TS Snippets: Ivy is a Kaylor Conversation

In the case of Kissgate and Kaylor, I think Taylor wanted to go to The Lakes and be a private couple, just the two of them.  But I suspect Karlie felt obligated to be with Jo$h, and still wanted to be with Taylor, as attested by Ivy.  There is a back and fourth in that song. Taylor is anxious at the impending doom of Karlie’s wedding (among other things) and Karlie answers, trying to assuage Taylor’s fear of the Ku$hners burning the house down.

The purple highlighted lines are Taylor and the blue highlighted are from Karlie’s perspective:

How’s one to know?
I’d meet you where the spirit meets the bones
In a faith forgotten land
In from the snow
Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow
Tarnished but so grand

Taylor says the love for Karlie is innate.

Taylor has a lot of religious trauma regarding her sexuality and sees sapphic love as ‘unholy’ or putting aside faith.

Taylor’s love had been frozen in the 20 year dark night of the closet.

But Kaylor sparked something in Taylor, even if she feels guilty about it.

And the old widow goes to the stone every day
But I don’t, I just sit here and wait
Grieving for the living

Ever since the Kaylor break-up, Taylor can’t move on. She grieves for Karlie even though she’s still out living her life, because their love died.

Oh, goddamn
My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand
Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another
Oh, I can’t
Stop you putting roots in my dreamland
My house of stone, your ivy grows
And now I’m covered in you

Karlie didn’t choose to fall in love with Taylor, and she acknowledges that falling in love with Taylor is messing up the future that she had long ago planned, but it happened. Karlie is covered in the invasive, inconvenient ivy of Taylor’s love.

I wish to know
The fatal flaw that makes you long to be
Magnificently cursed
He’s in the room
Your opal eyes are all I wish to see
He wants what’s only yours

Karlie wants to know why Taylor feels so bad about her sexuality. She can’t understand the religious guilt Taylor holds.

Karlie says Jo$h is in the room with her, but Taylor is what she wishes to see instead.

Karlie tells Taylor that though Jo$h wants her, Karlie belongs to Taylor, only.

Oh, goddamn
My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand
Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another
Oh, I can’t
Stop you putting roots in my dreamland
My house of stone, your ivy grows
And now I’m covered

Even though Karlie has made a commitment that is soon to start, she says Taylor impacted her and she can’t pretend their love isn’t centered in her life.

Clover blooms in the fields
Spring breaks loose, the time is near
What would he do if he found us out?
Crescent moon, coast is clear
Spring breaks loose, but so does fear
He’s gonna burn this house to the ground

As spring turns to summer an ominous event (wedding? signing a contract?) gets closer.

Taylor is afraid what the Ku$hners could do to her, and to Kaylor if the affair is discovered, or if it continues.

How’s one to know?
I’d live and die for moments that we stole
On begged and borrowed time
So tell me to run
Or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become
And drink my husband’s wine

Karlie lived and died for her affair with Taylor despite an upcoming deadline with Jo$h.

Taylor gets afraid and tells Karlie to just go to the guy.

And Karlie asks Taylor to sit with her, drinking Jo$h’s wine, and wait and see what Kaylor can be.

Oh, goddamn
My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand
Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another
Oh, I can’t
Stop you putting roots in my dreamland
My house of stone, your ivy grows
And now I’m covered in you
And I’m covered in you

Karlie, further says all of this is under Taylor’s control. Karlie’s pain is in Taylor’s freezing hands, but she wants to hold on to Taylor.

So yeah, it’s a fire
It’s a goddamn blaze in the dark
And you started it
You started it
So yeah, it’s a war
It’s the goddamn fight of my life
And you started it
You started it

Taylor couldn’t go along with continuing an affair with a married Karlie because of distress about losing control, apprehension about the unknown, and antipathy of those political associations (Question…  [Part 10]).

Oh, I can’t
Stop you putting roots in my dreamland
My house of stone, your ivy grows
And now I’m covered
In you
In you, you
Now I’m covered in you
In you

The last verse could be applicable to both. The love covered each of them. The love is ruining each one’s previous plans.

Question… EYE Theory (Just Kidding, Really I’m Joking) [Part 9]

Taylor wins the pronoun game.  I’m not even going to try to untangle the speaker/recipient/changing characters in this song.  It was written so convoluted that I haven’t even seen a satisfactory answer to this yet.  Instead, I took lyric snippets from other songs featuring the same word, to get a feeling about Taylor’s sentiment and even subject. Don’t get overwhelmed with the length of this post.  The word I’m trying to point-out from Question… lyrics is highlighted. 

