Tag Archives: eating disorder

Red (2012) by Taylor Swift Song Ranking

18 Feb

20.8% Awesome; 58.3% Good; 8.3% OK; 4.2% Meh; Skip out of 24

5 awesome


The Moment I Knew

Girl at Home

Stay Stay Stay

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Because Taylor Swift wouldn’t go on Spotify, I missed this entire era (1989 too). I had been a big fan, but then totally lost track of her b/c I couldn’t listen without paying money… So as a result, I always feel a bit disconnected from this album. But I do like that the songs start to be more coded here. There are some les/bi-vibes for sure! And reading into the true meaning of songs is fun for me. I consider it a 2nd job really.

14 Good



All Too Well (over-rated–yeah, I said it)


Come Back Be Here

The Last Time

Holy Ground

The Lucky One

Everything Has Changed


Begin Again

Trecerous (demo)

Red (demo)

State of Grace (acoustic)

2 OK

I Almost Do

Sad Beautiful Tragic

1 Meh

State of Grace


Tight–but not in a good way.

19 Oct

Horrible, horrible, embarrassing moment of today:

After work, I walked to the coffee shop across the street to study while Cool interneted.  I drank coffee and studied, not paying attention to anyone else inside the place.  After an hour and a half, Cool and I were good and caffeinated and sort of chatting–as we do–still not paying attention to other people.

Cool brought up Northface and I said how I would like to buy one of everything in the store when I’m all rich.  Then, because I have a vandeta against black yoga pants–and spendex in general, I clarified my initial statement and said, “Except black yoga pants.”

black yoga pants 2

I’m not sure why black yoga pants are such a hot trend, and I constantly see gals of all shapes, sizes, and ages wearing them whereever they are.  I posted pics on here of relatively thin people wearing them–that are made to look fat/bulgy in places–just to illustrate that no one looks good.  Believe me, there were a lot of terrible pics of less fit people too–but you can imagine.

You either have a VPL (visible panty line) or let me ask this–you can’t wear underwear, right?  Because even thong lines would show.  And I see some people wearing black yoga pants EVERY day.  Please tell me they have multiple pairs and are not wearing the same pants, sans underwear, day in and day black yoga pants 3out.  *shudder*  And they are not breathable (another problem for hygiene) and don’t TELL me something that tight is comfortable. . .  Anyway, it’s an awful, unflattering look.  And of course when we got on the topic inside the coffee shop I said so.  And out of the corner of my eye, I saw an employee come and begin emptying the trash (which was immediately next to our table).  But still, I didn’t look at them at all–I couldn’t have told you if they were male or female–let alone what they were wearing.

Do you see where this is headed?  So I’m going on and on to Cool about how the ONLY people that look good in unflattering spandex are super-models and ballerinas, before walking across the room to hand in our dirty plate.  Once I was all the way across the room, headed back to our seat I noticed that the employee emptying the trash. . .  Was a chubby gal–wearing blue spandex pants.

I felt awful!  She was red-in-the-face.  I was mortified, because our comments must have seemed so pointed to her–because we didn’t shut up even when she came in proximity.  So I’m sure the poor girl thought that not only we were talking about her, but we didn’t stop because we wanted her to hear.  Not how either of us roll, but the yoga pants 1damage was done.

I just wanted to leave immediately, tail between my legs, but Cool’s laptop took forever to shut down and we had to stand there, while the gal had to come baaaack to our area with a trash bag.  It was horrible, mean, and awkward, and I need to learn to shut my fat mouth–in public.

So I hope that gal doesn’t go home and cry herself to sleep on our account.  We hadn’t even seen her, and didn’t intentionally target her or anything.  And I don’t want to make anyone (especially women who already have so much beauty-industry pressure placed upon them) feel bad about themself.  It was really $hitty. . .

But I do still stand by my loathing of spandex.  In the niceest way–ladies, spandex doesn’t look good on anyone.  Your weight and shape don’t really factor into the equation–so unless you are a Victoria’s Secret Angel (average Victoria's Secret Angels Visit SoulCycleage = 21 years; average height = 5’10”; average weight = 110 lb; putting their BMI at an appallingly under-weight 15.8–women that tall should weigh a mininmum of 130 lb) you shouldn’t wear them.  I myself am petite (which made today’s incident seem even worse) but I would look icky and chubby in spandex pants.  They would make my thieghs look huge!  The pants aren’t designed for real women.

Coffee shop employee, I apologize if I hurt your feelings–it was not intentional, and I will keep my dumb mouth shut in public about such matters–you didn’t look any worse than anyone else who wears those.  But again–people, just don’t wear those things–they are ugly and make everyone look fat/unfit/odd-shaped.


