Tag Archives: fight

Question… Fighting Drama, Queer Love is a Fight, the Masters & Kaylor are the Fight of her Life [Part 7]

30 Nov

Taylor wins the pronoun game.  I’m not even going to try to untangle the speaker/recipient/changing characters in this song.  It was written so convoluted that I haven’t even seen a satisfactory answer to this yet.  Instead, I took lyric snippets from other songs featuring the same word, to get a feeling about Taylor’s sentiment and even song-subject. Don’t get overwhelmed with the length of this post.  The word I’m trying to point-out from Question… lyrics is highlighted. 

Did you wish you’d put up more of a fight? (Oh)

Fight:

So many, so many…  It’s a pretty crucial and central piece of Taylor’s writing.

call it what you want

Me

Only the Young

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

paper rings

Afterglow

false god

Madwoman

my tears ricochet

Ivy

Evermore

Hoax

Emotions devolve with each mention of “fight.”  Taylor begins fighting other people.  In Call it What you Want Taylor’s reputation is bad due to Snakegate.  But there’s a lot of hope because Taylor’s baby loves her for who she is and sticks by her side despite the drama.  

In Me! Taylor acknowledges that she makes it all about her, which causes fights with her lover.  But she never wants the lover to leave her, she does care.

Taylor’s love life is linked to politics, because her lover’s beard is linked to the Trump clan.  When the U.S. becomes hyper-polarized and everything is politicized, Taylor can’t let her image be tainted by Republican evil.  Only the Young captures the fear of evil reigning, and Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince clearly ties political happenings to fights with her lover.  Not wanting to get caught up in bad politics hurts the WLW relationship because Karlie has ties to the Ku$hners, either contractually or for convenience/status/money. And Taylor is afraid because people are whispering, she’s a bad bad girl. They suspect she’s gay, and especially in this political environment, that is terrifying to her.

Paper Rings, Afterglow, and False God show Taylor’s emotional trajectory regarding the fights with her lover.  Paper Rings is upbeat and hopeful.  In Afterglow, Taylor takes responsibility for her part in the fighting.  She jumps to conclusions and gets paranoid.  And in False God, Taylor is dejected.  She is in hell when her and her love fight.

The Lover era is tainted by the master’s heist.  Taylor is angry at $cooter and $cott for stealing her lullabies.  Throughout the Lover album, Taylor still seems wistful about Kaylor.  She wants to lure Karlie back to her.  Taylor still loves her despite all the “fights and flaws.”  There is a distinct change in tone from Lover to the folklore era.  Taylor realizes or suspects something about her lover.  Madwoman and My Tears Ricochet are mostly lashing out at $cott and $cooter, but there are snippets about a lover’s betrayal in there too.

Madwoman

This is Karlie on $cooter’s yacht after the master’s heist.

My Tears Ricochet

I don’t know how involved the Ku$hners and/or Karlie were in the Master’s Heist. I don’t know if Taylor knows for sure, or just suspects foul play and betrayal by Karlie. In It’s Time to Go, Taylor was pretty explicit mention twin and crook who was caught. She knew fans would piece together that she was talking about Karlie. Yet, an album later, in Happiness Taylor mentions all the relationship troubles went both ways. Two people are to blame for the demise.

Ivy alludes to the fight of her life.  Taylor is talking about both the masters and Kaylor.  Evermore asks what she was fighting for, because ultimately she was double-crossed by this lover that she was so set on fixing things with.  Hoax is one of the saddest, most hopeless songs in all of Taylor’s catalog, and mentions her winless fight.  She is re-recording the masters, but she lost the girl.

Taylor Swift going DC in Midnights Album: Vigilante $hit Pow! Zap!

5 Nov

This is a pretty fun song, and I’m not sure it’s meant to be taken as 100% non-fiction.  

Who is she talking about, that’s the major question. And some of Taylor’s lyrics fit everyone (liar & fraud) so that didn’t narrow it down for me.  And our bad guy (as a collective) will be referred to as “liar” from this point on, to keep it short and simple.  But some of the lines were specific enough that I could pinpoint who she’s probably talking about.  Which brings me to the idea that more than one liar is getting called out in this song.

Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man

I thought this might be a reference to a song or movie that would tell us the liar she’s talking about.  And there’s a movie called something like “Scooter Kill” but I thought it was kind of weak so I didn’t include it. 

I eventually decided the first few lines aren’t an introduction to the liar, but an introduction to the thesis of the song:  Taylor is going Catwoman to dole out some vigilante justice to the liar(s). 

And you can see from Catwoman’s bio how Taylor might identify with her.

I was trying to match pieces of the song with known TS nemesis:  

Kanye = Death Rattle

$cooter = the great white shark:

Jo$h and Jared Kushner are bradford & rupert thorne respectively:

His brother, Jared represented by:  Bradford’s brother Rupert Thorne:

I’m not going to use Rupert Thorne’s pic to depict Jared Ku$hner because honestly, doesn’t his actual appearance remind you of a Batman villan?

So that’s how I see our villains as compared to Batman villains.  

You did some bad things, but I’m the worst of them

The Ku$hners got Karlie in the end.  But they are involved in so many like, genocidal-level things that it’s nowhere near any love triangle tension with Taylor, or even the masters-heist.

Kanye stole Taylor’s moment, misrepresented himself (or Kim did that alone?), and was the catalyst for snake gate.  But he also made some egregious hate statements, and ran for POTUS, among other things that are decidedly worse than what he did to Taylor.

$cooter orchestrated the masters heist.

OK, the creative aspect was by Kanye.  But $cooter could have absolutely vetoed and scrapped the whole thing as his manager.

That just might be worse than anything else $cooter did.  But there might be more that I just couldn’t find since he’s a sneaky mofo with iron-clad NDAs.

Sometimes I wonder which one will be your last lie

Ku$hners are known liars with the housing, their job titles, the money, the “Peace in the Middle East” and so on.  

Now, I’m sure Kanye was mercurial, making Taylor take an ax to a mended fence, but I’m not sure he exactly lies.  Kanye is a major narcissist (always has been) and recently he has been having major bipolar cycling that is uncontrolled by medicine.  That means, he has likely been literally psychotic at points.  I am not excusing any of his behavior, but I’m saying I’m not sure he tries to hide it.  If anything, Kanye says too much.  I think he changes his mind (perhaps his mental state is part of that) and that could be perceived as lying.  But you have to have organized thoughts to lie, and I’m not sure Kanye does.  But Kim did lie about editing that phone call, so that could be what this line is talking about…

We have seen the various statements put out by $cooter trying to rehab his image that completely deviate from what Taylor says about the masters/bullying situation:

They say looks can kill and I might try

I don’t dress for women

I don’t dress for men

Lately I’ve been dressing for revenge

I don’t start it but I can tell you how it ends

Don’t get sad, get even

So on the weekends

I don’t dress for friends

Lately I’ve been dressing for revenge

Taylor is saying on weekends instead of sulking, she puts on her revenge catsuit and does some vigilante shit to get even.

