When I talked to my Mom on the phone this week, she was telling me Del Minor (Mary’s mom) died at the beginning of the month. Shaun (Mary’s gossipy sister-in-law) was being all shady when my mom asked when the funeral was going to be. Obviously, Del was a central figure in our town and my mom knew her and thus wanted to pay her respects. But after asking Shaun a couple of times and being told noncommittal answers my parents saw in the news that the funeral had taken place—2 days prior. So I guess our family was blacklisted, which is shitty, though they probably could have looked in the news or talked to someone else about the date and time if they had really wanted to go. But oh well.
So that night, I looked online to read the obituary. And there it was—they listed the survivors. And they listed them as couples. There was several of Mary’s older siblings, then Tom (Mary’s brother) and his wife Shaun. Then last in oldest to youngest order: Mary Minor and this new name- Sandra __________. At first I thought it was some kind of typo—they put one of Del’s sibs next to her youngest child’s name accidentally. Because the Mary I know would never have her private life broadcast. Especially if the town of Dayton was to see it. Plus, how in the world would she even be with anyone?!
But I looked up the gal’s name online—and sure enough, there was not only a marriage announcement of Mary and this gal-but a picture! I still would have doubted t, just because it was so out of character for Mary. I mean, this is the person, who when I realized I was gay at the tender age of 18, she took my in the bathroom at work, with the fan on, and asked that I not tell her secret. No regard for what I must have been feeling, how shell-shocked I might be–just ‘don’t tell anyone that she’s gay.’ But they blog supplemented the announcement with a picture. So I knew without a doubt it was the same Mary I knew (past tense intentional). Also, this Tahoe wedding happened in 2013? So I’m way behind the scene. Which is good, because thinking about Mary and the cabin-mansion makes me feel icky inside and makes me have nightmares. I had even asked my mom not to share the gossip she gleaned from Shaun or the community, because I don’t want to think about that part of my life. And I guess that was necessary because even though Mary saw Shaun as an enemy when I knew her, Shaun must have gotten the picture that we are not on good terms, so she stopped sharing any information with my mom–she didn’t know. And as much as I don’t like to think about those dark times, and dark characters, part of me wished I would have known—just for curiosity’s sake.
Obviously, a lot has changed. The Mary I knew was an absolute PILL because she was such a closet-case. Like, Kim and her were together for 6 years or something when they moved together to Dayton, and Mary was so secretive that she wouldn’t wear their ring on her left hand. And when they moved neighborhoods, they did it at night—to escape prying eyes. She never acknowledged who Kim was—even though it was fairly obvious.
Also Mary was a MESS when I went back in 2009. Her and Kim were pretty over. Mary played the part of the Godfather. Cold and calculating and in control of the people around her and the information exchanged. She was cheating with the hairdresser. She invited me there, gave me my job back, then scapegoated me–I suspect because I knew too much and I was not an adequate replacement for her dead niece Brenna. She was such an awful person at that time that I questioned if she had ever been a good influence in my life. Had she always had sketchy ethics and I had been too naive to see it? All I knew is that I was disillusioned and never wanted to have her in my life again. When she subscribed to my Facebook page (really stupid because FB notifies you) I blocked her. Just so she doesn’t exsist anywhere in my life. And I would be horrified if I ran into her (which is highly plausible in a small town) when visiting my parents. So with all those feelings, and my insider knowledge at least of that time in her life, it’s hard to imagine she’s OK enough now to attract a new girlfriend—let alone someone who wants to marry her.
And the fact the marriage was posted online and done in Tahoe was completely different from the Mary I knew. I come back to it, jst because it astounds me. I guess she’s grown as a person, so that’s good for her. I can’t help but wonder if she’s alright now, or just the same shit-head with a new wife to treat badly and make disappear. Mary has a way of dominating and being Godfather that makes other disappear. She controls those in her inner circle, hides things from those outside, and annihilates those she deems enemies–however small their perceived infraction. I say perceived, because Mary herself knows a few of those people were only defending themselves against her attacks–they didn’t do anything to warrant her wrath. I have to wonder-Would we have animosity or see 2009 as a bad scene for both of us? Water under the bridge or enemies forever? I really don’t know, but her seemingly new outlook on life makes me wonder.
Also, does Kim know? Is she coherent enough to? Do Mary and her talk or hate one another? And what does Mary see their relationship as? A mistake? Or does she see that she choked the life out of Kim, squashed her spirit until nothing but alcoholic coping and emptiness were left? Kim probably had a genetic predisposition, and Mary fostered those drinking ways, but in the end, I think the seclusion and control are what really did Kim in. And nows she’s just a shell of who she used to be. I feel sorry about that, yet I don’t talk to her either, because there’s just nothing there.
I had so many questions! And the whole thing gave me just icky feelings of remembrance. One thing you can count on Dayton for is gossip. I’ll hear eventually.