It’s just a question

Half-moon eyes, bad surprise, did you realize?

P.S. 

The person with half moon eyes is anxious.

Eyes:

Probably one of the most used words in her catalog.  Extras:  tolerate it, 

Dorthea

cowboy like me

gold rush

Gorgeous

london boy

I think he knows

so it goes

Exile

coney island

Ivy

call it what you want

cruel summer

Happiness

Eyes are used in 4-5 different ways throughout Taylor’s songs: Celebrity, attraction, bearding, uncertainty, sadness.

Fame:  The eyes full of stars phrasing is describing someone with ambition to be famous and wealthy.  Taylor describes Dorthea (which may just be her younger self) this way.  She also mentions it in Cowboy Like Me when she spots someone like her.  They both want higher status, money, and the spotlight and will tell the rich people anything they want to hear in order to get there.  

Attraction:  Gorgeous and Gold Rush speaks to attraction to women.  Taylor is upset she feels such a magnetic pull towards a woman, because it’s problematic for her public image.  She almost jumps into the ocean blue eyes in Gold Rush.  Simultaneously, Taylor has to hide this strong attraction.  It will not go with her good girl persona, and will not help sales.  Thus, the bearding.

Bearding:  London Boy is satirical.  There is no logistical way for Taylor to travel to all those places in a short time.  She mentions things that would be awful, like being there while his mates watch rugby-English gals agree that nobody wants that.  Taylor says she loves a gray sky and cab ride.  No.  Those are not perks, but downsides of the UK.  So the descriptions of this English dude are in that vein.  She uses child and boy, which are not romantic.  Taylor is saying this person is under her, subservient, lessor.  It’s like a mother, not a lover.  An employee? Also, Taylor is playing the pronoun game hard in London Boy.  She contrasts “he” to “you.”  He is the dude from the UK, that she has control of and YOU is her true love interest.  Taylor tells us the rumors are true (she’s gay).  And I fancy or want YOU is preceded by darling.  Taylor never says, I love you.  She speaks to the audience and says you know I love a London Boy.  The listeners have been told that Taylor loves a London Boy and she doubles-down on that again and again in the song.  She TOLD us she loves a London Boy, but she fancies and wants YOU. 

In I Think he Knows, Taylor continues the pronoun game contrasting he and you.  She tells us she sees YOUR lyrical smile and indigo eyes and wants to drive away with YOU, to mean her same-sex love.  HE just knows about it.  She again says he’s boyish, and tells us she’s an architect drawing up (bearding) plans.  So it Goes talks about the success of the bearding which hides Taylor’s true love.  In public, Taylor and her lover are magicians and illusionists, hiding their truth in plain sight.  And when they are alone there is sex and bliss.  But all the hiding and secrets and lies make the couple breakdown.  It’s hurting their love.  But Taylor is torn:  Her back is against the wall in regards to maintaining her public image–she must beard to be seen as straight and make money.  But she can’t let go of this love–she’s a hostage to her feelings.  There is strife about this difficult choice. 

The lover doesn’t care for it.  She stares at Joe like he’s an understudy, knowing that she would fight (Bad Blood) for Taylor.  These lovers have to walk on eggshells to keep their true love a secret, and it causes strife.  A million lies and many chances, are breaking the branches this relationship so carefully balances on.  All the closeting and hiding chips away at the love.  The lover gets tired of being invisible.  She doesn’t like pretending that she’s not the center of Taylor’s world.  But Taylor continues to closet and beard, never making the lover her centerfold, never saying her name from the podium.  And that makes the sun (= Karlie) go down, little by little Karlie tires of the ruse, and it gets colder and more lonely for both, per Coney Island.