She needed cold hard proof so I gave her some

She had the envelope, where you think she got it from?

It is plausible that Taylor could give Jo$h’s wife Karlie information.  Obviously, Taylor has had access to Karlie.  And the Ku$hners have done so many diabolical things it’s difficult to keep track.  But what would Taylor know about the situation?  It anything, Karlie might have her own insider info, but I’m not sure Taylor would be able to get government-level intel…

Maybe you think this is a cop-out from me, but I couldn’t chase down information on Taylor giving evidence to any of the girlfriends of liars.  But also, would that be in an article? 

What I can tell you is Kim Kardashian was still talking $hit about Taylor when snakegate was revealed to be orchestrated by her.  And usually Taylor remembers her enemies long term.  But also, the two might have worked together to take down problematic Kanye for various egregious activities.  But also, let’s be serious–does anybody else need to take Kanye down?  He pretty much ruins himself, as acknowledged by Taylor in Long Story Short:

Taylor could just be talking about the song Madwomen in regards to giving $cooter’s wife Yael ammunition against him:

Except in the same song Taylor talks about how his wife is helping her husband bring Taylor down:

This is all to say, I’m not sure if there’s an actual envelope with intelligence that was passed from Taylor to the wife of the liar.  I think it is just a super-hero movie thing to say.

Now she gets the house, gets the kids, gets the pride

This can’t be the Ku$hners because they’re still together with their beards, I mean, wives.  And also Karlie does not have multiple children.

I didn’t think it was about Yael, because I couldn’t find anything at all about a Benz.  On that alone, I ruled her out.

Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife

Taylor is not close to Ivanke Trump. 

And it’s a question-mark if she talks to Karlie, but given all the heartbreak that is still in Midnights, I don’t think they have much together anymore.

I really can’t see Kim and Taylor being friends after all the shady things Kim(Ye) have done to hurt her.  Besides Taylor is still throwing jabs:

This is absolutely not about $cooter’s wife per Madwoman, but here’s another reason:

I can’t vouge for the veracity of this source, but this would be a major additional reason Taylor would never be chummy with $cooter’s ex-wife:

And she looks so pretty

Driving in your Benz

Ivanka is still “with” Jared, so it’s not her.  

The most recent thing I could find about a Benz connection to Karlie Kloss was the Mercedes Benz fashion show in 2013.  Which seems pretty long ago.

I couldn’t find anything about a Benz for Yael, so I don’t think this line is about her.  Also, they have joint custody of the children.

Lately she’s been dressing for revenge

Ummm, this is kinda wow. So, well let me just show you:

But it’s not toward the lying man–if anything Karlie is dressing for revenge against. . . Taylor…  So I don’t think it counts for this song.

Here’s one of the only pics I could find of Yael Cohen Braun post-divorce:

That’s a no on the revenge dressing.  

She don’t start it, but she can tell you how it ends

Don’t get sad, get even

So on the weekends

She don’t dress for friends

Lately she’s been dressing for revenge

Ladies always rise above

Ladies know what people want

Someone sweet and kind and fun

The lady simply had enough

While he was doing lines

This line heavily implies cocaine use.  But I couldn’t find any gossip, articles, or arrests pertaining to drugs for any of our liars.  But also, we might not know–it could absolutely be happening behind the scenes.

I then tried to think of the many ways to use “line” that wasn’t drug-associated.  Stand in line, run lines as an actor, line your pockets, line of credit, boundary line, line your eyes, telephone line…

And crossing all of mine

Honestly, I don’t think Taylor intended any of the following uses of the word “line” that I found pertaining to Ku$hner misdeeds.  But it turned out really apt, and kinda cool, so I wish she had intended to write about him in the following ways:

Lines of credit for Ku$ner businesses that are completely unethical-

Check out this entire article for the conflict of interest of the Ku$ner clan:

Private phone lines that skirt United States security measures-

Jared Kushner gave a confusing explanation for his alleged ‘back channel’ plan with Russia

Natasha Bertrand Jul 24, 2017, 9:18 AM

President Donald Trump’s son-in-law and senior adviser, Jared Kushner, denied in a statement Monday that he suggested setting up a “back channel” communication line to the Kremlin that would bypass US intelligence agencies and persist after Trump was inaugurated.

But Kushner acknowledged in the statement, which came ahead of a closed-door appearance before the Senate Intelligence Committee, that he asked Russia’s ambassador to the US in December whether the Trump transition team could use Russia’s embassy to communicate privately with Moscow about Syria. The meeting with the ambassador, Sergey Kislyak, “occurred in Trump Tower, where we had our transition office, and lasted twenty [to] thirty minutes,” Kushner wrote in an 11-page statement detailing his contacts with Russian nationals during the election and transition period. “Lt. General Michael Flynn (Ret.), who became the President’s National Security Advisor, also attended … I stated our desire for a fresh start in relations.” Kushner said Kislyak, whose tenure in the US ended this past weekend, asked whether there was “a secure line in the transition office to conduct a conversation” about the US’s Syria policy.

“General Flynn or I explained that there were no such lines,” Kushner wrote. But he said he went on to ask whether the Russian Embassy “had an existing communications channel … we could use where they would be comfortable transmitting the information they wanted to relay to General Flynn.” Kislyak said they didn’t, according to Kushner, and “nothing else occurred.”

“I did not suggest a ‘secret back channel,'” he wrote. “I did not suggest an on-going secret form of communication for then or for when the administration took office. I did not raise the possibility of using the embassy or any other Russian facility for any purpose other than this one possible conversation in the transition period. We did not discuss sanctions.”

Kushner’s statement appears consistent with a Washington Post report published in May that said he had floated the possibility of setting up a secure line of communication between the Trump transition team and Russia — and having those talks take place in Russian diplomatic facilities in the US, essentially concealing their interactions from US government scrutiny.

According to The Post, Kislyak was “taken aback” by Kushner’s request because it posed significant risks for both the Trump team and the Kremlin. But he passed along that request to Moscow anyway. Kushner did not previously disclose the December meetings with Kislyak and the CEO of a Russian bank, Sergey Gorkov, on his security clearance form. He said in his statement that the form was submitted prematurely.

‘A staggering lack of common sense’

Experts have said that if the Kushner-Kislyak meeting and reported discussion were an isolated incident, then it could be spun as normal back-channel communication arrangements among states.

