Best Moments of 2022

I was really grasping at straws for the most part to make this a list. I had to dig deep to think of the good times.

#21 Best thing:

Pride Parade was neutral. It Rained hard for a long time. We were soaked and chilly.

The police were good sports when the gays decorated them–they didn’t hate it. They DID refuse glitter though 😛

Despite the rain (and Cool’s event anxiety) we looked awesome.

#20 Best thing:

ScarecrowFest was neat. The entire town had sponsered scarecrows, and they were everywhere! We got to vote for our favorite on the website. Though as of yesterday (12/31) they still had not posting the result of the vote…

#19 Best thing:

I was in a totally different market at work:  (Jan-July/Aug) as extra help and that took me away from Jogre and KDouche-Finally! My interim supervisor was the best!!! He was communicative, friendly, and helpful. Good help was available, training was more frequent. They treated me nice, and so did everyone in that market (until I was actually transferred to their team permanently). I had really high confidence and hope that my work problems were over. [I didn’t know at the time it was a bait and switch…]. I was happy at work for half the year. 

#18 Best thing:

Zoo for Cool’s bday was fun.

This is not a zoom lens. You actually get this close to the penguins and the puffins!

It’s not higher because we got lost on the way back to the car, and walked (unplanned) 8 miles around sketchy areas in the heat and humidity.

#17 Best thing:

You-pick farm was low-key and fun. Flowers were beautiful. 

#16 Best thing:

Went permanent for the new market after the Sup said she doesn’t regulate OT. I was relieved and hopeful. 

At the time this was extremely good news. I would be away from Jogre and KDouche forever! Little did I know this sup was an even more aggressive narcissist. But for the time, it was really, really good news and a relief.

#15 Best thing:

Narwahls

They have alcohol slushies, and they do a flight. And also… Adorable!

Don’t I look miserable and tired, P.S.? This was after the moving ambush, packing frenzy, driving across 4 states, and sleeping on concrete. But the slushy was really good.

#14 Best thing:

Got a shamrock shake in the town of Shamrock TX when we were on our moving road trip. The milkshake machine worked!!!

#13 Best thing:

Randalls

#12 Best thing:

Music was pretty good again this year and I was on top of my ranking which felt good. 

Thanks to Taylor Swift for forcing me to finish it by Oct. It actually really helped (though I STILL have to do Weezer’s winter installment.

#11 Best thing:

Loft Landlord offered to let us sign a lease early to lock in same price for the next 19mo. We signed longer in order to move in better weather. 

We started asking about the price for renewal early, not wanting to be taken by surprise again. And I knew I needed to start packing and making reservations for storage and moving trucks by November. . . Having moving PTSD, I was very stressed and unprepared to pack all of our stuff again. And we had not recovered from 500 Move (Glendale, AZ) or our work CoL paycut. So even though there’s been car break-ins, burglary, fights that escalated to brandishing, a car on fire, rapes, and a full-on 12 person gun fight–I was relieved. I couldn’t pack and do all the moving logistics, make all the change of address calls, find a place, etc… so soon. And the money wouldn’t allow it-not in ideal way anyway. So it feels good to be locked into this rental price and to have some stability for the next year and a half.

#10 Best thing:

Halloween movie marathon! 

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#9 Best thing:

Cool got her music on Spotify and Apple Music and other platforms!!!

This has been a long term goal and she made it happen this year. I am so PROUD of her. Take a listen to ManiK Fox. Follow on social media, as she is always making music and art. She has two albums up right now with more to come. I got to help name a couple songs on the first album, so that’s pretty neat too. And the second album has a song with the characteristics of each astrological sign, so January is the perfect time to check it out.

#8 Best thing:

After 13 years we ordered rings.

Wedding rings, commitment rings, whatever you want to call it. Cool and I don’t need papers, of licenses, or rings to legitimize what we have together. We could never afford it before, but made it a priority this year.

The rings are made of dinosaur bones/fossils! Cool’s will have stegosaurus and mine has T-rex. And they have actual meteor (is everything else second best after that meteor strike??!) in them. Mine (my planet in the moon) will have lunar meteor in it. And they’ll have beveled edges so they don’t look like a Claire’s ring.

It’s so low on the list because they won’t come for 10 weeks (in late March 2023).

#7 Best thing:

Double pained windows 

It’s toward the top of the list because it allows temperature control. We’ve always had drafty, single pane windows and a sliding glass door which do nothing for the cold or heat. So the double panes allow us to be more comfortable, and also lower the utility, which is a top priority for me. We always wanted double-pane windows, but could never afford that type of rental before! So Yay(?) random (gun) violence for making this loft affordable.

Except for the one drafty one (yup, that’s snow/ice/frost on the INSIDE):

And of course one of the items stolen from our storage was a window plastic kit…

#6 Best thing:

song analysis

well, you’ve seen.

At some points, analyzing songs was the ONLY thing that would stop my ruminations. It was one time I was relatively calm, and thinking about something else. Writing was a bright spot, and I wish I could get some type of income from writing from home.

#5 Best thing:

Finally found Goose a good vet

We have gone through FOUR (5 if you count my last vet job where the vet didn’t GAF) where the vets were too busy to care. Exams were done in the back, blood pressures half-assed or not done at all. Goose was treated like a checklist and I was treated as a nuisance.

But Dr. Ervin LISTENED. He took TIME to do things properly. He was professional and kind. Goose and I love him!

#4 Best thing:

Got $2800 from renters insurance for 500 Move (out of literally $10k paid directly to 500 move, and probably $5000 of damage/lost/stolen items) But it was something! 

It was very easy to complete the claim too (unlike 500 Move). You just select your items from an amazon-like link.

#3 A,B,C Best things:

Brandi in KC-close enough to walk and next door to the zoo!

And at the zoo, you got to go right in with the kangaroos! No fences between us at all. And no staff was even in there watching. It was amazing! This pic is actually how close we got (don’t worry, we stayed on the path, as advised by the signs).

