the lakes
Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die…/…I don’t belong, and my beloved, neither do you…/…Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry…/…I’m setting off, but not without my muse…/…I want auroras and sad prose…/…I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet/‘Cause I haven’t moved in years
Samuel Coleridge
William Wordsworth
Dorothy Wordsworth
Robert Southey:
invisible string
Time, curious time/Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs/Were there clues I didn’t see?/And isn’t it just so pretty to think/All along there was some/Invisible string/Tying you to me?/…On your first trip to LA/You ate at my favorite spot for dinner…/…Time, mystical time/Cuttin’ me open, then healin’ me fine…/…A string that pulled me/Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar/Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire/Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons/One single thread of gold tied me to you…/…Cold was the steel of my axe to grind/For the boys who broke my heart/Now I send their babies presents/Gold was the color of the leaves/When I showed you around Centennial Park/Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven/Time, wondrous time/Gave me the blues and then purple pink skies/And it’s cool, baby, with me/And isn’t it just so pretty to think/All along there was some/Invisible string/Tying you to me?
***Trigger Warning***
Conversion Therapy, Religious trauma, Reparative therapy
August
I never needed anything more/Whispers of “Are you sure?”/”Never have I ever before“…/…Back when we were still changin’ for the better/Wanting was enough/For me, it was enough/To live for the hope of it all/Cancel plans just in case you’d call/And say, “Meet me behind the mall”/So much for summer love and saying “us”/‘Cause you weren’t mine to lose/You weren’t mine to lose, no/But I can see us lost in the memory/August slipped away into a moment in time/’Cause it was never mine/And I can see us twisted in bedsheets/August sipped away like a bottle of wine…/…Remember when I pulled up and said, “Get in the car”/And then canceled my plans just in case you’d call?/Back when I was livin’ for the hope of it all (for the hope of it all)
***Sexual Content***
https://www.glamour.com/story/women-share-their-first-lesbian-sex-stories
illicit affairs
Make sure nobody sees you leave…/…You’ll be flushed when you return/Take the road less traveled by/Tell yourself you can always stop…/…And that’s the thing about illicit affairs/And clandestine meetings and longing stares/It’s born from just one single glance/But it dies, and it dies, and it dies/A million little times/Leave the perfume on the shelf/That you picked out just for him/So you leave no trace behind/Like you don’t even exist…/…A drug that only worked/The first few hundred times…/…And clandestine meetings and stolen stares/They show their truth one single time/But they lie, and they lie, and they lie/A million little times…/…Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/You showed me colors/You know I can’t see with anyone else…/…You taught me a secret language/I can’t speak with anyone else/And you know damn well/For you, I would ruin myself/A million little times
this is me trying
I’ve been having a hard time adjusting…/…I didn’t know if you’d care if I came back…/…Pulled the car off the road to the lookout/Could’ve followed my fears all the way down/And maybe I don’t quite know what to say/But I’m here in your doorway/I just wanted you to know/That this is me trying…/…They told me all of my cages were mental/So I got wasted like all my potential/And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad/I have a lot of regrets about that/I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere/Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here/Pouring out my heart to a stranger/But I didn’t pour the whiskey…/…At least I’m trying/And it’s hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound/It’s hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you/You’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town/And I just wanted you to know…/…That this is me trying/At least I’m trying
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4477838/
***Trigger Warning***
abuse, addiction, suicide
https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/guides-and-publications/when-a-family-member-is-suicidal
the last great american dynasty
And the town said, “How did a middle-class divorcée do it?”/…Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud/The doctor had told him to settle down/It must have been her fault his heart gave out…/…”Who knows if she never showed up, what could’ve been”/”There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen”/”She had a marvelous time ruinin’ everything”…/…Rebekah gave up on the Rhode Island set, forever/Flew in all her Bitch Pack friends from the city/Filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names/And blew through the money on the boys and the ballet/And losin’ on card game bets with Dalí…/…And in a feud with her neighbor/She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green…/…Free of women with madness, their men and bad habits/And then it was bought by me/Who knows if I never showed up what could’ve been/There goes the loudest woman this town has ever seen/I had a marvelous time ruinin’ everything
This song is difficult for me to listen to-Taylor’s pain is palpable.
Hoax
My only one/My smoking gun/My eclipsed sun
This has broken me down/My twisted knife/My sleepless night/My win-less fight/This has frozen my ground/Stood on the cliffside/Screaming, “Give me a reason”
Your faithless love’s the only hoax/I believe in/Don’t want no other shade of blue/But you/No other sadness in the world would do
My best laid plan/Your sleight of hand
My barren land/I am ash from your fire
You know I left a part of me back in New York/You knew the hero died, so what’s the movie for?/You knew it still hurts underneath my scars/From when they pulled me apart/You knew the password, so I let you in the door/You knew you won, so what’s the point of keeping score?/You knew it still hurts underneath my scars/From when they pulled me apart/But what you did was just as dark/Darling, this was just as hard/As when they pulled me apart
My only one/My kingdom come undone/My broken drum/You have beaten my heart
Don’t want no other shade of blue/But you/No other sadness in the world would do
I tried to split the lyrics into who I think Taylor is addressing: Fans in the first block and in the 2nd block her lover.