But Kislyak and the Trump campaign interacted extensively, and Trump associates either kept those interactions secret from US officials or misrepresented them, as was the case with Flynn, who was forced to resign in February for similar reasons.

Scott Olson, a recently retired FBI agent who ran counterintelligence operations and spent more than 20 years at the bureau, told Business Insider in May that it was not unusual for low-level staffers to work between governments and bypass bureaucracy to exchange views and build consensus in advance of higher-level negotiations. But what Kushner appears to have done is “substantially different, in two ways,” he said. “First, he is not seeking a back channel for a low-level staff exchange,” Olson said. “He wants high-level direct-contact communication. This is extremely dangerous because it results in verbal (and therefore undocumented and unwitnessed) agreements, which are binding on governments. Free governments do not work this way. They can’t. If they do, they are no longer free.”

He added: “Second, he asked to use a foreign government’s communication facilities. This is way beyond a private server. This is doing US government diplomatic business over a foreign government’s communication system. It’s not an off-the-record conversation. It’s a conversation recorded by the opposing party. This shows a staggering lack of understanding of the US and its place in the world. Actually, it shows a staggering lack of common sense. When he negotiates a business deal does he use the other guy’s notes?”

It also struck many experts as odd that Flynn, Kushner, and Kislyak would want to conceal discussions about Syria from the US’s national security and intelligence communities. “Why in God’s name would they want to conceal plans on Syria strategy from the US military?” asked Susan Hennessey, a former attorney for the National Security Agency. “Even accepting their Syria spin, what Kushner tried to do was blind the US government on incredibly important national security matters. That’s not how it works. That’s not the behavior of someone who recognizes America is still, at its core, a common endeavor.”

Egregious disregard drawing up boundary lines between Israel and Palestine-

Alas, I don’t think it is actually what the song is about because Jo$h’s brother Jared isn’t crossing boundaries of Taylor’s as far as I know.  He’s a criminal POS, but at most his politics are disagreeable to Taylor, and his brother “stole” the love of Taylor’s life. But that line worked out pretty well with many of the Ku$hner crimes.

I sincerely hope Kanye is not doing coke.  That would be like pouring gasoline on his mania.  I’m not sure drugs are in his picture–as evidenced by his mentally ill outbursts and untreated personality disorder.  And trying to sniff out (ha) one line in one song that Taylor might have been thinking about would be such a huge undertaking, I couldn’t even.

Does $cooter do drugs?  Maybe.  Lots of wealthy people seem to play in the snow, but I couldn’t find anything definitive. Nor could I find crimes about lines in any way. Though obviously $cooter is trampling on Taylor’s boundaries all over the place.

Someone told his white collar crimes to the FBI

Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you’ve ever seen, oh

Kanye and white collar crime:

Kanye has done many things.  Many, many, many $hitty, evil things.  But mostly they involved words- verbally abusing Kim, threatening Pete, undermining the Black community and BLM, being anti-semetic, aligning with Trump and the GOP…  Punching various people also came up.  But white collar crime returned more limited results:

$cooter and white collar crime:

So that could be who she’s talking about in this particular line…

And I don’t dress for villains

Or for innocents

I’m on my vigilante shh again

I don’t start it, but I can tell you how it ends

Don’t get sad, get even

So on the weekends

I don’t dress for friends

Lately I’ve been dressing for revenge

worst of 2019

31 Dec

So from bad to worst here are the least pleasant times of 2019:

 

10. new mck program ridiculousness

At work my supervisor (more on her later) told us our jobs weren’t in danger, nothing was changing, she doesn’t want to see us taking our stuff home out of fear.  I took my stuff home.  Because as a temp, you have zero job security.  You can always get the phone call that says you are no longer needed, don’t report to work…  And sure enough that very evening I got a phone call from my temp agency–don’t report…  I thought my assignment was over.  Temp to hire is a carrot so they can use you when they need you.  But then the lady continued–report to Scottdale (the palace).  So unceremoniously, McKesson switched my program, switched my job duties, and switched my work location from one city to another–as of tomorrow (the day back in March? this occured).

 

And the new program was a relief–new people, better building, better seat where I could see out a window, good cube-neighbors.  Easier tasks.  But less tasks.  So many less.  I went from averaging 110 calls to doing 6 in a day.  And calls were the only thing we did.  Dramatically less work.  And I found out even if you do the job properly, it’s not McKesson leadership’s job to be fair to employees under them–they must cater to these clients that hire McKesson as their middle-man.  However stupid, disorganized, and redundant those clients are–and believe me this client was all those things.  So between just uprooting me with no notice (DISLIKE) and then not supporting me even though I was doing everything outlined in the rules (you should see this email chain, it’s fucking ridiculous), I just didn’t want to do that anymore.

 

9. being cold in the new house

We got out of that mother-fucking horrible, tiny apartment-yay!  Our new house is adorable and (nearly) perfect, but has no insulation to speak of.  And AZ, which is supposed to be warm all the time, has been unseasonably cold now for 2 winters in a row.  I was icy cold and uncomfortable last Jan-March, and now I’m freezing in Dec.  I don’t like it.  I don’t want to pay even more utilities since AZ had 96 days over 100 degrees in the summer and you have no choice but to pay 24/7 AC.  And I can’t find a B-pair of cuddle-duds so these just keep getting bigger and bigger.

 

8. social problems at new job

So I get a new, better job where I did actually go permanent (eventually and finally!) but it’s all weird.  Training is set up for extroverts so I was completely anxious, stressed, and as a result I shut-down.  And my particular class had really super-fast learners, so I also felt like I didn’t want to slow anyone down with confusions or questions.  And I just didn’t really interact, because I never really got to know anybody, and I was really uncomfortable the whole time.  Nervous, stressed out, awkward…

Then my dink supervisor didn’t even introduce me to my new team.  What?!  And when I’m at my cube, I am legit trying and concentrating on the work (and still shy, awkward, uncomfortable) so I never got brave enough to introduce myself to anyone on my team.  So now, it’s been a weirdly long time and it’s too late to introduce myself to my team–so I just literally don’t know most of them.  Like their names or anything.  And that is weird and terrible.  And even though I never got to know anyone from my training class, some of them acted like we go way back, and were mad when I didn’t really engage with them (because I don’t know them either!  We had never talked in training) so they seem disgruntled.

So that’s weird and unpleasant.  And even at McKesson, I had some friends and some acquaintances, because they warmed up and initiated real conversations with me, then I didn’t feel uncomfortable so I felt like I could chat with them and stuff.  Cause eventually I do open up to people, but only when it doesn’t feel forced or strained or superficial.  But so far, no one has made any effort to really talk to me at all here, so it just keeps getting worse and worse socially…  I hate it, but don’t know how to change it at this point either-I’ve been pigeonholed.