Next American Beauty

24 Oct

America the Beautiful 2

a documentary following up on one of my favorite documentaries (“America the Beautiful) EVER.  And that’s saying something.  The first was about the harsh beauty industry and it’s treatment of women in order to make lots and lots and lots of $$$$$$.  This one focuses in on the obesity epidemic and health and dieting industries.

95% of all diets fail.

1/3 of American adults are obese.

1/3 children are overweight.

400,000 die from obesity every year and this was widely publicized   The figure was according to the CDC, a VERY trusted source.  Proven erroneous.  25,814 is the true number.

Thin people are perceived as attractive, intelligent, and of a higher class.  This is evolutionary according to a researcher on the documentary.  But I don’t buy that.  Super-thin cavemen would not thrive.  They would need to eat more frequently, they would not have great insulation, thinness would not support an appropriate muscle mass for escaping predators. . .

BMI invented by a mathematician 1830-1850.  Never intended for

Overweight Side Effects:

spinal problems, higher instance of miscarriage, joint problems, increased cholesterol, skeletal problems, increased heart size, and increased blood pressure, and stroke.

Raw Diet=uncooked.  No animal products, no caffeine.  Blame animal products for heart disease.  They say “You will be completely disease free.”  My comment:  What the fuck is this bull shit?!  They are drinking wheat grass shooters as a part of their detox.  Wheat grass offers vitamin K, the end.  Which no one is lacking.  $80 for a gallon of grass juice!  That is rich people throwing away their money.  I say that’s privilege.  And who can stick to such a regimen?  It is hardly realistic.

Smoking helps with weight loss.  What?!  So this is not about health.

Diets= deprivation, then regain and increase weight.  It is NOT lack of discipline!  This does not work long term.  A restrictive diet can only be maintained short term, and by those with unnatural devotion.  Psychological willpower must overcome biological drive to eat.  Biology dominates the psychological restriction.  Decreasing calories slows metabolism, which is why people gain all weight plus back.

Adolescent boys with eating disorders:  Which goes against everything I know about eating disorders.  Our capitalistic society preys on, and objectifies WOMEN.  To learn over 1 million males struggle with eating disorders was shocking.  Especially straight males.  All of the boys of the documentary lost weight because they wanted to impress girls.

Famous (tall) black model was 103-117lb during her entire career.  4 hours cardio per day on no calories.  Thinner is better.  Get thinner, thinner, thinner!  Kate Moss=bad representation.

A woman with an eating disorder is 12x more likely to have a daughter or a sister with an eating disorder.  Insurance companies don’t cover eating disorders enough.  They make sure the suffers live, and pull funding, before life skills are formed, not to mention before mental stability is realized.

Eating disorder suffers fight back with denile and defensiveness.  Dieting ability is a diagnostic precursor for eating disorders of all types:  Anorexia, binging behaviors, or compulsive overeating.

50 billion dollars a year on diets/dieting products.

On any given day in the U.S. half of all women are on a diet.

1 in 4 men are on a diet.

Almost half of American children between first and third grades say they want to be thinner.

In 1970 the average age for a girl to start dieting was 14.  By 1990, the average age fell to 8!

I don’t know if I trusted the information in this documentary like I trusted the first documentary in the series.  I felt like the “facts” and “interviews” were manipulated.  Also, I felt the documentary was skewed toward–fat is not unhealthy, BMI is wrong and inaccurate, lawmakers trying to help the obesity problem are corrupt, eating disorders are more prevalent then overweight people, average woman in America is size 14, etc, etc. . .


Dsyphagia Treatment Questions

5 Oct

I was doing the assigned readings for Anatomy (among other things, highlighting special dysphagia recipes  and concurrently at work we had an anorexic cat come in, which made me wonder:

Ok, so medical/surgical intervention is all about if the benefits of doing something outweigh the risks.  Example:  Doing a dental, which necessitates sedation IS worthwhile in a six year old kitty without heart issues, while it is NOT worth the risk in a 17 year old cat with a heart condition (or probably in the 17 y.o. cat even without a known heart issue).  And over and over, the text says how serious and life-threatening dysphagia can be for patients.  They can easily aspirate or get an aspiration pneumonia

Which brings me to my question:  On Intervention I saw this gal who an an eating disorder where they had placed a feeding tube directly in her stomach.  And she could feed herself that way.  This particular lady had kept it in for years–which was way too long.  The only ill-effect (aside from her mental condition and disordered thoughts) was skin infection and hygiene of the tube.  BUT in life-threatening dysphasia patients, wouldn’t a little skin infection be a worthwhile risk if aspiration could be completely avoided?