Mirrorball
I’m a mirrorball/I’ll show you every version of yourself tonight…/…Shimmering beautiful/And when I break it’s in a million pieces…/…I want you to know/I’m a mirrorball/I can change everything about me to fit in…/…And they called off the circus/Burned the disco down/When they sent home the horses/And the rodeo clowns/I’m still on that tightrope/I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me/I’m still a believer but I don’t know why/I’ve never been a natural/All I do is try, try, try/I’m still on that trapeze/I’m still trying everything/To keep you looking at me/Because I’m a mirrorball/I’m a mirrorball/I’ll show you every version of yourself/Tonight
Hush/When no one is around, my dear/You’ll find me on my tallest tiptoes/Spinning in my highest heels, love/Shining just for you/Hush/I know they said the end is near/But I’m still on my tallest tiptoes/Spinning in my highest heels, love/Shining just for you…/…You are not like the regulars/The masquerade revelers/Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten
Betty
Betty, I won’t make assumptions/About why you switched your homeroom but/I think it’s ’cause of me/Betty, one time I was riding on my skateboard/When I passed your house/It’s like I couldn’t breathe…/…Betty, I know where it all went wrong/Your favorite song was playing/From the far side of the gym/I was nowhere to be found/I hate the crowds, you know that/Plus, I saw you dance with him/You heard the rumors from Inez/You can’t believe a word she says/Most times, but this time it was true/The worst thing that I ever did/Was what I did to you/But if I just showed up at your party/Would you have me?/Would you want me?/Would you tell me to go fuck myself?/Or lead me to the garden?/In the garden would you trust me/If I told you it was just a summer thing?/I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything/But I know I miss you/I was walking home on broken cobblestones/Just thinking of you when she pulled up like/A figment of my worst intentions/She said “James, get in, let’s drive“/Those days turned into nights/Slept next to her, but/I dreamt of you all summer long/Betty, I’m here on your doorstep/And I planned it out for weeks now/But it’s finally sinkin’ in/Betty, right now is the last time/I can dream about what happens when/You see my face again/The only thing I wanna do/Is make it up to you/So I showed up at your party/Yeah, I showed up at your party/Will you have me?/Will you love me?/Will you kiss me on the porch/In front of all your stupid friends?/If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it?/Will it patch your broken wings?/I’m only 17, I don’t know anything/But I know I miss you/Standing in your cardigan/Kissin’ in my car again/Stopped at a streetlight/You know I miss you
Sometimes, lesbian poets who were not out tried hiding their poems of intense love for women as romantic friendships or sisterly bonds. This sometimes forces historians (and us) to “queer” the poetry and call it lesbian poetry.
Other times, lesbian poets attempted to veil a sapphic inspiration under the guise of writing from a male’s perspective.
This will be long. If you’re interested in specific, females writing under pseudonyms, that are somehow associated with queerness read on. If not, you’ve got the gist already.
[This makes me think of Lavender Haze, bearding arrangements, needing a man to legitimize talent and succeed in business. Think Dorthea = Taylor’s reluctance to marry a man. Karlie wanting a comfortable family life and ending up with a Ku$hner.]
Trigger warning: Poaching
[read her entire Wiki, she was in the Air force, CIA, and instrumental in 2nd wave feminism (among many other things.]
This is why I think writing from a male perspective is inherently queer (whether the writer identifies that way or not). It’s kind of a queer tradition to deviate from gender norms and heterosexist traditions. As you can see a lot of queers (used as umbrella for lesbian, bisexual, NB, unlabeled, fluid in this instance) use male pseudonyms for various reasons. Two of those reasons: Obscure same sex attraction in the book or remove oneself from the narrative within the book. And the other is to embody the opposite gender in the text without tipping off the audience. Taylor might have written James “from a male perspective” within the song Betty for these very reasons.
mad woman
What did you think I’d say to that?/Does a scorpion sting when fighting back?/They strike to kill and you know I will/You know I will…/…Every time you call me crazy/I get more crazy/What about that?/And when you say I seem angry/I get more angry/And there’s nothin’ like a mad woman/What a shame she went mad/No one likes a mad woman/You made her like that/And you’ll poke that bear ’til her claws come out/And you find something to wrap your noose around/And there’s nothin’ like a mad woman…/…But no one likes a mad woman/What a shame she went mad/You made her like that
***Trigger Warning***
institutionalization, “medical” abuse, torture
https://time.com/6074783/psychiatry-history-women-mental-health/
https://www.fountainhouse.org/news/being-lgbtq-was-long-considered-a-mental-disorder
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Catty Remarks