 

7. being fat

I lost my metabolic gift when I turned 34.  And now I have to pay attention to eating and exercise in a way I never even had to think about before.  So that’s a bummer.  And all my size 2s are dead to me.  And I put my suits in the give-away bag, and that sucked.  And my Lucky jeans, which were my #1 staple jeans are a 4, and I’m out of that zone now too.  And putting those in the bag, really hurt my feelings.  So I don’t like anything about that.

 

6. parents visit fighting

My dad was shaving his face with an electric razor on my living room couch-what the fuck?!  And I said, “Are you getting whiskers everywhere????”  And he said, “Yeah, so.”  And I went ballistic (of course!  nobody wants stubble all over their living room couch and floor) and told him not to do that-go in the bathroom over the sink–probably with some curse words peppered in.  And then my mom said his shaver collects the hair, it doesn’t make a mess.  So why didn’t he proactively tell me that or answer no when I asked about hair?  Who knows (turns out he hadn’t actually heard what I asked, but bluffed and pretended he had).

Then we went about our business.  I had painstakingly created an itinerary so everyone would have fun and be comfortable and that day was casino and buffet (my dad’s favorites).  And after eating, Dad went to gamble.  And Cool of course had sick belly.  Leaving my mom and I alone at the table.  And that’s always a risk because fights can touch off pretty quickly.  Cool is supposed to be my buffer…  And in 1 min my mom wanted to tell me something.  And I was like, “Don’t whatever it is, you’re going to make me mad.”  But she just has to go there-like always.  And she said whatever it was–I actually can’t remember, but I ended up storming out of the buffet, pissed off.  And there was some loud family arguing on the casino floor (ghetto) and anger all around.  Threats on the way home they would fly out early, and I had had enough so I was actually for it.  And it generally just escalated into an ugly thing that let resentments, grudges, animosities, tiredness, control-issues, and everything negative out from just under the surface, into the open.  Not optimal.

Come to find out, the shaver incident had hurt my dad’s feelings and made him mad.  But instead of telling me, he whined to my mom.  And she has to get in the middle of everything so she confronted me.  But that’s kind of been her thing ever since I was a kid:  Telling me that both of them felt this or thought that as a way to give legitimacy and weight to whatever was her gripe.  Because she always felt I liked my dad more, and listened to him over her–neither of which is true.  Anyway, since she had used this tactic a lot, I just made an assumption she was doing that and blew up at her.  Turns out it was actually my dad this time.  So the whole incident was bad.  I felt bad.  I was upset that my dad would do that knowing my mom and my history, and I’d say it put a major damper on their whole trip.  They’ll never come back.

 

5. worrying about no stability as a temp

Really the worry and insecurity with this is an understatement.  It really impacts your whole life and finances.  Knowing you could be told not to come back at any time is terrible.  Having your work location change cities with hours of notice is awful.  Having to try to be perfect in performance and quality for fear of being let go is stressful.  Not having any sick days, vacation, or time off is exhausting.  No/bad benefits adds insult to injury.  I hope I never have to live this way again.

 

4. felissa hating on me

I thought I was having another situation with the big boss.  Things kept happening at work to make me uncomfortable, and undermine my progress and upward mobility.  Pointed comments were made to groups that I was certain were directed at me.  But my supervisor was kind of a dink-bimbo.  So I didn’t think it was her.  And I had been sent home early by the big boss when I made it known I thought he was sexist toward my work.  I just assumed some sort of retaliation was happening.  I was producing numbers DOUBLE of what they were asking of us.  And I got FIVE 100% quality scores in a row.  The quality guy loved me, because I took pride in my work and made an effort to hit every expectation on all of my calls.  But I was passed up for a promotion.  They picked the top 30 (I don’t remember the exact number now, I think 30) out of like 200 of us in the program for a special project/recognition.  I was not chosen.  But I know I belonged in that group.  And I know for a fact that my work was better than at least 2 people chosen over me.  Not to sound arrogant (and the quantitative data backs this up), but I was absolutely safely in the top 5 of my whole team, and probably if not THE top performer definitely the 2nd best.  But I wasn’t included in this top 30 group.

So I asked my supervisor why.  And she said it wasn’t the ‘top’ people.  But the big boss had said in front of all of us that it was, and I reminded her that.  She said it was productivity.  And I pointed to my numbers that she had just provided me of my performance–and said these are over expectation by a lot.  And she mentions quality.  So I reminded her mine was great.  I really pressed her as to why I wasn’t in the group, because I thought I had been blacklisted by the big-boss, because I accused him of sexism (I was sure this was the reason).  And she told me the people were chosen for their critical thinking skills.  I asked why leadership was doubtful about my critical thinking skills–after all just that week, she had put 4 different people with me as a side-by-side to teach them the job.  If they didn’t believe in me, why the fuck would they have me training people???

And then I was moved to a different program without warning.  No word.  But when I got to the new program a gal from my former program, that had been on my exact team was there too.  But the supervisor had discussed the move with her the week before.  My supervisor told 1 gal–“in a week you will go to a new program.”  And that same supervisor had a team meeting and said–“I don’t wanna see you guys taking your stuff home, nothing is changing nobody is moving or getting fired.”  And that day my recruiter told me–tomorrow you move to a new program/city.  Bitch, please!

It had been my supervisor working against me the entire time, but because she seemed like a damn flake, I had underestimated her and didn’t even realize everything was because of her.

 

3. commuting from scottsdale to here

Having new people around was great, as was working in a palace of a building.  But I had specifically signed a one year lease to be close to work (the former building).  It was within walking distance.  And now I had to drive diagonally through one entire city, and from the very south to the very north end of a 2nd city to get to and from work.  I hate commuting and I know that about me.  Driving through a college town with bad drivers and crazy pedestrians OR taking the freeway that gets bogged down right when I get off work = 2 bad choices.  The drive was eating up a lot of my day.  I was tired all the time.  I started getting road rage from dealing with constant shit-driving shenanigans.  Meanwhile, my new house was right next to a work building that I no longer worked at.

 

2nd.  awkwardness at cmm

I made a pretty awesome training power point.  I gave it to every leader in my program.  Nothing came of it.  Despite people liking it and the fact it was a useful tool, the thing went nowhere.  Fine.  But then a co-worker boy saw the power point.  He loved it.  He said it would have been super helpful if he’s had it when he was starting out.  He asked why it wasn’t in use.  I said I’d given it to leadership but nothing came of it.  He asked if he could show it to them again.  After he showed it to them, my power point was used to help train people THAT day.

