…I wanted that pain…/…All of me changed like midnight/My town was a wasteland/Full of cages, full of fences/Pageant queens and big pretenders/But for some, it was paradise/My boy was a montage/A slow-motion, love potion…/…I broke his heart ’cause he was nice…/…It came like a postcard/Picture perfect, shiny family/Holiday, peppermint candy/But for him it’s every day/So I peered through a window/A deep portal, time travel/All the love we unravel/And the life I gave away…/…I guess sometimes we all get/Just what we wanted, just what we wanted…/…I guess sometimes we all get/Some kind of haunted, some kind of haunted/And I never think of him/Except on midnights like this (midnights like this)
PS- don’t do drugs, they fuck you up and ruin lives
Snow on the Beach
…Life is emotionally abusive…/…I’m unglued, thanks to you/And it’s like snow at the beach/Weird but fuckin’ beautiful/Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful/You wanting me tonight feels impossible/But it’s comin’ down, no sound, it’s all around/Like snow on the beach…/…My smile is like I won a contest/And to hide that would be so dishonest/And it’s fine to fake it ’til you make it/’Til you do, ’til it’s true…/…I (I) can’t (can’t) speak afraid to jinx it/I (I) don’t (don’t) even dare to wish it/But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet…/…Can this be a real thing? Can it?/…Are we falling like snow at the beach? (Snow at the beach)/Weird but fuckin’ beautiful/Flying in a dream, stars by the pocketful (flying in a dream)/You wanting me tonight feels impossible (you wanting me)/But it’s comin’ down, no sound, it’s all around/Like snow on the beach (snow on the beach)/Like snow on the beach (flying in a dream)/Like snow on the beach (you wanting me)/Like snow, oh/But it’s comin’ down, no sound, it’s all around/Like snow on the beach (it’s comin’ down, it’s comin’ down)
***Trigger Warning***
Drugs
This is not pro-drug, just historic and informational snips pertinent to the song references.
–Continue reading if interested in drug characteristics–
Potential drugs referenced in the song:
[also, please visit the link, as it as alternate names, formats of the drug, side effects, long term effects, and current laws. It’s really chock-full of useful information and has an index to easily look up drugs of interest.]
Dear reader/If it feels like a trap, you’re already in one…/…Get out your map, pick somewhere and just run…/…Burn all the files, desert all your past lives/And if you don’t recognize yourself/That means you did it right/Never take advice from someone who’s falling apart…/…(You should find another)/…Bend when you can, snap when you have to…/…You don’t have to answer, just ’cause they asked you…/…The greatest of luxuries is your secrets…/…So I wander through these nights/I prefer hiding in plain sight/My fourth drink in my hand/These desperate prayers of a cursed man/Spilling out to you for free/But darling, darling, please/You wouldn’t take my word for it/If you knew who was talking/If you knew where I was walking/To a house, not a home, all alone ’cause nobody’s there/Where I pace in my pen and/My friends found friends who care/No one sees when you lose/When you’re playing solitaire/You should find another guiding light/Guiding light/But I shine so bright…/…You should find another/Guiding light/But I shine so bright/You should find another
…I’ve been under scrutiny (yeah, oh, yeah)…/…I feel the lavender haze creepin’ up on me/Surreal, I’m damned if I do give a damn what people say/No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me/I just wanna stay in that lavender haze/All they keep askin’ me (all they keep askin’ me)/Is if I’m gonna be your bride/The only kind of girl they see (only kind of girl they see)/Is a one-night or a wife/I find it dizzying (yeah, oh, yeah)/They’re bringin’ up my history (yeah, oh, yeah)…/…Talk your talk and go viral/I just need this love spiral…/…Get it off my desk (get it off my desk)
And there was one prize I’d cheat to win/The more that you say/The less I know/Wherever you stray/I follow/I’m begging for you to take my hand/Wreck my plans/That’s my man/You know that my train could take you home/Anywhere else is hollow…/…Wait for the signal and I’ll meet you after dark/Show me the places where the others gave you scars/Now this is an open-shut case/Guess I should’ve known from the look on your face/Every bait and switch was a work of art
Make sure nobody sees you leave…/…You’ll be flushed when you return/Take the road less traveled by/Tell yourself you can always stop…/…And that’s the thing about illicit affairs/And clandestine meetings and longing stares/It’s born from just one single glance/But it dies, and it dies, and it dies/A million little times/Leave the perfume on the shelf/That you picked out just for him/So you leave no trace behind/Like you don’t even exist…/…A drug that only worked/The first few hundred times…/…And clandestine meetings and stolen stares/They show their truth one single time/But they lie, and they lie, and they lie/A million little times…/…Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/You showed me colors/You know I can’t see with anyone else…/…You taught me a secret language/I can’t speak with anyone else/And you know damn well/For you, I would ruin myself/A million little times
I’ve been having a hard time adjusting…/…I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back…/…Pulled the car off the road to the lookout/Could’ve followed my fears all the way down/And maybe I don’t quite know what to say/But I’m here in your doorway/I just wanted you to know/That this is me trying…/…They told me all of my cages were mental/So I got wasted like all my potential/And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad/I have a lot of regrets about that/I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere/Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here/Pouring out my heart to a stranger/But I didn’t pour the whiskey…/…At least I’m trying/And it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound/It’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you/You’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town/And I just wanted you to know…/…That this is me trying/At least I’m trying
I tried to split the lyrics into who I think Taylor is addressing: Fans in the first block and in the 2nd block her lover.
