoms?  I guess I’m not actually asking for the textbook of the various possibilities.  

 

My real question is:  Out of all the possibilities your knowledge and experience can think of–what is most likely, and are any of them completely reversible for Goose, & what timelines should I prepare for?  I don’t feel at his weight/age he’s a very good candidate for any surgery–do you think he would be? I wouldn’t want to lose him in trying to heal him w/sx, especially if it was uncertain to work, or only bought him a little more time.  Because, honestly just knowing what it is but not having a viable/affordable/long-term treatment would be more horrible than just not knowing for some reason.

 

I would only want to do u/s if it would absolutely tell us what it is, if there is definitely a treatment, and if that treatment worked for Goose long-term.  Which is to say, I know you’re not prescient, but you do have tons of experience.  Please be candid.

 

In every scenario, I’d like Goose to be as comfortable as possible.

Thank you so much,

 

 

Reply:

 

My biggest concern/worst case scenario for that area in Goose’s x-ray would be a cancerous mass.  However if surgery would not be a possibility then I agree the ultrasound would be a bit of a moot point. 

 

As long as he is comfortable, I think it would be reasonable to do some watchful waiting for him. If his respirations change, he is not eating, has vomiting, or any other signs he is not feeling well, we could repeat x-rays and address any findings at that time.

 

As long as he is happy, that is all that counts.

 

Warm regards,

2021 Album Ranking [bottom of the barrel]

Gone are the days when artists can hide meh-bad songs in an album and still sell based on 1-2 singles (thank goodness).  As such, I penalized the less than good songs more than I scored the awesomes high.  Streaming is harsh.  Here’s the scale I used for this entire list:

• awesome 5
• A-Gr cusp 4.5
• Great 4
• Gr-G cusp 3.5
• Good 3
• G-N cusp 1
• Neutral -1
• N-M cusp -2
• Meh -3
• M-S cusp -4.5
• Skip -6

Another aside-I try only to rank songs released on the calendar year.  Sometimes I’m unaware a ‘live’ song isn’t new, or I judge a remix or something.  This year I must say there were a LOT of cheatee, not actually new, music put out in 2021:

Madonna-True Blue (35th Anniversary Edition); Green Day- Insomniac (25th Anniversary Deluxe Edition); Avril Lavigne- Bite Me single; Metallica single; Sam Smith-Love Goes (live) & soundtrack produced by him?  Rufus Wainwright-live; Jason Isbell- live; Sarah Bareilles-live; The Black Keys- remastered, live; Pink-remixes; Blondie-Spanish; Kelly Clarkson-Christmas

You see there were a lot of people putting something out, so the Wiki 2021 Albums list looked overwhelming, but a lot of artists were tricky.  They got their name out, but didn’t put in a lot of work *side-eye* Seems to me like everyone had a lot of time to think and write and get something together during the 2020 Covid-pause.

There’s my parameters.  Let’s commence the count-from bottom of my reviewed to the best of the best 2021!

Vampire Weekend– S (too experimental & discordant)

tot = nope

I abandoned this one, because I just couldn’t.  You’ll see a theme this year-not everything is made for me, not everything is appreciated by me.  It’s fine.  This is one of those.

John Mayer-Sob Rock

I was torn about even reviewing this album.  John Mayer has been a long time staple of mine, but new information has come to light (Jessica Simpson) and I feel like it isn’t all that ethical to support him.  But I thought I’d at least give it a chance.  Well, I shouldn’t have.  It’s nothing special.  Nothing much was going on in the songs.  Boring.  And by the time I got to the baby-talking track (cringe!) I was over it.  There are just too many albums this year to fuss about with a meh one.  So I aborted mission halfway through.

tot = NOPE

Last Train Home M

Shouldn’t Matter but It Does G

New Light M

Why You No Love Me S (baby talk)

Wild Blue M

Shot in the Dark; I Guess I Just Feel Like; Til the Right One Comes; Carry Me Away; All I Want is to be With You

Those were the only two albums that I could not make myself finish.  The next ones scored in the negatives.  That just means they either had tracks to skip, mehs, or not enough songs that moved me.