Uncertainty:  The lover is promised to another.  It might be contractual.  She might want a “normal” life instead of a queer one.  It might be a choice of more wealth than Taylor can offer.  Between the lure and commitment to the guy and the life he can provide, and the problems and complications constantly caused by bearding and closeting, this lover is a flight risk.  In Ivy, Taylor says the future of this love affair–her fate is tied to what the guy will do.  If the lover doesn’t chose him, will he burn the house down?  This man has a lot of power and money… It’s just one more barrier to the Sapphic love. In Call It What You Want Taylor tells Karlie (I hear her name in the song and can’t hear anything else) they don’t have to name what they are.  It speaks to Karlie being nervous about calling herself Sapphic.  Taylor urges her to just go with it and don’t worry about labels–she just wants this love.  Problem is, Taylor sees a shiny toy, this bad boy with a price, and she bought it.  She is telling us she paid this man to be her beard in Cruel Summer.  But she already knows it’s hurting her lover and putting cracks in her actual relationship to play pretend. Taylor is separated from her lover, and that kills her.  She wishes the lover would show up below her window.

Devil = evil 

roll the dice = take a chance

Angels = good and pure

Roll their eyes = They judge the devil for taking that chance.  It was wrong.

No rules = the relationship is no strings attached, casual, a friends with benefits situation

Breakable = fragile, delicate, if you will.

Heaven = Taylor feels pure joy at being with this person.

I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard = The lover is conflicted.  She could be back at the Speak Now days that Taylor went through where the gayness is a house of cards that if toppled will messily ruin everything.  The lover can’t acknowledge it, fears it, hides it away.  This line might also be saying the lover doesn’t want to be serious with Taylor.  The lover is just having a fun fling, but really wants to live a heteronormative life with her bf/beard.  She is not ready to be in a serious, monogamous relationship with Taylor.

He looks up, grinning like the devil = someone/something is undermining the heaven in this relationship.  It might be Karlie’s bf/beard, Jo$h.  And/or the public scrutiny and judgment about WLW love.

Sadness: Happiness is the sad culmination of all the stressors breaking the love apart.  Taylor chose to continue bearding and closeting for her career.  The lover chose heteronormativity, money, the man.  And Taylor is heartbroken.

The half moon eyes in Question… are the combination of anxieties constantly tugging Kaylor (any sapphic lover) apart. There is the internal homophobia and questioning, the career pressures, political considerations, bearding complications, on and on. How many struggles can one relationship survive? Then, there is just sadness about what will never be. All the anxiety kills the partnership.

Fletcher’s Song, Kelsea Ballerini’s Verse. Taylor Swift is the Ex Kelsea is (actually/additionally) Talking About

Fletcher Better Version (Remix)

[Verse 2: Kelsea Ballerini, Kelsea Ballerini & FLETCHER]

I was there on the side of your stages

I grew up for our difference in ages

Never thought we were subject to changes, yeah

And I did my best to fix it

‘Til death ’cause then I meant it

Your next girl is gonna get you reinvented and not pretendin’

“‘Til death cause I meant it” is a red herring or double-meaning or 2nd person being addressed–whichever you like. 

This post will say why:

[side-note: I have whole other posts planned on why Taylor might be “Becky” and a double meaning for that song could be addressing Kelsea’s dalliance (and Fletcher’s thirst) for Taylor. Also, we need to talk about Snow on the Beach in its entirety.]

Pertinent Taylor lyrics:

Happiness.  Interestingly has parts in the same vein as this song of Fletcher’s about growing from a relationship, and the next person getting the benefit of those lessons.

“I haven’t met the new me yet”  

Your next girl is gonna get you reinvented 

Snow on the Beach.  We will talk about this song, but in it’s own post or this very long post will be too, too long.  But the line that comes into play against Kelsea’s verse in Fletcher’s remix:

“Fake it til you make it”

and not pretendin’

Let’s talk about the timeline referenced in Kelsea’s verse. The beside stages different ages part:

Ages and Years the Players Moved to TN/Nashville and got signed:

Kelsea

Kelsea’s Ex-husband

Suspected dalliance and Kelsea’s recent song-muse

To sum up birthdays and age differences:

Morgan Evans’ b-day is 4/25/85 (8yr difference from Kelesa)

Taylor’s b-day is 12/13/1989 (4yr difference from Kelsea)

Kelsea’s b-day is 9/12/93

Let’s talk about proximity since beside stages puts Kelsea close to the song’s subject:

Moved closer to Nashville and got a foot in the door of the industry:

Taylor was first of these 3, getting there in 2002 at age 13-

Taylor gets signed at a younger age and earlier year than the other two, 17 in 2006-

Morgan got a toe into Nashville in 2007.  He lived in Australia, so it took longer for him to break into TN-

Morgan was born in Australia and lived there until 2015-

Morgan gets signed last of these 3 in 2017-

Kelsea moved to Nashville in 2008, after Taylor was there, but before Morgan moved to the U.S.-

When they got to TN, how old they were compared to Kelsea’s age:

Taylor came to Nashville as a songwriter in 2004 at age 14 (Kelsea was 11)

Morgan flew to Nashville (from Australia where he lived) to record a single in 2007 at age 22 (Kelsea was 14)  

Kelsea moved to Nashville to write songs in 2008 at age 15.