The AirBnB was within walking to the venue. No lateness phobia! No parking! No paying to park! No having to wait to leave or messing around with drunk drivers trying to get out of the venue! We just ate at home, walked through the neighborhood, and walked right up. As a result we were first in our line (which is not usually my luck).

#2 Best thing:

The 4 cats were perfect angels on the car ride and in hotels during the move.

They were almost entirely quiet during the car ride. And we had charcoal liners in their carriers, so when baby Angus had to go at a very inopportune time on the road it wasn’t a big deal. He tried very hard to hold it, then harder to tell us he was about to have an accident. When we coaxed him to just pee nobody smelled it and no one was wet!

And it was the best they’ve ever done in a hotel. Goose gets angsty and stressed out in hotels and won’t sleep-or let us sleep. Once, he was so unhappy about a car ride that he peed on my hotel pillow! And he NEVER inappropriately urinates. And in the past, C.L. yowled the whole car ride and was wandery and unsettled in the hotel.

I was ready for the worst. If two cats made for a bad trip, 4 were going to be miserable! But more cats actually helped. It was like they calmed each other. The sat in pairs in the car and like I said, everyone was just cozy. And they SLEPT in both hotels. It was more than I could expect from 4 babies, and I was so PROUD of them. And relieved to listen to podcasts instead of meows in the car. And very pleased to sleep at night, instead of trying to calm stressed out cats. Oh, and NO meds, ZERO substances. Just more cats than before.

#1 Best thing:

It was bad: I felt hopeless, depressed, anxious, uncertain, and constant dread. I knew there was no way out without upsetting my whole life, probably getting less money, and likely having to go to an office, and I didn’t want that. So I remained in the company, just on edge and paranoid and unhappy. BUT out of nowhere the corporation moved me away from my narcissist supervisor back to the other side of the company! And NOT to Jogre’s team. I did not have to do anything or say anything. Everyone (including, and especially MNarc) was upset about the yanking, and lack of communication, and the timeline (NOW, NOW, NOW!), but it solved all my problems in one swift action! I automatically felt a million times better. I am able to think about things other than work. I don’t have required overtime every weekday, or holiday hours to work. And I don’t have to put up with being abused anymore. It feels good, and I want 2023 to be calm and peaceful!

Question… Dancing with our Hands Tied Connection- who is 25 years old? [Part 18]

Remember we’re looking at words in the lyrics of Question… to try to decipher who and what and when.

We’ve almost gone through the entire song, pulling lyrics containing the same words to get a sort of consensus or feeling about Taylor’s intention.

Now that we’re toward the end of Question… lyrics, we need to address the central part of the song: Kiss in a crowded room. And the kiss really brings to mind Dancing with our Hands Tied and maybe Kissgate.

We will analyze Dancing with our Hands Tied to see if it parallels Question….

Except this particular line within Dancing with our Hands Tied got a bit long because I really don’t know for sure and there was no solid direction to take the analysis. I will go into it in detail in this post so the guesses don’t overwhelm the analysis of the song as a whole.

And I’ll spell out my conclusions from this post in the full analysis of Dancing with our Hands Tied.

Then we’ll get back to the end of Question…

Was that explanation as confusing as trying to guess who Taylor’s songs are about?

I tried to exhaust the possibilities of who Taylor might be talking about and on what timeline here:

10/16/02 John Mayer turned 25.

2/9/06 Tom Hiddleston turned 25.

2006 Emily Poe (21yo) and Taylor (16yo) met.

Dec 2006 Liz Huett (19yo) and Taylor (17yo) met.

2008 Julianna Hough (20yo) and Taylor (18yo) met.

Jan 2009 Calvin Harris turned 25yo

March 2009 John Mayer (32yo) and Taylor (19yo) met.

Emily was 25 in 2010.

Oct 2010 Jake Gyllenhaal (29yo) and Taylor (20yo) met.

Dianna was 25 in April 2011.

*9/5/11 Taylor (22yo) and Dianna (25yo) met.

Lilly Donaldson turned 25 in Jan 2012

*4/23/12 Swiftgron Anniversary(?) Dianna is still 25yo for 7 more days and Taylor is 22yo.

Liz Huett turned 25 in May 2012.

Julianna Hough turned 25 in 2013.

2013 Taylor (23yo) and Lilly D. (26yo) met.

3/6/14 the Karlie (21yo) and Taylor (24yo) Big Sur trip, and possibly their anniversary.  

*12/4/14 Kissgate occurred.  Taylor was turning 25 years old 9 days later.

Taylor was mostly 25 years old in 2015:

*Feb 2015 Calvin Harris (31yo) and Taylor (25yo) met.

2/13/15, best friends video.

*Feb-Mar 2015, Kaylor Vogue cover. Karlie is 22yo and Taylor is 25yo.

In response to the honeymoon cover-

2/16/15 Dianna (28yo) and Karlie (22yo) are in the same room.

May 2015, Karlie (22yo) is featured boxing in the Bad Blood video.

June 2015, Karlie (22yo) is featured on stage as part of the Squad for Reputation tour in London.

Aug 2015, Karlie (23yo) was invited as part of the Squad to the VMAs

Nov 2015, Karlie (23yo) is prominent at VSFS with Taylor (25yo) singing Style both wearing pink.

Joe Alwyn turned 25 in Feb 2016.

5/1/16 Tom Hiddleston (35yo) and Taylor (26yo) met.

Oct 2016 Reputation recording begins.

March 2017 Reputation recording is finished.

Karlie was 25 in Aug 2017.

Nov 2017 the song was released when Taylor was 27yo.

I think there is a plausible deniability cover story and 4 likely possibilities of who this line is about (in chronological order):

4/23/12:

At age 25 Dianna “first” met Taylor (publicly).  She was still 25yo on the suspected Swiftgron Anniversary.  