On the same track, we have a cat at work who went anorexic.  And in felines even three days without eating (for whatever reason, whether it’s a disease process, nausea, or pickiness) can cause liver failure.  So it’s very important to either stimulate the cat to eat, syringe-feed them, or place a feeding tube.  We placed the tube right from neck to stomach.  And then put the food, and medications right in the tube–nothing by mouth.  So couldn’t you just place a feeding tube and then throw antibiotics into the tube for dysphagia?  Or give periodic antibiotic injections to ward off the skin infection of a long-term feeding tube?

It seems to me the feeding tube is a better option for someone with swallowing difficulty then tedious meal plans and risk of aspiration. . .

And my last question–I’ve heard of anorexics getting “nutrition” through their IV bags.  Is that a thing, and can’t that be done for dysphagia patients, who have it from, say, ALS?  Where they might be bed-ridden anyway?

There is research to be done.

Critique of “Unbearable Lightness”

12 Feb

I didn’t want to like this book.  I did not really know anything about Portia De Rossi (PdR) except she came out of seemingly nowhere to become Ellen Degeneres’ wife, then upon looking her up on Google, seeing she had played a few bit roles as a sorostitute-type.  I knew nothing else.  When I found out PdR had been on “Allie McBeal” and that she was one of the actresses with an evident, yet unacknowledged eating-disorder, I felt disdain for her.  That show, with it’s unattainable images of what a women is supposed to look like, did a lot of damage to impressionable females.  But many times, I’ll watch a documentary or read a biography of someone not very likeable and come away with understanding, sympathy, and sometimes even a changed opinion about them.  So I bought the book and gave PdR a chance to redeem herself.

Details are given about how PdR loses and maintains her low weight. This is problematic because it gives women ideas of how to diet, starve, binge, and purge. Also, the details devulged are talked about as if they’re completely normal line of thought and activity. There is no sense that what PdR is disordered, which normalizes the events to the reader.

This book made me disappointed in L’Oreal.  Throughout the book (through the lens of anorexia) they are seen as uncaring, unsympathetic, and uncompromising of the type of women they portray.  The company made PdR feel fat and ugly and immoral, with its horrible fitting of small gray dresses, it’s fancy meetings at the Four Seasons, and the morality clause in the contract.  PdR showed that despite their slogan of “I’m worth it” they are implicitly sending the message that only a narrow category of women (slim and straight to start with) actually ARE worth it.

I thought the L’Oreal stuff in the book should have been accompanied by details about “Allie McBeal’s” culture of eating disorders or left out all-together.  L’Oreal was villanized (rightly so it sounds like) while the issue of competition between actresses was carefully skirted.  PdR is VERY careful not to mention the other celebrities on the set with evident eating disorders that must have furthered her own eating issues.  If L’Oreal is fair game, why shouldn’t Callista Flockhart get mention?

I absolutely loved that with the doctor’s bad news of all the internal damage done by starving, pictures were shown of what she looked like at the time.  It sent the implicit message that though Hollywood, and the world at large demanded thinness, and it may be misconstrued as beautiful, it came with consequences.  It was very dramatic.  My favorite part of the book by far.

Somehow more weight (pun intended) was given to Ellen Degeneres, who barely appears in the book, then to PdR’s sexuality, though the homosexuality is said to be the root of the problem.  The fear of exposure, repression, desire of women, and her mom’s “acceptance” of her were only briefly mentioned.  I think she could have done more with those themes.  Yes, the book’s focus was the eating disorder, but I thought the lesbianism should have been dramatized more.

And I did not like the “Ellen saved my life” stuff.  Firstly, PdR doesn’t give herself credit for her recovery at all.  Can it be called recovery then?  It makes me wonder how far she’s actually come.  PdR thought of Ellen as some sort of hero throughout the book–from the time she was young.  I don’t really think their relationship could be balanced or equal because of that. Reading other reviews of the book, or even descriptions, I noticed how Ellen is mentioned in all of them.  Though she didn’t even know PdR during her seriously disordered eating phase, and really isn’t IN the book.  PdR will forever just be Ellen’s wife and submissive/passive/arm-candy.  Her third name-change says it all.  First PdR changed her name for Hollywood and this book details the fall-out of her trying to adhere to Hollywood’s idealized images of beauty.  Now she has changed her name for her wife.  Doesn’t this women know who SHE wants to be?  The end of the book just shows how the situation for PdR’s self-esteem hasn’t changed–just the focus.