Morgan didn’t move to the U.S./Nashville until 2015 at age 30 (Kelsea was 22)

In the verse, Kelsea is figuratively and literally looking up to the person on the stage. She is younger than them and they are more established in the industry than she is in the timeline of the verse.

Age of getting signed:

Taylor got signed in 2006 at age 17 (Kelsea was 13)

Kelsea was signed in 2012 at age 19.

Morgan was signed in 2017 at age 32. (Kelsea was 24 and had already been signed for 5 years)

So the verse already doesn’t really work with Morgan. He’s actually getting fame in another country when Kelsea is not yet in the business. Then, when he does break into Nashville, it’s after Kelsea.

When did Kelsea meet them:

Kelsea (who had been signed for 4 years already) met Morgan (who would be signed the next year) for the first time when she flew to Morgan’s country, Australia in 2016 

She was 23 when they met (hardly “growing up”).

Was Kelsea beside Morgan’s stages?  It looks like she was in TN and he was in…  Australia.

So we established Kelsea was in the U.S., not Australia.  She got signed prior to Morgan.  They did not meet until she was 23, when he was yet unsigned, and she had already been signed for 4 years.

I was there on the side of your stages

I grew up for our difference in ages

These lines are vague enough that they don’t say exact ages/years/people.  But I interpret the sentiment of those lines as Kelsea looked up to this older, more established and famous person when she was young.  Then she grew into a more personal relationship with that person.

Enter Taylor Swift.

Kelsea “met” Taylor (as a fan) in 2008.  Taylor was 19 and Kelsea was 15.

Taylor mentions Kelsea’s song in a Tweet in 2015.  Taylor was 26 and Kelsea was 22.

That same year (2015)

KELSEA BALLERINI PERFORMS WITH TAYLOR SWIFT IN NASHVILLE OVER THE WEEKEND

By Samantha Dawn Mutschler / September 29, 2015

Taylor Swift performed in Nashville as a part of her 1989 Tour this past weekend and she brought out a very special guest. Kelsea Ballerini performed her number 1 song “Love Me Like You Mean It” with Swift for thousands of screaming fans. It was a huge moment for women in Country music with both women performing the first debut song from a woman to hit number 1 in 9 years!

Ballerini continues to wow audiences of all ages with her music, recently being named one of People’s “One’s to Watch”. It was a special moment for her, stating on her instagram:

Ballerini met Swift about 8 years ago at a meet and greet at one of Swift’s concerts, as time has flown by the success of both of these women have blossomed.

In 2017 Kelsea crossed over from fan to friend.  Taylor was 28 and Kelsea was 24

You see the evolution.  Kelsea looked up to Taylor as a child, even moving to Nashville because she was inspired by Taylor.  Kelsea was a fan.  Then took a very familiar path to music stardom.  Taylor noticed Kelsea as an artist and her Tweet boosted Kelsea’s followers and chart numbers.  Kelsea was invited to perform with Taylor, more equal in status than a fan, but Taylor was still more of a mentor.  Then Taylor invited Kelsea into her personal life.  I think that better matches the lyrics in Fletcher’s song.

Never thought we were subject to changes, yeah

This is maybe the most important line in the verse because it’s a multiple meaning and references other work (Kelsea’s most recent GAY album).

In the context of divorce with Morgan, Kelsea is saying they grew apart (yawn).

Subject to Changes is the title of Kelsea’s most recent album.

Subject to changes in the context of the album is Kelsea realizing she likes women.

Taylor

is not the only one who can write for

plausible deniability.

Taylor IS on Kelsea’s self-titled album (2020) and SHE is the track 4 falling out on Subject to Change (2022)

I know you aren’t going to believe me.  Taylor and Kelsea at least had a dalliance, if not full-on dated.  Here is the link to my 2020 albums ranking:

https://kit10phish.wordpress.com/2020/12/11/the-good-2020-albums-countdown-28-14/

I provide it because it’s date/time stamped to Dec 2020.