I felt like it was discrimination.  It was the exact same power point.  Only difference was that a boy presented it.  I made it known that I was unhappy about it.  And the big boss called me in a private meeting.  He was not happy with my accusation.  He even sent me home from work midway through the day.  I was convinced I wouldn’t be invited back (temp, remember).  It didn’t happen that day.  I became paranoid it was only a matter of time.  Nobody talked to me about it, but it was the holidays so people were on vacation, and things were not running as usual.  I was waiting for a meeting…  No meeting occurred.  But I knew the big boss was unhappy with me, so I figured he was just waiting for me to mess up, so he could site that as the reason for letting me go.  So I became hyper-paranoid about not making any mistake on anything.  And that’s a lot of pressure, paranoia, and fear.  And it lasted for two-ish months.  Every day.  Miserable.

 

1. worst ever:  thinking Goose (my beloved maine coon buddy) might die

Last winter, we moved.  It was also cold.  Goose lost weight, and I know that’s bad.  I’ve seen it over and over, they start losing weight and that’s the beginning of the end.  He was lethargic.  Stopped playing.  Didn’t groom C.L. like he always had.  But when he stopped grooming himself I knew he was about to die.  He has always taken great pride in his coat.  It was so greasy, it became matted, and I had to give him a scraggle lion cut so he had less to maintain.  I was so scared and sad.  We went to the feline exclusive vet.  They suggested a $500+ diagnostic.  I love Goose, but when both you and your mate could get a call any time saying you don’t have a job tomorrow–well, you have to save every penny.  $500 is a lot any time, but when it might be your cushion in unemployment–I just couldn’t spend that much.  Not on anything.  Also, the vet didn’t call with the in-house lab results for 6 days.  Deal breaker.  We went to a 2nd vet for a 2nd opinion.  Except he pretty much reiterated what the first vet said.  And even though we had mentioned the slow communication on lab results as the primary reason for changing vets–the 2nd vet didn’t tell us lab results for 6 days!  I didn’t wanna be that client, but I know better.  So we went to a 3rd vet.  Which seems ridiculous.  And we didn’t tell her about the other 2 vets.  And she put him on blood pressure medication and arthritis injections.  No expensive diagnostics–and he’s doing awesome, I’m happy to report!  So false alarm, but I still felt horrible.

Moments of 2015-Bad

31 Dec

I see today (New Years Eve) as a day for reflection.  And I can’t say I’m sorry 2015 is over.  It wasn’t terrible, I’ve had much worse years.  But it wasn’t what I wanted either.  I like to know where I’m going, and in 2015 I never did.  I didn’t know if I would continue with school, and I didn’t know where my career would take me.  In the past, I’ve been severely disappointed when career objectives didn’t pan out, but this time I felt a calmness and grace about the situation.  Still, there is a dissatisfaction.  And now I’m left to really contemplate what I want in life.  But that’s a story for tomorrow, New Years Day, a day for goals and new beginnings.  Today I’ll post a few blogs about worst moments in 2015.  Which isn’t just picking the scabs of wounds, it’s thinking and it’s learning.  Seeing the worst times allows me to rearrange the circumstances to make next year better.

And again, I’m posting for the sake of time and forgoing a lot of re-writes.  I’ll edit later (maybe).

12TH WORST TIME OF 2015:  -Bob, at my new job, introducing himself as the janitor.  Trying to be funny, but offending me.  Insinuating of course he was much better than a crummy janitor.  He’s some client services administrator–big deal.  When he didn’t know that janitorial had been my very last job, and my father had been a custodian for 20 or 30 years.  What a D-bag.

11.  -Human drama at the YMCA.  Deb being all weird toward me because ???  and holding a grudge.  The churchy gal acting like a bitch and treating me like a lowly janitor.  Just coldness and unnecessary drama from people with nothing to keep their minds busy.  It was stupid, but even though I wasn’t invested in the drama, I noticed it, and had to DEAL with it.  Lame.

10.  -Rusty’s doors remaining half open in the winter.  Primarily because it rendered my remote start useless.  And obviously I NEED that.  I hate being cold.  So much so, that I had bought my own remote start and fought for them to put it in my manual–which is a liability for them and usually against the rules.  And I had always loved starting the car from inside the warm building.  But now it set off the alarm, because the doors were open just enough. . .

9.  -The unwelcoming, frosty environment at MSCL for my first 7 months working there.  NOBODY acknowledged me, talked to me, or anything.  I felt awkward and alone.  Those duds and douche-bags were the WORST!  Here’s an example:  I walk in as a brand new employee–and nobody (even my boss)  says hello.  Or I sneeze–and nobody says bless you or anything.  It was as if I was invisible.  I guess it’s because they have high turn-over, and they were change-averse.  And because it’s a lab, so people don’t have great any social skills.  But it still made me feel like it was ME.  And that brought back horrible memories of veterinary social problems that plagued my work life previously.  I had wanted new beginnings and to turn a corner in a new field–and this was not the start I’d hoped for.

8.  -Not getting into the UU AuD program, despite getting the 4.0, having extracurriculars, and working very hard on my application.  Was it the gay-themed activities I put on my application?  Bad interview answers?  Being from out-of-state?  I really don’t have any idea, and I feel like I should be in there.  Easily.  But this is toward the bottom of my disappointments (and the top of this list) because I’ve grown as a person, through my veterinary sagas.  I had to future plan, which wasn’t cool.  I still don’t know what I will do career-wise, which is scary and reeks of failure.  But I didn’t totally fall apart this time.  I took it in stride.  I do wonder how in the heck I didn’t get in that class, because I feel like I really deserved it and would have done an excellent job.  But I’m putting it on to them, not beating myself up over it.  And I’m not sure it’s what I want anyway.  I’m very disillusioned by the costs of school.  And I haven’t gotten ANY return on my undergrad investment.  And the forums scared me off of audiology a little, because they said Hearing Instrument Specialists can do almost exactly the same job, with NO school.  And they probably get paid equal or MORE than actual audiologists.  Also people talked about it being kind of a dead-end career, that’s highly redundant.  And I didn’t know if paying for 4 more years would even be worth it in the end.  But I’m still undecided, and haven’t closed the audiology door all the way.  Perhaps being 14th for a class of 12 was actually a favor to me. . .

7.  -When my parents insisted I call Dad’s chiropractor’s son about getting IN at Costco audiology–NOW, at the same time I frantically trying to complete a heavy-duty YWCA-UT job application and get ready for work at my current job.  They get overwrought and crazy and over-emotional, then there’s nothing for me to say or do to stop that crazy-train.  Unless I do what they say, when they say it, things fall apart quickly.  The whole thing just reminded me of every other time my parents tried to control me.  And how they were probably disappointed in me.  And that’s how the big horribleness of 2007 Cabin-Mansion had really kicked off the first time, so I was scared there would be a big blow up and subsequent melt-down of the relationship we had worked so hard to forge.

