Tag Archives: anxiety

Bon Jovi: 2020 Album Review

10 Dec

Bon Jovi wins easiest, most genuine segway into current events.  He does a seamless job of staying true to his own sound, and having an album that discusses all of today’s issues.  He hits on:  Political ugliness, the division in the country, war, racial justice, covid, and I applaud him for taking it on, and doing it well.  Every artist has a responsibility to do that right now.

Limitless:  It’s an upbeat and exciting opener.  Well, it took a long time, but Bon Jovi’s voice is shot.  The shimmer & jitter have impacted the vocal quality throughout.

Do What You Can:  Speaks to the anxiety of our nation right now.  It’s a reminder to stay vigilant and social distance, but that doesn’t preclude helping a neighbor or stranger.  America needs to hear it.  It’s nice to have a covid song that stays within the band’s typical sound, where the writing is not forced.  

American Reckoning:  “Our conscience has been looted, and our soul is under siege.”  Bon Jovi discusses our racial tensions and how history repeats.

Beautiful Drug:  Extending syllables “lo-ah ah ah ah uv” does a lot to make a song catchy.  It goes all the way back to our first infant babbling of phonemes like ba ba, na na, etc.  It’s used effectively in this tune, and was the first song on the album that really caught my attention.  And though I think the sentiment is naive (for where we are as a country) I can appreciate the optimism.

Story of Love;  I totally tuned out of this one.  The song tells of relationships between parents and children, which is nice.  It’s a little too melodramatic, though.  The instrumentals in the last third of the song redeem it.  I was about to take it off the list, but it goes out pretty nicely.

Let it Rain:  Good beat to start.  I can tell it’ll be exciting.  The sample is cool, and just a bit overused.

Lower the Flag:  A somber tone.  This is really meaningful, and genuine.  I like the idea of limiting the jingoism a bit.  We can be more moderate is what Bon Jovi suggests.  The fast part is catchy and I like it.  I’m not sure about the call outs, but it doesn’t ruin the song.

Blood in the Water:  I don’t know…  I can see he’s going for a relevant song , but it’s too much with devils and sharks.

Brothers in Arms:  I think this song represents Bon Jovi’s catalogue best.  It’s rock and a little gritty.  And it’s a message we’re all related and need to stick together.  And hello, is this miraca that I’m hearing–it’s pretty much the best.

Unbroken:  This song is Ok.  I like how the cadence is like a hymn and the subject is military.  But I just–maybe it’s too much religious imagery for me?  I’m not sure what exactly, i don’t care for that makes it a meh for me.  

Do What You Can (duet):  It’s a livelier, country version of the first song, and it sounds good as a duet.

Shine:  A nice ballad.  Excellent harmonies, and good guitar works. I like when artists use volume to convey importance and emotion.

Luv Can:  The sentiment of love speaking when words don’t work is a nice one.  He uses some phrases that I think he used in other songs before, so I’d like new material.  The breakdown is also kind of 1980s.  The “love is like a rolling thunder refrain” is nice, and perhaps the best portion of the song.

Moving to CO Logistics

14 Sep

When I get stressed out, I find myself making lists.  It’s an attempt to remember everything.  And an attempt to get organized and make a plan.  But mostly, it’s a (subconscious) way to gain control over a situation I feel is chaotic.  I’ve moved a lot and that’s one of the most stressful things in life.  Especially if the move is out of state–but always.  So here is an example of lists I made to prepare for a move:

Draft a plan and a budget for the job search and the relocation. Look at your calendar for a reasonable relocation date and set a goal. Give yourself enough time to conduct an extensive search for employment and find a home.

Make a list of EVERYTHING you want to bring with you to your new place

Make a list of everything you’re throwing away/giving away/donating.

—microwave, kegerator, chipped plates, orange coffee mugs, vacuum, TV, noodle strainer, blue cooking fan

-remember to cancel utilities like water, gas, electricity, internet, etc

–It is important to notify insurance providers – for example, if you have any insurance on your cars, home, life, health and etc.

Utility providers should definitely know about your change of address – phone and mobile providers, water and electricity companies, internet providers,

–Go to your post office as well – alternatively you can fill in an online form and send it to them through the internet. You can find the USPS form to complete here.

-print all addresses/phone numbers

-Have some cleaning supplies to clean up your old home after the move.

-Put together a bag pack of personal essentials you will need for the first day in the new home.

–toothpaste, towels, a set of clothes for each member of the family, some snacks and drinks

-Collect receipts for paid bills, contracts, birth certificates, etc. You need all this paperwork in one file for easy access. Keep it safe, always bring it with you during the move 

-Make a list of everything you need to buy before you move.