Neil Young Crazy Horse-Way Down the Rust Bucket-Live

I really couldn’t get past the awful singing.  IDK why listeners are very hard on women who don’t/can’t/lose their singing, but it seems like it’s tolerated if men do it *cough patriarchy/misogyny*

awesome 5; A-Gr cusp 4.5; Great 4; Gr-G cusp 3.5; Good 3; N-G cusp 1; Neutral -1; N-M cusp -2; Meh -3; M-S cusp -4.5; Skip -6

0awesome; 2Great8; 5Good15; 3Neutral-3; 5Meh-15; 2Skip-24 = tot-20

Country Home- S (pretty bad singing)
Surfer Joe and Moe the Sleeze- S (bad)
Love to Burn- N
Days that Used to be- G
Bite the Bullet- M
Cinnamon Girl- M
Farmer John- M
Over and Over- G
Danger Bird- N (terrible singing knocks the score down)
Don’t Cry No Tears- G
Sedan Delivery- G
Roll Another Number (for the Road)- M (bad singing)
Fuckin’ Up- M
T-Bone- S (About 5 words in the song)
Homegrown- N (good harmonies)
Mansion on the Hill- S (bad)
Like a Hurricane- Gr (probably best on album)
Love and Only Love- Gr
Cortez the Killer- G

David Gray-Skellig

awesome 5; A-Gr cusp 4.5; Great 4; Gr-G cusp 3.5; Good 3; N-G cusp 1; Neutral -1; N-M cusp -2; Meh -3; M-S cusp -4.5; Skip -6

0awesome; 3Good9; 1G-N cusp1; 2Neutral-2; 6Meh-18; 1M-S cusp-4.5; 0Skip =tot-14.5

Skellig- M
Dun Loaghaire- G
Accumulates- G
Heart and Soul- N-G cusp
Laughing Gas- N
No False Gods- M-S cusp
Deep Water Swim- G
Spiral Arms- M (repetitive)
The White Owl- M
Dares My Heart be Free- N
House with No Walls-M
Can’t Hurt More Than This- M
All That We Asked for- M

Doja Cat- Planet Her:

Now, I know.  This is the album that is getting the most hype this year.  I only listened to it for that reason.  And last year I listened to Dua Lipa for the same reason, and really liked it.  The magic didn’t happen this year.  I like the title of this album, and that’s about it for me.  And that’s OK.  Not every album is made for me, nor enjoyed by me.  I wasn’t feelin’ this one.  I might be the only one on the planet.

awesome 5; A-Gr cusp 4.5; Great 4; Gr-G cusp 3.5; Good 3; N-G cusp 1; G-M cusp 0; Neutral -1; N-M cusp -2; Meh -3; M-S cusp -4.5; Skip -6

A; 1Gr4; 2Gr-G7; 2G3; 1G-N1; 1G-M0; 3N-3; 7M-21; S = tot -9

Woman- G (Repetitive.)

Naked- N

Payday- Gr-G (Good ambient sounds, but Minnie Mouse singing.)

Get Into It (Yuh)-  Gr-G (Baby-voice is ehhhh, but rap is good and fast.)

Need to Know- Gr (Catchy and I like the repeated words)

I Don’t Do Drugs- N (Xylophone is interesting and different, but the rest of the song is kinda boring.)

Love to Dream- M

You Right- N

been Like This- N-M (Somewhat high note is good, but the song is just boring.)

Options-Gr (Moag!)

Ain’t Shit- M (The only thing I liked was the counting.)

Imagine- M

Alone- M

Kiss Me More- G-M (Disco sound)

You Right (Extended)- G (The duet is probably the best on the album.  I also liked the breathes/breathing sounds.)

Up and Down- G-N

Tonight – M

Ride- M

Why Why- M

Kaleo

I wanted to love this one like I loved their last album.  But it really fell off in the second half.  It probably would have ranked higher if the latter half was edited out completely.

awesome 5; A-Gr cusp 4.5; Great 4; Gr-G cusp 3.5; Good 3; N-G cusp 1; Neutral -1; N-M cusp -2; Meh -3; M-S cusp -4.5; Skip -6

0awesome; 0Great; 2Good6; 2N-G cusp2; 2Neutral-2; 1M-N cusp-2; 4Meh-12; 0Skip = tot-8

Brother Run Fast G

Break My Baby N-G

Alter Ego G

Free the Slave N-G

Skinny N

Hey Gringo M-N

My Fair Lady M

I Want More M

Backbone N

I Walk on Water M

Into My Mother’s Arms M

Aly & AJ:  a touch of the beat…[title is long and annoying, I’m not writing all of it]

awesome 5; A-Gr cusp 4.5; Great 4; Gr-G cusp 3.5; Good 3; N-G cusp 1; Neutral -1; N-M cusp -2; Meh -3; M-S cusp -4.5; Skip -6

0A; 0Gr; 2Gr-G7; 0G; 3G-N3; 2N-2; 3M-9; 1S-6 = tot-7

Pretty Places M

Lost Cause G-Gr (I love a bitter song)

Break Yourself S (I died of boredom)

Slow Dancing M

Paradise N

Symptom of Your Touch Lucky to Get Him G-N

Listen!!! N-G (the brr brr noise saves it.  and nice piano)

Don’t Need Nothing N-G (finally, a beat!  is this what the album is missing?)