6.  -The meeting where work reneged on the full-time schedule, hours, and pay we had negotiated 3 days prior.  I had finagled the best schedule for my weekends, sleep, and time with Cool.  Everyone at work had left the meeting satisfied and happy.   They got coverage on a Sunday, which had been difficult to secure, I got Fridays and Saturdays off and a late-start Wednesday.  It was absolutely perfect and I commended myself for taking a chance and asking.  But 2 days later, they called me back in and told me I’d have to take the legit schedule I had applied for.  Because a girl (previously a bitch to me) who had more seniority, and was better at the job wanted to work Sunday.  And trying to please everyone, instead of defending me and the schedule they had promised me, they gave it to her.  So I felt betrayed (again) and like I had a much worse schedule.  But I also felt trapped.  What else would I do?  I needed this job, or it was back to veterinary assisting.  So I had to just accept it and deal with–while being really angry, frustrated, and un-trusting toward management–and that bitch.

5.  -When Cool picked a fight just 2 days after my good knows of getting a full-time job.  Cutting short my celebration.  Depression strikes this time.  Out of nowhere, Cool knocks the figurative wind out of me by acting like a major jerk.  It was awful, because I had just talked to my proud parents and had been super-ecstatic about my new job, and Cool knocked me down to a miserable level.  I was really sad about it, because I’m ALWAYS supporting Cool and she just didn’t have it in her to even pretend to return the favor–her depressive episode made it all about her.  Again.  I wished she could be supportive and celebrate with me, but instead her bipolar and selfishness ruined it all.  The memory of my new job is still tarnished.

4.  -Getting stuck with all the moving logistics, work, and most of the payments, because Cool went manic and in so doing abandoned me in a time of stress and need.  Which was the WORST because moving sucks anyway.  And there is so much to do and plan, and so much heavy physical work.  It wasn’t fair and I felt alone and unsupported.  Mental illness is the WORST sometimes.  It’s hard not to blame Cool, and that’s not really what I signed up for.  Cleaning the Spokompton apartment by myself was awful.  It was messy and there was so, so, so much left to do.  And it wasn’t fun, and I felt resentful that Cool had already started her job and couldn’t come do her share of the work.  Especially when I was cleaning things SHE had messed up.  Driving Rusty, alone, and wanting to come home and relax very badly, after such a tiring trip and no sleep.  Then walking into a messy house full of manic shenanigans, with a Craigslist ill-fitting futon we hadn’t talked about.  And dealing with having to clean and reconfigure everything, while dealing with a belligerent, unreasonable, manic person.  It was BAD.

3.  -Finding out I was just PRN (after they promised me something different in my interview).  I had interviewed over the phone for the job.  They said I was technically applying for a PRN job, but soon, they were posting a job with more regular hours.  That job was the same duties, but it was a year of guaranteed hours.  This PRN job, which had been posted was 25 hours a week for training, but then was substitute only.  Not stable, and not really what I wanted.  So they hired me during my phone interview, but told me they would call me when (slow) HR got around to posting the year-long job.  Then, I was to apply for that to make the paperwork legit, and that job would be mine.  I waited for the call to tell me that year-job had been posted and to complete that application.  And waited.  When I finally got the phone call from MSCL, they were wanting me to pick a start date for the as-needed job.  And pretended not to remember promising me the more stable-year long job.  I had written it down!  And the way my supervisor acted was callous–and I knew she remembered, but had just reneged.  But I had to take the lessor job, because what else was I going to do?  I needed an income after moving to a new state.  And sure enough on my first day of work, I found out they had hired a coworkers daughter for MY year-long job.  Nepotism had been at play, and as usual I got screwed at work.

2.  -The fear-phobia really, of being offered a job at a veterinary specialty hospital.  I had a sense of dread and sick feeling.  I should have never applied to veterinary hospitals, because my resume is just BUILT for them.  But I was feeling a little insecure and desperate about my guarenteed training 25 hours per week becoming true, as-needed.  I HAVE to work a minimum of 25 hours just to meet my bills, and that was soon to end.  And it’s my policy to ALWAYS interview for the practice if one is offered.  And while I know my veterinary experience is a major advantage in that field, I didn’t anticipate them loving me quite so much and being offered a full-time position on the spot.  The trouble was, it did seem like the best case scenario veterinary medicine could offer.  It was ONLY speciality referrals.  It was the BEST veterinarians in the state.  The hospital hirarchy was set up so there was a legitimate office manager and head vet tech to answer to–not the impulses of vets.  There was a true support system and everyone was on the same learning curve and truely didn’t leave you alone to fail.  And they seemed nice.  And said they didn’t yell–and I believed them.  And the technology was AWESOME.  They really had it all, not just the Idexx lab and digital x-ray.  Like ALL the toys, including MRI, and anything else spectacular.  But I had just such bad memories.  And I knew the schedules and the overwork, and the under-pay.  All the pit-falls, that really, I could no longer live with.  And it’s not what I want in life.  And the delimma was feeling like I HAD to take it, because I really had nothing else to fall back on, but feeling STRESS at the prospect of taking it.  In the end, I made the very, very difficult decision on not going backwards.  It was really hard (and brave) leaving veterinary assisting jobs in the first place, and I had done it for good reasons.  I had to keep up that bravery even when times got tough.  So I declined, but left the door open.  And they liked me so well, that they said to call any time I wanted a job.

  1.  VERY WORST 2015 MOMENT:  Thinking Goose might have thrown a clot to the leg, and worrying about his impending death, and worse, knowing there wasn’t a lot I could do to prevent it.  He randomly fell off the couch twice, and didn’t have use of his back leg.  It was too short to be a seizure (maybe) but didn’t have the pain of a thrombosis.  But my reference point was when the screaming cats had been brought to the vet.  Maybe there were precursor incidents at home that hadn’t been painful, and had gone ignored by owners–I didn’t know.  So of course, I thought the worst.  And I remembered the vets at Cats Meow preparing owners if there were any heart abnormalities.  Telling them to just make the decision to euthanize now, before emotions were involved, because once the clot was thrown, prognosis was grave.  And I remember the cats coming in-just screaming in horrible pain.  And owners saying it happened out of nowhere.  One day, the cat was fine, the next down in back and just SCREAMING.  It was awful to imagine that for my Goose.  And it’s still in the back of my mind, because he is a Maine Coon and they are notorious for heart issues.  But I’m hoping he was just being a clumsy dink, since it’s only happened twice, and the episodes were brief.