And of course, I absolutely did NOT like how PdR ignorantly berates the dairy and meat industries at the end of the book.  She uses PETA-type jargon as if it’s the factual truth, saying that farm animals are treated inhumanely, and not healthy for human consumption anyway.  I wish celebrities would keep their mouths shut if they can’t share actual information.  It was an aside that wasn’t needed and was very judgmental in its pro-animal rights stance.  How hypocritical for a heavy smoker to be disdainful of the ill-effects of milk and meat!  Smoking and how she wanted to do it all the time, or was taking drags everywhere, is a large component of the book.  The restrictive diet actually reveals how she must still struggle with her food, too.  It takes a lot of discipline and effort to cut out entire food groups from your diet as she currently is being vegan(?)/vegetarian (?).

Though I had some problems with the book, and still don’t really like PdR, it WAS a riviting read.  I only half believe PdR wrote the book by herself, because the image she has cultivated for herself (or that the media has cultivated for her) is not observant, smart, wry, or perfectionist.  The language in the book was so advanced and varied–I was impressed!  Either way, I found myself putting aside my homework and tearing through the prose in just 3 days–while working nine hour days and attending class.  Well done, on such a page-turner.


Allie McBeal Does a Disservice to Women

30 Jan

I watched the show Allie McBeal for the first time.  I was horrified.  I couldn’t pay attention to the jokes, the acting, the dialogue, the plot, or anything else.  I could only see emaciated skeletons that were supposed to serve as role models on a show geared toward women.  The problem was so evident and so dramatic that I was disgusted.

It’s one thing so have a problem.  It’s quite another to pretend that your weight is normal as are your eating habits.  To pretend it’s no big deal is harmful.  Calista Flockhart leads the eating disorders (and the denial) going as low as under 98 lb at 5’5″. Portia was down to 85 lb during the show. Courtney Thorne-Smith also struggled with an evident eating disorder during the show.  At the time, they either vehently denied having disordered eating and low weights, or remained tight-lipped about it.

They all admit their problems now.  Some more half-heartedly then others (Calista, I’m talking to you).  But what good does that do to millions of viewers influenced by the show in the 1990s when the cast vehemently denied having anorexia, bulemia, and the like?  How many girls watched that television show and felt bad about their own bodies?  How many began nursing their own eating disorders as a result?

I can’t watch the show, and wouldn’t want to anyway.  I won’t knowingly support such a bad example to women and body size.

Phat Chance [10-15-06]

16 Jan

Anyone that knows me, knows I’m 5’2″. I cannot weigh very much, because there is no place for it to go–I’d be a total fat-ass! I realize taller people are going to weigh more and should wear a larger size than me. I’m not prejudiced against people that are bigger than me (I am NOT anti-fat, just anti-being in denile about wearing your correct size, whatever it is). I have worn a size 5 since my sophomore year of high school. Though my measurements have actually increased by an inch, I now wear a size 2. I just get disgruntled when size 10s refuse to buy a size 10, and instead wear a size 5. No one but you knows or cares what size you are! If size 5 is ACTUALLY a 10, what are people who wore old size 5 supposed to wear? Is this why childrens clothes look age-inapropriate these days?!  Negative sizes–don’t even get me started!  Just another way that our patriarchial society tries to make women disappear and appropriate the power of females.

Just today I tried on a slutty sailor costume that was a “small” and it was jumbo-tron. Ok, ladies–you are not wearing a size smaller, the sizes are just getting larger to appeal to your vanity. Yes, it’s true America has moved toward an unhealthy obsession with weight, and Hollywood stars and models are much too thin. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t support this culture of eating disorders.  BUT lots of people say–oh I am ideal because I wear the same size as Marilyn Monroe who wore a size 14-16.

The standards for women’s dress sizes have not remained constant over the years; they have changed as the size and shape of the average woman has changed. (Clothing manufacturers assume most women don’t want to wear clothing of a size identified as “Large,” for example, so they adjust their sizing so that the average-sized woman takes a “Medium.” If the size of the average woman has increased over the years, then the very same size that was a “Large” fifty years ago might be a “Medium” today. This is what has happened to women’s dress sizes since the 1940s: a woman who weighs more now than she did twenty years ago might actually be wearing a smaller dress size today (like me).

What was a size 12 in the 1940’s is now a size 8, because women on average have gotten larger (super-size me–anyone?!), and because women feel more comfortable buying dresses in smaller sizes. Marilyn Monroe, often considered the standard, “all American” icon wore a size 16 during much of her heyday. She almost certainly did not wear dresses equivalent to today’s size 16 and the white dress she wore in “The 7 year Itch” is a size eight by today’s standards.

Marilyn Monroe’s measurements: Height: 5 feet, 5½ inches, Weight: 118-140 pounds, Bust: 35-37 inches, Waist: 22-23 inches, Hips: 35-36 inches, Bra size: 36D.

Marilyn Monroe:   38-23-36

Jennifer Aniston:    34-23-35.5

Heidi Klum:           35-24-35