Mirrorball
I’m a mirrorball/I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight…/…Shimmering beautiful/And when I break it’s in a million pieces…/…I want you to know/I’m a mirrorball/I can change everything about me to fit in…/…And they called off the circus/Burned the disco down/When they sent home the horses/And the rodeo clowns/I’m still on that tightrope/I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me/I’m still a believer but I don’t know why/I’ve never been a natural/All I do is try, try, try/I’m still on that trapeze/I’m still trying everything/To keep you looking at me/Because I’m a mirrorball/I’m a mirrorball/I’ll show you every version of yourself/Tonight
Hush/When no one is around, my dear/You’ll find me on my tallest tiptoes/Spinning in my highest heels, love/Shining just for you/Hush/I know they said the end is near/But I’m still on my tallest tiptoes/Spinning in my highest heels, love/Shining just for you…/…You are not like the regulars/The masquerade revelers/Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten
When there was a gun fight immediately outside our windows, then not a police interview, detailed news article, or care from the community I couldn’t understand how people could be so apathetic.
After living here a year I’ll spell out the desensitization process:
[PS I have much more to say about all of this, but this is just a quick summary.]
In AZ I got crime alert emails. I checked a 3 mile radius around our house. There was mostly stolen bikes or an occasional fight, but I’d say I would have a list of about 8 incidents per week.
In Saint Louis, I have the same brand crime alerts. I have the radius set at 1 mile and I get 2-3 alerts per day with 7-8 incidents each. At first I read them all. Now, I only engage with the alerts within 3 blocks of the apartment–otherwise it’s just too much.
*
Something huge and scary happens (a 14 person machine gun fight immediately outside of your windowed loft).
There is no substantial response or follow-up.
The community downplays it (see my Reddit thread on a different post). The loft, police, media all ignore it.
We never found out who/why or what came of it, but now there is a bullet hole in our car.
*
We pay for a parking spot within the locked gates. My 1999 car was broken into anyway.
The apartment didn’t tell us if they checked the video, and we don’t know if the person was caught.
It took like 9 weeks for the window to be replaced because everyone has busted out windows. Now that it’s “fixed” we can’t ever roll that window down because it won’t go up again.
We called the police to file a report and 2 officers came by then chatted with us for a long time:
Me: Do you know what happened when there was a shootout here???
LE: When? Naw, we weren’t working.
ME: There’s gunshots a lot around here. I called 9-11 two other times when I heard them?!
LE: Oh yeah, it IS Saint Louis. It’s actually pretty good up North, people there are really part of a community.
ME: Ummm, Reddit said there were automatic guns–do you guys see automatics?
LE: Oh yeah [said like, duh, obviously].
*
Then, our storage units in the apartment building were broken into. My $300 Sorrel snowboots, $130 Roxy snowboard jacket, and $100 snowboard/bike helmet were stolen. Among other things.
The apartment did not send a text like they do about parking, we don’t know if they checked the cameras or key fob memory–and they certainly didn’t tighten security in the storage area.
We made a police report, and he came, looked incredibly bored, did not even step onto the property let alone go inside to see the broken storage doors, and didn’t say they would investigate.
Nothing came of it.
*
There were more gunshots. When I called 911 they asked if I could SEE the guns. No. OK, let us know…
Nothing came of it.
*
At Christmas, a package of hand-knitted scarves and (MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE) homemade peanut butter bon bons was stolen.
The apartment didn’t tell us if they looked at the camera footage or not. And the mail room was not made more secure.
The USPS assured me they had delivered the package and closed the case without doing anything else.
We didn’t even call the police. If they didn’t care about hundreds of dollars worth of belongings stolen, they weren’t going to care about scarves and treats.
*
On my email alerts it said someone was raped. IN OUR building! We couldn’t find anything else about it.