Stomach N

Personal Cathedrals Gr-G (a better singing style, more lyrically intricate)

Hold Out M

Billie Eilish- Happier Than Ever:

I almost aborted listening, because the entire first half of this long album was pretty ‘background music’ (boring).  But it bothers me to not finish things so I pressed on a little more, and I’m kinda glad I did, bc it did get better.  Track order is a major problem here!  Mix it up or cut the front half.

awesome 5; A-Gr cusp 4.5; Great 4; Gr-G cusp 3.5; Good 3; G-N cusp 1; Gr-S cusp -1; Neutral -1; N-M cusp -2; Meh -3; M-S cusp -4.5; Skip -6

0A; 1A-Gr4.5; 1Gr4; 4G12; 2G-N2; 2N-2; 6M-18; 1S-6 = tot -3.5

Getting Older-M

I Didn’t Change My Number- G

Billie Bossa Nova- N

my future- M

Oxytocin- G-N (Good base and moag)

Goldwing- G

Lost Cause- M

Hailey’s Comet- N-G (Sounds a lot like 1930s type of singing/crooning.  This goes on for too short of a time.  There’s a pause and then it seems to be a whole different song?  Then, that’s too short as well.)

Not My Responsibility- S (Need to sing)

Overheated M

Everybody Dies- M (I can hear her breathes a lot, and it doesn’t sound good. Big yawn.)

Your power- G

NDA- Gr-A.  (catchy . Same tune as  her 1st album. Good moàg)

Therefore I Am- N

Happier Than Ever- Gr

Male fantasy- G

M (Glitch is always welcome.  Has rap   .)

Shovels & Rope- Busted Jukebox Volume 3

Soooo?  Is this supposed to be a kid’s album? Title it better, because I needed to listen with that expectation in mind.

awesome 5; A-Gr cusp 4.5; Great 4; Gr-G cusp 3.5; Good 3; N-G cusp 1; Neutral -1; N-M cusp -2; Meh -3; M-S cusp -4.5; Skip -6

1awesome5; 0Great; 3Good9; 3Neutral-3; 2Meh-6; 1Skip-6 =tot-1

Hush Little Baby- S (WTF is this shit?)
In My Room- G
What a Wonderful World- N (Great song, played too slow. Whistle & talking sucked)
You Are My Sunshine- N
Cry Baby- G
My Little Buckaroo- M
Everybody Hurts- N (Weird choice for a kid’s album, if this is one…)
Mother Earth and Father Time- M
The Ants Go Marching- A (Fucking great syncopation!)
Tomorrow- G

We’ll get into the middle of the pack tomorrow.  And I’ll come back and number these when I finish the last two album-rankings.

WAP Grammys 2021 Performance is Not Empowerment or Feminism–It’s Misogyny

Visibility is imperative. Pushing norms is progress. But disguising the objectification of women for the male gaze as empowered feminism is super-problematic, and that’s what is happening here. Cardi b and Meghan Thee Stallion’s Grammys 2021 performance was supposed to push boundaries, and shock. And it did! Madonna pushed boundaries of female sexuality with her cones and simulated sex scene prior to this. But I see the Miley Cyrus/Robin Thicke twirking on all the negative YouTube videos for ‘top 10 cringe moments’, ‘celebs that are problematic’, ‘people who got cancelled’, etc, etc… And let’s not forget how Janet Jackson was ENDED over a fraction of a sec of nipple pasty action at the Superbowl. Can you say, double standard?!

Anyway, I keep seeing a lot of arguments for the merits of this song/performance because it matches what men do. Men have scantily-clad women on their videos, demean women as “bitches” (and far worse) in their lyrics, talk about sexual acts in explicit detail, and are “pimps” when they rack up the number of women they conquer. So people are arguing it’s cool that now women can do that too.