Oblivious

4 Jan

My new job is at the YMCA–the central branch, right off of town down and adjacent to “felony flats” to be exact.  The Y’s mission is to allow everyone.  They will give memberships on a sliding scale, accommodate all ages through the lifespan, and let people loiter in the lobby even if they don’t have a membership.

10728981_10205018502800689_515510578_n

As such, I’ve seen some things.  Lots of naked people in the locker rooms, a ton of diapers in the trash, and some weird sketchy people casing cars or digging in the dumpsters.  But for the most part, people behave themselves.  Except the unruly teenage boys, which they try to keep in the Teen Center or the gym.

Anyway, I’m on the janitorial crew which is fine.  It’s non-stressful.  It’s mindless.  I don’t mind doing it.

I walked past 3 “wet floor” signs in the lobby, on my way to vacuum the 5 rugs by the less-used back double doors of the lobby on Friday.  Since that set of doors is to the rear entrance, my back was to most of the people and activities in the lobby.  I was on my last rug and I heard a loud crash.  BUT there are constantly loud sounds at the Y:  Maintenance working in the ceilings, the membership staff dropping huge piles of towels on the front desk, workout equipment being slammed, and teenage boys slamming each other around.  Talking, shouting, music. . .  It’s always loud, so I’m desensitized.

I didn’t turn around when I heard it–which I see now was a mistake.  When I did finish cleaning the last rug and turned around to unplug my vacuum, I immediately saw my boss holding the mop and standing in a puddle of soapy water by the other set of doors.  He must have accidently kicked his bucket over while he was mopping!  I hastily unplugged my vacuum and dragged the cord (instead of rolling it up as usual) to help him clean up the mess.  The mop water was right where people are going in and out all the time, and a major slipping risk.

I squeezed past some guy to set my vacuum by the wall, yanking my cord to get it out of the path, joking, “Man down!”  to my boss.  Not paying attention to anything (or anyone), I went to the front desk to grab some of their towels to sponge up the slick water.  My boss was still just standing in the middle of the puddle like a deer in headlights, so I proceeded to step on the towels and scoot around to dry the scene.

Then, the big-boss came up and asked, “What’s going on here?”  I thought, because there was a big puddle of water at the front door and he was worried about liability.  Because spills happen, and we I had all but cleaned it up (and because the big boss is nice and he likes me) I gave the cheeky response, “We thought we would make a water feature in the lobby.”  Then, my boss answered, “This guy kicked my mop bucket over–on purpose.”

And suddenly, I realized I had missed what happened and had been reacting WRONG–I had assumed my boss spilled his own bucket by accident, I didn’t realize sinister forces were at work.  The guy I pushed past with my vacuum was sitting on the chair right by the puddle.  And when my boss said someone had intentionally kicked over mop water, my first instinct was to give this perpetrator a glare.  That kind of crap infuriates me.  Janitors don’t have a glamorous job, and it’s pretty ridiculous to heckle us or make our lives harder.  But when I looked in the guy’s direction, I saw he was not to be provoked.

He was sitting stiffly in the chair, and you could see anger just exuding from him.  I looked back at my boss, and saw (for the first time) his face was shaking with anger.  I thought uh-oh!  There’s going to be some nose-punching!  My boss has some false teeth, because he lost some fighting in the past.  The big-boss gave the guy several chances to share his side of the story, but like a douche-bag he denied doing it purposely, then evaded the question.  Which always annoys me–if you have the kahonies to do the bad thing, have the kahonies to take your consequences.  As far as I could tell, the guy felt like my boss mopped too close to his personal space, so he retaliated–who does that?!

I thought I’d better get my boss out of the scene, before he exploded so I tried to take the mop, saying I could finish the rest.  He was like, “That’s OK, I got it.”  And I said, “Why don’t you go take a moment.”  And he hesitated and I kind of patted him/pushed him away and was like, “Go take a second, Man.”  So my boss went away to cool off while I mopped the rest of the lobby.  I could hear the big-boss STILL trying to find the logic for the guy’s behavior, and finally telling him that the janitors have a schedule, people are tracking in mud and we have to clean it so nobody slips, it’s not against anybody, or intentionally in their way, and here at the Y, we all need to play nice, and try to get along.  Which, I’ve seen the big-boss pull people aside and give them stern lectures, I’ve heard him talk in a firm voice, and he’s kicked people out and even banned them for life.  But you could tell this guy would do something terrible if pushed, so the big-boss fairly gently told him the story and just left him sitting there.

And the guy just sat there, in a tense position–for the next 2 hours!  It’s an open floor plan, so I could see him as I went about my cleaning business, up the down the stairs, as I walked to the family lockers, and of course I avoided the lobby.  He sat, motionless and you could read ‘rage’ from his demeanor.  I thought he was probably waiting for my boss to leave so he could finish what he started.  Finally, the big-boss went him to him briefly and the guy stood up, without a fight of any kind, and left.  I was surprised to see him leave so easily.

Later, I asked my boss if he knew they guy, because past history would be the only reason I could imagine for such an act.  My boss said the guy was a stranger to him.  He said he was just spot-mopping the wet muddy spots, in the vicinity of the guy.  No looks or words were exchanged.  Suddenly, the guy just stood up, went over to the mop bucket and threw it over with his hands.  Then the guy then told my boss, “I guess you have to clean that, huh.”  And my boss said, “You know you’re on camera, right?”  The the guy started rambling on about how he was a drone, he was always on camera, and he had drones following him. . .  OK so something’s not right there.

The next day, the gal at the membership desk (who was the 4th person there at the time, and had looked up at the sound) said she saw the whole thing.  She confirmed that unprovoked, the guy smiled and got up and threw the full bucket over, then lied to the big-boss about it.  She also added that he had been sitting there for 3 hours before that happened.

So he had sat in the lobby of the Y for 5 hours!

And later that next day my boss said he was to 711 after work where he knows the clerk.  Apparently, that same guy had gone to 711 and stood in there for an hour before the clerk asked him to leave.  Once he was asked to go, the guy started flipping over candy and donuts and generally making a scene to the point the clerk called the police.  As he was calling, the guy finally left.

So the weirdest story about an erratic person–and I didn’t bother to turn around–so I missed it!  I’m always on guard outside the Y–when I take trash out, or go to my car, or when I have to walk from the corporate building to the main one.  But I wasn’t aware enough inside the building.  Where there’s weirdo’s, there’s potential trouble.  I will turn around every time from now on. . .

 

Fri-disappointment [post 2 of 4]

8 Sep

FRIDAY was not our worst Gorge experience ever.  In 2010 we had tickets and got there Sunday for the show–only to find out our tickets had been for Saturday.  And the venue was $hitty about it and wouldn’t honor them even though they could tell they’d never been scanned.  And they wouldn’t even downgrade us to lawn.  They said we could purchase 2 lawn tickets for $100 (extra).  So we went home, having missed out.  So this wasn’t that bad, but it’s a close 2nd worst.

