Tag Archives: gaslighting

Gaslighting [Lessons from 2021]

12 Jan

I never knew what gaslighting even was before the Trump presidency.  Once he provided numerous examples all of the times, I realized just how much that tactic is used against me.

Like one of my worst moments of the year when my workflow directed me to send my manager an email.  I literally took a screen shot of that spot in the workflow, and the tab with the name of the workflow was visible.  In the email I wrote the claim number, auth number, and why I was emailing.

My manager was confused.  And asked me what my question was, and I told her it wasn’t a question, the workflow instructed that I send it to her.  Then, my supervisor emailed and told me in the future I need to send more information when I need help so they can appropriately address my questions.  I reiterated it was NOT a question, and I had sent every necessary piece of information.  I mean, the fact he was saying that at all told me he didn’t actually read my email to my manager (he’s copied on all of that correspondence).  Because everything was all there.  Yet, the manager was still confused.  Per the usual.  This kind of misunderstanding with my manager was/is chronic.

My supervisor and I moved the conversation to IM.  I asked for a list of what I needed to include.  He said:  claim #, auth #, type of workflow, box of the workflow I’m stuck on [I am not stuck, or asking a question!!!  It’s a directive from the workflow to email her!] So exactly everything I already sent.  Then, my supervisor told me to call him.  And I tried to get out of it, knowing I was going to have to call even though I hate it.  And I told him there would be no documentation of the call.  He said he’d email a recap *eyeroll*

So I called.  And he reiterated (as if we hadn’t just been talking) I need to send all the information when I have a question.  And I said, “What information, specifically?”  He said, “We need more.”  Infuriated, I asked if there was a list so I could include everything on it.  He said, “It’s everything I listed in the chat.”  [Then why. the. fuck. are we on this phone call???!] Yeah, that’s what I already sent, I said again.  He said (again), “We need more.”  He pulled up my email for both of us to see.  He was pointing at things, and I said–see it’s there.  Yup that’s there.  When he got to the spot in the workflow pictured in my original email, he said why did you go that direction?  The box in question said: “IN claim?” and I was working an in-patient hospital claim so I had said YES to it.  My supervisor said, IN stands for the state of Indiana and your claim is New Hampshire.

IN stands for a state?!  So that resolved the issue, and the pend.  But what it told me was my manager and my supervisor had not bothered to ACTUALLY READ my initial email, because they would have seen that right away and told me it wasn’t asking if it was in-patient, it was making sure it wasn’t in the state of Indiana. 

That kind of thing makes me insane. @#%@

The Memories

20 Aug

I remember when I saw you and when you said
you would show me where the Walmart was,
but you forgot and took me to your house instead.
It was desperation at first sight.
You were nice to me and treated me right.
I felt guilty, taught it’s not the looks, but what’s inside…

you invited me on a date, it was a hike…
so you could simultaneously walk your dog
I played with your dog, then itched my flea-bit ankles

I still feel the butterflies tingle when I think back to
kissing you all night your garlic tongue gouging me
making out on your dirty, curb-side couch, never cleaned
going back to the dorms with your wet spot on my jeans

I remember those sweet moments
you took me to a bar, then ordered a pitcher of beer I hate
at the resturant ordered my meal, despite my complaints
took me to meet your friends, talked over me, I was your trophy
you threw a party for me, with none of my friends, just your cronies

All those sentimental times flood back to me
we were supposed to go out, but you were hungover
when I injured myself you were full of fortitude,
told me to put on my shoes so I could meet up for food

our relationship was a dream come true, like Camalot
planned a romantic evening, then instead you smoked pot
so much chemistry, but with your brother, with me it’s fraught
laying on your bed with one untucked, threadbare blanket
in the middle of it all, started crying, no explanation

Awww, all the happiness and generosity
invited your family to stay in our house, and never told me
went on vacation during my busiest work week
you made out with some dude, then thought you would fuck me



broke up.. relief.. out of my misery
I stopped a flirtation out of courtesty
meanwhile you planned to kiss some skank so I could see
asked to be my friend, then would gaslight me
invited me to dinner then spent the meal texting Jocie
enticed me to a friendly trip to Saint Louis then left with her–smutty!

getting you out of my life was the best thing that ever happened to me
you are a calamity