Make a list of everything you need to buy right after you get to your new town.

Make a list of everything that needs to be done once you’re moved in.

-go to NV and process my storage unit. Have a yard sale, organize and clean the unit.

-Find an apartment

–get temporary place/short lease 1st

—visit potential apt b4 signing a long lease & moving in

–washer/dryer IN unit!

–dbl pane glass

–hopefully 2 bedrm

–clearwire internet

CATS:

-get lysine powder

-get each cat 3 year vax

-get a health cert

-get sedative

-give Capstar during & at moving time

-get Frontline & apply it 2 wk before travel

JOB:

-Create a cover letter template that includes a sentence or two about your relocation plans. For example, you could write, “I’m currently in Little Rock, Arkansas. However, I’m relocating to Washington, D.C. within the next 30 days.” If you don’t want to confine yourself to a specific time or want to ensure you’re available whenever you receive a job offer, add “I’m available for immediate relocation to the Washington, D.C. area.”

-Spend one to two weeks in your desired location, following up on requests for informational interviews. Before your travel, you should have scheduled job interviews by letting HR representatives and hiring managers know your travel dates. If possible, devote most of your time to business — interviewing, sending thank-you notes, touring residential areas.

-later, drive most of my belongings to NV and put in the storage unit.

-have a yard sale in Spokane.

-Take 1 carload from Spokane to CO

-fly to NV, then bring a U-haul from NV to CO.

-fly from CO to Spokane to p/u cats, then back to CO

CARS

-Tune Up Rusty

–oil change

–new all-weather tires

-Registration refunds for the unused portion of your paid Washington registration are available, subject to certain provisions. Complete a Vehicle/Vessel Registration Refundand mail it, along with a copy of your vehicle’s new title or registration from a different state, to:

  • Department of Licensing
  • Revenue Management Unit
  • P.O. Box 9037
  • Olympia, Washington 98507-9037

-Apply for a new driver’s license. After establishing residency most states require that this be done within a set amount of time, usually ranging between 30 and 60 days.

-Apply for a new registration. This too must be completed within a set amount of days after establishing residency.

-Apply for new license plates. This generally coincides with the registration process.

-Notify your insurance company of your move and provide a new address.

-Learn if your new state requires vehicle inspections.

-you do need to take a trip to a local CO driver license office.

http://www.dmv.org/co-colorado/dmv-office-finder.php

-Check out our detailed instructions on driver licenses.

  • Surrender your current out-of-state license.
  • Provide proof of CO residency (utility bill, pay stub).
  • Provide proof of lawful presence in the U.S. (birth certificate, immigration document).
  • Provide your Social Security number.
    • If you do not have one, you’ll need to provide a letter of ineligibility from the SSA.
  • Pay the $21 fee.
    • The DMV accepts cash, personal checks, and money orders.
  • Pass a vision exam.
  • Get your fingerprint and photo taken.
  • Provide your signature.

–Any vehicle purchased in another state and being registered in Colorado must have a VIN verification performed. You can get a VIN verification done at all law enforcement offices, car dealerships, and certain automotive care and repair businesses. There will be fees charged for VIN verifications, and prices vary from place to place.

-Changing your plates is a little more time-consuming in CO and might involve an emissions test if your new abode is situated in an ugly air zone. This is pretty much the entire Denver metro area and a few counties in the mountains.

–The following counties require emissions testing throughout the entire county:

  • Boulder County.
  • Broomfield County.
  • Denver County.
  • Jefferson County.

Counties that only require emissions testing in certain parts of the county are:

  • Adams County.
  • Arapahoe County.
  • Larimer County.
  • Weld County

-Gasoline vehicles model year 1982 and newer: $25.

-Your next stop will take you to a title and registration office to register your vehicle. We provide comprehensive registration and titling information, so you can maneuver through the procedures in no time.

-Obtain the maps to nearby places you will want or need to get to before you may know your way around town very well. Grocery stores, hospitals, libraries, post office, auto repair, schools, your job (lol!), other shopping, Starbucks (lol!), movie theaters, activities. Make a little book and keep it in your glove box

-Some of the common things forgotten when moving are the records of dentists, doctors, vet, etc. Use the opportunity to get advice for specialists in the area where you will be moving to

Work From Home

11 May

My company is adamantly against letting any of us work from home–ever.  But this pandemic forced them to have to allow it.  Because we work in an open room with recirculated AC and the 157 claims people share 2 bathrooms (and they shut down 1 for cleaning twice daily making the whole building share 1 bathroom) with the call center people on the opposite side of the building.