We started leaving the loft in pairs, and only during daylight.
*
More shooting. And a fight. Should we even bother to call 9-11? I did. Can you see the gun? Yes. Is it being pointed at anyone? Yes, he’s standing on the floorboard of his car, swinging it around at multiple people. But nobody was even sent over (this is 11AM on a Tuesday). No word what happened. I got an email alert and they had listed my call under “sundry.”
We texted the apartments and they asked which cars. We never heard if they looked at the cameras, or if the gunman got in any kind of trouble…
*
One winter evening I was closing the blinds at 5PM and the next block over there was a car on fire. I called 9-11 and they said fire was on their way. The firetrucks showed up, put the fire out, and went on their way in less than 30 minutes.
It wasn’t on the news, or the neighborhood app. It was not even listed in my crime alert emails. We have no idea what happened…
Nothing came of it.
*
We work from home and around 10AM there was chaotic knocking on the door to our loft. We weren’t expecting anyone so we hung back. A few minutes later someone tried their key. Luckily, we have a security bar wedged up when we’re home. We didn’t know who it was!
We texted and called the apartment management and heard nothing back… For 3 days.
In the interim, somebody used their key without knocking in the afternoon.
Another day, I had gone to bed and was sleeping, and Cool said they used their key again (without knocking) trying to get inside!
At no time did this person/people announce themselves.
Finally, the manager called back and said inspections are in our lease, but he would talk to the guys about knocking. He wouldn’t tell us WHY we were being inspected.
Nobody ever came back.
Nothing came of it.
*
I read a news report that a homeless man was sitting on the sidewalk across from the courthouse/DMV/registrar/etc.., etc… (less than a mile from our apt) late-morning, with a lot of people out and about. Someone shot him in the head point blank and someone else posted the video to Twitter.
The case is ongoing.
*
That said, when we ordered wedding-type rings and they were not delivered inside of the mailbox, but stolen instead–we didn’t even bother making a police report.
Again, the apartment didn’t care. We don’t know if they checked the cameras. I persistently contacted them, and they told me to file an insurance claim…
Nothing came of it around here though.
*
Isn’t it funny after reading that your first sense is to blame the victim? You should’ve known, YOU moved there, why don’t you just move? And maybe your second inclination is to say it’s systemic, or it’s just as bad in other places, or bringing up politics, gun-control. But none of that is helpful. I (everyone) should have an expectation of being safe-end of story.
So there you have it. When so many, many things happen. When BIG things happen. People stop calling the police. Because this event is actually better than that last one. Or they don’t call because they know the dispatcher will mark the call “sundry” or police won’t come out at all, or they’re busier with larger matters. People stop telling their housing manager because it’s made obvious that not only do they NOT care one iota, they’re not going to do anything, and we won’t hear anything back. And you stop reporting to the USPS because they also won’t do anything either. So people learn to live with it.
Here’s another Lover track that is more easily understood by separating the perspectives/subjects in the song.
Republicans against LGBT:
I saw the scoreboard [Election results]/And ran for my life…/…They whisper in the hallway, “she’s a bad, bad girl” (okay!) [Taylor is a threat as a powerful woman]/The whole school is rolling fake dice [The election win was based on false premises (Lies and exaggerations about Hilary, Qanon garbage, and stoking fear and hate to generate support)]/You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes [If people voted in anger or hatred, they get what they asked for–Trump and his cronies]…/…Leave with my head hung…/…I’m feeling helpless/The damsels are depressed [Women and minorities know their rights are in question]…/…Boys will be boys, [Politicians are gonna politic, hatred and corruption are common tactics] then/Where are the wise men? [Who will save us? Why is bad behavior, and shady ethics the norm?]/…Darling, I’m scared [because Taylor is a woman and she’s also part of the queer community]…/…And now the storm is coming, [there will be rollbacks on hard-fought freedoms, and prejudiced new laws] but…/…They whisper in the hallway, “she’s a bad, bad girl” (okay!) [Sapphic rumors and gossip?]/The whole school is rolling fake dice/You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes…/…And I don’t want you [the oppressed minorities and the advocates] to (go)/I don’t really wanna (fight)/’Cause nobody’s gonna (win)/I just thought you should know/And I’ll never let you (go) [Taylor will always be associated with the LGBTQ community (because she’s in it)]/‘Cause I know this is a (fight)/That someday we’re gonna (win) [The fight for LBGTQ rights will see progress one day]…/…And I’ll never let you (go)/‘Cause I know this is a (fight)/That someday we’re gonna (win)/Just thought you should know
kit10phish.wordpress.com 
Catty Remarks