I wish I could say Friday was amazing and everything I’d been looking forward to for so long. It truly makes me sad I can’t.

There was a parking situation.  They made brand new paths to drive on–which is a lot better because they criss-crossed the whole lot.  So there would be less waiting in line to leave when that time came.  Our flag lady, however, was not doing her job.  She didn’t indicate which path Cool should take.  We rolled down the window and Cool asked and received a reply I didn’t hear.  Later, Cool told me she said, “follow the path and park.”  NOT helpful.  But Cool didn’t persist for clarification.  And the thing about Cool is she folds under pressure and recedes inside herself when presented with any kind of choice in a perceived pressure situation.  She has generalized anxiety on top of her bipolar.  For me, it means she totally shuts down and freezes, doing nothing.  Meanwhile leaving me, the passenger, to control the situation–from afar.  It’s stressful for her and frustrating for me.  Well, that happened, putting damper #1 on our time.

But we were ready to tailgate!  We had all kinds of snacks, and bevs, and playing cards.  Before the concert we had fun.yellow skirt tailgate Fri

At 3PM, the venue opened for the Caravan Acts (we didn’t care about).  But I like to be early and we both wanted to check out the merch before it got picked over so I grabbed our awesome poster and we lined up.  Smokers were in front of us and behind us in the line.  I realized how spoiled we are as Washington residents, that not a staggering percentage of people smoke.  But there were a lot of out of staters for the crux of the summer concert series, so we had to endure it.  But not without some loud grumbling.  The poster was a little unruly to carry because the wind kept wanting to gust it away.  So I had to use my arm muscles to keep it from bending or flying away.  It would be well worth it later!  As we approached the front of the line, I noticed there were 8 security stalls, all of them manned–but people were only standing at the first 2.  And the security people at the later stalls were goofing off.  I told Cool to follow me and went from the 2nd long line, so the 5th completely empty stall.  And made it all the way inside in about 2 seconds.  I turned to celebrate with Cool, and no Cool.  Where did she go?  I waited on the other side of the lines expecting her to come right through.  Nope.  I went up to the gate to look for her.  Not only had she not followed me, she was no longer in any line.  She was waiting in a random area–crumbling from the pressure.  Again.  Frustrated, I yelled for her.  Her hearing loss and panic prohibited her from hearing me.  I had to go back out and grab her and get her.  I actually was so frustrated at her inability to function enough to go through an effing line I thought about just going to our seats–but she was holding our tickets.  When I grabbed her she said she lost me.  Even though I wore a bright yellow skirt and was holding a large, colorful poster. . .  Damper #2 on our time.

It was more windy then it had been at our past concerts.  Wind is my least favorite weather.  But my hair was back out of my face in a cute hairstyle, and my skirt had built in shorts and looked cute and flouncy when it whipped around.  BUT I forgot my fire shoes. Sneakers that matched my adorable outfit, yet were comfortable to walk across dirt, weeds, and up & down all the hills. So my plastic flip-flops ate the skin off my feet and got wet and sweaty.  I also forgot a coat/sweatshirt/longsleeve Sidenote: I really cannot change plans at the last minute. I was going to wear my whole outfit in the car and had it all (including the 2 aforementioned articles) set out. Then, I decided I didn’t want to get car slur on my nice stuff so I’d wear grubbies on the 2.5 hour drive and change. Back to point. I (we both) got cold. And there was nothing to do except A) be miserable and distracted for 7 hours or B) buy expensive outerwear at the merch stand. So I shelled out $65 for a sweatshirt and Cool $65 for a zip-up. Which we will both wear, but probably wouldn’t have bought if temperature wasn’t a factor.

sweatshirt on Friday

Brandi Carlile did an awesome job!  As always she got the crowd going, and I think made a lot of new fans.  They added banjo to “100 years” and it sounded outstanding-I hope I can get hold of that live version!  Also, Brandi ended the 1st song, there was a pause, and it looked like Brandi saw our sign.  Then she said, “Raise Hell” (our sign said– Raise Hell Brandi), there was another pause–then they played “Raise Hell.”  I’m pretty sure because of our sign.  So that was awesome.  She also did a rockin’ cover of Fleetwood Mac and “Nothing Compares to You,” in which the band ROCKED OUT.  It was amazing per the usual.  Though she played as a true opening act, doing covers instead of her own extensive, and popular, catalogue.  But honestly, I like anything Brandi Carlile does, so I didn’t mind at all.

There was a half hour break between sets and our section filled in.

We had seats pretty close to the front (row 13) but any seat at all is better then none.  Except we got surrounded by smokers. row 13-section 104--FriReally?! I guess cause Friday is big for out of staters who have to start going back home on the later days? Go home now!  I absolutely hate smoking, because I have to smell it and stink too.  And Cool hates it because her mom (who smoked for 40 years) is on Oxygen due to severe COPD.  And it was on all sides and disgusting and obnoxious. And since they were also drunk (I had never noticed before that everyone is) they had no consideration and chain-smoked puffing right on us.  Gross!

Cool was seated by Mr. Obnoxious. He was a drunk smoker, he was loud and pushy, and he crowded both of us out of our space. Like far away, so that the people on the other side of me were skewed also and complaining.  Cool was in front of my seat and I had to cram between my seat and the person on the other side of me.

When Dave Matthews got on stage, we held up our poster.  But Cool tried to pull it down after only .4 seconds.  And I was like, what’s going on–hold up our awesome poster!  She refused, not wanting to hold it at all.  She tried to renege on holding up our poster 😦 Which had been her idea, and we worked hard on it, and it looked amazing, and I had to carry it around in the wind pre-show.  But she wouldn’t.  Damper #3 was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  I became infuriated and disappointed with her. I was really pissed at her and it really made my time worse then it could have been.

stage--brown-plum

 

The setlist was great. We were at the Gorge! We had seats! Yet, things weren’t right with Cool and me, so it sucked.  I almost cried when “our song” “Crush” got played.  We were not in a good place, so it was really sad and sucky.  And the band played every sexy and romantic song they had because Dave’s wife and kids were in the audience–so fighting with Cool was the worst!

stage--red

But I was really mindful about tuning out the extraneous (anger/disappointment in Cool, SUPER-Douche crowd around us, and non-stop smoking) and look at the lighting, the band, the stage, the sky.  Think about how lucky I was to be there, and in good health, and have seats, and be sober.  Lucky

Still, I ended the night in crocodile tears, very disappointed in how the day was ruined.

Next installment, Saturday of Labor Dave Weekend + Brandi–away from the Gorge.