So we’ve been working from home since March 15.

And I love everything about it:

-I sleep better because I don’t have that anticipatory wakefulness trying to make the schedule.

-I use less utilities because I shower every other day since no one will see my 2nd day greasy, slept-on hair.

-Getting ready for work is low maintenance, because I don’t have to adhere to dress code, put on makeup, fix my hair, or prepare the house and cats for being gone all day.

-I can open all the windows in the cool mornings to use less utilities later in the day on cooling, because I have more time to open them, then I’m home to close them up only when the temp = inside.

-I can work outside on the patio and get some fresh air.

-I don’t have to think about the public bathroom:

*do people think I’m going too frequently?

*are they shutting one or the other down for cleaning so they’re more crowded?

*It’s my rule to pee only in the bathroom–but sometimes that makes for an uncomfortable day.

*What if I have to make embarrassing sounds or smells?

*other people are disgusting and shameless in the bathroom.

*the bathroom is an unpleasant mess!

*Touching anything in there is gross

*it’s a rule of mine to get in and out of the bathroom as quick as possible!

*I don’t like to talk in the bathroom, because of what molecules are floating around–but coworkers and leadership find it socially unacceptable not to say anything…

*I spend a huge amount of my work day worrying about the public bathroom…

-I drink more water because it’s easier to get and see above.

-I save tons of time just eating from the fridge.  I don’t have to spend bunches of time on weekends meal prepping lunches to just grab and go.

-I can pet the kitties any old time I want to.  And fill their water, or top off their food during the day, instead of rushing around in the morning trying to remember, or forcing myself to do it when I’m tired at night.

-Between claims, I can just, say empty the dish drainer, and do little chores.  Instead of having to do it after work, after our workout, when I’m very tired.  Or on the weekends.

-I can have things delivered during the day.

-I don’t have to worry about interactions with my coworkers.

-I don’t have to worry about my coworkers spreading germs (this was a concern of mine even prior to covid, b/c the gal behind me does not cover her coughs or sneezes and I can feel the air on the back of my hair and neck).  Also, we have that recirculated air.

-I don’t have to see my jerk supervisor face to face or have any awkward in-person interactions with him.

-I don’t have to plan my time-table around traffic.  I don’t have the stress of driving with fucking idiots.  I don’t pay as much gas, and the wear and tear on our cars is less.

-Asking questions at work is much less stressful, because everyone has to do everything in writing (my preferred form of communication).  I used to get nervous to ask, nervous when people came to my desk, awkward about what to say when I didn’t have time to plan it or check it, and nervous about people sharing their germs.

-Meetings are better.  I could listen to the meeting while swiffering my floors.

-We can do sit-ups on our breaks, b/c nobody else will see us, and we’re not in our nice work clothes.

-We can dance for a couple min every hour b/c there is no chance for anyone to see us.

-We can dress in our workout clothes last break so we’re ready to start our workout right after we clock out.

-Since we start our workouts so much earlier without driving and changing, we are also finished much earlier.

-I am not nearly as tired or fatigued after working from home, probably because I wasn’t exhausted by all the social interactions and factors of the job.  I’m fretting and preoccupied a lot by other people and the schedule when I’m at physical work.  As a result, we do our cardio, strength, and abs every single day, instead of lazying out a couple times a week!

-I’m less tired and stressed in general.

-Our timeline is more relaxed, and as a result so am I.

-Because we are able to get more done throughout the work day and during the week, there is more leisure time on weekends.  Instead of all our logistics stacking up like usual.

 

Also, I don’t know why we can’t always work from home.  At the quarterly meeting, they said we made production records since we’ve worked from home.  I don’t see why corporations are always so hot on dragging their employees into a physical location when people enjoy having work:life balance.  And the traffic impacts are exponential.  I could see if we were screwing around, not making our numbers, and making tons more mistakes–but it’s the exact opposite.  Yet we are being called back in probably June 1st–which is too soon b/c AZ doesn’t peak until June 7.  I’m sure they’ll pull the “essential worker” card, even though we are fully capable of doing 100% of our work from home.

I wish I could work from home all the time, forever!

 

Rebound Temperament (a Rap)

21 Oct

[A.]  Your cold shoulder

[B.]  before you judge, please make an attempt

[B.]  should acquaint prior to displaying contempt

[A.]  the vibe you transmit–couldn’t be colder

 

[A.]  My motto?  Work hard, be industrious

[B.]  somehow you see a girl–malicious

[B.]  in kind, you exacerbate–you’re vicious

[A.]  My time?  I spend it being constructive

 

[A.]  Seriously, can’t you see my seat?