P.S. I don’t know that much about Swiftgron, but that random Shirley McClane birthday party (SMBP) is confusing to me (if that’s the real event).  Why?!!  So they had a party for some older actress they don’t know, and that’s not in attendance?  And the dress code was random glamour-jammies and flower crowns?  Is Shirley McClane into that stuff–I don’t get it  

BUT in the context of a super-secret wedding (or similar event) the outfits and party make a lot more sense to me.  Maybe this is already known down in the rabbit-hole…  But I think the SMBP was cover for the actual event–a wedding-type event.

12/4/14:

Some slight rounding of 9 days to Taylor’s 25th birthday when Kissgate occurred. 

2015:

Taylor could be talking about the whole year this person was 25 years old. The year Taylor was mostly (25yo) was a really loud Kaylor time:  Best friends video, Vogue honeymoon cover, boxing in the Bad Blood video, featured on the Reputation tour stage and at the VMAs as part of the squad, and the VSFS Style rose flush performance, +++. 

March 2015:

March 6 is the suspected Kaylor anniversary (Big Sur trip 3/6/14). This would be their one year anniversary, and it’s significant, because very couply, wedding-looking, sexy bedroom pics were shared with the world. That March that very honeymoon Vogue cover and spread came out. It’s a big deal for Taylor to look fruity on main.

Oct 2016:

Joe Alwyn happened to be 25 years old when Taylor started recording the Reputation album that this song from.  Seems like a possible cover for the subject of the song.

Bears Don’t Live on Deserted Islands: My Analysis of “Swiss Army Man” [Spoiler Warning]

For my birthday, we went to an Independent theater and saw the Sundance Film, “Swiss Army Man.”  Let’s just get all talking/jokes about farting out of the way now–that’s not really the central theme of the movie–or this blog.  When you’re watching this movie, you have to “buy in” very early or you’ll hate it.  The film is like one of the whimsical paintings I like, but in a film format.  The reality is altered/fanciful, the shots are jerky, the characters (one is a literally dead guy) in their own little world where physics and time aren’t invited.  You could watch the entire film, and just feel like it was a random string of crazy events.  BUT after much thought, I found a linear plot and meaning.

The supporting evidence:

-When Hank first sees the body, and rides him out in the ocean, then the film cuts back to him with his face on the sandy beach.  Is it a new beach?  Is he somehow back at the same beach?

-random garbage appears in the place–all the time.  Everywhere they are.  I know the ocean has trash, but THIS MUCH???

-Hank looks scruffy as if he’s been in this deserted place for a long time.  His beard is long and he’s dirty.  Yet, he has no survival skills.  He doesn’t know how to make tools to hunt or fish with and he eats bad berries so he doesn’t have a good grip of foraging.  How has he survived this long without having any skills?

-toward the middle of the film, a (grizzly?) bear attacks.  Where is this place where a tropical white sand beach is attached to the woods?

-they travel, travel, travel and end up in the love interest’s back yard

-there are space/time descrepencies regarding the island, such as at the end when Hank is back in society, they are both in the yard with other people, then everyone runs through the forest, but finally everyone is back at the beach.  and Manny goes back to the ocean.

-After Hank is discovered, he rides the body down one hill behind her back yard–and there are his crafts and trash-projects!  He has been right behind her house the whole time-creeper.

_____

Given these factors, I decided there is no physical island in the movie at all.  And that fact changes the whole movie doesn’t it?  We’re not just in suspended disbelief–this is a perspective story.  Hank’s POV.  The island is a metaphor for how Hank feels/Hank’s thoughts.  He is on a self-imposed deserted island because he feels weird/lonely/stigmatized by society.  This is a movie like the 6th Sense or Memento–we are watching through the lense of whatever mental illness (anxiety/depression, love-obsessed stalker, anti-social personality, skitzophrenia???) Hank has.

Let’s re-examine the above factors:

-When Hank first sees the body, and rides him out in the ocean, then the film cuts back to him with his face on the sandy beach.  Is it a new beach?  Is he somehow back at the same beach?

*Hank was in the middle of committing suicide when the film opens, and he sees a dead body.  A lot of people with mental illness are at risk for suicide.  Seeing the dead body, somehow gives Hank something else to think about other then how he feels.  The body makes him interested in something so he changes his mind about suicide.  Then, as Hank’s mind settles a little, and he doesn’t feel so alone, we see Hank “leaving the deserted island” via the body.  But there is no real personal connection between Hank and this body (yet) so the exit off the island is brief and Hank wakes up back on his deserted island, isolated the way it all started.

-random garbage appears where Hank is

*I won’t go into the more obvious symbolism of trash in the movie, but I’ll talk about how the trash proves location.  At the end, Sarah recognizes her own diary in Hank’s belongings/crafts.  It’s the same diary she happened to be writing in when Hank took the pic of her on the bus.  It shows that Hank has been behind her house, squirreling away her trash the whole time.  All the crafts and stuff are made from her trash!  And that has a more creepy/sinister vibe.

-toward the middle of the film, a (grizzly?) bear attacks

*I don’t know everything about bears, but I’m pretty sure they never live on tropical deserted islands.  This was the primary reason I “got” the film.  The terrain in this deserted changes from beginning to end of the film.  We start out at white sand beaches, go through the forest, over bodies of water, hear a road, then we’re in a back yard.  If all Hank had to do was walk, then why was he so desperate to commit suicide at the beginning?  Also, I wouldn’t think you’d make the effort to kill yourself in a deserted island situation–nature would do it for you.  You’d soon starve, or dehydrate.  If you were desperate on an island, and no longer cared if you lived or died, wouldn’t you just make some sort of last ditch heroic effort to get back to people?

-Hank looks scruffy as if he’s been in this deserted place for a long time.  His beard is long and he’s dirty.  Yet, he has no survival skills.  He doesn’t know how to make tools to hunt or fish with and he eats bad berries so he doesn’t have a good grip of foraging.  How has he survived this long without having any skills?