In it, I said I can hear Taylor Swift on several albums that year.  All for people who are known associates of hers.  All uncredited.  Here’s the blurb from that post:

OK, I Know Halsey featured on The Other Girl, track 4 of Kelsea’s self-titled album from 2020.

Ashley…is Halsey, P.S. I hadn’t known that but was looking for possible pseudonyms.

Don’t take my word for it. Listen for yourself.  A good place to compare and hear that there are 3, not 2, distinct voices is:

0.55-1.00 is Kelsea alone

1.04-1.12 is most definitely Taylor Swift according to my ears

1:26-1:30 is Halsey by herself

Kelsea Ballerini – the other girl (with Halsey) [Official Audio]

Now, I tried to compare the studio version of the song to the live CMT duet, but alas, they were lip syncing (not bashing, just stating facts) so it’s the exact same song.

The part that I heard Taylor on has lyrics:

Taylor says she’s a scarlet letter (fraught with adultery, witchy stigma vibes) in Love Story:

Original lyric said “This love is DIFFERENT, but it’s real.  Different like gay.  Because what straight, white love pairing is so off-putting to parents and society?

Then, in New Romantics Taylor introduces herself again using scarlet letter:

In this context scarlet letters is some trait that’s stigmatized by society.  And she says this group of misfits she is hanging out with in NYC has different scarlet (aka stigmatized) letters.  How about LGBTQQAA perhaps?  And she says, hers trumps all of them.  In the song she goes on to describe:

To this group love = danger.  P.S. there is nothing dangerous about a wealthy, white lady dating a wealthy white man…  To emphasize her point Taylor talks about switching sides.  That’s bisexual.  Or they “switched” from hetero to homo.  To drive home that she’s talking about gay love and being a part of the marginalized gay community, Taylor talks about the terrible, cruel rumors, which just like in Betty (another song with gay undertones) are true.  Every day these LGBT folk are battling for rights and visibility and equality but every night they’re alone with their lover, peaceful and happy.  

That’s all to say it’s very interesting that those are the lines I hear Taylor on in Kelsea’s song.  Like it goes with what Taylor has been telling us in other songs.

Back to The Other Girl video/song:  

At 1:44 Taylor says, “I, eye?!”  WTF, now eye theory 

2:08 is a repeat of Taylor singing the red dress part, but it’s a lot harder to distinguish her voice from this point on in the song, because I don’t think she sings alone.  There may or may not be a “girl” she sings by herself, but I couldn’t tell for sure…

So Taylor sang uncredited on an album with friends, big deal, you say.

HERE’S WHY THIS MATTERS:

On Kelsea’s 2020 album she talks about falling out with someone on her track 4.  And everybody assumed it was about the credited feature, Halsey.  But we have no story, no blind, no evidence of what happened between Kelsea and Halsey, if anything.  I think Kelsea is talking about Taylor!

DOIN’ MY BEST 

[Verse 1]

2020 was a weird year

Album dropped at a weird time

Ain’t the homecoming queen but better believe I cried

And therapy for one turned

Into therapy for two

When you get married that young, you got a lotta shit you gotta get through

Kelsea got divorced.

…[Verse 2]

I was friends with a pop star

I put ’em on track four, but

Wish I could take it back, I would’ve nevеr asked

If I knew we wouldn’t talk anymorе

…[Bridge]

I live in my head ’til the sun’s up

Even I can admit that it’s fucked up

And you’re pushing for perfect your whole life

And it didn’t work out

But, damn it, I tried

The bridge just might have a double meaning.  On the one hand Kelsea is talking about releasing her self-titled album that she worked really hard on, during a time promo couldn’t be done, so maybe it did worse then she hoped/anticipated.

A 2nd meaning could be that Kelsea is overthinking.  The sun (Karlie) is out, centered in Taylor’s life.  Kaylor is on-again.  Kelsea says Taylor using her (Kelsea) as a back-up gal when Kaylor is off is fucked up.  In this context the “you’re” shifts to Taylor possibly.  She’s the one with the perfect image she’s trying to maintain.  And that keeps her closeted.  And being in a closeted relationship sucks for both Karlie (Kaylor on) and Kelsea (Kaylor off).  But damn it, Kelsea tried to have a proper relationship with Taylor.