[B.]  I’m up front and center

[B.]  where everyone exits and enters

[A.]  let me do work and chill to my beats

 

Chorus:

It’s not me–it’s you

if you’re discerning the averse, check your own mood

I’m a mirror, an echo, a rendering of your attitude

note to you–you’re not even in my universe

it’s not me–it’s you

 

[A.]  Have we ever even had a conversation?

[B.]  unprovoked glowers, frowns, and scowles–full of hate

[B.]  filthy slow walk, to pick a fight, intimidate

[A.]  eradicate the aggression and frustration

 

bridge:

your cold shoulder

the vibe you put off, couldn’t be. . .  more frigid!

 

[A.]  Don’t underestimate my intelligence, I observed–

[B.]  body language, your side-eye.  My expression blank

[B.]  understand, I know the game, and let’s be frank

[A.]  you’re not worth my time; my morale?  Preserved.

 

Chorus:

It’s not me–it’s you

if you’re discerning the adverse, check your own mood

I’m a mirror, an echo, a rendering of your attitude

not to you–you’re not even in my universe

it’s not me–it’s you

 

[A.]  Reserved, waiting for sincerity, no sinister message to transmit

[B.]  you, with bitchy plans, talking shit…  Efforts to degrade

[B.]  are just wasted time–the negativity, overplayed

[A.]  my planet–You’re just not in my orbit

 

Chorus:

It’s not me–it’s you

if you’re discerning the averse, check your own mood

I’m a mirror, an echo, a rendering of your attitude

note to you–you’re not even in my universe

it’s not me–it’s you

 

Chorus:

It’s not me–it’s you

if you’re discerning the averse, check your own mood

I’m a mirror, an echo, a rendering of your attitude

note to you–you’re not even in my universe

it’s not me–it’s you

 

bridge:

your cold shoulder

the vibe you put off, couldn’t be. . .  more frigid!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fri-disappointment [post 2 of 4]

8 Sep

FRIDAY was not our worst Gorge experience ever.  In 2010 we had tickets and got there Sunday for the show–only to find out our tickets had been for Saturday.  And the venue was $hitty about it and wouldn’t honor them even though they could tell they’d never been scanned.  And they wouldn’t even downgrade us to lawn.  They said we could purchase 2 lawn tickets for $100 (extra).  So we went home, having missed out.  So this wasn’t that bad, but it’s a close 2nd worst.

I wish I could say Friday was amazing and everything I’d been looking forward to for so long. It truly makes me sad I can’t.

There was a parking situation.  They made brand new paths to drive on–which is a lot better because they criss-crossed the whole lot.  So there would be less waiting in line to leave when that time came.  Our flag lady, however, was not doing her job.  She didn’t indicate which path Cool should take.  We rolled down the window and Cool asked and received a reply I didn’t hear.  Later, Cool told me she said, “follow the path and park.”  NOT helpful.  But Cool didn’t persist for clarification.  And the thing about Cool is she folds under pressure and recedes inside herself when presented with any kind of choice in a perceived pressure situation.  She has generalized anxiety on top of her bipolar.  For me, it means she totally shuts down and freezes, doing nothing.  Meanwhile leaving me, the passenger, to control the situation–from afar.  It’s stressful for her and frustrating for me.  Well, that happened, putting damper #1 on our time.

But we were ready to tailgate!  We had all kinds of snacks, and bevs, and playing cards.  Before the concert we had fun.yellow skirt tailgate Fri

At 3PM, the venue opened for the Caravan Acts (we didn’t care about).  But I like to be early and we both wanted to check out the merch before it got picked over so I grabbed our awesome poster and we lined up.  Smokers were in front of us and behind us in the line.  I realized how spoiled we are as Washington residents, that not a staggering percentage of people smoke.  But there were a lot of out of staters for the crux of the summer concert series, so we had to endure it.  But not without some loud grumbling.  The poster was a little unruly to carry because the wind kept wanting to gust it away.  So I had to use my arm muscles to keep it from bending or flying away.  It would be well worth it later!  As we approached the front of the line, I noticed there were 8 security stalls, all of them manned–but people were only standing at the first 2.  And the security people at the later stalls were goofing off.  I told Cool to follow me and went from the 2nd long line, so the 5th completely empty stall.  And made it all the way inside in about 2 seconds.  I turned to celebrate with Cool, and no Cool.  Where did she go?  I waited on the other side of the lines expecting her to come right through.  Nope.  I went up to the gate to look for her.  Not only had she not followed me, she was no longer in any line.  She was waiting in a random area–crumbling from the pressure.  Again.  Frustrated, I yelled for her.  Her hearing loss and panic prohibited her from hearing me.  I had to go back out and grab her and get her.  I actually was so frustrated at her inability to function enough to go through an effing line I thought about just going to our seats–but she was holding our tickets.  When I grabbed her she said she lost me.  Even though I wore a bright yellow skirt and was holding a large, colorful poster. . .  Damper #2 on our time.