*Really, Hank didn’t have to know survival skills because the desertion was in his head.  He was physically camping near Sarah’s house and scrounging in her garbage.  Which is why Cheetos and alcohol make it to the deserted place, when in reality it would be implausible for one of those items, and probably impossible to get enough trash to literally survive upon.  Also, the beard.  In the beginning, on the island, Hank’s beard is long and scruffy.  As he and Manny open up and gain a camaraderie–Hank is clean-shaven.  Yet we are never shown how.  I think the hair is part of feeling like an outcast hermit so when he has someone else, Hank no longer feels like that and the symbol of being outcast hermit also just disappears.

-they travel, travel, travel and end up in the love interest’s back yard

and

-there are space/time dependencies regarding the island, such as at the end when Hank is back in society, they are both in the yard with other people, then everyone runs through the forest, but finally everyone is back at the beach.  and Manny goes back to the ocean.

*You start to notice that the more intimacy that is gained between the dead body and Hank, the less deserted the island becomes (we go from isolated white sand beach, to forest, to water, see bears, hear cars, and finally see a little girl in a back yard).  The entire film is about these two buddies traveling back to society.  It takes the whole time!  Yet, at the end, Hank rides Manny’s body out of Sarah’s yard, down one hill, through some water and he’s back on the white sand beach.  It shows how Hank started out in self-imposed isolation in his mind (but physically camping behind Sarah’s house), then as he found an ally, left that isolated place his mind had created.  The more they talk, the more secrets come into the open, and the more comfortable Hank gets with being “other/weird.”  His mind is now a forest.  Not quite the isolation or loneliness of a deserted island, but still removed from society.  Then, Hank and Manny are best friends and understand each other.  Hank’s mind has reintegrated with society and he will take a chance and talk to Sarah.  But then, he sees his father, who is ashamed.  He sees Sarah is alarmed, and the world is a scary place again where Hank is the weird one.  All the progress he made with Manny recedes and his mind takes him back out of the yard, through the forest, on the isolated white beach.  And with the exit of Manny into the ocean–to an altered reality.  It’s (the physical location is actually inside Hank’s own mind) cemented when we see the change in Hank’s father demeanor.  When Hank’s mind is back in reality (he is physically and mentally in a yard) his father leans against the truck–ashamed at what has happened and who his son is.  But when Manny goes back into the ocean, and hank is arrested the father smiles.  It’s because Hank’s mind has gone back to his safe place, and in it Hank can fantasize his father is happy and proud of him–because it’s not reality anymore.  Hank is free of societal restrictions on the island/in the ocean fantasy.

-After Hank is discovered, he rides the body down one hill behind her back yard–and there are his crafts and trash-projects!  He has been right behind her house the whole time-creeper.

*This is the biggest clue the audience is given to Hank’s mind/physical body being different.  When we watch the movie, yes everything is strange, but the shows, and crafts, books, and reenactments are normalized.  We aren’t repulsed by any of it, because we bought in.  When we are out of Hank’s head at the end, and see the same items through the lens of Sarah’s perspective, the crafts and trinkets suddenly look garish and creepy.  She realizes he’s back there doing weird stuff with her garbage.  She knows some random stranger saw her on the bus, took a cell phone pic, found out where she lives, and is now camping there are doing strange projects with her garbage.  She looks horrified.

_____________

So even though I, also, sat in that theater and said, “What the fuck?”  as the lights came back on–I liked the movie.  The more I thought about it, and discussed the plot after the movie, the more it made sense.  And when it made sense, it suddenly had a linear plot that was more likable than that string of random happenings.  I like a movie you have to think about.  And Swiss Army Man has no shortage of metaphor’s, symbols, and discrepancies to make the audience do just that.  I recommend you give it a chance and watch the film–just do me a favor and stop with all the fart jokes.

Just A Body [Prequel Bb]

That’s exactly how I feel in my line of work.  I suppose it’s common, and I am a lot better off then many.  Some jobs make no bones about not giving a crap about their employees what-so-ever.  But still.  It hurts.  And I don’t want it to.  I don’t want it to affect me at all.  This job is not my life or identity anymore.  This stint does not matter to my life.  That’s what I tell myself anyway.

–>I wrote most of this post in the past, but I’m posting it today–my birthday–because it’s relevant<–

And it continues on.  Because when I’m slighted, then I’m not willing to comment on THEIR personal lives either.  And that’s not the kind of person I want to be, but if you open yourself up and be the way you see yourself ideally–it just hurts more when they STILL don’t care.  And so I just go in and do my job.  So I’m sure they think it’s MY deal.  Which isn’t how I roll, or how I want to, just protection for myself.

And I have learned.  Before, I was devastated when the employers and co-workers I gave so much of my heart, my time, and my life to proved not to give a $hit about me.  Other then sucking every last drop of work out of me, that is.  Now I’m fully aware that these people only see me as a body to get the job done.  They don’t actually like my personality or care about me as a person.

-Birthdays.

It’s petty, and I don’t want to notice it or be angry–but I do.  Birthdays are important to me.  When I was turning 28, I would mention my birthday countdown throughout the entire year.  And nothing was said/done for my big day.  I just figured it was the age discrepancy–everyone at work was over 40.  So I thought it sucked, but at that time nobody said or did anything for anyone else.  And nobody else even really disclosed when their big day was.  And this year, nobody so much as gave me a verbal happy birthday for my big, milestone 30th birthday.  BUT the other tech was given balloons and dessert for hers.  The 2nd doctor that shys away from birthday attention, was fawned over and told by everybody happy birthday.  And this week, our receptionist got a cake and special apple cider for hers.  What happened, and why was I still the odd man out?  It’s telling.

-My really important talent show.

An event that was very meaningful to me.  Of course, nobody came even though I invited everybody.  But nobody even wished me luck, asked me about it afterwards, or mentioned the dance itself–it’s on Facebook and YouTube.  I think that sucks, and even if you don’t give a crap–out of politeness alone, you inquire about the super-important things.  Instead those people spit on me.

-Safety.