Lauren Alaina: Getting Over Him EP Review

Arrrg–seriously, put your Spotify page together with the latest album release at the top!  I started listening to the album until I got to “Road Less Traveled” which I was certain I had judged before.  

If I Was a Beer:  The bass drum is on point!  And I like the comparison.

Bar Back:  When she speeds up, it makes the song great.  I also like how relatable it is to have to split all the favorite and routine places a couple went to together, after the break up.

Getting Over Him:  About the rebound after a relationship ends.  I never like the idea of rebounding.

What Do You Think Of:  Lukas Graham’s voice sounds perfect with Lauren Alaina’s voice.  Seriously, they should consider joining up as a band forever.  This song was the standout of the entire–I’m going to call it EP since there are only 6 songs.  The high notes are nice, with Graham doing most of the heavy lifting hitting that one note.  Alaina shows her vocal skill though, which I had been wanting all along.

Oh. Now I see what happened with the Spotify order–this is not a true album, but an EP.

Overall, I was disappointed.  If your EP is made of a few really great songs, put it out.  But if the songs are not perfect, either edit til they are better, or add some stunners and make a full album.  Also, the two things I liked best about her past album, was Alaina’s positivity and good messaging, and her vocal strength.  This EP showcased neither.

Don’t Jump Ship

Kaylor was real. And I think they’re still together.

I have no insider information. I’m not in PR, and I’m not super-engaged in any fandom. I only hear current info after the fact, and I’m not up on the latest liked tweets, gossip columns, or sightings.

But I am a gay gal who just celebrated her 11 year anniversary with her soulmate (yesterday, 11/13 actually). And I also listen and analyze song lyrics. And between those two sources of knowledge, I think Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss are still together.

Karlie preceded Taylor’s secret album drop with a cardigan, and the exact album imagery–13 days (Taylor’s favorite number?!) prior. Let’s unpack that:

1) How would Karlie even know? No one knew. Even the magazines and people that usually get albums early, in order to write their reviews, were surprised with the album drop like everyone else. Would an ex know?

2) Covid is on the scene. It’s harder, or disallowed, to gather. Getting inside information when you’re not an insider is even more difficult than usual. And Taylor said she wrote folklore in quarantine. So even if she started a bit earlier, how did Karlie know specific details if they weren’t together?

3) Have you heard Taylor’s catalogue? She has never been exactly friendly with past exes. These boys that upset her, even when it was a mutual show-mance, got some bitter lyrics sent their way. Taylor has been known to hold a grudge, and to put shit-heads right in thier place. Even Diana Agron. Everything I know about Diana is through the lens of Taylor’s music, and it’s not exactly positive. So why would Taylor just sit back and let Karlie walk all over her? We’re majorly underestimating Taylor’s self-worth and grit. She is not a doormat! Taylor has the people in her life that she wants to be there.

4) If Karlie spoiled a secret album drop bc of ill-intent, baiting, or hate–don’t you think Taylor’s team would take legal action? Taylor is the queen of NDAs, and has all the money–she’s not afraid to sue. Her team has litigated the smallest copyright infractions. Do you really think Taylor would let an ex spoil the surprise with no consequence?

Everyone is turning Kaylor off primarily because of a People article. We know People is not a reliable source. How many times have they reported that Ellen Degeneres and Portia deRossi are broken up? How many times has Jennifer Aniston been pregnant in that magazine? And we know they’ve reported Taylor Swift’s various engagement and pregnancies–that never came to fruition.

Even if the teams feed them the articles–what evidence is there that Karlie is actually pregnant? She might be, IDK, but let’s not jump to conclusions based on one or two sketchily sourced headlines. Couldn’t it be that the Ku$hners currently have bad publicity, and the team is trying to add a sympathy card? Divert attention? People are less likely to be haters when a baby is involved. Babies would change the narrative, and provide good, sympathetic distraction from an election loss and criminal accusations. I really have no idea about these things. What I do know, is people shouldn’t just jump to conclusions over one magazine announcement. Wait until more facts are garnered. My guess? There’s no baby. But we’ll see what comes to light.