It was more windy then it had been at our past concerts.  Wind is my least favorite weather.  But my hair was back out of my face in a cute hairstyle, and my skirt had built in shorts and looked cute and flouncy when it whipped around.  BUT I forgot my fire shoes. Sneakers that matched my adorable outfit, yet were comfortable to walk across dirt, weeds, and up & down all the hills. So my plastic flip-flops ate the skin off my feet and got wet and sweaty.  I also forgot a coat/sweatshirt/longsleeve Sidenote: I really cannot change plans at the last minute. I was going to wear my whole outfit in the car and had it all (including the 2 aforementioned articles) set out. Then, I decided I didn’t want to get car slur on my nice stuff so I’d wear grubbies on the 2.5 hour drive and change. Back to point. I (we both) got cold. And there was nothing to do except A) be miserable and distracted for 7 hours or B) buy expensive outerwear at the merch stand. So I shelled out $65 for a sweatshirt and Cool $65 for a zip-up. Which we will both wear, but probably wouldn’t have bought if temperature wasn’t a factor.

sweatshirt on Friday

Brandi Carlile did an awesome job!  As always she got the crowd going, and I think made a lot of new fans.  They added banjo to “100 years” and it sounded outstanding-I hope I can get hold of that live version!  Also, Brandi ended the 1st song, there was a pause, and it looked like Brandi saw our sign.  Then she said, “Raise Hell” (our sign said– Raise Hell Brandi), there was another pause–then they played “Raise Hell.”  I’m pretty sure because of our sign.  So that was awesome.  She also did a rockin’ cover of Fleetwood Mac and “Nothing Compares to You,” in which the band ROCKED OUT.  It was amazing per the usual.  Though she played as a true opening act, doing covers instead of her own extensive, and popular, catalogue.  But honestly, I like anything Brandi Carlile does, so I didn’t mind at all.

There was a half hour break between sets and our section filled in.

We had seats pretty close to the front (row 13) but any seat at all is better then none.  Except we got surrounded by smokers. row 13-section 104--FriReally?! I guess cause Friday is big for out of staters who have to start going back home on the later days? Go home now!  I absolutely hate smoking, because I have to smell it and stink too.  And Cool hates it because her mom (who smoked for 40 years) is on Oxygen due to severe COPD.  And it was on all sides and disgusting and obnoxious. And since they were also drunk (I had never noticed before that everyone is) they had no consideration and chain-smoked puffing right on us.  Gross!

Cool was seated by Mr. Obnoxious. He was a drunk smoker, he was loud and pushy, and he crowded both of us out of our space. Like far away, so that the people on the other side of me were skewed also and complaining.  Cool was in front of my seat and I had to cram between my seat and the person on the other side of me.

When Dave Matthews got on stage, we held up our poster.  But Cool tried to pull it down after only .4 seconds.  And I was like, what’s going on–hold up our awesome poster!  She refused, not wanting to hold it at all.  She tried to renege on holding up our poster 😦 Which had been her idea, and we worked hard on it, and it looked amazing, and I had to carry it around in the wind pre-show.  But she wouldn’t.  Damper #3 was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I became infuriated and disappointed with her. I was really pissed at her and it really made my time worse then it could have been.

stage--brown-plum

 

The setlist was great. We were at the Gorge! We had seats! Yet, things weren’t right with Cool and me, so it sucked.  I almost cried when “our song” “Crush” got played.  We were not in a good place, so it was really sad and sucky.  And the band played every sexy and romantic song they had because Dave’s wife and kids were in the audience–so fighting with Cool was the worst!

stage--red

But I was really mindful about tuning out the extraneous (anger/disappointment in Cool, SUPER-Douche crowd around us, and non-stop smoking) and look at the lighting, the band, the stage, the sky.  Think about how lucky I was to be there, and in good health, and have seats, and be sober.  Lucky

Still, I ended the night in crocodile tears, very disappointed in how the day was ruined.

Next installment, Saturday of Labor Dave Weekend + Brandi–away from the Gorge.