It was only a matter of time.  I get to work early in the morning (like 30-75 min earlier than anyone else), when it is still dark outside, and our neighborhood is mostly quiet.  Usually, I park on a side-street.  I have no problem walking to the door–any exercise I can squeeze in my day is a good thing.  But someone started messing with Rusty (my car).  It happened on a Saturday morning.  And I know when someone tries to break in, because my alarm will tone three times on unlock instead of two, and the blue light will flash more.  I thought it was a fluke and parked there Monday morning.  The alarm had gone off again.  I wondered if my alarm was broken or my doors weren’t closing properly or something.  So I paid close attention next time I locked up.

It didn’t happen at school.  And it never happened at home.  When I parked on that same side street Tuesday–it happened a third time.  So Wednesday, I moved to a different side-street.  Someone tampered with my car there too!  It was making me very nervous.  I felt like someone must be watching me in the morning.  Because it didn’t happen if it was light outside or when I pulled up in the middle of the day.  Was someone being a jerk and just messing with me?  Was someone actually trying to get into to my car?  And to do what?  Was that same person intending on robbing me?  Or worse?  I just didn’t know.  And when I parked on the main street, it didn’t occur.  So I began parking, in front of work–not in either of the two street-side spaces immediately adjacent to our driveway, but in a third.  I leave by 10AM so I figured it would be fine.  And no one messed with my car or me.  But this morning, my boss told me not to park there.  They don’t give a Fu(k about my well-being, and it infuriated me that instead of talking to the Douche who owns the store across the street who parks in our closest street-side spot (while his customers have there own marked 5 min parking spots), she makes me move.  If I get mugged, molested, or murdered walking farther in the dark, with some sinister person out there–at least our clients won’t have to walk far and my boss won’t have to have a confrontation with the neighbor. . .

Injury:

A coworker got bit–which is a very real, and frequent possibility of the job.  But instead of the doctors extending sympathy, it was mostly annoyance and self-protection.  One doctor stood by and watched the gal get bit up, then was annoyed/mad at the gal for not screaming/fussing/saying aloud that she was being bit (umm duh?).  My boss told us to make sure we were ready for an OSHA inspection and made the comment, “Doesn’t she have her OWN doctor?” when told the gal had to have 2 recheck appointments after her initial visit.  I wanted to say, of course she doesn’t, because you don’t offer us part-time employees health insurance, and now both of us have spent MORE money in worker’s comp. . .

Nothing is huge here, but it’s an additive affect.  Many incidents over time, a particularly callous boss, forgotten things–it just grows into a larger problem the more it persists.  Those are just some examples of how vet workers are just a dime a dozen, expendable labor.  We have some skills, but apparently none important enough that we can’t be easily replaced.  It’s a problem.

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2013 Recap: Best Moments

I don’t want to make my followers crazy by publishing a super-overabundance of posts all the time.  So I had to choose today’s post carefully.  I decided on this all-important last day of the year, I would pick my top moments of 2013 to talk about.  I have so many looking back and looking forward type posts in que through.  I wrote my 2013 resolution results post, but it became very long, so I sperated it into the various sections.  Which made 5(?) posts.  And then, of course I have 2014 Resolutions.  And the music I listened to most in 2013.  But then I have the new 2013 album releases post.  And I want to make a big post about strategies of how I plan to go about accomplishing my 2014 goals.  Maybe I will make a New Year kind of post every day of the month in January.  Because that’s the way it’s looking.  I like it–I hope I doesn’t make you guys irate.  Anyway, without further adou, the very favorite of my moments in 2013, from 10th most important to super-best-time-ever-of-the-year!

10.  Keeping my 4.0 GPA in school.  Very important to me.  And not all that easy to do, so it garners a spot on the big list.  I only hope it will also be here next year too. . .

9.  Spa weekend & camping in the living room.  Grocery Outlet beauty/grooming items, massage, foot soaks, spa treatments, and healthful cooking.  Home spas are a heck of a lot less awkward with your mate and more affordable at home.  And camping included, sleeping on the air mattress in the living room, eating microwave s’mores, and watching “The Great Outdoors.”  A good time was had!  I had wanted to have theme weekends all summer, with varying items.  We made it to two before running out of ideas, then motivation.  But these 2 were so fun!  We saved money by staying home as well, which I always like.  I will try to start brainstorming now so we can have more this next summer.  I just thought of music.  And a crafty weekend.  There’s the first month for us.

8.  Walla Walla big 30th Birthday.  I was really looking forward to this milestone birthday.  This one is probably due to the great anticipation and the weight I placed on this age.  It’s a big deal to me.  And I always love Walla Walla for the wine country and quaint small town feel–as well as the beautiful Palouse views.  The only reason this items fell relatively low on the list is Cool was mixed state, manic, or cycling (who can tell?) at the time and had no money and she acted like a jerkelsteilskin frequently because of the bipolar.  But I looked good, wasn’t at work, and got a true wine tour–so it was still pretty fun.

7.  Seeing a moose up close.  Terribly exciting!  It came right in the yard while I was house-sitting for my boss.  And it ranks only 7th, because when it happened, I was worried the aggressing dog was about to DIE.  And on account of that I did not get a (good) picture.

6.  Green Bluff.  I think Peach-Fest was my favorite this year, though we got to go relatively frequently.  I like everything about Green Bluff.  The farm feel, picking/eating my own food, taking pictures, and supporting non-Monsanto produce.  It’s my favorite thing about Washington State (even beating the Fremont neighborhood, I think?!), and always a new adventure when we go.  Oh, wait–it couldn’t possibly beat Pike Place Market for WA fave, or adventure, but it’s the best thing Eastern, and a close second (because the Gorge isn’t as cheap or accessable = #3).

5.  Parasailing in CdL.  Wow!  We sort of did this one on a whim.  And it wasn’t what I expected at all.  No adrenaline was involved, just peace.  I got great pics, and had a really fun time with Cool.  It was really relaxing–until the dip at least!  I would do this one again any time, and I’ll never forget it.