OK, we talked about how the source is incomplete at best, fabricated at worst. Now, let’s discuss the logistics of a pregnancy. I hope you know, gay people don’t just fuck the opposite sex. That’s not a thing, and it’s disgusting for people to admit the Ku$hner has a long-term husband, and that Karlie is bi (more likely lesbian) but still assert they had sex with each other. I’m a gay, and would NEVER mess around with a penis–it’s like the #1 rule of lesbianism. Desire for children or no. And to think a gay man would have intercouse with a woman–Just. No. And why would he do that–it would make his husband, Mike crazy and hurt their relationship (the real relationship).

Yes, I know there are alternate ways to make a baby. But let’s talk careers also. Don’t you think the Ku$hners have been a little busy with the election and all? And Karlie is constantly working, and in the public eye. Are they going to so abruptly change their M.O. and career trajectories to start a family? I mean, it’s possible, but let’s use some critical thinking skills also. I thought they were in a lavender marriage precisely to further their respective careers?

Aside, from not buying into incomplete, sketchy-sourced evidence, and logistic implausibility of a pregnancy, I have personal experience with relationships. Mine is solid. I’m happy, and so is my mate. But I broke up with my mate before and kicked her out of our apartment after 6.5 years together.

Some mean girls we worked with were jealous of my schedule and took it upon themselves to punish me by sabotaging my and my mate’s relationship. And my trusting, somewhat naive mate, fell right under their manipulations. My mate mean-girrled me after 6.5 years together! And we broke up. I was upset–still am. The situation sucked very bad. But you don’t choose your soulmate, Invisible String is absolutely correct. So despite misgivings, I let my mate back into my life. I wouldn’t do that for anybody else. I’m happy to cut off toxic relationships, usually–I’m no doormat. But your soulmate is special. She is my heart, and even though what she did is unforgivable really, I am more happy with her in my life then without. I am not whole without her. So we’re together and she’s sorry that ever happened, and changed her behavior. People grow, and I chose to let us grow together.

Sometimes long term relationships have blips. And having experienced it firsthand, I think many times they can be overcome. And I think Taylor feels the same. I think she considers Karlie her soulmate. And after all the yearning, dreaming, and wanting a fairytale ending–I don’t think Taylor is going to let that slip away easily. She wrote The Lakes to follow Hoax, to show the listener that yeah, all the content of Hoax sucks, and is depressing and toxic–but there’s still that rose that grew out of frozen ground (mentioned in Hoax), and Taylor still wants to take her muse with her. And if you think that muse is some boy–you have ZERO gay-dar!

I think Taylor feels topsy-turnvy more because of internal homophobia than anything shitty Karlie is doing (which let’s not forget Taylor does this hurtful bearding stuff also). Internal homophobia is what drives being closeted, and it leads to depression. Living a secret, closeted life is both high-maintenance and mentally/emotionally taxing. I was closeted (still am in some circles), and it feels BAD. Of course Taylor is sad. Bearding is stressful and phony and horrible to put an S.O. through.

When my mate and I visit my rural hometown, I never touch her, and want us to appear to outsiders (who are bigots) as just friends. And when I say “friend” or “roommate when those small-town people press, I feel ugly and disgusting inside. I feel ashamed with myself for not being stronger. Even so, the fear outweighs all those feelings. Now amplify that by a million for Taylor and Karlie. And they’re both participating in that game of secrecy. it’s a lot of stress.

What I’m saying is–don’t be a weak Kaylor and give up so soon. Taylor and Karlie may have broken up, but the evidence we have is not very great. At least wait for more substantial proof.

Un-Do It

I always think of Douche when I hear Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood.  This might be because these were on heavy rotation at the peak of our break-up drama.  More likely, these artists remind me of what an effing loser Douche is, and how I’m WAAAAAAY better off without her, because the singers often rant about their terrible-exes.

Carrie Underwood’s lyrics perfectly describe my feelings about Douche. Some people are glad for every experience they have–good and bad–because they learn and grow from them. Those people feel that without those bad experiences that helped shape them, they wouldn’t be who and where they are today. Screw that.  I wish I had never met Douche.  I hope she is reading this right now.

I regret, regret, REGRET every feeling sorry enough for her to give her a chance in the first place.  And even sorrier that I was very dependable/dedicated–>read dumb<–and stayed around.  Miserable.  For 2 years.  And went through games for 2-ish more post break-up.  BAD-times.  The only thing Douche taught me is that some people are avert your eyes if you hate swearing fucking sociopaths to be avoided at all costs.  And not to be so dedicated–to anyone.  I will be happy if I never see that b!t(h again–for the rest of my life.