Except here’s the thing:

Feminism isn’t doing whatever you want or being as disgusting as men, it is breaking away from objectification, truly empowering the individual self and collective group of women.

Joining in on objectification of women is not empowerment!

em·pow·er·ment (N)- Authority or power given to someone to do something. “individuals are given empowerment to create their own dwellings” the process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one’s life and claiming one’s rights.

This performance isn’t about women owning their bodies, sexuality, or controlling the narrative. This is women selling their image in a package that men like in order to make money and gain fame in the small niche that female rap artists have carved out.

Women in this patriarchal society have to fit in a box–the Madonna/whore dichotomy. Women in music, already in that narrow box of patriarchy, have to fit into an even smaller box of being a role model to girls while having sexual appeal for the general public. The rap category is an even teenier box a couple of select women have to fit in to keep going. In the end, the box is so small and limited, there is no space left.

People online are praising the performance as visible female sexuality, black women owning their own bodies, and empowerment. Which, I agree might be present (though in this writing, I’ll argue it’s in diluted form). I felt the performance was harmful to women’s progress. What I don’t want to do is add the the terrible narrative that black women’s sexuality is wild/animalistic/scary/out of control that colonialism, racism, sexism, and patriarchy has painted it. I find the performance harmful because it is misogyny in feminist clothing, to borrow the sheep expression.

I know there’s a whole song, and the music video that goes with it. I don’t know much about either so my critiques are based solely on the following video of the 2021 Grammy performance:

My racap of the action:

-A stripper pole-references the men’s domain of the strip club where women take off clothes and dance suggestively for men’s entertainment.
-Cardi B backs up and puts her butt-crack on the pole. Side-note: Butt implants are for men. A women can die getting plastic surgery to enhance her body. Her clothes will fit differently. She will have to move differently, walk differently, lay down differently than she did before putting plastic in her butt. And she may have complications later. Leaking, autoimmune issues, cancer… This is not for a woman’s pleasure–women’s butts are not an erroneous zone, or secondary sex characteristic. A big butt is for men’s pleasure.
-In case the viewer couldn’t put it together, a giant, clear plastic stripper platform shoe flanks the stage. The type of shoe men like to look at, but women have trouble walking effectively in, and certainly running from danger is out of the question in such a shoe. It shows the power dynamic–females are weakened by such a shoe but men get pleasure from them wearing the shoe. Men are in power here. The women are just props for them to use to achieve sexual gratification.
-Other suggestive moves that drive home this is a performance to cater to men’s sexual desire: Splay legs, she grabs/rubs her puss, gyrating hips and doing suggestive humping dance moves. Cardi B elevates and licks her own leg. Countless squats split legged. Laying with legs far apart on the bed. Crawling on the bed. Split legged humping. Laying on her back with split legs. The two women crawl toward each other on bed. They scissor their legs together. [Pet-peeve] this is NOT a thing! I mean, it might technically exist in the way the pile-driver is a thing, but not used in real life, it’s only for porn. This scissoring maneuver is performative and it’s is ignorant/Lesbphobic. As a matter of fact, if two out, butch lesbians did the same move, I’ll bet the reaction would be totally different. Then to finish the show, more split legs.

Here’s the test to know if it’s empowering feminism or if it’s misogyny:

a) if this is two women owning their own bodies, displaying confidence and empowerment

OR

b) this is a sexually suggestive performance for the male gaze

In the above video and descriptive paragraph, trade out the women for men.

Have you seen men doing a similar performance before? Does it seem like the same type of performance? Would it garner the same reaction?

I’d say fail.

You do not/would not see two men: Dancing on a pole. Licking their own leg. Crawling toward another man on a giant bed. Or scissoring legs together with another man…

This is not women owning their sexuality. This is objectifying & commodifying women for the male gaze.

Research by Calogero has shown that the male gaze can have detrimental effects on women’s self-esteem and self-objectification, leading to increased body shame and a worsened mental state. The male gaze creates a power imbalance. It supports a patriarchal status quo, perpetuating women’s real-life sexual objectification.

So that’s why I don’t like it. I’m not even going to mention being role model for girls, b/c the conservatives always trot out “save the children!” to shame women. But I will say it would be nice if society was better at recognizing misogyny. I can understand why it’s difficult because it’s ubiquitous and pervasive. But we need to educate ourselves a lot better, because things are still BAD for women. And I would love to see women being successful by truly own their own bodies and sexuality in an empowering way. I hope it happens.

But this was not it.