 

4.  Labor Dave weekend, including the concert, tail-gating prior to entry, exploring mid-WA during the first half of the day, hiking down to the Columbia River, camping near Feathers, and playing the setlist game with Cool.  The whole thing was fun, and I really like that it wasn’t just about drinking, or even music.  We spent a large majority of the day just appreciating the nature of mid-Washington.  Everyone was in a good (and stable) mood and that’s the best.  I love this concert and the time spent with Cool so much.  It’s totally OUR thing.  But next year–SEATS.  There will be no more GA at Dave for us.

 

3.  Clogging at my school’s Talent Show.  Who knew I missed dancing so much?  The thing that made this so great was the fact it was all mine.  I picked the song.  I wrote the dance.  And I rocked the performance.  I felt really great about the whole thing, and am excited to choreograph my next dances when time allows.  Winter break is for getting ahead with textbook reading, scholarship and application tasks, taxes/FAFSA, shopping for a semester, and winter cleaning/organizing.  See what I mean?  Four and a half weeks SOUNDS long, but there’s not enough time.  But when I do, I will be sure to do some more clogging dances.

2.  Bringing Goose home.  Not the actual hotel stay though.  Being sleep-deprived is never my favorite–though seeing Boise with my parents and Cool was extra fun (even tired).  So finally!  I get to have all my buddies in the same state.  I missed him very much, and worried.  Also, this little item improved my relationship with my parents exponentially.  I am enjoying having happiness and closeness with them again–I missed that too.  And Goose is beautiful inside and out.  He’s home ❤

1.  Hands down–getting Forster-Fridays “off” of work.  I just can’t convey what a relief this is to me.  So much weight/stress/anxiety was lifted from me when this happened.  I feel so much more uplifted, positive, and hopeful!  Even though I didn’t believe it would actually happen or stick, and even though the social fall out was. . .  Special.  I love being away from that horrid day (most of it–I’m still there for 3-4 hours) even at the cost of having ALL early mornings, daily tiredness, and being locked in this city.  Still, totally worth it.  This is the item that really enables me to quit drinking.  I love my new schedule more then anyone could know.  I would write/say a big thank you to my boss if it wasn’t poking the bear, or jinxing it. It was sort of a chilled out year, but still good.

I think I learned that you don’t have to spend a lot of money or take a lot of time away from work to have excellent moments.  I think 2014 will continue along that train of thought:  I have to work all day on my birthday, and Walla Walla is out of the question.  But maybe my parents will follow-though on visiting us, and that’s always a good time.  There will be the big, super-special yearly event of Labor Dave Weekend (with seats!), plenty of Green Bluff, and maybe a trip to The German (if we’re lucky), but other then that, we’ll make our own good times.  Even if it means being HERE for another year.

Related articles

• Best moments of 2013 (aaronsnowblog.wordpress.com)
• 2013 – A Year in Pictures (brunchwithamber.com)

 

I’m Disappointed. . . In Me

It seems when you fail, and keeping failing that there’s a cross-roads.  Take some large action to un-do and reverse, or easier–just let go and drop the rest of the way down.  September was kind of like that for me.  OK, I wrote this dreary kind of self-punishing post last week.  Since I have re-evaluated.  I think September was a case of needing balance.  I oscillated between being much too easy on myself, then much too hard.  A person can only be ultra-disciplined for so long before they wear out.  And when I wore out, I relaxed.  But too much, because the relaxing had been so put off and the discipline was so strict that I needed MORE relaxing–see a pattern?  Finally, I did too.  So I’ll edit some of the more bleak/tough on myself aspects of this one, knowing that in October I need more of an even split between discipline and relaxation.

Water.  None.  Probably in the whole month, I drank no water.  When I do it makes me have to pee–which my schedule just doesn’t allow for.  Or it disrupts my sleep.  What to do?  I guess, because this goal is important to me I need to find a way.  Water, helps you still hydrated, which keeps you looking younger and feeling better.  It helps fill your stomach so you don’t feel as hungry.  It’s better than drinking other things.  But when to do it?  Let’s see, I suppose I could drink, drink, drink at work in the mornings–as long as I stop when work ends at 10 AM so I can make it through class.  Then, immediately after class (but no later) drink some more.  OK, I will go back to giving this an honest effort.  Maybe today at Costco I’ll get some sort of legit water bottle or thermos instead of using the 6 mo old Gatorade bottle that I have at work. . .  I totally got a cute, non-spill thermos-type cup for work/school water-drinking purposes!  I’ll report back in October and we’ll see if it helped.

Running.  I have good intentions.  I want to–really I do.  But when school becomes a factor there just isn’t any more time.  It takes a back seat to study/work/sleep.  Then, once there’s a gap in track days it becomes almost impossible to get my booty out there.  Add in cold/wet weather and fighting for space at the community college = not happening.  The outside running season is just over.  One day, when I’m rich I’ll either have a gym in my house or a membership.  For now–I resign myself to let this one slip in the interest of grades.  What I will do is study my flashcards (per the usual) at a FASTER speed on the treadmill.  I always study on the treadmill to kill two birds, but usually at 3.0-3.5.  I’ll make an effort to ramp up the intensity.  Also, I can try to jog on the treadmill while Cool quizzes me or during a show.  Thirdly, I can still do a little Wii-Fit, clogging, stretching, or intervals here & there.  I was pretty good this weekend about also climbing hills and walking fast when Cool and I were watching horror movies (we love fall).  Except, the belt gets really hot on my bare feet so I’m pretty sure this treadmill is about to die 😦  Hopefully without catching fire or burning somebody badly before it does.  I don’t know which is worse, having to buy a new Craigslist treadmill or carrying this one down the stairs and a new one up the stairs. . .  Oh treadmill, please hold out for 2 more years.