The only problem with cutting someone completely out of your life is you know longer know where they are to better avoid them.  But I’m pretty certain I’ll never run into Douche. . .  And it is far more important to never interact with her in any capacity ever again.  As such, I have her blocked on Facebook, so I don’t have to look at her ugly face or fatness, or hear her dumb commentary on mutual friend’s pages.  And so she can’t try to interact with me or spy on me either.

But–just this morning (this post was written one or two weeks ago), she commented on a mutual friend’s page!  She had changed her facebook account name or gotten a sketchy second account.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she did it to see MY page–b/c I had blocked her.  So I had to go through the trouble of blocking her second Facebook account-Lame.  Then I wondered if she had already seen anything of mine.  And it made me paranoid and agitated that I hadn’t searched around to make sure she wasn’t in multiple places.  Lurking pet accounts, anyone?  But it’s taken care of for now.

Though the joke is probably on me because Douche is more then likely reading my blog RIGHT now.  Wouldn’t that just be the way?  Anyway, I don’t want that mofo anywhere near me.  Rant over.

Become Wise (Douche Song) [posted 9-10-08]

You KNOW I have to write my annual Douche blog.  This one is a two-part-er though.  I feel I should include other mistakes as well—to downplay the impact Douche had on my life.  This year, I included all of my official long term relationships that coincidentally started in September and were doomed to fail.  Since you’ve heard all the details and fall-out already, here is a poem I wrote to mark the occasion:

The real world is only a Guise

A scare-tactic to fill innocents with Lies

A means for the cynical to Criticize

Then growing up, you get a Surprise

Life, as one can Surmise

Is not that serious—living is the Prize

And along the way the naive become Wise

Hindered and helpless describes my time with You

All I wanted was to be free

But You tore my wings like a child dissecting a butterfly

Ripping my purity and untarnished spirit away from me hastily

The impact left me ashamed and naked

Alone and abandoned, slowly passing time with You

Withering away, I blamed myself and fell further into Your abyss

Buried alive, I wondered if I would ever escape darkness and claw my way to light

A masked assailant in a sinister, cold night,

You left my spirit sharp, as unevenly cut as a bottle broken for a fight.

Disturbed and still under your spell, I drank from the severed shard of glass

An angry taste of iron in my mouth

My miserable existence tedious, I had to wage war for my own preservation

My anger shone red, eyes turned stone, and emotions ceased

A flightless butterfly now a serpent

Jaded by Your touch

The real world is only a Guise

A scare-tactic to fill innocents with Lies

A means for the cynical to Criticize

Then growing up, you get a Surprise

Life, as one can Surmise

Is not that serious—living is the Prize

And along the way the naive become Wise

Still cold and reptilian, You caught me off guard

A startling new beginning that astounded me

leaping on lilly pads leisurely

I enjoyed the moment and our undeniable chemistry

I loved You fully, didn‘t see your imperfections

My spirit redeemed, as bright and clean as the shallow water in which we swam

Purple skies and drunken, passionate nights

My skin shivered with delight every time the moon would shine

Like our pond, my spirit began to get murky as we fooled around

Reality returned—this thing between us could not last

My journey was not finished

I was no longer snake, but didn‘t want to remain a frog, I wanted to soar again

I knew You could evolve with me

You were resolute

Remembering my struggle I became more judgmental

I needed You to aspire to more

The real world is only a Guise

A scare-tactic to fill innocents with Lies

A means for the cynical to Criticize

Then growing up, you get a Surprise

Life, as one can Surmise

Is not that serious—living is the Prize

And along the way the naive become Wise

Love Lost (My First Blog Poem) [posted 2-27-07]

I should have listened to that inner voice

That told me we were not the same

Instead I made a stupid choice

And brought myself into your game

I attempted to learn to love you

Willpower alone can’t spark love’s flame

Your persona blinded me

I wasted time, it is a shame

After the breakup, I started to see

You were evil–your heart is lame

I mourned my innocence lost

A jaded person, I became

I was broken until our paths crossed

Infatuation was immediate–we both came

It seemed fated, things were different this time

We were the same

I was untrusting, it was a crime

You broke it off, and I left you with full blame

I was upset, but started coping

Your post-breakup behavior appalled me–it was not tame

I cut all ties, I started hoping

That with distance between us I would remember your good name