Written yesterday:
I am so non-functional today, and it’s 100% due to the fact that I didn’t go to sleep until 10:30 last night. But my body still woke up at 3:30 AM as it is accustomed to doing these days. There were nights in my early-mid 20’s that I was OUT until 3:30AM, then went to work at 7AM! You know you’re 30 when you can’t stay up past 8PM anymore. . .
The reason I was up late was the Talent Show. I was very nervous. I hadn’t performed in 14 years. I had never 
danced in those particular shoes. The tap on my left heel is stiff and I have to stomp really hard to get sound out of it. My living room carpet muffled my taps, so if I wanted to practice clean-steps I had to do it in my tiny kitchen. And the stage was in a room used as a classroom so I couldn’t practice there until our actual room reservation–when other people were already there. So I was never able to practice both full movements, facial expression, AND clean steps simultaneously before I was actually in front of my audience. And the afore-mentioned music-loudness issues.
I had started working on this dance, specifically for this occasion in August. So I wanted to really do the very best version of the dance I knew I was capable of. And when I got up there–it was magical. That sounds super-cheesy and overwroght, but I really felt good about everything. It all came together, and I actually had fun with it–instead of worrying–what move is next, put your arms here, keep smiling, breathe. . . I just did it. And truly enjoyed myself. Which showed, and got the crowd excited. It was, without exaggeration, the best performance of my life. Better then team or individual shows or competitions in my prime of dancing. Better then team or duets with our clogging class. Better then previous talent shows. And better then any band, cheerleading, or other performance.
The stars just aligned and instead of worrying about logistics I enjoyed the moment. And I was proud that the dance was all mine. My special song, a costume I had spent hours and hours working on (my anatomy muscle shirt, if you recall those struggles), my choreography. I owned it. And I love the feeling that I did the best I could. And of course the surprise, excitement, and praise from the audiance. I feel like those classmates and teachers see 
me differently now. And that feels great.
I had forgotton how much clogging meant to me. Or maybe at the time, it never felt like the cool thing to do and I sort of took it for granted somewhat. I feel a renewed excitement, and like this is one of the things that makes me who I am. And I had forgotten. Now I’m motivated to choreograph another routine. I guess for next year’s talent show since I really have no other performance venue/outlet. Maybe I’ll make my own clogging YouTube page. Whatever it’s for, I’d like to start writing another routine and making it even more spectacular to top this show.
But today I was too tired to do much of anything. I couldn’t focus, but I couldn’t nap either. I tried 3 seperate times to sleep, but couldn’t. And you know how not studying makes me feel so, so, so guilty and unproductive. But now I have a week for Thanksgiving break and I promise myself I will really buckle down and do what I need to and work ahead. So Today will be my break and my reward for doing the very best I could last night.
- Things for Dance Choreographers to Remember (dance.answers.com)
- Life of a dancer (moniquewawilliams.wordpress.com)
- How Do You Do It? (2400oakridge.wordpress.com)
Tags: clogging, dance, Dave Matthews Band, excited, happy, motivation, projects, proud, Riverpoint, speech & hearing sciences
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Catty Remarks