Work.  I will stop being so nervous.  That’s all.  If they do revert my schedule, I know what I have to do.  And that’s all.  I can’t constantly worry and try to accomplish the work of three people to prove my “worth” to them.  It’s telling when our receptionist gets a big basket of flowers after her dog’s euthanasia (Sloppy = nothing) and the newer tech gets balloons and donuts (me = nothing for 3 years) for her birthday.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need for these people to like me or anything, and want to take the personal out of work all-together–it’s just telling of their attitudes towards me, that’s all.  And regarding my work ethic and schedule:  If they don’t know by now that I’m a worthy employee, well then they will just never know, and no action on my part will convince them.  Time to let the finger take over for me on this one. . .  Re-edit = true story and I’m letting go and letting God because this is too much for me to carry around all the time.

Money.  The one good thing about feeling like I have to do extra just to stay in place at work, is that it garners me more hours.  And more $$$$$  However, now that my undergrad loan ran out of payment options and I MUST pay an extra $200 a month, I’m a little worried about the health insurance I’m also now forced to get.  What happened to “free” health care for everyone?  This was not what I voted for!  I really have to make time to research all this insurance crap so I don’t get into trouble financially.  One.  More.  Thing.  I looked into some options, though I’m ignorant of all the jargon and terminology.  I make too much money (how is that even possible?) for Medicaid.  There’s some alternate (low-income, I think?) option for Medicaid rejects, and in trying to take the screening to see if I qualified for that, I may or may not have signed myself up for some catastrophe insurance that really is no different from the no coverage I have now–except if I’m hit by a bus.  What.  a.  Waste.  What happened to all employers paying for this?!

Drinking.  In the month, there has only been a handful of special occasions when I have partaken.  Except, the amounts were not great.  I need to moderate both the instances and quantities.

Cool.  Still dealing with medication/memory issues.  Had a melt-down just yesterday.  We have to help her remember to take all her meds when she is supposed to take them.  Hopefully, we can work out a more reliable system for doing that.  We love fall though, and are excited for Green Bluff, scary movies, and Halloween.  So there’s a motivator to get on, and stay on the right track.  Also, I’m home with her more often now that my schedule has changed, so I can help remind more often.

School.  I slipped a little.  If not just in my mentality.  I still went through all the same motions, but IN my head school was just a little lower priority then it should have been.  I am reformed and straightened out now.  Work doesn’t matter.  Fun is on the back burner.  School is what’s going to move my life along toward my ultimate goals and I am back in it whole-heartedly.  I even worked ahead a little yesterday.  I’ll get more ahead this weekend.  But not too hard-core to where I need a huge break.  I’m going to do study things daily, per the usual, but I can squeeze in an hour of relaxation too.  More balance is called for to break the pattern I’m in.

Food.  When I’m studying and bored or when I’m tired and stressed–it’s really easy to over-do it.  Then, when there’s no time to grocery shop and plan ahead like I should I do things like polish off an entire box of wheat Thins (or Doritoes) in one sitting.  I don’t want to do that.  This makes me crazy, and once you do it–makes it that much easier to do it again.  Food is a slippery slope.  And I have absolutely no self-control.  I need to go to Grocery Outlet–with a list–at least every other week.  And cook things that are at least neutral, if not healthy.  We went grocery shopping, with a list, yesterday.  And I treadmilled after eating my yummy crock-pot taco unhealthiness.  So I felt OK about it.  Now to get out of my jammies and to the Grocery Outlet EVERY week. . .

I did however, do a great job flossing every day.  I guess I just need to remember my biggest goals and plug away at those.  I need to see that even one slip-up doesn’t have to mean letting go of the aspiration entirely.  Stop being perfectionist, because it is counter-productive right now.  [And it makes me need to chill out later–too much] I’m hopeful about establishing more neutrality with a balance of both responsibility and fun next month.

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Putting the “Quick” in Quick-Press

Cool’s birthday weekend:

-birthday on a boat (obligatory)
This year we did the CdL (don’t ask me to spell the crazy name of that Idaho town) sunset cruise. It was very nice, but “buffet” is used very liberally. As I expected it was more of a catered event. 4 salads, 2 sides, 2 entrees, small portion sizes, and one cheesecake does not count as a legit buffet. Nevada girl I am, I’m a stickler about this terminology.

Color Run:
Amazing as expected. I will make an individual post about the deets.

Hike. OK, a day in PJs doing nothing but watching television shows and eating. It was a great time.

Kitties: Loving each other so much. Sleep is not had. So today I was very tired. But in good spirits, anyway. It’s really about the moods of the people you’re with all day–and today was a good mood overall.

I’ll post tomorrow after a good sleep!

The All-Important Facebook Birthday Wish

It’s hard not to gauge this as the end all, friendship test.  You can’t even make the time to jot down a happy birthday on my wall, ON my actual birthday = you’re not worth MY time.

And that is soooooooo silly.  I know it is.  Especially (this is the hypocritical part) when I do not wish ANYone happy birthday.  Because I’m too lazy.  And everyone else does it so I figure it doesn’t matter.  And Facebook keeps moving those damn notifications and I’m tired of searching around for them.

But it makes me think twice when someone I thought cared about me doesn’t/didn’t.  Where was Sarah?  My very best friend just 5 years ago–when I lived in Missouri and before she got a BF.  Where were Dawn and Chelle, my first friends from elementary school, and closet friends at the end of High School?  Where were ANY co-workers from ever?  I worked with various people in the last 12 years and exactly 2 of them (and I have lots, and lots of work people on my friends list) wished my a happy birthday.

It just goes to show A)  Facebook is not a gauge of true relationship status and B) Give your time and energy to those that deserve it.

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It’s My Big 29th Birthday!

Cancer Traits:

-Cancer is a meditative and reflective sign.

-strong survival instinct. They are protective of those they care about, and of themselves too.

-Cancer people are never detached—they cling to things, their home, and people they care for. They seek out security and familiarity in all they do. They look for peace and quiet. Their attachment to all that is safe means they are a little leery of change.

-looking for structure and security.

-They can be overly sensitive, easily hurt and prone to brooding. Even so, Crabs find it easy to be sympathetic to others and are quick to show their affection. Their intuition is also a great help to them, especially in times of stress.

-don’t be surprised if these folks get emotional about things. Those born under this sign wear their heart on their sleeve, which is just fine by them.  Cancer natives are self-protective and sensitive, and often retreat into themselves when hurt.

-they can appear quite defensive, as they can take things quite personally.

-Cancer is a very sensitive sign, and they don’t always appreciate it when you are blunt with them. Their reactions to hurt will depend on how thick a shell they have developed. Most Cancers react by withdrawing or retreating. Some have developed an ability to manipulate others to get what they want. They avoid direct confrontations almost as a rule.

-Cancer communicators’ style is to avoid arguments. But, make no mistake about it, they can provoke arguments easily. They do this in a subtle manner, then get hurt when others argue with them.

-These people can have a hard time compartmentalizing their lives, simply because their watery Moon tends to know no boundaries. Sometimes, as a result, they may act irrationally.

-Cancers are quick to retreat into their shells if it suits their mood. No wonder these folks are called crabby! For Cancer, it’s not that big of a deal, though, since they consider this ‘shell’ a second home (and they do love home). The flip side of this hiding is that shell-bound Crabs are often quite moody.

-If you’ve hurt them, they’ll have a hard time forgetting. Every so often, they’ll retreat into themselves (not unlike a Crab), and it can be difficult to pull them out.

-inclines toward passive-aggressiveness. These people seem to resist change and to shy away from direct confrontations. They need to feel secure before they act.

-Their first instinct, when threatened or on unfamiliar ground, is to protect themselves.

-When new situations present themselves, they can immediately withdraw or act shy.

-They have defensive reactions and bursts of emotional displays when they feel cornered.

-That shell, by the way, isn’t the only tough thing about Crabs. These folks are tenacious and strong-willed and like to get their way. If their well-documented kindness and gentleness doesn’t do the trick, however, they’re not above using emotional manipulation to make things happen. If that still doesn’t work, they’ll just go back to their shell and sulk, or find a way to get back at the source of their pain, since Crabs can be rather vindictive.

-You might notice their memory is a little skewed in the direction of emotion. The truth is, these people remember the mood surrounding all the moments they have stored in their memory. This is because they “feel you out” when you are talking to them. The words are not as important to them as the emotions behind them.

-large potential to be able to get in touch with the feelings and moods of others.

-ranging from sentimentality to possessiveness

-Crabs need to resist the temptation to become selfish or to feel sorry for themselves, since this behavior won’t help.

-Cancers often find that a robust workout session is just the tonic for their touchy feelings.  Since Cancers have a tendency to be lazy, however, they may need someone to push them out the door.

-These folks don’t ask for much, either: a comfortable home and sense of peace about sums it up. It’s that nurturing instinct which makes Cancers a pleasure to be with.

-These peace-loving souls dislike superficiality in all of its forms. They are devoted and accommodating. The insecure ones accumulate things in an attempt to feel secure.

-Cancers are, in fact, quite yielding and soft when you have them in the right mood. They are one of the more hospitable signs of the zodiac. Sure, they can be touchy and indirect, but they are also very dependable, caring souls.

-Do your best to make them feel secure and cared for, and you will be rewarded with a patient, dependable, and loving mate.

-Cancer needs roots. They resist change to an extent, and concern themselves about being secure and safe in most everything they do.

-Because of their strong attachment to, and memory of, the past, others may complain that Moon in Cancer natives tend to whip a dead horse. They may dwell on hurts long after everyone else has moved on. When they feel they have been taken for granted (which may be often!), they don’t always confront others directly. This is when they can use roundabout ways to get your attention. In fact, these natives, when they are insecure, can become quite manipulative. They can also be victims of habit.

-One of the most delightful characteristics of Moon in Cancer people is their loony sense of humor. These people can be extraordinarily funny.

-When treated with tenderness and understanding, Moon in Cancer natives return the favor with warmth and protection. Give them security, and you’ll take the crabbiness out of the Crab, at least for awhile.

-These people are wonderfully dependable overall, despite their occasional mood swings. Make a friend of Moon in Cancer, and you will be taken care of for life.

Can’t Take It Back Now

Yesterday was Cool’s birthday–a very special occasion, indeed. We drove 4+ hours to go (car) camping in the middle of the state where she grew up (for awhile). It was a good time with a river, reading Patrick F. McManus’ outdoor humor books aloud, a little bit of Frisbee, and my first (attempt at building) a campfire.  She was in a good mood, too–which was very nice.

But of course it’s the FOOD that really makes it a birthday/camping/vacation. Is anyone else that way? I ate: Pasta in the morning for breakfast. A grande frappechino for the long drive. Starbursts and Nerds to break up the tedium of the long car ride. Half a bag of Fritos that were much too salty because I was starving and it was too early to build the fire. Beef jerky–because it’s camping food. A cheese hot dog wrapped in a piece of bacon (and the bun, obviously). Maybe 4 s’mores–because it’s rare I get them, and it’s the #1 camping food.

I knew it was a bad scene.  And this morning, we hiked up a huge hill mountain to see a waterfall.  So at least there was a little exercise involved in the camping trip.  What I did not realize until I got home and tried to enter my calories was how many those foods translated to!  As I attempted to remember everything I had eaten, and in what amounts, I realized the situation was far worse than I initially imagined.  By my estimation (which you know people always under-estimate foods and over estimate exercise) I had at least. . .  And this is a literal (probably conservative guess) of calories. . .  5321 calories in ONE day.

I liked it a lot better when I had no real concept of how many calories were in the foods I was consuming so liberally.  And, really, I’m very happy that I don’t need to put a lot of effort into limiting calories, exercising, or watching my weight like a lot of women people do.  I am very blessed to have an outstanding metabolism and no weight problem.  But eating 5,321 accidentally?  It just sounds crazy!  That is horrible!  And at no time did I feel I was binging out or over-eating.  I knew my food choices were poor ones, but I had no idea how quickly those empty calories would add up.  So now I’m just sick over it–even though it was a one day thing and special occasion.  It still feels bad because I can’t UN-eat any of it.  I feel like I should go run 5 miles.